Most days are just ordinary days (or so we think). I don’t necessarily have grand revelations or significant events to speak of on those days. Life-defining moments typically only happen here and there…..but today, the Lord keeps laying the simple word of “just”on my heart. I can think of not justONE, but three times he has used the word “just” in my life today.
First of all, I was reading a post on Facebook that got me thinking. A friend was talking about what her aging horse meant to her, and someone replied something along the lines of a horse is so much more than “just a horse.” Her comment is what got the ball rolling for me today.
Though I’ve never owned a horse, I would absolutely agree with that statement. It drives me CRAZY when someone calls a dog “just a dog.” To me, there is no such thing as “just a dog.” Our dog is a family member. He was here before my husband and daughter joined me. Now that we have a daughter, I try to ensure him every day that he is still just as loved now as he was then. Even as our lives have changed, he is always there: Always there to lay next to me when I’m sick, when I’m sad, when I’m having a bad day…or just because. On the days I feel like a failure, he looks at me like I’m absolutely everything. His heart and intelligence is like that of a toddler. He taught (and still teaches me so much about life), but that is another blog in itself. With that said: When referring to a person or a furry family member, please never say the word “just” to me.
Then, my mom and I had a conversation about life and goals today. We got to talking about the housewife life and how she stayed home with us when we were growing up. I told her she was so many things to us and that the term “just a housewife” drives me crazy, because there really is no such thing as “just” a housewife. She was and is a mom. A cook. A counselor. A mentor. A teacher. A leader. A seamstress. A housekeeper. A repair lady. A bookkeeper. A hairstylist. A tutor. A nurse. A chauffeur. A cheerleader. A 24/7 friend…….to 4 children at one time.
Lastly, I was watching a sitcom that likely isn’t new to many of you, but is new to me. (I tend to discover all the cool shows on netflix way after their prime). “The Middle” is a good show to demonstrate my point even further. Today, I was watching an episode where a hardcore motivational consultant tries to whip Middle America mom/failing car saleswoman Frankie into shape. Frankie doesn’t value herself and sees herself as “just a mom.” The consultant challenges and inspires her to realize she isn’t “just”…..she is everything and can do anything.
At this point, I’m thinking, “Okay. I get it. Time for a blog.”
So here we are, friends.
It’s time to eliminate “just” when speaking about ourselves and other people…
You aren’t “just a mom.”
“Just a housewife.”
“Just a customer service representative.”
“Just a laborer.”
You are MORE.
It’s time to eliminate “just” when talking about our jobs, goals and career ambitions. Your dream doesn’t have to be “just a dream.”
“Just” limits us, undermines and disappoints. “Just” holds us hostage and keeps us from setting goals.
“Just” is a defeating and discouraging word in far too many cases.
God didn’t create you to be “just this” or “just that.”
We are eternal beings with individual purposes. While your current job or season may feel boring, mundane, and limiting, it still doesn’t change the fact that you were created for a purpose that ONLY YOU can do.
The thing about life is we never get to see the big picture and the start to finish all at once. We only get to see it one step at a time. We see where we are and where we’ve been. We have hopes and plans of where we want to go, but our hopes and plans remain hopes and plans, until the future becomes the present.
But maybe….just maybe….we need to start viewing “just” a little differently.
What looks like a “just”….just may be what is leading you to your big break.
What looks like a “just”…just may be exactly what you are looking for.
What looks like a “just”….just may be the way that you meet your future spouse.
What looks like a “just”….just may be a beautiful forever friendship.
What looks like a “just”….just may make someone’s day.
What looks like a “just”…just may change someone’s life.
What looks like “just an ending”…..just may be a beginning.
Lose the “just” when it contains a negative connotation.
See the beauty and the value in what appears to be “just a normal day.”
Recognize the potential and the growth in what appears to be “just a job.”
Remember the goals you set and the desires God has placed in your heart whenever you think you are “just a housewife,” “just a mom,” or “just a laborer.”
“Just” is what happens when we limit ourselves, other people and opportunities.
“More” is what happens when we continue to dream, work hard and believe that we serve a limitless God.
These are the words God recently placed on my heart. There are a lot of things I’m not and never will be in this life. However, I like to believe I’m beginning to better understand the well-rounded life.
