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A Time of Fine Lines: Welcome to 2021

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A Time of Fine Lines: Welcome to 2021

Welcome to 2021, friends.

During these chaotic times, I’ve been a bit in chaos with myself.

I know who I am, and who God has called me to be.

From a very young age, I knew he called me to write.

I knew he called me to encourage & to lend a hand.

…But…at the same time, I knew he called me to stand for his truths & to defend his word.

I knew my assignment wasn’t always going to be fun or easy.

I knew I would eventually experience persecution.

His word said I would.

I knew people wouldn’t always like what I had to say…

….But I don’t think I ever anticipated this.

January 13, 2021.

For years, I’ve been preparing for perilous times.

I’ve been eternally-minded since 2005, despite some detours and “trying to forget who I am” a few times.

And for the last 16 years, I find myself constantly thinking 4 words.  And they may not be the 4 words you’d expect.  They are, “It’s a fine line.”

What do I mean?

I tell myself I’m not afraid, and most of the time, I’m not.

…But a little bit of uneasiness causes me to strongly rely on the Lord for my peace.

It’s a fine line.

…..And I’ll admit, I feel angry today.

A little righteous anger is okay, I remind myself.

…But unrighteous anger and placing the world above the word is not okay.

It’s a fine line.

….I’m constantly having to check myself before I wreck myself.

“It’s a fine line.  It’s a fine line.”  These words keep coming to me over and over again.  I always thought these words were just for me, but today, I feel like they may be for all of us.

….There are so many fine lines I know I must walk.  And as I walk those fine lines, they make me depend on Christ that much more.  I rely on him to tell me how far to go, and I rely on him to tell me when to scale it back.

…I allow him to discipline me, to humble me and to pull me back in.

So many fine lines.

Do I listen EVERY single time?

Of course not.  He never took away my “humanity” when I gave my life to him.

…But I still remember these fine lines in the back of my mind.

I’m called to lift others up…..but not called to pretend there isn’t a real enemy in the world.

It’s a fine line.

“All bliss” isn’t realistic or authentic, and we should stop pretending it is.

At times, I’m called to a little bit of neutrality…..but never to apathy.

It’s a fine line.

Apathy is weak and dangerous….and makes us all the more easy to devour.

It’s one of my pet peeves.  But sometimes I know I’m not supposed to “get involved.”

It’s a fine line.

I’m called to love….but love doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone.

In today’s America…..that’s a REALLY fine line, and one of the biggest misunderstandings there is.  I’ve said it one thousand times before.  Love doesn’t = agreeing.  And disagreeing and following God’s word doesn’t = hate.  God’s word is not hate speech.

I’m called to be meek…..but not timid.

I’m called to be bold….but not mean.

I’m called to speak out….but not to just be noise.

More fine lines.

I’m called to forgive…..but not to forget or turn a blind eye to everything around me.

I’m called to be a light that doesn’t hide under a bushel…..but not to be a strobe light that blinds other’s visions.

I’m called to unite (with people)……but good must never unite with evil.

I know addressing this even now is another one of those “fine lines.”

Folks, please hear my heart:  It isn’t “people” we are fighting in America right now.  It is the rulers of darkness – the unseen world.

“Ephesians 6:12, NLT: “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”

While people should certainly come together and treat one another with kindness…..there is an evil in this world.  We have to acknowledge the ugly.  There is an evil that actually has nothing to do with politics in of itself…..it just happens to make its way into politics, because it can accomplish so much in that realm.  Evil isn’t clueless.  It wants to be seen.  It wants to make a large impact.

Evil knows it can make it’s largest impact in politics and in entertainment.  Evil wants to work through public figures.  It wants to affect the masses.

[What better place for evil to exercise its power than in politics?  Whether you love politics or hate them, they have an affect on your life and your family’s lives].

…But still, there is a fine line. We shouldn’t become inundated or ever start trusting man above God.  No matter who is in the white house, we know who is on the throne.  Just don’t try to tell me Christians should be apathetic here.

….And I now must return to DIVISION:

….I’ve been thinking a lot about the fine line surrounding “division.”

….Not all division is diabolical.

….I said, “Not all division is diabolical.  Sometimes division is necessary.”  Let me explain.

…..I’m called to unite (with people)……but good must never unite with evil.

…..People should unite with people as people…but that doesn’t mean compromising on morals, values, or the word of God.

….Both good and evil will exist in this world until Jesus returns.  Blame it on Adam and Eve and the apple.  We live in a fallen world.  The love and healing we put into this world can certainly make it a more beautiful place….but it doesn’t drive out ALL evil.  It just makes it harder for evil to have its way.  Evil never likes “losing people.”  It always wants to have its way.

Good should always unite with good. People should always unite with PEOPLE.

….But good must not ever unite with evil.

