Personal Growth

Don’t be an ant at a time like this: The cost of disobedience & following the crowd

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
Don’t be an ant at a time like this: The cost of disobedience & following the crowd

Sometimes the greatest revelations come through the simplest…..and even the most unpleasant of analogies.  That is precisely what happened as I was recently thinking about the cost of disobedience and “following the crowd.”

This time, I felt God nudge me about ants.  Yes, ants.  The gross, sneaky, little obnoxious things that like to invade our food, crawl all over our possessions and get into everything.  This is definitely a “first” for me.

Why ants?  Well, they’ve been everywhere in my life lately, and they’ve been making me want to bug out.  (No pun intended).  But I can’t bug out, I must face them and defeat them.  Therefore, I apparently should learn a lesson or two from them while I’m at it.

About once a year, these creepy little insects visit me in my home.  I’ve tried to seal up different areas in the kitchen, yet around this time of year, they find their way in, no matter how clean the kitchen is.  It doesn’t matter if there are dishes in the sink or not….the unwelcome visitors insist on invading my personal space.  Before I know it, I have to buy some kind of ant killer.

A month ago, they kept coming in spurts into my kitchen.  I wouldn’t have any for a bit, and then, before I knew it……they were back.

Finally, I was feeling beyond fed up.  I did some research and ran to Wal-Mart.  None of the previous ant buttons worked, so I knew it was time to get serious and find a product that actually works.  I bought an ant killer called Terro upon seeing that this product consistently receives five star reviews.  After putting out the Terro gel traps, it was soon obvious that Terro is truly the best ant killer on planet earth.

It wasn’t long before the ants began congregating and flocking together like crazy…..ultimately flocking to their death.  Though I put out multiple traps, one trap in particular was much, much more popular than the others. I woke up the next morning to realize Terro had mostly killed a whole entire ant colony.  Though it was a disgusting experience, I stood back pleased with myself.  I also figured out what area in my kitchen needs sealed up to prevent them from re-entering again (I think at least).

Then, later that morning, I arrived at work……and…lo and behold…………I spotted a couple ants on my desk.  Just a weird coincidence, right?  Nope!

Before I knew it, I heard co-workers around me talking, saying they have a ton of them in their cubicles.

NOOOOOOOO!!  I thought I was free!!  

The week prior, someone had came to me and asked if I was having a problem with ants in my cube.  I told them I wasn’t…not realizing it was another co-worker nearby.  Then, just a week later…my cube neighbors were grabbing the clorox, sanitizing their cubes and suffering from the heebie jeebies just as I had been.  I was just kind of sitting in my cube in disbelief that I was actually dealing with these creepy insects yet again.  But then…I decided to write this blog, because it was a slow morning, and I was having weird ant revelations.  Or maybe they’re God revelations.

As I was sitting there that morning, I heard something in my spirit that went like this:  “Just as it is with the ants…..flocking with the crowd always leads to death.”

WOW!…

This may not sound all that profound to you, but it does to me.  An ant on its own isn’t necessarily “bright,” but it feels the need to be part of a colony.  Together that colony is a nuisance to people.  Together that colony destroys food.  That colony also bites if their mood strikes them right. However, it is “that colony” that often leads them to their death.

As I wondered what God was really trying to say, I thought about those gel traps I observed the night before:  Those ants just couldn’t help but follow one another……to their death.  They had no individuality….no rebellion….no anything…..except a desire to follow the crowd.  Though it may not have seemed that way at first, their need to follow the crowd ultimately cost them their lives in the end.  Pretty soon, there wasn’t any “lone ants” left.  They were so attracted to those gel traps they just couldn’t help themselves.  They were led by chemicals and smells, just as we are often led by the flesh.  Brainlessly, they all headed straight for what they thought was the land of milk and honey…..but unfortunately for them, it was a toxic land.  They were on their final destination, and they didn’t even know it.  They were fooled….just like we sometimes are when the devil appears as an angel of light.

The very thing they were drawn to was the very thing that was going to kill them.  How often does this happen to us?  Obviously, we don’t always “die” in a lifeless kind of sense, but we kill our inner workings.