I’ve always been busy and used to living a life of many facets, but I haven’t necessarily always enjoyed the journey. In fact, I would go as far as to say I once “endured” it. Thankfully my Pastor often reminds us that we are not to endure the Christian journey, but rather to enjoy it.
“I’ve also grown to understand, “busy doesn’t always mean productive and productive doesn’t always mean purposeful.”
Though I struggle to maintain balance in my life every day, I’ve learned there are times for “yes” and times for “no.” God has helped me with this.
I also have finally realized it is more than okay to kick back and to enjoy the people around me, without every single day being incredibly career focused and life-changing.
“Not every single day is meant to be full of revelation or overly significant, though every single day is meant to be an appreciated blessing.”
I was once the girl who thought if the door was open, I should probably walk through it. If the opportunity was there, I should probably seize it. I was right sometimes and wrong other times. Some of my yesses added to my life, but others greatly subtracted from it.
I found myself living out my dreams, surrounded by the well-known and the wealthy. I was consistently adding credits to my resume. What I didn’t find was time to relax, time to just be me, time for a successful relationship and time to maintain my health. Worst of all though? I didn’t find peace at that pace.
“When you’re not experiencing peace, it may be time to adjust the pace.”
I’ve learned a lot from the woman I was. Now, I’m still very much her to some degree. Don’t get me wrong. I’m always going to be reaching for more, helping, learning, exploring and looking for new opportunities. I’ve just learned how to say “no” when I don’t want to do something that isn’t required of me. By saying “no” to the things I don’t want to do, I’m able to say more “yesses” to the things I “do” want to do. By saying “no” to the same old, same old, this year, I’ve allowed myself time to fall in love. I’ve allowed myself to take time to plan my wedding and time to enjoy the experience of being engaged. This is a once-in-a-lifetime season in my life after all!
“I’ve also learned that being well-rounded isn’t about taking on everything, but more about doing what you love, loving what you do and doing those things well.”
It’s about being knowledgeable in many areas, but most importantly, in the areas that matter. For me, I have found these areas to contribute to my getting a better feel for the “well-rounded life.”
1. Meet new people whenever you can, but don’t be afraid to have your “inner circle.” Find a balance of allowing new people in, but first, nurture your already established relationships: It’s a big world full of so many fascinating people with so many fascinating stories. Be a listening ear. Be transparent when you feel led. Whether you’re in an airplane, at a convention, waiting in line or at a concert, don’t be afraid to meet the stranger next to you. You just may meet a new person who adds something small but special to your day. You just may add something small to their day. You may exchange a business card which results in a future partnership. You may meet a new friend. You may change that person’s life….or they may end up changing yours. My pastor always urges us to walk through crowds slowly. Our stories and the stories of others bring an immeasurable amount of healing and inspiration to the world. In that same sense though, be sure to nurture the already beautiful friendships and the relationship you have. Don’t forget about your family, your children, your spouse and your oldest friends in the process of serving others. Not everyone is meant to be part of your inner circle. Be open and loving to the outside world, but don’t be afraid to draw the line between acquaintances and close friends as well. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can certainly be something to someone! 2. Have friends of all ages: I like to think my friends range from 9 months to 99 years old, and in all honesty, that’s all been true at some point in my life. Age doesn’t matter when it comes to being friend of mine. In fact, different ages bring so many different facets, revelations and stories to my life. Children remind me to still find beauty in the simple things. Teenagers remind me of who I was not long ago. They remind me to keep a young energy. I enjoy inspiring them. While some make me want to yank my hair out, I find many who I believe will grow up to make an incredible difference in the world. I find many I can relate to, laugh with and hopefully encourage whenever possible. Friends my own age help me celebrate who I am today. We can relate. We can share similar struggles, victories and general commonalities. Friends slightly older than me give me a good idea of what’s to come. They help me to stay mature and to plan ahead. They have a wisdom I admire. Speaking of wisdom, anyone who doesn’t befriend the elderly is doing a serious disservice to one’s self. These individuals have truly “been there, done that.” They can serve as an adopted parent or grandparent figure in our lives. I have several of them, and they mean the world to me. They tell stories of the past and give us a sneak peek into the future. I can’t say enough about having friends of all ages. I think that should be a blog post in itself. Oh…and never underestimate making friends with animals. They teach us much more than what some are willing to believe. A life without dogs is a life not reaching its potential…..just saying. Back to friends of all ages though: It’s been one of my greatest keys to success in life.
