God has a sense of humor. I’ve known that for a good while now. However, I’ve especially noticed it this past year.
For so long, I was basically single. Yeah, I dated here and there. Yeah, I almost always had a prospect of some sort. Yeah, some of those prospects looked like they were going to go somewhere once or twice. Still, there was something wrong with every situation I found myself in. Nothing had run smoothly in that department for me since I was about 20 years old, and obviously that relationship ended as well. As many of you know, my 20’s in the dating scene (in the entertainment scene at that), were so comical that I was inspired to write a book.
I called it “Chick Flicks Lie” and published it in 2014. It wasn’t a confessional or a male bashing book. I wrote it knowing it would forever be a part of me, so my tone and content would be very important. I wanted it to be a book even my future husband could laugh at and be proud of. It was how I coped with life turning out completely different than I had planned on. It was how I laughed at myself. And I hoped, it was how I made others laugh and feel understood. I hope it still does that.
The truth was, that was a fun season in my life. Chick Flicks Lie will most certainly live on. It will always be a part of me. It will always keep me humble and assure that I never forget the struggles I once faced.
It will always help me to keep a sensitive heart for other single women. I will never stop relating to single independent women.
I sincerely hope my friends don’t just see me as “yet another girl” who just got engaged and is going to boast every step of her love life on social media. I hope my engagement doesn’t bring more awareness to anyone’s singleness, but rather I hope it instead brings them hope. I hope it brings them hope that even the writer of “Chick Flicks Lie” found her own love story. I hope my engagement brings glory to God and what he can do. I hope my friends realize if it happened for me just a little later in life, it can certainly happen for them too.
See, I knew what it was like to hang out in the single’s waiting room for much longer than I planned on. It was partly by choice and partly not. I wasn’t running across the right situation, but I was kind of feeling ready to.
“It happens when you’re least expecting it,” they would say.
Man, I hated that cliche’. I hated it so much I put it in my book as something us singles get tired of hearing. But a funny thing happened. That dang cliche came true for me. Now, I find myself wanting to encourage other women with the line I once loathed.
Then, I tell myself: “They’re not ready to hear it yet…..just like you weren’t ready to hear it then. Tread carefully.”
Just like those who once encouraged me wanted me to see, I want to tell these strong singles that it will be okay. I want to tell them that when “it” happens, it happens so smoothly and confidently that they will barely even know what’s happening. They may feel like they’re in a dream for several months. They may even feel like they’re still in that dream when they’re wearing an engagement ring and planning their wedding.
That’s where I’m at: Feeling like I’m in a dream. Still pinching myself that I got to my “someday.”
Most days it’s just still hard to fathom that I met this guy at work in the late fall of 2015……and in just a little over 6 months, he’s going to be my husband.
I was literally in the midst of my little brother’s wedding at the time this man first entered my life. It still feels like yesterday. Just yesterday I had no one. Today I have a fiance.
But “yesterday” (November 2015), I drove to Ohio with my sister and nothing in my personal world had changed, except that my younger sibling was getting married. My dating life was still inconsistent and frankly dysfunctional. I wasn’t digging the guy that I had been seeing. As far as I was concerned, we were already completely done. I didn’t want him to be the one. I knew he wasn’t. I knew he didn’t appreciate my heart for who I am. I knew that it was only an attraction thing for him. That wasn’t enough for me. I knew he was ultimately self-absorbed. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. There I was on that single’s dance floor seeing if I could catch a bouquet. It was all a continuation of my “Chick Flicks Lie” book.
I, the author, was simply continuing to live my own story. I wasn’t crying though. I was still laughing along the way (most days at least), just like I had encouraged my readers to do. I knew I could already write a sequel, but had no plans to do so.
I had no idea that right about that time the following year, I’d be planning my own wedding with the handsome new guy I’d just met at work. That very idea would have seemed completely incomprehensible to me at the time.
