encouragement

No Courage In Conformity: (Standing For Truth Even When You’re Standing Alone)

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
No Courage In Conformity: (Standing For Truth Even When You’re Standing Alone)

There isn’t any courage in conformity.  

No courage in conformity.

No courage.

In conformity….

These words have been running through my mind a lot these days.  Maybe “courage” is always on my mind because of what is currently going on in our world today.  So many are so afraid to stand for the “truth” and the “right” that they already know.  I have a confession:  Sometimes I am too.

As it’s been said a million times before, “courage is not the absence of fear, but being afraid, and doing it anyway.”

If one isn’t a little “afraid”…..then where’s the courage in anything we do?  So that is what I am doing today:  Having the courage to post this blog, though I’m slightly afraid of being bashed for it.

There are a lot of things I am and a lot of things I am not, but I know one thing I do want to be, and one thing I do not want to be:  I want to be courageous, and I don’t want to be conformed to the world.

Sometimes my flesh really wants to be conformed to the world though.  It’s much easier, you know?

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

God created me as an original.  I don’t want to die a copy.  He also created you as an original ….so why would you want to die a copy?

There isn’t any bravery in fitting in with the crowd, blending in and looking like all the rest.

As much as we may like to tell ourselves it does, it doesn’t take any courage to make secular decisions, or any courage to follow the pop culture favored way.  I promise you that.

It’s easy and comfortable to live and look like the rest….but how much of a difference will we really make in the world?

Those who follow the crowd usually don’t go much further than the crowd.

God created you to stand out….so why live to blend in?  He has better for us than that.  To say that he doesn’t is to underestimate Him.

Have courage.

Have the courage to pursue your God-given talents rather than simply choosing the major or the pathway all of your friends are.

Have the courage to dress to your heart’s content rather than settling on what is simply trendy, or what the cool people are “wearing.”

Have the courage and the integrity to pay back what you owe others.  By all means, don’t make them ask for it.  It’s just plain awkward.  Do more than what’s expected.

Have the courage to stand up for the ignored, forgotten and the “least of these.”  Have the courage to be “seen” talking to these people and have the courage to actually befriend them.

See, it doesn’t take courage to choose the same career path all your friends are choosing….unless of course it’s your God-given passion.

It doesn’t take courage to simply dress trendy or to copy another person’s style.  What does take courage is dressing according to your roots and your heart’s content…..whether or not it’s in style at the moment.

It doesn’t take courage to ignore your dues or to hope your “debt” to someone just goes away.  What does take courage is admitting what you owe and working until that person is paid back in full…and maybe even a little extra.

It doesn’t take courage to hang out with the “popular in crowd.”  It doesn’t take courage to get plastered drunk along with the 40 other people at the party you’re at, when they’re doing the same exact thing.  What does take courage is being the odd one out and saying, “I’ll take a water.  Who needs a ride home?”

It doesn’t take courage to laugh at dirty jokes, or to join a group of non-believers in a “Christian bashing conversation.”  What does take courage is sharing the gospel, inviting someone to church and bringing Jesus into your conversations.

I love sports just as much anyone, but it doesn’t take courage to cheer loudly for the winning team along with everyone else in the stadium (especially when it’s the home team), but it does take courage to cheer for Jesus, to be baptized and to show your commitment to him publicly.

It doesn’t take courage to wear a team logo.  But it does take courage to boldly wear the cross.  (Well, okay, maybe it takes a LITTLE bit of courage to wear the logo of a team with a bad record…..and a little bit of courage to wear, say, a Michigan shirt in Ohio).  Still, you get my point.  🙂

It doesn’t take courage to use God as a spare tire:  To ask others for prayer and to acknowledge God only when things are going badly.  What does take courage is praising him in the storm and speaking good of him all the time.

It doesn’t take courage to want to “be” another person.  What does take courage is owning “who” you are and trying to make the best of “who” you are.

Plain and simple….it doesn’t take courage to blend in.  It never has and never will.  Whether to stand out or to blend in is perhaps one of the hardest choices all humans must face.  We want to be well-liked.  We want to respected.  We want to be cool.  Ultimately, “conforming” seems so much easier.

Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

This verse pops up for me frequently.  I’ve had to really take in what it’s telling me….even when I don’t feel like it.  Even when I know it’s so much easier to join the inappropriate convo and so much easier to blend in. Notice God COMMANDED us to have “courage.”  Nearly every reputable bible translation I’ve found uses the word “command”….King James included.  He’s not just asking or suggesting we have courage….HE IS COMMANDING we have it.

Have some individuality, friends.  I’ve heard it said that if you want to make a difference in the world….you have to be different.

It’s easy to spot authenticity and courage in the world, because honestly, there’s more counterfeit and cowardice in the world than anything.  When we see authenticity and courage…..we know it.

Lack of courage in choosing your desired career path or even lack of courage in joining an inappropriate conversation alone certainly isn’t going to keep you out of heaven.  No.

However, those who refuse to come to the Lord often refuse to do so because of a lack of courage.  Those who simply say the sinner’s prayer, yet never really explore their relationship with God, because of a lack of courage, greatly limit their present and future. Cowardice is our worst enemy on many, many fronts.  It stops us from being all that we should be, and it ultimately robs us of our callings.

It’s when we have courage to step outside of our comfort zones and dare to be different when we have a real lasting impact.

Ironically enough…..lack of courage is what took me so long and posting this blog. I had a lack of courage in talking about a lack of courage.

But here is is.

What the Lord did for us on the cross was the ultimate act of courage:  “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

I know I’ll never be as courageous as Him, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t strive to be more like him.

Clearly, I have a long, long way to go…..but I do know what I desire to be and what I do not desire to be.

How about you?  Do you stand for truth even when you stand alone?

Do you choose the conforming easy way, or the courageous way?

If you’ve been choosing the conformed way, just remember it’s a new day, and God always welcomes a new courageous decision to start again.  🙂

I Don’t Have It All…..And That’s Okay With Me

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments
I Don’t Have It All…..And That’s Okay With Me

 

Hey, I have a confession. Sometimes I really try to have it all.

Do it all.  Say it all.  Hear it all.  See it all.  Save it all.  Dream it all.  Figure out it all.  Solve it all.  Experience it at all.  Accomplish it all. Be it all.

……And the worst?  I often expect others to have it all.

I came to this realization of myself several years ago.  It was a hard one to accept, simply because I didn’t want to accept my shortfalls or the shortfalls of other people.  Though I’ve gotten better, I still struggle sometimes with my standards of self and my standards of others.

Another confession?  I set such high standards for myself when creating this blog that I rarely post. In my mind, if it’s not an A+ piece to me, then no one else needs to hear it.  If it’s not earth-shattering, then I have no business in posting it when the world is already loud and full of countless, self-proclaimed experts (especially when I may overlook a typo)!

But today?  God is nudging me.

He knows I know I’m not an expert, but he’s also reminding me he doesn’t call “experts.”  He gives gifts, and it’s our responsibility to use those gifts and to go where he sends us.

So…..I’m hoping that just maybe, this simple, transparent, genuine blog post will help someone else out today.  Maybe it doesn’t have to be the deepest, the most articulate and the most revolutionary thing I’ve ever shared with you.  Maybe the message is in the shortfall of this blog in itself.

Maybe a little simplicity is what this complicated world needs right now.

So here it is guys:  NO ONE has it all.  There isn’t a writer that produces A+ material every. single. time.  They may tell you they do, but they don’t.  They probably just aren’t sharing their B+ material with the world.

This is probably only half of my writing collection at most. It is full of what I consider B, C & even a few D grade songs. Sure, there are a few A+ ones in here, but I probably haven’t let you hear those yet either.

There isn’t a basketball player that makes every. single. shot.  You just may not ever see them miss.

There isn’t an actor who gets everything on the first take, every. single. time.  You just happen to see the completed film.

There isn’t a doctor who never gets stretched, challenged or confused by a patient at some point.

There isn’t a photographer that takes the award-winning shot every time.  Sometimes even the best realize the pose or setting just wasn’t quite contest worthy.