One of my favorite young friends – my niece Christina.
3. Do what you love and love what you do: I write this knowing full well that not all of us are currently able to work full-time at our God-given passions. The creative world isn’t exactly a financially sound world for the majority, but that doesn’t mean the creative mind can’t embrace and enjoy the results of a creative mind. It also doesn’t mean one should assume that a delay is God’s denial. Good things take time. A slow growing oak tree is always better than a fast-growing, brittle one. It goes back to the old saying, “bloom where you are planted.” I think of Luke 16:10 – “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” I fully believe that God wants to see how we treat non-dream jobs, little opportunities and our humble beginnings before he brings us to higher levels. A grateful and appreciative person continuously sows positive seeds into their talent knowing it will reap a harvest in due time (check out Galatians 5:7). Whether you have 15 minutes a day or 15 hours a day to focus on your passion, I truly believe what matters most is how you spend that time and the attitude you have during that time. I believe God makes creative people creative for a purpose, just like he makes business analysts and accountants analytical for a purpose. I think life comes together when we simply know what we want and know how to go about getting it. For some that means a certificate, a Bachelors, a Masters or a PHD. For others that may mean starting their own business or being a flight attendant who travels the world. Just trust that your talents are a gift from Him, bloom where you are planted and consult with Him for wisdom concerning your career path. Never stop setting goals. (Note to self).
Yours truly sowing into her musical passion during her college days.
4. Take care of yourself: I don’t know about you, but while I’m taking care of everyone and everything, sometimes I forget to take care of me. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to sit on the couch, sip my favorite hot tea and just do nothing. I also have to remind myself that I’m probably always going to feel much better after a grilled chicken and steamed broccoli meal than I ever will after eating a big piece of chocolate cake for my dinner (though sometimes I just have to). Taking care of ourselves covers a broad spectrum. When one isn’t fully taking care of oneself, they are unable to give to others in the way they could and should. For some, taking care of oneself may mean a monthly pedicure, a movie night, setting aside time to write a blog or to browse a flea market. For many, taking care of oneself will put them in mind of exercising and general healthy living. Whether it’s a long walk, a trip to the gym or working hard around the home, it all typically makes a person feel active. Meal plans, natural remedies and juicing machines – whatever healthily works for you, do it. Craving a quiet weekend at the beach? Do it. Oh, and here’s the best way to take care of yourself: Spend time with Jesus. A life that aspires to be healthy spiritually has already taken the first big step to a well-rounded life.
Quiet time is one of the best ways we can take care of ourselves.
5. Get organized and de-clutter your life: I know I mentioned this in a previous blog, but it just happens to apply to so many life principles. I know this because I’ve struggled with organization and clutter for much of my life. God has been dealing with me concerning this for the past year. Too much “stuff” gets in the way, creates stress and wastes a whole lot of time. I’ve been cleaning closets, bagging, boxing, pitching, selling and giving away. My rec room right now should probably be called a “wreck room,” but it’s because I’m going through all the junk and filtering through what will be kept, sold and donated. Though “stuff” may seem harmless it can hinder and hurt many aspects of our lives. An organized person will always be one step ahead of a disorganized person, allowing more time for a purposeful, peaceful life. I truly believe our home lives can either make or break our lives. I believe treating our homes lives right is key to having peace in our outside lives.
Maybe I still have too many shoes, but they’re organized, right? LOL 😉A happy home is the start of a happy life.
6. Do good for others: We were created to love and to do good for others. God’s word encourages us to be a helping hand over and over again. I’ve always believed that one should give away whatever it is they’re needing. (IE – if a hug is needed, give one. If some encouragement is needed, give some). Pastor always reminds us to “live to give.” It’s also true that we must remember to take care of ourselves in the midst of our giving, as I mentioned above. Interestingly though, I love giving so much that it feels like I’m doing it for “me,” and I almost feel selfish for how good it makes me feel (Lol). Giving is just good for everyone. Always has been….always will be.
One of my old favorite ways to give of my time: I used to have the pleasure of assisting a couple different food pantries in the Nashville community. Oh the memories!
7. Try something new: Whether it’s skydiving or a new recipe, never deprive yourself of adventure. See new places….try new activities. Again, meet some new people. If you cross off your entire bucket list….find some things to add to it. A well rounded, well lived life never stops discovering, learning, exploring and enjoying.