….Uniting with people, but not with ideals can feel like a fine line sometimes, but they are not one-in-the-same.

….I hope we can learn that difference.

…Again, we are not fighting people.  We are fighting agendas, evil plans, corruption, lies……which is ultimately, the rulers of darkness.

…Democrat or Republican, we are seeing the rulers of darkness working in each party right now.

….God is calling us to love and be kind, certainly.  But he isn’t telling us to toss his word, and to unite with evil, either.  

What am I really saying?

I’m saying we should all watch what we say.  There’s never been a more important time than now.

Having a mission of causing trouble on social media isn’t exactly the best use of our time. 

And while it’s much nicer, rightfully garners more approval and certainly doesn’t cause any harm, making “love others and be kind” posts right now aren’t exactly going to just stop all of the evil at work..

 

While there is certainly nothing “wrong” with your post (in fact there is so much right about it),  perhaps it’s the powers-that-be at the top knowing nothing about love and kindness that is the biggest problem here. 

Maybe you and I already know quite a bit about love and kindness…but…maybe, just maybe, THEY are incredibly corrupt….and perhaps they are the ones fueling all the “hate and division” that is so often talked about.  

Love and kindness though does have to start with us though, yes.

Once again. It’s a fine line.

We shouldn’t be getting into pointless arguments, deleting people we love out of our lives, taking each other off Christmas card lists and damaging our relationships with one another.  We shouldn’t be cursing, name-calling or making hurtful accusations.  We also shouldn’t be constantly pushing forward stories and memes that may very well not be true (and that goes for everyone).  There’s already enough confusion out there.

We shouldn’t claim to know everything about anyone’s heart, or exactly where they stand with God.

…..But, the word does say we will know them by their fruit.  So again, it’s a fine line.  We may not see the evidence, but God sees it all.

Yes, the word says we will know them by their fruit.  But this doesn’t mean we should pretend to know everything about their relationship with God, or where they’re going when they die.

And back to social media….

Fighting on social media accomplishes nothing.  We all know this.  No one’s mind gets changed.  [Actually taking action and being the change you want to see in the world is what DOES do something].

….But, remember this doesn’t mean you should become a weakling either.  This doesn’t mean your rare “stance post” is pointless, argumentative or not impacting a life for the better.

And as the old saying goes, “You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”

Again, apathy is so dangerous.

Perhaps, some of us have had to speak out.  Maybe we are just fed up.

…..But as I said, there remains a fine line.

…There is a TOO MUCH, and there is a TOO LITTLE..

….That isn’t to say EVERY single person should speak out.  You really cannot go wrong with sitting back and holding your peace.  When you don’t know what to say….saying nothing is always the better option.

…If someone doesn’t feel led of the Lord, or feel knowledgeable about such topics…..silence remains much better than noise and incorrect information.  We should never post just to post, or speak just to be heard.  Lord already knows we have enough of that on the internet and on our televisions.  Again, if you don’t know what to say, saying nothing is always a respectable choice.

I think we all know what TOO much looks like….but….

What is TOO little then?  My thoughts:  KNOWING God has called YOU to speak out, to share your stance, to take some kind of action…..and either ignoring or disobeying that call.

As I’ve been saying, there is a time to speak and a time to stay silent.

I was mostly silent for 4 years, except an occasional “neutral” public statement.  After November 3rd, I realized my time had arrived.  And I feel confident saying that.

As a Pastor I respect recently shared:  Do not become angry with God’s messengers. “If they are wrong, let him deal with them.  And then watch how they deal with being wrong.”

I believe I am in the right by speaking out right here, right now, BUT if I’m wrong (and I’ve been before)….I guarantee you, he will show me.

If I’m wrong about the political climate right now, I’ll eventually humbly come to you all when the timing is right…..and let you know.  You can hold me to that.

I believe I was wrong about politics 20+ years, and even as little as 6 years ago.  I’ve already shared that with you…but I do not feel wrong now.  The young me hadn’t truly done her research and didn’t yet know how to think objectively.  I just knew my side, and I really didn’t want to know the other side.  It wasn’t comfortable for me.  I had to allow myself to become uncomfortable and to challenge myself.

I hung my head at times, but I realized the value of learning from my mistakes.

I’m sure I’ll be wrong on parts of what I’m saying, but I’m talking about the big picture here.  Love me or hate me for that…..but you happen to believe you’re right as well, right?  I still have that right too, correct?

I never claimed to believe I was right about EVERYTHING.  I hope no one on this earth honestly believes they are right about EVERYTHING….but sometimes it kind of looks that way, huh?