No one actually gives orders in an ant colony, but they all decide what to do next….which is pretty much the same thing as their siblings. Though there is a “queen,” they’re all very much alike in the end – like a carbon copy of one another.  Ants communicate by chemicals, and that is how they mostly perceive.  They use their antennae to smell.  They don’t see well, so this is basically how they face the world and make their decisions.  Though no one mortal human specifically gives us orders….how often do we simply follow a mortal human as if they know the best way?

Can I be honest?  Today’s pop culture scene has a lot of America looking like a bunch of ants.  I often have to remind myself not to join the flock.  I often have to remind myself that in the end it leads to spiritual death.  But everywhere we look, people are traveling in droves down the path of destruction…. without even realizing it.

Not many seem to question if something is wrong with being part of the “majority.”  Not many seem to realize that what is popular in the eyes of the world….often isn’t right in the word.  Therefore, many are afraid to be different….afraid to break apart from the flock….and afraid to take the uncommon route.  The result is disobedience, and the result of disobedience is the death of the dreams, the death of callings, the death of hopes, and worst of all?  Spiritual death.

As Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

You see….satan lays a new gel trap for all of us every day.  They’re all around us…and they’re designed to entice us.  The devil wants us to be led by our flesh…..God wants us to be led by the spirit.

Still, satan knows so many of us desire to be part of the flock.  He knows so many will have the desire to go the way that seems right.  But in the end, the devil wins when we follow his lead…..and we lose.  He knows our weaknesses, and he knows what will lure us in.  He has all sorts of strategical “gel” for humans.

The good news is….if we’re staying in the word and using our discernment, we will recognize the traps of “death” and know to avoid them. 

It’s been said that those who follow the crowd usually don’t go any further than the crowd.  Think about it folks:  God created you for more.  He created you to love, to be a light, to lead, to learn, to make a positive difference and to live for Him.  Don’t just become part of a colony or the “in crowd.”  It may seem right today, but God sees the bigger picture.

He needs us now more than ever – to rise up and to stand firm for him.  In the end, he will reward us for doing so.  Avoiding the traps is what will one day bring us to the land of milk and honey….even if it doesn’t look like it today.  Walking into the trap will rob us of the land of milk and honey….it will rob us of our God-given talents and all the amazing plans he has for us……even if it doesn’t look like it today.

Romans 12:2 says,  “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

God is always looking for “unique, courageous, non-conforming, available, individuals” to accomplish his good and perfect will.

Do we want to be purposeful, or do we want to be a “can’t think for myself/want to simply fit in,” ant?  It’s up to us….God has given us free will…..but friends…..I really do hope you decide against being an ant at a time like this.

Now….I’d get back to ant killing, but I don’t see any, anywhere……

15 things to never say to a “single” person

hollymarietong dating, Encouragement, Personal Growth, single life , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

 

Remember how I said I’ll forever relate to singles and forever understand them?  I meant it.  While I’m thrilled to be walking down the aisle soon, it doesn’t mean:   A).  That I’ve forgotten the struggle I once had, and the struggle so many people I love are still going through and B).  That I’m only going to talk to the engaged and married folks now.  God reminds me often (though I fail to blog as often as I should) that I’m not to forget the road I walked before Kyle.  He also reminds me I can be a fairly unique voice in this area (as can many of my gal pals).

“Meant to be at 33” is what I like to call this time in my life.  I’m not shy about admitting that I’m getting married for the first (and only time) a few weeks after my 33rd birthday.

I can hear some of you saying, “Oh, but you’re still so young!”

I say to you…well, unless you got married at this same age or older, and/or are still single yourself, say no more about my youngness, k?

I’m getting married later than average no matter what you may feel like telling me.  I wouldn’t have it any other way though.  In hindsight, I completely see why God had me wait longer.  I didn’t see it then, but I see it now.

I know I was not and still am not “entitled” to having a forever man….not at 23, 33, 43, or ever for that matter.  I know my fiance is a blessing.  I know many who are still waiting for that blessing in their own life.

I know I could very well still be in the position I was in just a year ago.  While I believe my single friends will ultimately one day find the person of their dreams, I remind myself to be very careful with what I say to them. I admitted in a previous blog that just because a few of the cliches I hated hearing like, “it happens when you’re least expecting it,” and “you’ll find someone one day,” came true for me, doesn’t mean I should make a habit of using those cliches on my friends.  They’re not ready to hear it yet, just like I wasn’t ready to hear it then. It also may not happen for them the same way it did for me, so why act like I know something they don’t?