Flying in a 6 seat plane was certainly a bucket list item for me.Ziplining was also on my bucket list!
Though it may not be “new” to many….Florida was new to me last year. What a great first trip to Panama City!
8.Celebrate and take in your success: While we should never stop setting new goals, I think it’s equally important that we stop to celebrate and take in our successes. Over the years, I had the “never stop setting goals” thing down, but I really didn’t have the celebrate and take it in thing down. In fact, I never stopped, took in or celebrated any of it, period. It became a “more, more, more” thing for me, which was certainly not God’s will for me. I think when we don’t stop to simply take in success and be thankful, it becomes more difficult to be thankful in general. If we simply see success and reaching a new level as the norm, rather than as a blessing, our thankfulness depletes. In the long run, this non-stop pace causes passion to fade out and discontentment to fade in. Then, guess what happens? Total burnout. Eventually the burnt out individual will wonder what they even really got out of all their hard work in the end. They are likely to even question their calling and God-given talents if not careful. Their success won’t feel lasting, and it won’t feel fulfilling. Don’t ask me how I know. I’m learning just like you…
9. Live more, spend less: The bible warns against a love of money. It’s God’s design that we be good stewards and not be bound by lenders. Materialism is everywhere in our culture. It’s promoted in the magazines, on the internet, on our television screens, in the movies and everywhere we look. Sadly, they don’t show us how it feels to struggle to put food on the table or to keep our lights on. On that same note, it’s hard to experience new things and “live” with zero money to our names. I believe that if we spend less, we will in the long run, live more. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made and trade-offs have to happen, but it’s hard to truly live when we’re living far far beyond our means. When nothing is changing financially, it’s time to look at what you can change: Get it on sale, use the coupon, pray before making the large purchase, think before getting another credit card, wait to buy the new vehicle you’re not quite ready for and ask yourself if you’re financially in a good position to do what your heart is currently desiring. Your future self will thank your current self for this. Again, don’t ask me how I know. Also, remember, just because something is free or cheap doesn’t mean it isn’t fun and just because something is expensive doesn’t mean it is fun. There are plenty of entertaining activities that don’t cost you your first born. Don’t be afraid to pull out an old board game, to set up your corn hole boards, to cook at home or to re-watch a movie on your dusty DVD shelf, sometimes. Oftentimes the best times are the most simple times.
Who says a fire pit at home can’t be more fun than a night out on the town?
And who says hitting golf balls on the farm with your dad can’t be a complete blast?
Oh…and playing games with your niece and nephew? That’s where it’s at.
10. Seek first his kingdom: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33: It all comes down this, folks. If we seek first his kingdom, we don’t really have to worry about if we’re being “well-rounded” or not, because if we seek first his kingdom, he has a way of letting everything else fall into place. When we put him first, we are blessed and highly favored: Doors are opened, the wrong ones are closed, burdens are eased, direction is given and the right people and opportunities are introduced. We just have to be willing to move our feet, to work hard, to be responsible and to joyfully go where he sends us.
Leading a well-rounded life starts and ends with Him. It’s the only kind of life that fulfills. Again, don’t ask me how I know….
“Treat everything like new….and nothing will ever get old.”
Those are the words God placed in my spirit as I climbed into my 2013 Honda CRV yesterday. Then, I let him deal with me a little more. Though my car is 3 going on 4 years old, I need to continue to treat it as if it’s new. I need to especially treat it as new since I’m planning on being car payment free for years to come. If my car is still looking, driving and feeling great, I’ll be less tempted to trade it in before needed. He’s been telling me to love and care for that vehicle like I did on day one of owning it, but today, he asked me to treat everything as if it’s new.
He placed it on my heart that when we stop treating our blessings as new, it’s possible that we’re subconsciously being a little less thankful than we ought to be. Maybe this only applies to me, but I was thinking about how sometimes the newness of my possessions wear off for me. When that newness wears off, I can take things for granted, if not careful. Now, don’t get me wrong. I consider myself a very thankful person. However, if I’m ALWAYS being as thankful as I can be, why do I eventually get a little careless over time? I always love that new car when I first get it. I’m washing it, sweeping it, and taking it in for regular maintenance before it’s even time. But then, I’ve had a habit of gradually caring about it just a little less. Gradually it gets a little messier. Gradually I cut down on the washing and the sweeping. Maybe I’ll go over just a little more on those regular maintenance suggestions than what I did in the beginning. Then, as the new body styles come out….I kind of wish I had the newer look instead.