There isn’t a family, a friendship or a marriage that never ever experiences conflict.  The social media photos people post only give you a tiny look into their lives…..not the full picture.  My Pastor once said something along the lines of, we often compare our lives to other people’s “highlight reels.”  Man, has that stuck with me.

Highlight reels are not the full picture, all day, every day….because:

There isn’t a talent that has it all.

There isn’t a career that has it all.

There isn’t an area that has it all.

There isn’t a home that has it all.

There isn’t a “dream come true” that has it all.

And most important to remember, there isn’t a person that has it all.  Does it seem like some people come close?  Of course!  Sometimes I play the comparison game and think, “DANG!  I wish I could be more like them.”  Does it seem like some families or relationships can come to having it all.  YES.  Some are so close to perfect, that you’ll never even be able to see the few flaws, that only God knows they have.

Does this mean we shouldn’t strive for excellence?  No way!  Does this mean we shouldn’t work to be the best Jesus follower, employee, parent, sibling, friend and spouse we can be?  Of course not!  In fact, I hope you’re working on that every day.  In the meantime, I will be too.

Here’s why we can’t have it all though, guys:  There is only ONE who has it all, and only ONE who will EVER have it all.  HE is the only one who is even capable of having it all.  His name is Jesus Christ. He knew no sin, and he knows no limits.  We knew sin, and therefore we have our limits, but if we serve the one who is limitless…..the results can be limitless.  We can’t be Him, and we never will be.  However, when we put our lives in the hands of the one who has it all, he can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ever ask or imagine.

We can and most definitely should strive to be like Him, but ultimately, He’s always going to be above all.

Honestly, that feels like really good news to me today.  I don’t know about you, but for me, it gets exhausting trying to have it all.  It gets exhausting on the hamster wheel.  It gets exhausting being a perfectionist.  And exhausting trying to take on roles and do jobs that only He can do…..and it gets so exhausting trying to solve problems that only He can solve.

There is a time to do a serious inventory of oneself, and there is a time to confront others.  There is a time to reevaluate where your life is going, and there is a time to make changes.  But sometimes?  There is a time where we just need to relax and be content with “not having it all.”

Why?  Well, because when we’re content with not having it all, we open the door and invite God’s limitless power into our lives. God’s power is best magnified in the humble….in those who realize they don’t have it all.  It’s best magnified in those who realize how much they need Him.  It’s really difficult for an arrogant, prideful person to enjoy the abundance of the Christian life. If we think we’re equal to God, and that we have it all, how can we really live our best lives?  How can we really have an authentic relationship?  How can we really see the results we want to see?

When I expect others to have it all, I’m holding them to an unfair standard.  I’m expecting them to be perfect like God…and they’re simply not capable of it.  When I expect myself to have it all, I’m holding myself to an unrealistic standard that I’ll never ever be able to achieve.  I’m simply not capable.

It’s days like today that I think of what the Lord has been laying on my heart for about 12 years now:

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  -2 Corinthians 12:9.

Friend, you don’t have to have it ALL.  Please free yourself of that expectation right now.  Why?

Because HE has it all, and HE is more than enough…..  Therefore, today and always, you are more than enough, simply because you serve Him.

Let his power rest on you.

When God speaks through rain

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment
When God speaks through rain

Dear Rain,

I have a confession.  I used to kind of hate you.  I used to feel incredibly annoyed nearly every time you started pouring down.

You always had a way of interfering with important events in my life.  You always had a way of messing up my already difficult hair.

I used to feel that you hated me right back.  You always had a way of pouring down during the best and the worst days of my life.

When I went through losses…..when I had job interviews…..when I needed to walk clear across campus without an umbrella….when I had to drive 450 miles in rush hour…..there you were.

When I planned (and then had to cancel) my first ever beach trip as an adult….AND every time I sat up for a yard sale……there you were.

You never really seemed to come visit me when I was laying home in bed snuggled under my covers.  I mean, of course you did sometimes, but during my all important events, that was always your favorite time to check in.

It didn’t matter if it was April, July or November….there you were.