Now, to wrap all of this up, here are a few other things on my heart:

  • Those who profess to be a follower of Jesus Christ need to remember not to destroy their witnesses during this time.  There isn’t any post or statement that is worth destroying your witness over.  However, if worded properly and prayed over, you can be bold, while still being kind.  You don’t have to destroy anything.  You may make someone angry or hit a nerve in the short-term for sure, but a TRUE God-led “speak-out” will never truly DESTROY your witness in the long-term.  That would be a contradiction, and I don’t believe that.
  • People need to refrain from saying hurtful things they will regret later.  Some things you just can’t take back…
  • No matter how much you believe someone to be wrong, deceived, or misguided, they probably passionately feel that way about you in return.  Remember that.  Again, the battle is not between people.  I’m not friends with anyone who I think is “evil,” and I sure hope no one is viewing me that way.
  • No matter how much you believe what you support to be a stance of love, justice and truth and the direct opposite of hate, injustice and lies……those who believe differently also think their stance to be that.
  • Remember the “fine line” as you go through life.  It’s made a difference in mine, and after years of trying to follow this way of thinking….I decided it was time to share.

The fine line just keeps getting finer.  But hey, the finer the line….the more we can look above for help and wisdom.  (James 1:5).  

We are all a work in progress and America is one big construction site.  Let us just remember who is in the center of it all.

Getting Back to the Basics: (When I reached my “Aha Moment”)

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Getting Back to the Basics: (When I reached my “Aha Moment”)

I came to that grand “Aha moment” seven years ago, on the day of my beloved Grandma’s funeral.

But first, there I was at my one bedroom apartment right outside of Nashville.  It was early morning.  My phone was ringing.  It was my mom. I knew what she was going to tell me before I even picked it up.  I had been trying to mentally prepare, but still, I wanted to cry upon actually hearing the news.  

I got everything ready for Ohio, and I got into my car.  The first two songs that came on the radio were of no coincidence. The one that hit me the hardest was Mercy Me’s, “I Can Only Imagine.”  Grandma never did care about mainstream music, but she had once mentioned that song to me.  She had heard it and really liked it. In fact, it may have been the only mainstream song I had ever heard her mention.  Grandma and I were alike – yet so different.  I knew nearly every song on the radio, while she couldn’t have cared less.  By 2013, “I can only imagine” certainly wasn’t a new song and was seldom on the radio.  In that moment, I knew God was giving me the gentle reminder that Grandma was already at total peace in heaven with Jesus.

And there I was.  I was in my late 20’s and had marked things off my bucket list that I had never even put on there to begin with.  By all outer appearances, my life looked fairly exciting.  Why in the world did I still lack peace?

I thought I was “happy.”  I was sort of happy in an artificial kind of way, but happiness is so much different than joy.  To me, “happiness” is temporary and based on the circumstances of the world around me.  I lacked genuine joy and genuine peace.  How my heart “felt,” was dependent on my circumstances around me……..whereas with joy and peace, you can be content no matter what your circumstances. How I felt was very “conditional” on what was happening vs. what wasn’t happening.

Somehow though, that day opened my eyes in a way that would forever change me.  (Keep in mind I gave my life to Jesus as a child).  I was already saved, yes.  However, I hadn’t really surrendered everything to him in the way I thought I had.  I had accepted him, but not his peace.  I still insisted on complicating my life.  I had lost sight of the basics, and I didn’t even realize it.

My Grandma was undoubtedly proud of me.  She always told me so, but she also always told me she was MOST proud that I had chosen to follow Jesus.  She was the least materialistic” person I’ve ever known.  Her treasures were in Heaven, and it always showed.  All she really needed in her home was her Bible, a few chocolates, a crossword puzzle and some good company.  She hated clutter and was always trying to give something away.  She wasn’t a big shopper, and she cared very little about pop culture trends.  (She didn’t go many places, which I will admit remains a desire in my heart, personally). She would appear very simple in the eyes of this world, but when it came to what mattered most, she knew:   Jesus.  Family. Simplicity.

On the day of her funeral, there was a hint of irony, yet it wasn’t so ironic after all.  If I had to guess, though I cannot say for sure, Grandma probably never rode in a limo her whole life.  However, for her funeral, she had always requested that a limo drive her family to the grave site.  In usual Grandma fashion, she wanted to give “us” something comfortable, and she wanted her homecoming to be more of a celebration than anything else.

Very ironically, riding in a limo was one of the very few things I hadn’t yet crossed off my bucket list.  Crazy huh?  You would THINK I would’ve been in one at some point – a prom, or a special event of some sort, but nope.  This was my first time ever.  To date, it has still been my only time. This was certainly not how I wanted to cross it off, but reality sat in right there in that limo.  So much so, that I couldn’t even see any of its glamour.  It was in that limo that I had a realization that would forever change me.

I was nearing 30, and I had sacrificed love, healthy relationships, and even family time, all so I could pursue my dreams.  I sat in “glamour,” yet still felt pretty empty.  I realized it was eerily symbolic of my whole entire life.  Everyone my age and older in that limo had a special significant other.  I didn’t have anyone to sit next to me, or anyone “lasting” who would be there at the hard day’s end.