It’s not just my car. Even the newness of my home has worn off just a little. It’s 2,125 square feet to clean, and unfortunately it doesn’t clean itself. It wasn’t long after I moved in that it was time to replace a lot of its original amenities. It looked so new when I moved in. Now, when I look around, it seems a little older than that first time I walked through it with stars in my eyes. I love it, and I’m beyond thankful, but that ungrateful attitude occasionally creeps in.
God didn’t stop there though. I could probably be even more careful with the laptops and iPhones he provides me with. I need to keep up with the necessary updates and the virus protections. I should take good care of my screens and clean them regularly. I need to treat them like new.
And why do I stop putting my glasses in their case? I’m simply inviting scratches and damages.
Why does my new purse eventually fill up with receipts and other junk?
Why do I start out so excited about a new side business venture, and then just kind of stop working at it? “Finish what you start,” is another thing He’s dealing with me on, but that’s a whole separate blog in itself.
The point is this, my friends: When we start getting careless with anything, we’re in the danger zone of unthankfulness, whether we realize it or not. Someone out there would LOVE to have what we’ve already grown tired of. When we get careless, stop nurturing and start getting lazy with our regular maintenance, we’re also shortening the lifespan of things that could possibly last longer. In the long run, it’s that attitude that causes us more time, money and trouble. In the long run, we are not really being the best steward we can be.
What about your job? Treat it like it’s new. Treat it like it pays you double the salary you actually receive. Someone out there is praying for a job half as good as yours.
Your friendships? Treat them like they’re new. Someone out there wishes they had a supportive friend like yours.
Your family? Treat them like they’re new. Your children might be driving you crazy, but someone out there is praying to have just one child.
Your rescue dog? Treat him like he’s new. He still looks at you as if you’re new. It’s that same love he felt for you when you rescued him from that lonely kennel of uncertainty. I guarantee it.
Your relationship? Treat it like it’s new. I certainly can’t speak for everyone. In my situation though, I know there’s plenty of women out there that would love to have someone as handsome, sweet, driven, smart, loyal and responsible as my guy. Therefore, I always want to be thankful without waiver.
I have to honestly say I’ve always treated my relationship, loved ones and my dog as if they’re new. I may stumble in the “treating possessions like they’re new” area, but I always remain very dedicated to the people in my life. Even if I sometimes get bad at picking up the phone, my love and loyalty remains the same. It seems to be a strength of mine, and I pray it stays one.
Interestingly enough, my romantic relationship is part of what inspired me to start treating everything else as if it’s new. Yes, that’s right. My boyfriend is so much better at this “treat everything like its new” thing than I am. He takes really good care of everything he owns: His car, his suits, his sunglasses, his work space, his flash drives and pretty much everything else. I love that about him. He’s been teaching me the “treat everything like its new” concept without even realizing it. Best of all? He treats me like I’m new to his life…but we’re of course increasingly more comfortable and know each other on a much deeper level than the beginning of our relationship. Still, he continues to make me feel just as special and cared about as day one….actually even more so now.
Let the bible be your guide concerning your own relationship. It says a whole lot about love, loyalty and commitment. If you need wisdom in this area, just ask God, and he will be glad to give it to you. (James 1:5)
Yes, many possessions and jobs (NOT good, loyal, committed people) eventually need replacing….but it seems that the longer we treat something as new, the better the chance we stand at it lasting longer (in some cases, forever). The better we treat anything, the more fulfilling it will be. Even if something grows too old to keep, we probably made it last longer if we always treated it as new. The possession may have grown old in years, but it doesn’t have to grow old in our hearts. If we loved it enough, we’ll dread the day it needs replaced. We also simply remain more thankful for those possessions and opportunities whether we realize it or not. Now, don’t hear me wrong here. I’m certainly NOT encouraging materialism. I’m actually encouraging an attitude of thankfulness, appreciation and contentment with what He’s already blessed us with.
When we treat everything as if it’s new….it never gets old.