When I had just endured a breakup, when I had a flat tire, when my master cylinder went completely out while driving, when I was doing door to door sales all by myself without a car close by, when I would go on 5 mile walks, when I had a modeling shoot, and when I was having the saddest day of my life….there you were.

Yes, in typical fashion, you showed up on the day we were shooting my book cover……. Here I am trying to protect my hair and makeup from your cruelty.

It didn’t matter if the sun was shining when I left or if the forecast had predicted you….there you were.

Frankly, it always kind of felt like insult to injury.  I was already going through hard times in my life.  I was chasing dreams, working multiple jobs and going through trials in nearly every area of my life…..but there you were.

I can recall one time (nearly a decade ago), I was home for a short break with family in Ohio.  You arrived just before I was set to head back to TN.  Because of you, I realized my tires had suddenly gotten really bad while driving through my hometown.

I slid through a stop light and went to the only tire shop open on that holiday.  They replaced my tires before that 450 mile drive.

I decided for five minutes that you just might have been my friend that day, because it was certainly better to realize my tire’s poor condition then, than in the midst of busy interstate traffic.

Still, life was hard, and you just kept pouring down on my drive back.  Why couldn’t you ever let me have one long drive without being so dramatic?

That day on the way back, I prayed, “Lord, in life, please help me to see the rainbow after the rain.”

Would you know that just minutes later (maybe even just a minute), a gorgeous full rainbow appeared in the sky?

It was beautiful, and I knew right then that God was with me.

Though that day was incredibly special, I still didn’t want to give you too much credit, rain.  You would inconvenience me again very soon.

I was right.

You continued to visit me during nearly every important life event following that day.  You messed up my hair, you made my makeup run down my face….and none of my umbrellas could withstand you.

And here’s the kicker?  You decided to even come visit me on my engagement day!  

My engagement day was CHRISTMAS EVE!  I mean, seriously?  Christmas Eve is supposed to bring snow….NOT rain….but there you were.

My fiance had scheduled a photo shoot for us on East Street Bridge that morning….but you just had to pour down.  Just to avoid you, we went inside Union Station Hotel for the photo shoot instead.  You made it in some of our pictures outside, but it’s not because I liked you or anything.

I guess you look kinda cool in this picture, but I’m still shielding my hair and makeup from you.

The photo shoot turned out absolutely beautiful, but I wasn’t going to give you any credit for that, rain.

How dare you try to interfere!?  What was next?  My actual wedding day?

Anyways, my new fiance and I drove back to his hometown to celebrate our engagement with his family…..as you continued to pour while he drove.

Then came time to plan my wedding.  I chose August for various reasons, but I hoped one of them was to avoid you.  August is usually a dry month after all.  You had interfered with too many happy times in my life, and you certainly weren’t going to interfere with the day a little girl dreams of her whole life.

I refused to book at any place that didn’t offer a completely indoor reception, just because of the heat and my previous relationship with you.

I did decide to tentatively book an outdoor ceremony (knowing it will only take about 15 minutes), but not without being assured I had a plan B and C.

Oh rain….don’t you dare.

Coming from a family of farmers and knowing droughts in general are not a good thing, I always had to appreciate you for that much.  And of course for the prevention of wild fires. But just that much. I couldn’t ever find much else to thank you for, however.  You never could water the crops when I was simply inside in my pajamas it seemed.

All through my early wedding planning, I found myself wishing against you.

But then a funny thing happened….

It was inauguration day for President Trump, and when he came to the platform to start his speech, you showed up.

Donald and I must have something in common, huh?  What’s your deal, rain?  Can’t a guy get inaugurated for the most important job in the country without you coming to interfere?

Well, Evangelist Franklin Graham came to the platform and said something I didn’t expect him to say:  “Mr. President, in the bible, rain, is a sign of God’s blessing….and it started to rain Mr. President as you came to the platform.”

Say WHAT!?  You are a sign of God’s blessing?

I had NEVER thought of you as a blessing.  I’ve been in church my whole life and somehow missed that whole concept.  It’s true though.  Ezekiel 34:26 says, “And I will make them and the places round about my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing.”

