“Be there for everyone……but don’t let everyone be there for you.”
What does this mean you might ask?
Though this statement may initially sound negative or anti-social, it’s actually just the opposite. Let me explain. I’m not at all encouraging us to shut everyone out. I’m not suggesting we be anti-social, form cliques or live in constant fear that every person we meet is going to hurt us.
The Bible tells us over and over to love one another. Therefore, it’s our job to help out our fellow humans when we can. When living a spirit-led life God will speak to us in a variety of ways concerning other people. Sometimes he may ask us to be a listening ear. Sometimes he may ask us to hand a struggling stranger that $10 bill in our back pocket. He also expects us to be respectful, trustworthy and genuine to the people we meet.
One thing God doesn’t instruct us to do, however, is to share every single detail of our lives with every person we meet. Sometimes we’re meant to be there for someone, but just maybe that person is not meant to be there for us. Sometimes they need us more than we need them.
Just because you’re genuine, loyal and trustworthy doesn’t mean you can’t sometimes be there for a person who doesn’t quite share your qualities. Don’t let them be there for YOU though. You can do one without doing the other. Just do it as led and hear God on it. Stay wise in the process.
Still not following me? Well, to be completely transparent, I’m at the point where I have thousands of acquaintances. Many, many of these acquaintances I have are incredible people. They’re the kind of people that I wish I could know better. However, the reality is, I can’t share my life on a deep level with everyone. Honestly, I don’t think any of us are meant to. God knows if I shared the deep details of my life with EVERY acquaintance I have, I would not only have zero time for those closest to me, but I would also have some unnecessary drama. He knows that in general I’d be spread really really thin.
I’d also receive a lot of conflicting advice from a lot of conflicting viewpoints. Therefore, I would end up conflicted and confused. Once we reach that point of confusion, we can rest assured, we have sought worldly counsel instead of God’s counsel.
How do I know? I know because for the longest time I tried to be a close friend with as many people as possible.
The result? I got burnt, felt overwhelmed and just really exhausted.
The thing is…..God never asked me to try to have a large quantity of deep friendships. He did begin speaking to me about quality of friendships, however.
God wants us to be loving to all at all times…..but I believe he also wants us to be wise. There’s a difference between the two. We can be completely open, personable, approachable and even transparent on a healthy level, without revealing every single personal detail to everyone.
So back to “be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”
If God puts a hurting person in our paths, by all means, I believe we are supposed to be there for them. I absolutely believe we are to lovingly listen to them and to give them biblical advice if they’re there for advice. Also, I believe that unless they are wanting to harm themselves or someone else, we should keep it confidential. Their lives are not a reality show, and it’s wrong to gossip about another person’s struggles.
It goes back to Luke 6:31: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
If said person confided in you, please be thankful that they see you as someone they can trust and keep your lips sealed. Then pray for them, encourage them when they pop up or you feel led. They may keep coming back to you. They may not. If you handled them in a Christ-like manner, your positive seeds have been sown and God WILL allow something good to come out of your counsel and your friendship to them.
You may not ever get to witness that good…..but God knows what that good will be and how and when it will play out.
Sometimes we’re just meant to plant a seed. Sometimes we’re meant to encourage someone long-term. Sometimes we’re an answer to a person’s prayers for that hour, that day, that week, that month, that year, that decade or that lifetime. Only God knows which it will be.
Sometimes God puts this struggling person in our lives for a season….a few seasons…..or a lifetime. I’ve had all types come my way, and I’m just 32. I wonder how many will be there my whole life. I wonder how many will pop up again.
Sometimes I’ll find myself wondering what happened to said person. Sometimes my heart will get a little sad remembering an old random friendship.
“I really thought that person and I would be friends for a lifetime, but we haven’t really talked in four years,” I’ll think.
“I guess life just got busy, and they’ve got other responsibilities now.”
“I guess when someone moves 2,000 miles away, things do change.”
“I briefly remember her, but my memory is fading.”
“It’s funny how we were inseparable for a month, but we just kinda lost touch.”
I can honestly say that 99.9% of my dwindled friendships occur simply because of life. There’s that 0.1% that ended due to realizing the loyalty or the confidentiality wasn’t reciprocated, but mostly, they dwindle because of life itself.
After watching countless friendships drift apart over the years simply due to seasons of life, busyness or geographical distance, I found myself frustrated. I also found myself frustrated with that 0.1% where I had trusted and wasn’t paid the same respect in return.
I became tempted to close myself off….and to not let anyone in….but God dealt with me and he still is.
Today, I’m very content with a loving inner circle. I know who is in my boat. I know that not everyone belongs in my boat. I’m not excluding those who are not necessarily in my boat. I’m all about including them and inviting them into small areas of my life. I’m certainly all about being a trusting friend to them.
I don’t play the favoritism game, and I’m not bias. I’ve just had to learn how to be wise.
He’ll never ask you to keep someone in your boat who is trying to sink your boat. He’ll never ask you to keep around toxic relationships or friendships that steal your joy.
It’s okay to have an inner circle. In fact, I think that’s very smart. Just make sure it’s not a closed off clique. Make sure others feel loved and included.
When we’re showing love and being there for everyone who God places in our path in some small way….we’re doing our jobs. He never asks us to overexert, to give them ALL our time or to neglect our trusted inner circles in the process.
“Be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”