Key verse: (In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you). -1 Thessalonians 5:18
Instant gratification. It’s easy to think we can have it these days. After all, we happen to live in a swipe right, click the mouse and order it up kind of world. However, general life is often more of a waiting game. When we become preoccupied with reaching a destination rather than the journey itself, we deprive ourselves of living in the moment. We miss the lesson, and we ultimately miss the blessing. Life’s storms have a way of raging on from time to time. Maybe you feel like you’re trapped in a reoccuring storm, and you can’t see an end in sight. To my knowledge, there isn’t any such thing as a storm that lasts forever.
Sometimes there just isn’t any easy fix or clear answer to life’s trials. Sometimes we just have to endure the storm, let it pass and learn from it. Sometimes we just don’t have the time, the money, the people or the resources to get to where we want to be, when we want to get there. However, it is important to remember that delays don’t mean denials. Likewise, limitations don’t mean one needs to be hopeless. Bad days don’t make for a bad life. While life may currently be traveling at slow pace on an unknown winding road, there are free and easy ways we can improve our lives in the moment. No, we may not get instant gratification, but we can get instant improvement:
Give it to God. Call it cliche, but I simply cannot publish a blog post about improving one’s life without making this #1 on the list. Over and over again his word says, “do not fear.” Over and over in my life, he’s proven himself faithful. He wants to carry our burdens for us and give us peace in the midst of life’s storms. His word never does promise that we’ll be without trials. In fact, it assures us that we will face trials. However, we are also assured that through our trials we develop perseverance and character. The good Lord also promises to give wisdom to those who ask for it. (James 1, 1 Peter 5:7, Proverbs 3:5-6 and Exodus 14:13-14 are some of my favorite scriptures to remember during uncertain times).
Get organized. This may sound insignificant to some, but for me personally, it’s very significant. I’m still a work in progress in this area, but the more organized I become, the better I feel. I’ve never found anything good to come out of disorganization, but I’ve always found something good to come out of organization. Being disorganized wastes time and money, while simply creating unneeded stress. Even when life feels “messy”…..I feel just a little better knowing I have an organized home, car and work space.
Purge and get rid of things you don’t need. The older I get, the more I hate clutter. God began dealing with me concerning clutter a few years ago. For six weeks of my l life, I ended up in a situation where I had to live with “less.” While I stayed between friend’s homes, I had a little amount of “stuff” with me. I was able to focus more on people and the things of God. I realized I had enough, and I didn’t miss all the stuff back at my apartment. I then moved all that junk to my new home, but let me tell you, it wasn’t long before I did the biggest closest cleaning of my life. I recruited my sister and opinionated guy friend to act like judges on the “What not to wear,” show. I told them to be brutal during my “fashion show.” By the time they were done saying things like, “you don’t need that,” “that’s hideous,” and “what were you thinking when you bought that,” my closet was about 50% lighter. I’m still working on purging, but I’d say I’ve downsized my possessions by at least 25% since buying my new home. Purging is also great, because you have the options of giving these items to someone in need or selling them to make money…..or both. If part of your issue is finances, sometimes a nice secondary income can happen by simply selling things you don’t need. Ebay and yard sales is where it’s at, friends. Ever since God placed the words, “where there is clutter, there is no clarity,” in my spirit…I’ve been taking this whole decluttering thing pretty serious.
Avoid drama and toxic people. Although this may seem like common sense, it’s a common struggle area for many. Myself included. I’ve heard it said, “show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Just one toxic person in a boat is all it takes to sink it. Though there will always be invites to various theatrical performances, we don’t have to attend them. Instead of RSVP’ing with a “yes,”….remember you have the “no” option. We also don’t have to suit up for every battle we’re invited to. Failure to choose battles wisely will end up resulting in constant combat.
Surround yourself with positive people and good things. As an antonym to #4, positivity and good inner circles bring good things. Positive people and positive environments not surprisingly bring encouragement, support and inspiration, which eventually results in good outcomes.
Give away whatever it is that you’re needing. Need a hug? Give one. Want a friend? Be one. Want love? Love someone. When we give away whatever it is we’re needing, we somehow end up more blessed than we would have if we had simply received without giving. Giving. It’s good for the soul. Always has been. Always will be.