“So…THIS is what it ALL comes down to,” I thought.

I realized in that moment, Grandma had it ALL.  She had Jesus, Grandpa, her children and teary-eyed grandchildren that thought the world of her.  Because she had kept her focus, she was now ultimately enjoying the ultimate paradise – a paradise far better than any of my worldly success.

My resume had a lot on it….BUT…would my ultimate “legacy of love” ever be anywhere nearly as special as hers?

One-by-one, at her funeral, we had all talked about her love for Jesus, and how her simple and sweet heart had touched us all.

….It really hit me.  The things I loved most about Grandma had next to nothing to do with worldly success:  I loved how she saved newspaper clippings for us, the simple little snacks she kept in the kitchen for us, her marigolds, her ability to solve a wheel of fortune puzzle….and I just really loved how much she loved Jesus and her family.  

No one was going to care about a modeling gig I had at 25, an award-winning article I wrote, what events I attended, or any of my “career accomplishments” for that matter. 

Now, I knew this revelation didn’t mean I should STOP everything I was doing, but it meant I should definitely recalibrate.

What those who matter most were going to care about at the end of it all is my legacy of faith, how well I loved my family and other people in general.

Boom.  Ouch.

Now, ironically, after this realization, I would call 2013 and 2014 the most successful years of my “entertainment” career.  So ironic.  Ironically, right after I turned 30 (my most feared year), is what I would call the most successful year in the entertainment life.  When I realized how little it all mattered in the big scheme of things….I achieved more than ever before.  When I cared “less,” I accomplished “more.”  The upcoming year which would include my book release, was full of cameras, interviews, TV appearances and writing advancements.  This time though?  I handled it with a newfound perspective.  

…….And then, it was all gone again.  So gone. God certainly has a sense of humor.  He constantly reminds me how very fleeting it all is….yet brings me opportunities that I can store away as great memories.

(Spoiler:  I never did end up with a million followers on Instagram (in fact, I don’t even have a thousand as I barely give that app. any attention at all….but I now know how fleeting our “following” is.  I know I personally want to follow Jesus….not a pop culture figure).

I still worked hard, but I remembered the realization I had.  My Nashville journey would never look quite the same from then on out.  The greater purpose for being here had been revealed.

After ending 2014 with a bang, I tried to cut back on things I didn’t want to do.  I subtracted what no longer felt fruitful. I began focusing on my dating life, but that started out kind of ugly.  It still wasn’t God’s timing.  The most important thing was that my heart was now “open” to whatever he may have for me.  Subsequently, I FINALLY let go of a very long-term and dysfunctional “off and on like a light switch,” relationship that I had been holding onto for years.  It had been a stronghold in my life in many ways, but I finally sincerely made the decision that it no longer had a hold on me.  For the first time ever, I didn’t try to take back what I had given to him.

By placing the broken pieces in HIS hands, MY hands were finally open and ready for the right man.

On Good Friday of 2015, I got a new man in my life….a four-legged one.  I rescued a five month old puppy that would further change my life.  In no time flat, that little border collie I named “Rosco” became my life.  I didn’t feel like going out as much anymore.  He needed my attention.  He was sensitive and seemed to genuinely appreciate my company.  I was told that raising a border collie bares a resemblance to raising a toddler, and I soon found out that was true.  As silly as it sounds, it was a big reminder to me, that it wasn’t just “me,” I was taking care of. 

Also, no matter what I accomplished, my bank account never really matched it no matter how hard I tried.

Life became more about working to live….not living to work.

I’m not complaining though.  I’ve been blessed.  Life circumstances have beat me up more than a few times since moving here, but “Nashville as Nashville,” and the locals have treated me really really well.  So again, no bitterness.  I can hit the pillow tonight knowing I’m blessed and that if I never achieve one more accolade in this city, that I’ll be just fine.

Now, did I get frustrated about the road that country music was/is taking?  Frustrated doesn’t even begin to cover it.  I felt sick about it.  Really really sick.  Did I wait a little too long to pitch some of my songs that sound more 2006ish than 2020ish?  Probably so.  But that is okay too.  I was busy working full-time, and if I wasn’t pitching songs, I was working on something else.  I was probably on the set of a video or a commercial that (age-wise), I may not be casted for today.  Sometimes you just have to choose what you can take on and what you can’t.  But I’ll tell you why I care even less now than I did then:  Country music and my career is fleeting.  It won’t matter 80 years from now. 

Saving country music isn’t my ultimate purpose….saving souls is what is.

Also, as a Christian, I tend to believe that some things are just meant to be while others are not meant to be.  I truly believe if God is leading your life, you will always end up where you are supposed to. God knows what is good for us and what isn’t:  What we are ready for and what we are not.  What is timely and what is not. 