I thought I was getting another co-worker the day Kyle walked through our office doors. He thought he was simply starting a new job in a new city. The first few months nothing seemed especially significant between us. I thought his smile was as cute as it gets, but there was no flashing neon signs saying he was “my one.” We each thought the other was “nice” and “attractive,” but we certainly hadn’t communicated it. We connected well during conversations, but at the time, they appeared to be more co-worker-like. Looking back, there probably was a certain level of chemistry, but that happens sometimes between single guys and girls…..and then it never goes anywhere, ya know?
Funny enough, there was even a time period where I had the wrong perception of Kyle. I didn’t yet recognize him as the man who would fall in love with my heart. I didn’t yet recognize him as the guy who would encourage me to continue my dreams…..or as the guy who stay on me about my recent lack of blogging. It was unbeknownst to me that we would be the ultimate match and perfectly balance one another out. I had no idea he was exactly what I needed and that he would do all the above and so much more. I had no idea that God was doing a major work in both of our lives.
I didn’t know that another cliche’ I had always detested was also true: “Sometimes what you’re looking for is right in front of you.”
Dang it….it happened to me. It did. I’m sorry, my dear readers. This doesn’t invalidate my whole book or my Chick Flicks Lie concept though. Stay with me for just a little longer please.
Chick Flicks continue to lie when they sell us an effortless, perfect journey to the aisle and beyond.
Kyle and I have to work at things just like you and your significant other do. We work through the hard stuff and we get stronger from it. We talk things out and keep it real.
I have no desire to post gigantic paragraphs each and every day about every detail of our relationship on social media. He knows I love and appreciate him, because I tell him I do. I know he loves and appreciates me, because he tells me he does. We don’t just say it though. We show it. We have nothing to prove, and we’re not trying to keep up with the Jones. We’re simple and subtle, but very much in love, whether we continually tell others that or not.
He’s never had to chase my plane down the tarmac like we see in our beloved Chick Flicks, but in our own less dramatic version….he has.
He may not grab his guitar and sing to me while I listen from my balcony (I don’t have a balcony first of all)…..but he has personally expressed himself to me in ways that top any chick flick out there. You know, it’s the fun, real, goofy type of stuff when we’re on the interstate and he’s streaming and singing to his playlist? That’s real life….and it’s beautiful.
Now, when he gives me gifts? Yes, it really kind of is like something out of a Chick Flick. The guy got me my dream ring after all.
My point is though, our overall reality is imperfect, but completely perfect for us.
Hollywood has a lot of great stories, but our story is my new favorite.
It’s not about a certain image, a bank account or fancy things…..it’s about how someone makes you feel when you’re with them.
When I think about Kyle, I think about how comfortable, secure, accepted, loved and transparent I feel.
I think about the fact that I feel just as pretty and as wanted by him whether I’m dolled up in a fancy gown or dressed down with zero makeup on.
I think about the fact that I’d usually rather just cook at home with him, than go out to the hottest date spots in town.
I think about the fact that I feel on cloud 10 watching the ID channel or a football game with him.
And I think about the fact that I don’t always have to be on que, or talking or have something overly significant to tell him. I think about the fact that our silent moments are just as good as our conversational ones.
Look for these things, friends.
To my friends who are still single, all I can tell you is trust in God’s perfect timing, stay strong, live it up where you are today and stay open. Don’t harden your heart or build walls of steel. Yes, be slow to trust. Yes, let someone earn their place, but don’t let fear get in the way of what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Be open to the possibility of dating someone different than who you have normally dated.
For me, a hardworking co-worker and law student was that “different.” The right kind of different. The analytical, responsible, driven, organized, planner, type. For you, “different” might look like something else.
And by all means, my beautiful singles, keep on envisioning the day when you finally meet your other half. Don’t be afraid to wonder if you’ve already met him. Yes, chick flicks really do lie…..quite often in fact. But, chick flicks don’t always lie. I’m living proof.