What’s more?  Rain is mentioned in at least 58 verses in the Bible.  Rain is actually very significant to God.

I guess this means I was kind of wrong about you.  Yes, you sometimes slow up traffic and make my day more difficult, but I really should have given you more credit.  I will from this day forward.  I just have one favor though:  If you do decide to show up on my wedding day, can you please show up right after the ceremony when we’re all inside for the reception?

Sincerely,

Learning to like you.

*******************

How often do we do this, friends?  How often do we just find the cursing instead of the blessing in the things around us?

How often are things not quite as they appear or seem?  How often do we misjudge a situation?  Pretty often in this girl’s world.

See, God has used rain to teach me something:  My perspective and perception is often incorrect.  When I feel God has left me, he’s closer to me than ever before.  When I feel the rain pouring down on me, I’m actually growing.  Nothing grows in a drought.  He was with me every step of the journey every day, even when it seemed dark and gloomy.  He was pouring his blessings on me, and I didn’t even know it.  Some of these big rains were even necessary to bring me to today.  They’ve made me stronger, more compassionate and better in many ways.

While I waited in the rain, I found true faith, growth, dreams, accomplishments and the right people.

Yes……I was being showered with God’s blessings, but up until recently, all I could see was wet frizzy hair, tired eyes and MY ruined plans.

God has a sense of humor.  If he can speak to Moses through a burning bush….he can certainly speak to this girl through rain.  He can speak to you too.  Just be willing to listen and willing to dance in the rain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 Free & Easy Ways to Improve Your Life

hollymarietong Personal Growth, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
10 Free & Easy Ways to Improve Your Life

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Instant gratification.  It’s easy to think we can have it these days.  After all, we happen to live in a swipe right, click the mouse and order it up kind of world.  However, general life is often more of a waiting game.  When we become preoccupied with reaching a destination rather than the journey itself, we deprive ourselves of living in the moment.  We miss the lesson, and we ultimately miss the blessing.  Life’s storms have a way of raging on from time to time.  Maybe you feel like you’re trapped in a reoccuring storm, and you can’t see an end in sight.  To my knowledge, there isn’t any such thing as a storm that lasts forever.

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Sometimes there just isn’t any easy fix or clear answer to life’s trials.  Sometimes we just have to endure the storm, let it pass and learn from it.  Sometimes we just don’t have the time, the money, the people or the resources to get to where we want to be, when we want to get there.  However, it is important to remember that delays don’t mean denials.  Likewise, limitations don’t mean one needs to be hopeless. Bad days don’t make for a bad life. While life may currently be traveling at slow pace on an unknown winding road, there are free and easy ways we can improve our lives in the moment.  No, we may not get instant gratification, but we can get instant improvement:

  1. Give it to God.  Call it cliche, but I simply cannot publish a blog post about improving one’s life without making this #1 on the list.  Over and over again his word says, “do not fear.”  Over and over in my life, he’s proven himself faithful.  He wants to carry our burdens for us and give us peace in the midst of life’s storms.  His word never does promise that we’ll be without trials.  In fact, it assures us that we will face trials.  However, we are also assured that through our trials we develop perseverance and character.  The good Lord also promises to give wisdom to those who ask for it.  (James 1, 1 Peter 5:7, Proverbs 3:5-6 and Exodus 14:13-14 are some of my favorite scriptures to remember during uncertain times).fullsizerender-28
  2. Get organized.  This may sound insignificant to some, but for me personally, it’s very significant.  I’m still a work in progress in this area, but the more organized I become, the better I feel.  I’ve never found anything good to come out of disorganization, but I’ve always found something good to come out of organization.  Being disorganized wastes time and money, while simply creating unneeded stress.  Even when life feels “messy”…..I feel just a little better knowing I have an organized home, car and work space.  img_2080
  3. Purge and get rid of things you don’t need.  The older I get, the more I hate clutter.  God began dealing with me concerning clutter a few years ago.  For six weeks of my l life, I ended up in a situation where I had to live with “less.”  While I stayed between friend’s homes, I had a little amount of “stuff” with me.  I was able to focus more on people and the things of God.  I realized I had enough, and I didn’t miss all the stuff back at my apartment.  I then moved all that junk to my new home, but let me tell you, it wasn’t long before I did the biggest closest cleaning of my life.  I recruited my sister and opinionated guy friend to act like judges on the “What not to wear,” show.  I told them to be brutal during my “fashion show.” By the time they were done saying things like, “you don’t need that,” “that’s hideous,” and “what were you thinking when you bought that,” my closet was about 50% lighter.  I’m still working on purging, but I’d say I’ve downsized my possessions by at least 25% since buying my new home.  Purging is also great, because you have the options of giving these items to someone in need or selling them to make money…..or both.  If part of your issue is finances, sometimes a nice secondary income can happen by simply selling things you don’t need.  Ebay and yard sales is where it’s at, friends. Ever since God placed the words, “where there is clutter, there is no clarity,” in my spirit…I’ve been taking this whole decluttering thing pretty serious.fullsizerender-32
  4. Avoid drama and toxic people.  Although this may seem like common sense, it’s a common struggle area for many.  Myself included.  I’ve heard it said, “show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Just one toxic person in a boat is all it takes to sink it.  Though there will always be invites to various theatrical performances, we don’t have to attend them.  Instead of RSVP’ing with a “yes,”….remember you have the “no” option.  We also don’t have to suit up for every battle we’re invited to.  Failure to choose battles wisely will end up resulting in constant combat.fullsizerender-11
  5. Surround yourself with positive people and good things.  As an antonym to #4, positivity and good inner circles bring good things.  Positive people and positive environments not surprisingly bring encouragement, support and inspiration, which eventually results in good outcomes.fullsizerender-19
  6. Give away whatever it is that you’re needing.  Need a hug?  Give one. Want a friend?  Be one.  Want love?  Love someone.  When we give away whatever it is we’re needing, we somehow end up more blessed than we would have if we had simply received without giving.  Giving.  It’s good for the soul.  Always has been.  Always will be.cropped-blog.home_.3.jpg
  7. Let go of what you can’t change.  Refusing to let go of what one cannot change is about as useless as shattered glass.  We can’t fix it no matter how much we discuss it, rehearse it and overthink it.  If we’ve done all we can do to make right our wrongs, we’ve done all we can do.  This ties back to #1……give it to God.fullsizerender-15
  8. Rid yourself of bitterness.  I’ve heard it said that holding a grudge is basically letting someone live rent free in one’s head.  It ultimately affects the offended more than the offender.  Like disorganization, I’ve never known of anything good to come from bitterness. Bitterness was created by the devil.  Don’t forget his mission is to steal, kill and destroy.  Hang on to that bitterness, and rest assured, all it will do is steal, kill and destroy you.  Break free and never look back.fullsizerender-36
  9. Be responsible.  If life is already hitting hard, the biggest mistake one can make is to be irresponsible.  Completely neglecting finances and obligations, while taking on a lifestyle of recklessness and carelessness will always result in negative consequences.  Playing catch up results in a lot of clean up, which results in more unnecessary stress.  fullsizerender-7
  10. Be grateful for what you do have.  As simple as it sounds, counting blessings makes all the difference.  When we look at what we do have instead of what we don’t have, it creates an attitude of thankfulness.  Thankfulness is a sibling to contentment.  Though God wants to bless each and every one of us, he doesn’t want us to forget the ways in which we’re already blessed.  Don’t like your current job?  How about you start by writing down ten things you like about the job you do have?  For starters….do they pay you?  Want a new car simply because yours is old and boring?  How about the fact that it runs and you no longer have a car payment?  Did you wake up this morning?  How about that bed and roof over your head?

 

There is always something to be thankful for……always.  Never lose hope.  Always look to him…..the author and the finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).  We can choose peace and joy, while we wait on the vision and the harvest (Habakkuk 2:3 and Galatians 6:9).  He always sees us through, and he always will.

 

Be there for everyone (but don’t let everyone be there for you)

hollymarietong Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

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“Be there for everyone……but don’t let everyone be there for you.”