Let go of what you can’t change. Refusing to let go of what one cannot change is about as useless as shattered glass. We can’t fix it no matter how much we discuss it, rehearse it and overthink it. If we’ve done all we can do to make right our wrongs, we’ve done all we can do. This ties back to #1……give it to God.
Rid yourself of bitterness. I’ve heard it said that holding a grudge is basically letting someone live rent free in one’s head. It ultimately affects the offended more than the offender. Like disorganization, I’ve never known of anything good to come from bitterness. Bitterness was created by the devil. Don’t forget his mission is to steal, kill and destroy. Hang on to that bitterness, and rest assured, all it will do is steal, kill and destroy you. Break free and never look back.
Be responsible. If life is already hitting hard, the biggest mistake one can make is to be irresponsible. Completely neglecting finances and obligations, while taking on a lifestyle of recklessness and carelessness will always result in negative consequences. Playing catch up results in a lot of clean up, which results in more unnecessary stress.
Be grateful for what you do have. As simple as it sounds, counting blessings makes all the difference. When we look at what we do have instead of what we don’t have, it creates an attitude of thankfulness. Thankfulness is a sibling to contentment. Though God wants to bless each and every one of us, he doesn’t want us to forget the ways in which we’re already blessed. Don’t like your current job? How about you start by writing down ten things you like about the job you do have? For starters….do they pay you? Want a new car simply because yours is old and boring? How about the fact that it runs and you no longer have a car payment? Did you wake up this morning? How about that bed and roof over your head?
There is always something to be thankful for……always. Never lose hope. Always look to him…..the author and the finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). We can choose peace and joy, while we wait on the vision and the harvest (Habakkuk 2:3 and Galatians 6:9). He always sees us through, and he always will.
“Be there for everyone……but don’t let everyone be there for you.”
What does this mean you might ask?
Though this statement may initially sound negative or anti-social, it’s actually just the opposite. Let me explain. I’m not at all encouraging us to shut everyone out. I’m not suggesting we be anti-social, form cliques or live in constant fear that every person we meet is going to hurt us.
The Bible tells us over and over to love one another. Therefore, it’s our job to help out our fellow humans when we can. When living a spirit-led life God will speak to us in a variety of ways concerning other people. Sometimes he may ask us to be a listening ear. Sometimes he may ask us to hand a struggling stranger that $10 bill in our back pocket. He also expects us to be respectful, trustworthy and genuine to the people we meet.
One thing God doesn’t instruct us to do, however, is to share every single detail of our lives with every person we meet. Sometimes we’re meant to be there for someone, but just maybe that person is not meant to be there for us. Sometimes they need us more than we need them.
Just because you’re genuine, loyal and trustworthy doesn’t mean you can’t sometimes be there for a person who doesn’t quite share your qualities. Don’t let them be there for YOU though. You can do one without doing the other. Just do it as led and hear God on it. Stay wise in the process.
Still not following me? Well, to be completely transparent, I’m at the point where I have thousands of acquaintances. Many, many of these acquaintances I have are incredible people. They’re the kind of people that I wish I could know better. However, the reality is, I can’t share my life on a deep level with everyone. Honestly, I don’t think any of us are meant to. God knows if I shared the deep details of my life with EVERY acquaintance I have, I would not only have zero time for those closest to me, but I would also have some unnecessary drama. He knows that in general I’d be spread really really thin.
I’d also receive a lot of conflicting advice from a lot of conflicting viewpoints. Therefore, I would end up conflicted and confused. Once we reach that point of confusion, we can rest assured, we have sought worldly counsel instead of God’s counsel.
How do I know? I know because for the longest time I tried to be a close friend with as many people as possible.
The result? I got burnt, felt overwhelmed and just really exhausted.
The thing is…..God never asked me to try to have a large quantity of deep friendships. He did begin speaking to me about quality of friendships, however.
God wants us to be loving to all at all times…..but I believe he also wants us to be wise. There’s a difference between the two. We can be completely open, personable, approachable and even transparent on a healthy level, without revealing every single personal detail to everyone.
So back to “be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”
If God puts a hurting person in our paths, by all means, I believe we are supposed to be there for them. I absolutely believe we are to lovingly listen to them and to give them biblical advice if they’re there for advice. Also, I believe that unless they are wanting to harm themselves or someone else, we should keep it confidential. Their lives are not a reality show, and it’s wrong to gossip about another person’s struggles.