As I feel blessed to be surrounded by all the love, assistance and well wishes that planning a wedding brings, I can’t help but wish that just a little more love, assistance and well wishes would be given to singles overall.  It’s just not culturally popular…and I wish it were.  While I’m extremely grateful to receive all of this now (and some have always given me it to me even as a single), I can’t help but wish there were more affirmation, positivity and resources surrounding the single life.

I know people often think of helping a young couple or a family, and I’m ALL for that, but I feel like people less often think about helping the single person, or seeing what they may need.  I’m not speaking for myself or for everyone here.

I’m saying, let’s just say you have an extra set of brand new dishes at home that you’d like to bless someone with:  While I’m not AT ALL against you giving them to the young married couple, why not also consider the single girl across the street that you know works super hard?

I can’t speak for all married couples, but I know I’m financially going to be better off as a married person, than I have been as a single person.  I think sometimes society sees “single,” and sees money and no one else to support, except themselves.  The problem is a single person often means paying double the bills, unless of course, said single wants to get a roommate.  The bottom line:  Let’s remember our single friends too!  Also, just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you can only have couples as friends.  No need to be part of a “married only’s clique,” or to get all high and mighty just because your relationship status has changed, right?

Now I’ve lived on both sides of the fence.  I can tell you that while relationships take work, the single life is overall the harder position to be in.  While I felt a great sense of strength and independence in that position, I faced more challenges overall.  Yes, some days I enjoyed the heck out of my single life.  I lived that life to the fullest every day.  However, I would rather have this life, than my former life.  I’m not going to lie about that.  I’m very thankful for my former life and wouldn’t ever take it back, but I’m not going to pretend it was a cake walk.  In fact, I’m going to acknowledge that it wasn’t on many levels.

While I don’t understand 30 years of marriage yet, I do understand what it’s like to be as single as spaghetti without the Ragu.  I also understand what it’s like to have someone wanting to protect me, to provide for me and to commit to me for the rest of our lives.

Now, with all of that said, the first best thing you can do for your single friends is try to avoid saying the wrong things.  Some are truly happy to be single.  Some people love the solitary life.  Some are very go with the flow…whenever it happens…it happens, kind of people.  (I was that way most days, but definitely not all days).  Some hurt every day over past relationships and past injustices.  Some worry about their future, and if they have a future in love at all.  Most though? They have something in common.  They don’t really need your advice and your attempt at consoling them, unless they ask for it, cry on your shoulder or vent to you.  I’m just saying guys.

Here are my top 15 never say to your single friends, statements:

  1.  “Married life is so hard.  My husband can be such a jerk.  Being single is where it’s at.  I’m actually envious of you and all of this freedom you get.”  Really now?  Really?  I don’t know all situations, but if one’s husband seems to be working hard, being an honest upstanding person, providing for them, and isn’t cheating on or abusing them, no one wants to hear it.  At all.  Likely, the person making this statement KNOWS they don’t really want to be back in the dating world, so why pretend they do?  It isn’t fooling anyone, and frankly, it’s really really annoying.
  2. “God needs to see you fully trusting him and being happy with him, and him alone, before he can give you a mate.” – (Says the 22 year old who is indirectly saying that THEY were the perfect Christian when they found their mate).  Umm…you’re not fooling us, sister.  You can’t speak for God here.  Maybe God KNOWS this fine single person is fully trusting him, and happy with him, but maybe he needs them to wait a little longer than you, for other reasons or plans he has for them. Maybe the person you’re saying this to is VERY in tune with God and celebrates the joy of the Lord every day….yet they still struggle with loneliness some days, or just feel ready for that next chapter that doesn’t seem to be happening.  Don’t tell them how to feel, assume their doing it wrong or minimize their faith.  Don’t make them feel not good enough.  Maybe they’re even good at being single….but well, they’re like 35, which is like 10 years older than you when you got married – so maybe you shouldn’t be the person telling them this, eh?  It’s not unreasonable that they feel “ready.”
  3. “When are you going to settle down and get married?  What about having kids?  What are you waiting for?”  This one pretty much speaks for itself.  For one, it’s no one’s business, but their own.  Two, they may struggle with why it isn’t happening for them.  Three, some of my friends, for instance, even already know they can’t conceive children.  It’s understandably a very hurtful subject for them.  These things should just never be asked…..ever.
  4. “You’re just too picky!  I can’t believe you weren’t interested in him!”  There are a lot of things wrong with this statement.  Where shall I begin?  No one should ever be told to lower their standards.  That is how this statement will feel no matter how it is said. Often the very person who says this is the very person who wouldn’t be interested in that failed potential either.  Yes, there are extreme cases…BUT picky is better than settling or taking the plunge before one is ready.  Since marriage is designed to be forever, it’s only smart to be picky.
  5. “You find them when you least expect it!”  I’ve mentioned this one A LOT lately.  Yes, this ended up happening in my life.  Yes, I was kind of annoyed that this was “how” it happened for me since I hated this cliche soooooo much, but the truth is, singles hate these words…and I understand why.  Been there, heard that, got the t-shirt.
  6. “Man…you get to travel and do whatever you want!  I want your life!”  Just don’t.  They’re probably broke and all their potential travel friends are probably also either broke or busy with their family lives.  Just don’t.
  7. “Work on you!”  Yes, some do need time to be single to work on them…but it’s probably best not to put it in those words. Even just “focus on you” sounds better.  Don’t assume they’re a piece of work.  It just beats them down and makes you look high and mighty.
  8. “Join a single’s group, do online dating etc.”  Again, these fine independent strong folk don’t usually need advice unless asked for.  They’re not living under a rock.  They probably know they can join this stuff if they want to.  You’re not teaching them anything new! 🙂
  9. “Man I pity you being in the dating world.  I couldn’t do it!”  How encouraging!
  10. “You don’t need a man!”  You’re right I don’t “need” a man….but apparently you do considering you’ve been married to your high school sweetheart for 30 years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m GLAD your marriage has worked.  That’s God’s will in fact….but singles really don’t need to hear this from you since you well,…..don’t get it?
  11. “You must be doing something wrong.  Let’s talk about what it is.”  No…..just no!
  12. “You’ve got time!”   This is equally just as bad as “time’s a-wasting.”  Someone married with three kids saying this to a single in their 30’s who hasn’t even begun the family journey, just isn’t a smart thing to do on any level.
  13. “Have you ever thought about dating your friend __________?”  Chances are you’ll just make things really really awkward.  They’ve either thought about it, talked about it with their friend, or never ever even entertained the thought ever.  Said friend may very well be like a sibling to them.  You’re not pointing out some new revelation to them, okay?
  14. “You’re too smart, too pretty, or too good.”  Yeah, that’s going to solve things….letting them know that unless they dumb themselves down, stop taking care of their physical appearance, or stop being so morally good, that they’ll end up single for life…
  15. “It was about time “I” or “they” get married.”  I saved this one for last because this was perhaps one of the most offensive statements ever made to me when I was in the midst of being completely single.  I was happy with my life overall, but this statement rubbed me so wrong.  I was talking to someone with a daughter younger than me who had recently gotten engaged.  This particular woman KNOWS I’m older than her daughter, and KNEW I was single at the time.  I was nice and congratulated her on her daughter’s engagement.  It couldn’t stop there though.  She proceeded to look me in the eye and say, “well it was about time!!!!” (as if it was absolutely shameful).  I could’ve laughed it off I suppose, but I recognized the dig and didn’t feel like letting her get away with it.  I instead politely looked her back in the eye and said, “Is it really about “time,” or is it more important to find the right person no matter how long that may take?”  I really caught her off guard.  Anyways, yeah….just don’t say this.

Alright guys.  There are probably a million more annoying statements, but this is all I have tonight.  I know I’ve graduated from hearing these statements, but graduating from these statements mean I’m heading for the annoying world of “when are you having kids, how many are you having and when do you plan to have another?,” world.  We all have our struggles.  Let’s learn to better understand one another.  What do ya say?  🙂

Are You Living a Well-Rounded Life?

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments
Are You Living a Well-Rounded Life?
 