What does this mean you might ask?

Though this statement may initially sound negative or anti-social, it’s actually just the opposite.  Let me explain.  I’m not at all encouraging us to shut everyone out.  I’m not suggesting we be anti-social, form cliques or live in constant fear that every person we meet is going to hurt us.

The Bible tells us over and over to love one another.  Therefore, it’s our job to help out our fellow humans when we can.  When living a spirit-led life God will speak to us in a variety of ways concerning other people.  Sometimes he may ask us to be a listening ear.  Sometimes he may ask us to hand a struggling stranger that $10 bill in our back pocket.  He also expects us to be respectful, trustworthy and genuine to the people we meet.

One thing God doesn’t instruct us to do, however, is to share every single detail of our lives with every person we meet.  Sometimes we’re meant to be there for someone, but just maybe that person is not meant to be there for us.  Sometimes they need us more than we need them.

Just because you’re genuine, loyal and trustworthy doesn’t mean you can’t sometimes be there for a person who doesn’t quite share your qualities.  Don’t let them be there for YOU though.  You can do one without doing the other.  Just do it as led and hear God on it.  Stay wise in the process.

Still not following me?  Well, to be completely transparent, I’m at the point where I have thousands of acquaintances.  Many, many of these acquaintances I have are incredible people.  They’re the kind of people that I wish I could know better.  However, the reality is, I can’t share my life on a deep level with everyone.  Honestly, I don’t think any of us are meant to.  God knows if I shared the deep details of my life with EVERY acquaintance I have, I would not only have zero time for those closest to me, but I would also have some unnecessary drama.  He knows that in general I’d be spread really really thin.

I’d also receive a lot of conflicting advice from a lot of conflicting viewpoints.  Therefore, I would end up conflicted and confused.  Once we reach that point of confusion, we can rest assured, we have sought worldly counsel instead of God’s counsel.

How do I know?  I know because for the longest time I tried to be a close friend with as many people as possible.

The result?  I got burnt, felt overwhelmed and just really exhausted.

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The thing is…..God never asked me to try to have a large quantity of deep friendships.  He did begin speaking to me about quality of friendships, however.

God wants us to be loving to all at all times…..but I believe he also wants us to be wise.  There’s a difference between the two.  We can be completely open, personable, approachable and even transparent on a healthy level, without revealing every single personal detail to everyone.

So back to “be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”

If God puts a hurting person in our paths, by all means, I believe we are supposed to be there for them.  I absolutely believe we are to lovingly listen to them and to give them biblical advice if they’re there for advice.  Also, I believe that unless they are wanting to harm themselves or someone else, we should keep it confidential.  Their lives are not a reality show, and it’s wrong to gossip about another person’s struggles.

It goes back to Luke 6:31:  “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

If said person confided in you, please be thankful that they see you as someone they can trust and keep your lips sealed.  Then pray for them, encourage them when they pop up or you feel led.  They may keep coming back to you.  They may not.  If you handled them in a Christ-like manner, your positive seeds have been sown and God WILL allow something good to come out of your counsel and your friendship to them.

You may not ever get to witness that good…..but God knows what that good will be and how and when it will play out.

Sometimes we’re just meant to plant a seed.  Sometimes we’re meant to encourage someone long-term.  Sometimes we’re an answer to a person’s prayers for that hour, that day, that week, that month, that year, that decade or that lifetime.  Only God knows which it will be.

Sometimes God puts this struggling person in our lives for a season….a few seasons…..or a lifetime.  I’ve had all types come my way, and I’m just 32.  I wonder how many will be there my whole life.  I wonder how many will pop up again.

Sometimes I’ll find myself wondering what happened to said person.  Sometimes my heart will get a little sad remembering an old random friendship.

“I really thought that person and I would be friends for a lifetime, but we haven’t really talked in four years,” I’ll think.

“I guess life just got busy, and they’ve got other responsibilities now.”

“I guess when someone moves 2,000 miles away, things do change.”

“I briefly remember her, but my memory is fading.”

“It’s funny how we were inseparable for a month, but we just kinda lost touch.”