It goes back to Luke 6:31: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
If said person confided in you, please be thankful that they see you as someone they can trust and keep your lips sealed. Then pray for them, encourage them when they pop up or you feel led. They may keep coming back to you. They may not. If you handled them in a Christ-like manner, your positive seeds have been sown and God WILL allow something good to come out of your counsel and your friendship to them.
You may not ever get to witness that good…..but God knows what that good will be and how and when it will play out.
Sometimes we’re just meant to plant a seed. Sometimes we’re meant to encourage someone long-term. Sometimes we’re an answer to a person’s prayers for that hour, that day, that week, that month, that year, that decade or that lifetime. Only God knows which it will be.
Sometimes God puts this struggling person in our lives for a season….a few seasons…..or a lifetime. I’ve had all types come my way, and I’m just 32. I wonder how many will be there my whole life. I wonder how many will pop up again.
Sometimes I’ll find myself wondering what happened to said person. Sometimes my heart will get a little sad remembering an old random friendship.
“I really thought that person and I would be friends for a lifetime, but we haven’t really talked in four years,” I’ll think.
“I guess life just got busy, and they’ve got other responsibilities now.”
“I guess when someone moves 2,000 miles away, things do change.”
“I briefly remember her, but my memory is fading.”
“It’s funny how we were inseparable for a month, but we just kinda lost touch.”
I can honestly say that 99.9% of my dwindled friendships occur simply because of life. There’s that 0.1% that ended due to realizing the loyalty or the confidentiality wasn’t reciprocated, but mostly, they dwindle because of life itself.
After watching countless friendships drift apart over the years simply due to seasons of life, busyness or geographical distance, I found myself frustrated. I also found myself frustrated with that 0.1% where I had trusted and wasn’t paid the same respect in return.
I became tempted to close myself off….and to not let anyone in….but God dealt with me and he still is.
Today, I’m very content with a loving inner circle. I know who is in my boat. I know that not everyone belongs in my boat. I’m not excluding those who are not necessarily in my boat. I’m all about including them and inviting them into small areas of my life. I’m certainly all about being a trusting friend to them.
I don’t play the favoritism game, and I’m not bias. I’ve just had to learn how to be wise.
He’ll never ask you to keep someone in your boat who is trying to sink your boat. He’ll never ask you to keep around toxic relationships or friendships that steal your joy.
It’s okay to have an inner circle. In fact, I think that’s very smart. Just make sure it’s not a closed off clique. Make sure others feel loved and included.
When we’re showing love and being there for everyone who God places in our path in some small way….we’re doing our jobs. He never asks us to overexert, to give them ALL our time or to neglect our trusted inner circles in the process.
“Be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”
Most days are just ordinary days (or so we think). I don’t necessarily have grand revelations or significant events to speak of on those days. Life-defining moments typically only happen here and there…..but today, the Lord keeps laying the simple word of “just” on my heart. I can think of not just ONE, but three times he has used the word “just” in my life today.
2. Have friends of all ages: I like to think my friends range from 9 months to 99 years old, and in all honesty, that’s all been true at some point in my life. Age doesn’t matter when it comes to being friend of mine. In fact, different ages bring so many different facets, revelations and stories to my life. Children remind me to still find beauty in the simple things. Teenagers remind me of who I was not long ago. They remind me to keep a young energy. I enjoy inspiring them. While some make me want to yank my hair out, I find many who I believe will grow up to make an incredible difference in the world. I find many I can relate to, laugh with and hopefully encourage whenever possible. Friends my own age help me celebrate who I am today. We can relate. We can share similar struggles, victories and general commonalities. Friends slightly older than me give me a good idea of what’s to come. They help me to stay mature and to plan ahead. They have a wisdom I admire. Speaking of wisdom, anyone who doesn’t befriend the elderly is doing a serious disservice to one’s self. These individuals have truly “been there, done that.” They can serve as an adopted parent or grandparent figure in our lives. I have several of them, and they mean the world to me. They tell stories of the past and give us a sneak peek into the future. I can’t say enough about having friends of all ages. I think that should be a blog post in itself. Oh…and never underestimate making friends with animals. They teach us much more than what some are willing to believe. A life without dogs is a life not reaching its potential…..just saying. Back to friends of all ages though: It’s been one of my greatest keys to success in life.