“A well-rounded life is a life well lived.”
These are the words God recently placed on my heart.  There are a lot of things I’m not and never will be in this life.  However, I like to believe I’m beginning to better understand the well-rounded life.
I’ve always been busy and used to living a life of many facets, but I haven’t necessarily always enjoyed the journey.  In fact, I would go as far as to say I once “endured” it.  Thankfully my Pastor often reminds us that we are not to endure the Christian journey, but rather to enjoy it.
“I’ve also grown to understand, “busy doesn’t always mean productive and productive doesn’t always mean purposeful.”
Though I struggle to maintain balance in my life every day, I’ve learned there are times for “yes” and times for “no.”  God has helped me with this.
I also have finally realized it is more than okay to kick back and to enjoy the people around me, without every single day being incredibly career focused and life-changing.
“Not every single day is meant to be full of revelation or overly significant, though every single day is meant to be an appreciated blessing.”
I was once the girl who thought if the door was open, I should probably walk through it.  If the opportunity was there, I should probably seize it. I was right sometimes and wrong other times.  Some of my yesses added to my life, but others greatly subtracted from it.
I found myself living out my dreams, surrounded by the well-known and the wealthy.  I was consistently adding credits to my resume.  What I didn’t find was time to relax, time to just be me, time for a successful relationship and time to maintain my health.  Worst of all though?  I didn’t find peace at that pace.
“When you’re not experiencing peace, it may be time to adjust the pace.”
I’ve learned a lot from the woman I was.  Now, I’m still very much her to some degree.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m always going to be reaching for more, helping, learning, exploring and looking for new opportunities. I’ve just learned how to say “no” when I don’t want to do something that isn’t required of me.  By saying “no” to the things I don’t want to do, I’m able to say more “yesses” to the things I “do” want to do.  By saying “no” to the same old, same old, this year, I’ve allowed myself time to fall in love.  I’ve allowed myself to take time to plan my wedding and time to enjoy the experience of being engaged.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime season in my life after all!
“I’ve also learned that being well-rounded isn’t about taking on everything, but  more about doing what you love, loving what you do and doing those things well.”
It’s about being knowledgeable in many areas, but most importantly, in the areas that matter.  For me, I have found these areas to contribute to my getting a better feel for the “well-rounded life.”
1.   Meet new people whenever you can, but don’t be afraid to have your “inner circle.”  Find a balance of allowing new people in, but first, nurture your already established relationships: It’s a big world full of so many fascinating people with so many fascinating stories.  Be a listening ear.  Be transparent when you feel led.  Whether you’re in an airplane, at a convention, waiting in line or at a concert, don’t be afraid to meet the stranger next to you.  You just may meet a new person who adds something small but special to your day.  You just may add something small to their day. You may exchange a business card which results in a future partnership.  You may meet a new friend.  You may change that person’s life….or they may end up changing yours. My pastor always urges us to walk through crowds slowly.  Our stories and the stories of others bring an immeasurable amount of healing and inspiration to the world.  In that same sense though, be sure to nurture the already beautiful friendships and the relationship you have.  Don’t forget about your family, your children, your spouse and your oldest friends in the process of serving others.  Not everyone is meant to be part of your inner circle.  Be open and loving to the outside world, but don’t be afraid to draw the line between acquaintances and close friends as well.  You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can certainly be something to someone!  2.  Have friends of all ages:  I like to think my friends range from 9 months to 99 years old, and in all honesty, that’s all been true at some point in my life.  Age doesn’t matter when it comes to being friend of mine.  In fact, different ages bring so many different facets, revelations and stories to my life.  Children remind me to still find beauty in the simple things.  Teenagers remind me of who I was not long ago.  They remind me to keep a young energy.  I enjoy inspiring them.  While some make me want to yank my hair out, I find many who I believe will grow up to make an incredible difference in the world.  I find many I can relate to, laugh with and hopefully encourage whenever possible.  Friends my own age help me celebrate who I am today.  We can relate.  We can share similar struggles, victories and general commonalities.  Friends slightly older than me give me a good idea of what’s to come.  They help me to stay mature and to plan ahead.  They have a wisdom I admire.  Speaking of wisdom, anyone who doesn’t befriend the elderly is doing a serious disservice to one’s self.  These individuals have truly “been there, done that.”  They can serve as an adopted parent or grandparent figure in our lives.  I have several of them, and they mean the world to me.  They tell stories of the past and give us a sneak peek into the future.  I can’t say enough about having friends of all ages.  I think that should be a blog post in itself.  Oh…and never underestimate making friends with animals.  They teach us much more than what some are willing to believe.  A life without dogs is a life not reaching its potential…..just saying.  Back to friends of all ages though:  It’s been one of my greatest keys to success in life.
One of my favorite young friends – my niece Christina.