Frankly, there is currently too much going on in the world for me to be overly consumed with ANYTHING pop culture related.  Whether or not there is a lot going on….NOTHING is worth placing above Jesus at anytime.

And here I am today:  Here I am in 2020.  I wrote all of the above well over a year ago and just now decided to hit the publish button.  It’s all now so clear why I felt the strong push to get back to the basics.  Yes, the whirlwind of change continued after I fully placed everything into the Father’s hands.

I’m now going on 3 years of marriage with a husband I adore.  I found him to be the polar opposite of everyone I had dated in the past, and I knew I was ready for that. Though I hated the, “it happens when you least expect it,” cliche with EVERY fiber of my being…..it is exactly what happened in my world.  It happened so fast, that it happened before I even really fathomed it was finally happening.  It only happened when I fully surrendered my past, present and future.

Our precious daughter is about to turn 1.  We are currently planning her first birthday party.  I believe my big revelation was necessary for me to have what I have today.

She inspires me every day to be a better woman.  That rescue pup who first changed my life is well on his way to turning 6.  On both sides of the house, we have the most incredible families.  I was born into the best, and then I somehow ALSO managed to inherit the best by marriage.  I don’t want to miss anything.  I want to nurture, cherish and dedicate myself to what and who matters most.  

And now, I see even more just how much Grandma had it right:  It’s not about the quantity of people in our lives:  It’s about the quality.  It’s not about the possessions in our lives:  It’s about what we have in our hearts.  I remain thankful for my great “Aha Moment.”

No matter where you live, you have experienced the craziness of 2020.  For those of us in Nashville, we experienced tornadoes/storm damage, which was quickly followed by COVID-19 chaos.  Would you know that some of the PERSONAL challenges in my life during this first half of this year have been so overpowering at times, that I almost forgot about how crazy the world has become?  (My challenges have absolutely nothing to do with my marriage or family, so no need to speculate there).  

It’s certainly been a year that’s stretched me to say the least…..but it’s stretched me in the right way:  It’s sent me running straight into the arms of Jesus.  My only hope.  Your only hope.  Our only hope.  I believe EVERYONE’s time is short, but I also believe we do not have to fear.

With that said, I would encourage you to put all of the the things of this world on the back burner.  Is it okay to have goals?  ABSOLUTELY!  But if Jesus were to come back today, what do you want him to see you doing, and how do you think he wants to see you living?  

This is a question I cannot answer for you.  I can only answer for me.

Are we doing things that will matter for eternity, or are we consumed with the fleeting?  Have we over-complicated the Christian journey?

Faith isn’t complicated.  Jesus isn’t complicated.  Heaven isn’t complicated.  Conviction isn’t complicated.  His word isn’t complicated. We may never understand ALL of it, but the message of Jesus is simple.

Love isn’t complicated.  Compassion isn’t complicated.  Prayer isn’t complicated.  Helping your neighbor isn’t complicated. 

Avoiding unnecessary arguments isn’t complicated.  Thinking before you act, speak and post, isn’t complicated. 

With that said, sometimes I worry that I’m not bold enough.  I do know we are to share the truth.  I have been doing that, but I’m wondering if I do enough.  Still, I think about how my Pastor talks about waiting and praying.  Our wiser self often reveals itself later.  Perhaps this is why I’m sharing this blog a year after it’s creation, and why so many other drafts sit in my inbox for months on end.  I never want to post just to post.

I want to lead people TO the truth…never away from it.  I believe He created me to be an encourager, but I don’t believe He created me to be apologetic about His word either. 

Yes. There is a time to speak, a time to stay silent, a way to share and a way not to share.  

I’m still trying to find that delicate balance, but I do know one thing:  Everything I have just mentioned is a “basic.”  I hesitated to use the word “basic,” because the gospel is so far too amazing to be cheapened with a basic word like “basic,” so please understand, I’m only meaning to use it in the right context.  Sometimes we think of the word “basic” to mean “boring” or “uneventful,” but I use basic to say…..His way is necessary, essential and simple.  You don’t have to have a PhD or a VIP pass to be “in” with Jesus.  John 3:16 laid it out for all of us.  We can ALL have a PhD and a VIP pass into his kingdom by simply asking him into our hearts, asking for forgiveness of sins….and truly meaning it.

Do I see everything going on in the world right now?  YES!

However, as my Pastor said a couple months ago, “I am concerned, but not worried.”  I think that’s the place I find myself today.  I am certainly concerned about all that is going on, but I am not worried.  I’ve seen the end of the book of Revelation.  I know who wins.  His name is Jesus.  If you get to know Him, you too will win.

All you have to do is get back to the basics or allow yourself to accept the basics…..the beautiful, peaceful, life-changing, basics.

If you’ve never asked Jesus into your heart, you can now do so, by saying this simple, but meaningful prayer:  Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior. In Your Name. Amen.

