I don’t know about you, but I often struggle to believe that time is my friend. I often struggle to believe that the load I’m carrying is even currently manageable…..or worse – Is it even sustainable in the long run? I’ve learned the hard way that I cannot control much of anything at all, despite my best efforts to do so.
The truth is: Most days it’s a struggle to get even 15 minutes to sit and breathe. It doesn’t help that my mind is programmed to believe that productivity is vital at all times. The biggest problem is, I get overwhelmed by my massive to-do list. I get so overwhelmed that nothing gets done at all. For every big task I get done, two unexpected ones get added. If I do get 10 minutes to try to tackle any given task, I either end up with a phone call, an unexpected favor that’s been asked of me…..or maybe, I catch my two year old coloring on the walls yet again. Yes. Think of “Harold and the Purple Crayon.” That’s our current situation, and then some. Little man always seems to find those writing utensils no matter where I store them (of course he gets into everything else right now, too). He’s a joyful tornado, if you can imagine that.
And the mess. It’s everywhere. I mean, everywhere. Our bar area is covered by random knick-knacks, pages ripped out of books, loose change, pens that don’t work and buttons that have popped off. You’ll also find random chargers, hair ties, clippers, broken toys and owner’s manuals. And let’s not forget the stack of papers I still need to read, analyze, sign, return, file, etc. And the laundry obnoxiously piles up before I can even put away the last load. If I were to detail everything I’m behind on, this blog would turn into a boring book. It all looks and feels embarrassing if I’m fully honest.
“I’ll get to it tomorrow,” I tell myself.
This full-time working outside the home AND as a stay-at-home mom, “life,” is exhausting to put it mildly. And only those closest to us truly know everything my current life entails AND demands. But, I also know, 20 years from now, I’ll be glad I fully took on “the hard,” instead of running from it.
And, I really, really do try. I’m trying to be disciplined, but the messes, and “the messages” on my phone, computer and mailbox often hit me like a ton of bricks. I often feel like the average day brings a lot of “unexpected nonsense” which keeps me from the bigger priorities.
……..Anyone else feel that way?
And….I’ve always heard, “chase 2 rabbits, and both get away.” Many days I feel like I have 200 rabbits on the go and 100 fires burning. And, while trying to figure out which one to attend to first, I get overwhelmed and give up. If my head were a computer, I’d have 200 tabs open and running at all times. “Which priority is the BIGGEST priority?” is a question I silently ask myself often.
And, I’ve been trying so hard to maximize my time. I’ve been trying to work with what I DO have for time, instead of dwelling on what I don’t have for time. I’ve had to learn to be creative. I’ve had to learn to spot “not-so-obvious, opportunities” for time with God, time to catch a breath. Every school pickup turns into a “prayer drive” afterwards. I grab a coffee, a quencher or a smoothie for me, and two dairy-free smoothies for the kiddos. We drive down that beautiful side road on our way home, as if it’s our first time looking at those gorgeous mountains in the distance. We pray, we worship, we reflect. This is how I want them to know me. Sure, mommy probably lost her patience earlier that day, and may be on the struggle bus again that night….but, I want them to know that praise and worship is what I’ll always return to.
Yes. As hard as it may be – I’m trying really hard to give God my first 15 minutes of the day (which is Clara’s drive to school M-F), my middle of the day 15 (or a full hour), and my last 15. I find my last 15 to be the most challenging. Give God your first 15 and your last 15 was pre-marital counseling advice Kyle and I received from the fabulous Rob Simms of Joy Church. I haven’t always abided by this priceless advice, but I also have never forgotten it either. I always eventually default back to this goal. I find it to be so key.
I recently heard another pastor say, “if you speak about lack of time, you’ll have lack of time.”
I recall another saying, “I’m too busy to NOT spend time with God.”
And so, I’m trying. I listen to church services and/or inspirational videos while I fold the laundry, wash dishes or shower. Sitting and waiting on my car to receive its maintenance is now basically a spa day for me. I now see the smallest openings as opportunities vs. a lack of time.
As I write this blog, I’m multi-tasking both kids. Weston thinks we are playing pickleball together. So in between each sentence, I’m literally serving the ball as far as I can across the house. I take my free 30 seconds before he returns the ball, to write another sentence or form another thought.
((Please Lord…..help this blog entry to make sense. Help it to not have 101 errors that I don’t even have time to spot before I hit the publish button)).
So, yes. I’m trying to clean, declutter, organize, execute, and be a whole lot to a lot of people these days.
BUT…..
Despite the mess, despite the chaos….the good Lord meets me right there in the midst of it. Every time. He’s right there with me as I’m literally running through the living room obstacle course of random junk, trying not to trip. He’s right there with me, as I’m launching both kids into their car seats knowing I don’t have any time to spare. And, he’s right there with me as I’m behind that slow-moving dump truck that is going to make me 2 minutes late for that important appointment. And when I ask him the best alternative route when I come upon that train that’s stopped on the tracks…..he is faithful to remind me of the best way to get 45 minutes away, on time. He’s right there with me when I feel exhausted, defeated, unheard….and right there when I experience life’s victories too.
He is always faithful. But, I’m still learning to remember, “My times are in your hands.”
But I know it’s true. I know that even when I feel like I don’t have time, I can be assured that he will provide me with time…even if it looks like more multitasking again. He will maximize what I do have. He’s the captain of this ship after all. The less manageable and sustainable this feels, the more I lean on him. The more I know I need to trust him, to be my strength, to be my guide, and to be the one who goes before me. The more I remember when he says: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
And sometimes I simply have to remind myself: He can do more in 15 minutes than I can do in 15 years. He can turn it all around in the blink of an eye.
Again, our times are in his hands…..and his hands have never failed…..and they never will.
**************************
((Key verses)):
My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. (Psalm 31:15)
“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:8-9)