3.  Do what you love and love what you do:  I write this knowing full well that not all of us are currently able to work full-time at our God-given passions. The creative world isn’t exactly a financially sound world for the majority, but that doesn’t mean the creative mind can’t embrace and enjoy the results of a creative mind.  It also doesn’t mean one should assume that a delay is God’s denial.  Good things take time.  A slow growing oak tree is always better than a fast-growing, brittle one.   It goes back to the old saying, “bloom where you are planted.”  I think of Luke 16:10 – “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”  I fully believe that God wants to see how we treat non-dream jobs, little opportunities and our humble beginnings before he brings us to higher levels.  A grateful and appreciative person continuously sows positive seeds into their talent knowing it will reap a harvest in due time (check out Galatians 5:7).  Whether you have 15 minutes a day or 15 hours a day to focus on your passion, I truly believe what matters most is how you spend that time and the attitude you have during that time.  I believe God makes creative people creative for a purpose, just like he makes business analysts and accountants analytical for a purpose.  I think life comes together when we simply know what we want and know how to go about getting it.  For some that means a certificate, a Bachelors, a Masters or a PHD. For others that may mean starting their own business or being a flight attendant who travels the world.  Just trust that your talents are a gift from Him, bloom where you are planted and consult with Him for wisdom concerning your career path.  Never stop setting goals.  (Note to self).

Yours truly sowing into her musical passion during her college days.

4.  Take care of yourself:  I don’t know about you, but while I’m taking care of everyone and everything, sometimes I forget to take care of me.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to sit on the couch, sip my favorite hot tea and just do nothing.   I also have to remind myself that I’m probably always going to feel much better after a grilled chicken and steamed broccoli meal than I ever will after eating a big piece of chocolate cake for my dinner (though sometimes I just have to).  Taking care of ourselves covers a broad spectrum.  When one isn’t fully taking care of oneself, they are unable to give to others in the way they could and should.  For some, taking care of oneself may mean a monthly pedicure, a movie night, setting aside time to write a blog or to browse a flea market. For many, taking care of oneself will put them in mind of exercising and general healthy living.  Whether it’s a long walk, a trip to the gym or working hard around the home, it all typically makes a person feel active.  Meal plans, natural remedies and juicing machines – whatever healthily works for you, do it.  Craving a quiet weekend at the beach?  Do it. Oh, and here’s the best way to take care of yourself:  Spend time with Jesus.  A life that aspires to be healthy spiritually has already taken the first big step to a well-rounded life.

Quiet time is one of the best ways we can take care of ourselves.

5.  Get organized and de-clutter your life:  I know I mentioned this in a previous blog, but it just happens to apply to so many life principles.  I know this because I’ve struggled with organization and clutter for much of my life.  God has been dealing with me concerning this for the past year.  Too much “stuff” gets in the way, creates stress and wastes a whole lot of time.  I’ve been cleaning closets, bagging, boxing, pitching, selling and giving away.  My rec room right now should probably be called a “wreck room,” but it’s because I’m going through all the junk and filtering through what will be kept, sold and donated.  Though “stuff” may seem harmless it can hinder and hurt many aspects of our lives.  An organized person will always be one step ahead of a disorganized person, allowing more time for a purposeful, peaceful life.  I truly believe our home lives can either make or break our lives.  I believe treating our homes lives right is key to having peace in our outside lives.

Maybe I still have too many shoes, but they’re organized, right? LOL 😉
A happy home is the start of a happy life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6.  Do good for others:  We were created to love and to do good for others.  God’s word encourages us to be a helping hand over and over again.  I’ve always believed that one should give away whatever it is they’re needing.  (IE – if a hug is needed, give one.  If some encouragement is needed, give some).  Pastor always reminds us to “live to give.”  It’s also true that we must remember to take care of ourselves in the midst of our giving, as I mentioned above.  Interestingly though, I love giving so much that it feels like I’m doing it for “me,” and I almost feel selfish for how good it makes me feel (Lol).  Giving is just good for everyone.  Always has been….always will be.