If you have any questions beyond this, feel free to reach out.  I am here for you:  holly.cokkinias@gmail.com

10 Simple Reasons Your 30’s Are Better Than Your 20’s

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10 Simple Reasons Your 30’s Are Better Than Your 20’s

I was once terrified of the big 3-0.  Terrified.  Believe me when I say, I have since gotten over that.

Maybe you’re an amazingly satisfied 20-something-old who has just clicked on my post for humor.  Maybe you’re thinking you can’t possibly be convinced that 30 is better.  Well…give me a few minutes to at least try.  First of all, don’t be mad at me.  I’m not telling you that your present isn’t awesome.  I’m simply telling you your future can be even better.  I’m telling you to be excited and optimistic for what’s ahead.

I was once you.  Believe it or not, I was you just a few years ago.  Now, I’m not just 30.  I’ve been a member of the 30’s club for over 3 years now.  In 2 years, I’m going to be halfway through this age bracket.

It’s funny how much I love the very time period in my life I was once so afraid of.  It’s funny how I thought I was losing something.  Little did I know, when I let go of one decade, I was letting go to gain something greater.

Some may look at my social life from 5-10 years ago and say….”But, Holly!  Your life used to be SO much more eventful!”

To them I would say, “You’re right….and that’s why I don’t really miss that time in my life.”

Did I have some incredible times in my 20’s?  YES!  I have stories galore, and I could go on and on and on…..  I would never take back those years, but here are some standard reasons why I have come to believe that 30’s are even better.

  1.  You worry less about what people think.  Do I still care a LITTLE sometimes?  Sure, but not NEARLY as much as I did as a 20-something-year-old.  As long as I’m being a good representative for Christ, I’m pretty much good with whatever people think, whether it’s that I gained a few pounds, or that I have a few more wrinkles than I used to.  They can even think I’m weird or speculate about my personal life while they’re at it for all I care. Unless they’re paying my bills or determining my future in any big way…..I’m not losing a wink of sleep at night.
  2. You’re simply more secure in your own skin.  While I still believe in looking my overall best (and I’m not suggesting you don’t), there comes a point when you realize there is so much more to life than outer beauty.  Maybe you’re younger than 30 and already there, but for me, I feel like the huge earth-shaking revelation came in my 30’s.  It’s what going on inside that matters most, and if I’m secure with my inside and secure in Christ….I’m secure in general.  Enough said.
  3. You become better at picking and choosing your battles.  There comes a time when you realize what matters and what doesn’t…..what will matter five years from now and what won’t.  You grow to discover that not every battle is yours to fight.  Let the Lord fight your battles for you.  (Exodus 14:14)
  4. Better financial situation.  Now, maybe this doesn’t apply to everyone.  This of course depends on what you take on and when.  However, by their 30’s, the average person is at least seeing their college loans on the decrease (if of course they’ve been consistently paying since their 20’s).  Though the light at the end of the tunnel may still be dim….it’s now a light, nonetheless. They’re also getting rid of credit card debt and working on that credit score.  We typically grow into better jobs and pay scales at this time in our lives, or at least have the confidence to begin the transition from unhappy situations.  We’ve had some time to prove ourselves and time to build experience. It’s a good time to be an even stronger professional than ever before.
  5. You know who you are or are almost there.  At this point, you’ve likely at least figured out who you’re not, even if you’re still working “that job.”  You are more self-aware.  You are aware of your likes, your dislikes, your hopes, your dreams…..and the fact that you can’t stay up until 2 am or handle spicy foods like you used to.  😉
  6. Maturity in the relationship department.  Okay, so maybe it’s just me, but my 30’s REALLY changed my approach to relationships.  By your 30’s, you’ve hopefully figured out your worth if you didn’t in your 20’s.  For me, I met every kind of guy in my 20’s.  It was a time of lesson learning.  Certain career pursuits didn’t match up well with my life.  I learned how important it was to be on the “same page.” By my 30’s, I really knew what I was looking for and what I wasn’t.  I could quickly discern who was serious and who wasn’t. I decided what my red lights and green lights were….and I knew what I was willing to compromise on and what I wasn’t.  Consequently, I tied the knot at 33.  I still have a lot of unmarried friends in their 30’s, but I can guarantee, like me, they didn’t come this far to settle on anything less than what they deserve.  When I got to my 30’s, I decided I was only going to get married if I felt that person added a lot of value and smiles to my already fabulous/comfortable life.  I decided my now husband did….and does.
  7. 30’s are a wiser time….yet you’re still young.  It’s like having the best of both worlds.  Though you feel a little more seasoned and experienced in your 30’s….you still look young and are considered young.  You may not be able to stay out or up all night like you used to….but you’re still young.  The only person who thinks you’re even remotely old is a teenager, and who cares what they think about “age” anyways? Are they paying your bills?  (Refer back to #1) 😉
  8. You begin to enjoy and appreciate the little things more.  I’m now entertained by things I never would have been entertained by 10 years ago.  I love simplicity now and it’s a beautiful thing.  I like listening to the rain while cuddled up under the covers, and I actually notice the fall colors more now.  Years back, I was way too busy to notice or to enjoy anything.  I actually get excited when I get a drawer organized, or receive some great new kitchen supplies.  I hated history as a kid, but I love it now.  I enjoy visiting with the elderly and inspiring the young.  I officially realize how blessed I really am for everyone and everything I have.
  9. If you haven’t figured out who your friends are and who they’re not….you’re just about there.  By the time you hit 30, high school is a distant memory.  Even college mostly becomes a distant memory.  By this time in your life, you’ve likely figured out who is who in your life:  Who is meant to stay in your boat, and who is meant to be only an acquaintance from here on out.  By now, you’ve had enough time to figure out loyalty and trust levels.  You also have had enough time to know who is like-minded and who isn’t….who encourages you and who brings you down.  Since 30’s are that time where you care less….quality becomes so much more important than quantity.  If you’re in 30’s and your life is still full of drama brought on by your friends….you’re doing it wrong.
  10. The value of life becomes even more clear.  As you notice time flying by, you become more aware of the value of life.  You realize it’s moving fast, that everyone around you is getting older, and you’ve finally grasped that life really is short.  As a result, all of the above ^^^^ takes place….and somehow, worrying about unimportant things becomes less important.