I can honestly say that 99.9% of my dwindled friendships occur simply because of life.  There’s that 0.1% that ended due to realizing the loyalty or the confidentiality wasn’t reciprocated, but mostly, they dwindle because of life itself.

After watching countless friendships drift apart over the years simply due to seasons of life, busyness or geographical distance, I found myself frustrated.  I also found myself frustrated with that 0.1% where I had trusted and wasn’t paid the same respect in return.

I became tempted to close myself off….and to not let anyone in….but God dealt with me and he still is.

Today, I’m very content with a loving inner circle.  I know who is in my boat.  I know that not everyone belongs in my boat.  I’m not excluding those who are not necessarily in my boat.  I’m all about including them and inviting them into small areas of my life.  I’m certainly all about being a trusting friend to them.

I don’t play the favoritism game, and I’m not bias.  I’ve just had to learn how to be wise.

He’ll never ask you to keep someone in your boat who is trying to sink your boat.  He’ll never ask you to keep around toxic relationships or friendships that steal your joy.

It’s okay to have an inner circle.  In fact, I think that’s very smart.  Just make sure it’s not a closed off clique.  Make sure others feel loved and included.

When we’re showing love and being there for everyone who God places in our path in some small way….we’re doing our jobs.  He never asks us to overexert, to give them ALL our time or to neglect our trusted inner circles in the process.

“Be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”

 

You Are Enough

hollymarietong Encouragement , , , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

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Hey you.

You with the gas gauge flirting with E.  You with the split ends because you can’t afford a haircut every six weeks.  You with the screaming kids making a scene in the middle of the grocery store.  You with the burnt out lightbulbs.  You with the clocks that never quite spring ahead or fall back when they’re supposed to.  You with the broken iPhone screen.  You that completely forgot you had to bake cookies for your child’s bake sale. You that just tripped in front of a fairly large audience. You with the car full of half empty water bottles.  You that struggles to keep a plant alive.  You that just cheated on your diet with the dollar board.  You with the crumbled up receipts in the bottom of your purse.  You that isn’t so successful at love.  You that just received bad news. You that’s struggling paycheck to paycheck.  You that can’t seem to catch a break.

I’m talking to you.  Yes,  you.

God sees your struggles.  He knows when you’re trying.  He knows when you’re giving it your all.  He knows when you’ve surrendered all to him.  He knows when you’re putting others above yourself. He knows life on earth isn’t easy.

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However, He’s given us the hope of Heaven and the promise that he will guide us in the here and now.  He wants us to have joy in the midst of our circumstances.  He wants us to focus on Him instead of our problems.  He wants to cover our shortfalls.

Maybe a completely balanced, completely organized life just isn’t going to happen for you. Maybe it isn’t supposed to.  Maybe that’s where faith comes in.  Maybe that’s just another way we humble ourselves before Him and others.  Maybe that’s just another way we partner up with Him and allow him to be the driver.  Maybe He just knows we just can’t do it all no matter how hard we try.

Now, that’s not to say that we can’t improve every day.  That’s not to say we shouldn’t be disciplined. That’s not to say we shouldn’t do serious inventories of our lives as much as possible.  That’s not to say we shouldn’t get organized.  That’s not to say we shouldn’t be good stewards of our finances.  That’s not to say we have an excuse to be lazy or to procrastinate the important things.  That’s definitely not to say that we shouldn’t strive for more overall.  We SHOULD do all of those things.  He does want us to take care of ourselves, however.  He does want to finish the work he’s started in us. His word says so in Philippians 1:6.

Here’s a thought though…..possibly a whole new way of thinking that you’re not quite used to: Stop being so hard on yourself for a change.  Celebrate your successes and praise Him for your progress.  Do what you can in His strength….not your own.  Once you do that, treat yourself to something fun and spiritually positive.  Then go to bed proud of the seeds you’ve sown, believing those seeds will reap a harvest (Galatians 6:9).  Then rise again and repeat.  Remember His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).  His grace is sufficient for you, and His strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20).

Remember these things as you go through your day.

Hey you.  You are enough…….because He is more than enough.