If you’re in your 30’s and you disagree with this list, well, now is a good time to start enjoying your best life.  Maybe you’re older than 30 and these things took you longer.  That’s okay too.  It varies for everyone, but this has been my general experience and the experience of many around me.

The bottom line is…  Laugh more, worry less, stay open to love if you haven’t yet found it, let go of the past, set new goals and remember HE will direct your path.  (Proverbs 3:5-6).  If you’re a teen or in your 20’s……you’re welcome in advance.  Your best days are still ahead of you.  🙂

Our Only Hope Is The Only Hope We Need

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment
Our Only Hope Is The Only Hope We Need

In this unpredictable world, we can sadly predict that there will be multiple depressing headlines waiting for us every morning we wake up. This predictability comes from a combination of a fallen world and the time we’re living in.  I don’t know about you, but when I look around, I don’t find much in this world that I want to trust or place a lot of hope in.

To be honest, I don’t feel all that safe out there anymore.  It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped myself from living life, but I’ve become more skeptical and extra careful in comparison to what I once was.  I’ve been burnt by people I never suspected, and I’ve felt in danger more than once.  I keep my close friend circle small.  I keep my doors locked and my home alarm set.  If at all possible, I never go out alone late at night anymore.  It’s okay to be wise, guys.  There is a difference in being fearful and being wise.  God certainly doesn’t want us to be fearful….but he does teach us to be wise.

Let me clarify.  I’m not a pessimist when it comes to the world in general, but I do think I’m a seasoned realist.  Even more than a seasoned realist of the world, I’ve learned Jesus Christ is my ONLY hope.

He’s the one I never have to be pessimistic or even a realist about:  He’s the one I can ALWAYS be optimistic about.

I learned this lesson the hard way.

Though I gave my life to Jesus when I was a child, I admittedly still deeply had my hope in other outlets until the last couple years.  I didn’t even realize it.  I was looking towards earthly things to make me “happy.”

Something changed my perspective, however.

The joy of the Lord is your strength. -Nehemiah 8:10

You know what else has been life-changing for me?  Realizing the difference between happiness and joy.

See, I can joyfully live in circumstances that aren’t necessarily happy.  How?  My hope isn’t in those circumstances.  My hope is in the Lord, and that is where my joy and strength comes from.  In difficult situations, I can be certain that he has my back and that he will give me the strength I need.  I know I’m still blessed no matter how much my earthly situation tries to convince me otherwise.

We can always rest assured, the world is going to let us down.  At some point, people are going to let us down.  Circumstances are going to let us down.  Finances are going to let us down.  Employers are going to let us down.  Our sports teams are going to let us down.  Our bodies and general health are going to let us down.  Role models are going to let us down.  Our plans are going to let us down.  Our cars are going to let us down.  Our homes are going to let us down. Our dreams are going to let us down.

This isn’t a bad news blog though, friends.  This is GREAT news. This is a reminder that no matter what this world throws at us, we ALWAYS have a never-changing, always truthworthy, always dependable, always loving, source of hope.

The Lord is not fickle.  He is consistent.  He is perfect.  He cannot lie, and he cannot disappoint.  He will reveal himself daily if we’re willing to see and willing to listen.

I know we’re living in scary times.  I know the outlook in this world is discouraging right now.  I know it’s beyond sad out there.  I know it’s frustrating.  I know evil is running wild.

We may not be able run from what is around us…….but we can run to God.

Though he has never let us down….we have all let him down at some point.  The good news is, he is always going to have his arms wide open waiting for us to run back to him.  He doesn’t discriminate.  He doesn’t determine your value or your worthiness by your past track record, by the amount of your sin, successes, failures, resume, job title or bank account.

He never says, “You messed up too many times.  I’m done with you.”

Have you worn out people and lost relationships because of your mistakes?

The same isn’t true with God.  While a sincere apology or asking for forgiveness may not work with a friend, employer or a past relationship……it will always work with God.  You just have to mean it from the heart and allow him to work in you and through you.

Okay….now this a different blog for a different day, but:  The Bible has revealed more than enough for us to know that we have a lot of “end time” signs going on.  No one knows the day or hour, but so much of what God tells us would happen during those times…..is happening RIGHT. NOW.

Christ followers don’t have to be discouraged by this either though.  Our only hope (which is the only hope we need) has also given us the hope of Heaven.  He’s given us the chance to eternally live with him in a place where suffering, pain, evil and discouragement don’t exist.  We just have to humbly accept his invitation and admit our need for him.

We’re just passing through, guys.  This life is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity….and all the good ahead of us.  The older I get, the more I’m reminded of this.

It isn’t complicated.  Though the Bible is a huge book full of guidance and wisdom, the way of Jesus is a simple concept.  You don’t have to know the whole book cover to cover to be accepted into his kingdom.  It’s by accepting his grace….plain and simple.  Then, if you’ve truly accepted His grace, you should want to live for Him and to help others along the way.  Is the Christian life always simple?  Of course not!  We live in a fallen world, and the Bible tells us we will experience different trials and hardships while we’re here.

However, a believer always has the ultimate hope:  The only hope needed.  ONLY is not a small word here….it’s a huge word.  Though “only” often has a negative connotation, believe me when I say it has a positive connotation in this case.  “Only” doesn’t mean “lack” in this situation….it means “sufficiency”….and “more than enough!”

God does want us to enjoy the here and now.  He wants us to laugh, live joyfully, to relax and to experience good relationships.  He loves blessing us.  As my pastor always says, God wants us to enjoy our Christian lives…..not endure them.  If we’re enduring our Christian lives rather than enjoying….then we’re doing it wrong.

Let me challenge you today though:  Let’s start ultimately focusing on what matters.  If it isn’t going to matter five years from now, maybe it doesn’t deserve your utmost attention right now.

It’s never good to be self-centered, self-absorbed and self-seeking, but with the times we’re living in?  It’s a really, really, bad time to be that way.

If your ultimate focus is your outer beauty or selfish goals, which have nothing to do with the Lord or people….I encourage you to dig a little deeper.

Is it wrong to want to look good and/or want to pursue your dreams?  Of course not! Just make sure he’s the center of it all.  Just make sure that your ultimate motivation for whatever you’re actively pursuing is the Lord and the good of people.

What is my platform here?  Well, I’m just a real person who has experienced real things.  I’ve had some harsh reality checks a time or two.  I’ve been FORCED to learn what matters vs. what doesn’t.  I got exactly what I wanted a time or two in the pursuit of my dreams and still experienced emptiness.  Why?  There was NOTHING else that could fill the void of Jesus.  I had that void, because, although I knew Him….my ultimate hope wasn’t yet in Him.

Yes, only God knows the day and hour when he will return.  However, it’s always possible he can return on any given day at any given time. I know if he is to come back this week, I’d rather he see me investing in Him and people, instead of selfishly just doing something All.About.Holly. OR chasing the pleasures of this world.

Is it wrong for me to invest in myself?  NO!  I need to do some meaningless, relaxing, “Holly things” here and there.  Otherwise, I’m not healthy, and I’m spread way too thin.  Then, I’m of no use for God and for people.  It isn’t required that every single day of my life be incredibly significant and life-changing.  He doesn’t mind if I watch a good, clean TV show for rest and relaxation.  He doesn’t mind if I want pretty nails.  He doesn’t mind if I want to go enjoy a sporting event on my Saturday afternoon.  I’m convinced he smiles when I occasionally sleep in.  It’s okay for me to NOT take on every ministry assignment offered to me and to say “no” sometimes. Rest and relaxation is healthy and his word encourages it.

It’s all about balance and perspective though, guys.

What is REALLY getting our attention….and where is our ultimate hope?

Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Remember, anytime I talk to you, I’m also talking to myself.  This blog is for you to relate to.  It’s to help us walk this thing out together.  God has been challenging me in this area in a big, big way.

What about you?  Where is your focus?  Where is your hope?  I encourage you to think about that today and in the days ahead.  Let him speak to your heart.