One of my old favorite ways to give of my time: I used to have the pleasure of assisting a couple different food pantries in the Nashville community.  Oh the memories!

7.  Try something new:  Whether it’s skydiving or a new recipe, never deprive yourself of adventure.  See new places….try new activities.  Again, meet some new people. If you cross off your entire bucket list….find some things to add to it.  A well rounded, well lived life never stops discovering, learning, exploring and enjoying.

Flying in a 6 seat plane was certainly a bucket list item for me.
Ziplining was also on my bucket list!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Though it may not be “new” to many….Florida was new to me last year. What a great first trip to Panama City!

 

 

 

8.  Celebrate and take in your success:   While we should never stop setting new goals, I think it’s equally important that we stop to celebrate and take in our successes.  Over the years, I had the “never stop setting goals” thing down, but I really didn’t have the celebrate and take it in thing down.  In fact, I never stopped, took in or celebrated any of it, period.  It became a “more, more, more” thing for me, which was certainly not God’s will for me.  I think when we don’t stop to simply take in success and be thankful, it becomes more difficult to be thankful in general.  If we simply see success and reaching a new level as the norm, rather than as a blessing, our thankfulness depletes.  In the long run, this non-stop pace causes passion to fade out and discontentment to fade in.  Then, guess what happens?  Total burnout.  Eventually the burnt out individual will wonder what they even really got out of all their hard work in the end.  They are likely to even question their calling and God-given talents if not careful.  Their success won’t feel lasting, and it won’t feel fulfilling.  Don’t ask me how I know.  I’m learning just like you…

9.   Live more, spend less:  The bible warns against a love of money.  It’s God’s design that we be good stewards and not be bound by lenders.  Materialism is everywhere in our culture.  It’s promoted in the magazines, on the internet, on our television screens, in the movies and everywhere we look.  Sadly, they don’t show us how it feels to struggle to put food on the table or to keep our lights on.  On that same note, it’s hard to experience new things and “live” with zero money to our names.  I believe that if we spend less, we will in the long run, live more.  Sometimes sacrifices have to be made and trade-offs have to happen, but it’s hard to truly live when we’re living far far beyond our means.  When nothing is changing financially, it’s time to look at what you can change:  Get it on sale, use the coupon, pray before making the large purchase, think before getting another credit card, wait to buy the new vehicle you’re not quite ready for and ask yourself if you’re financially in a good position to do what your heart is currently desiring.  Your future self will thank your current self for this. Again, don’t ask me how I know.  Also, remember, just because something is free or cheap doesn’t mean it isn’t fun and just because something is expensive doesn’t mean it is fun.  There are plenty of entertaining activities that don’t cost you your first born.  Don’t be afraid to pull out an old board game, to set up your corn hole boards, to cook at home or to re-watch a movie on your dusty DVD shelf, sometimes.  Oftentimes the best times are the most simple times.

Who says a fire pit at home can’t be more fun than a night out on the town?

 

 

And who says hitting golf balls on the farm with your dad can’t be a complete blast?

 

Oh…and playing games with your niece and nephew? That’s where it’s at.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10.  Seek first his kingdom:  “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33:  It all comes down this, folks.  If we seek first his kingdom, we don’t really have to worry about if we’re being “well-rounded” or not, because if we seek first his kingdom, he has a way of letting everything else fall into place.  When we put him first, we are blessed and highly favored:  Doors are opened, the wrong ones are closed, burdens are eased, direction is given and the right people and opportunities are introduced.  We just have to be willing to move our feet, to work hard, to be responsible and to joyfully go where he sends us.

Leading a well-rounded life starts and ends with Him.  It’s the only kind of life that fulfills.  Again, don’t ask me how I know….

When God speaks through rain

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment
When God speaks through rain

Dear Rain,

I have a confession.  I used to kind of hate you.  I used to feel incredibly annoyed nearly every time you started pouring down.

You always had a way of interfering with important events in my life.  You always had a way of messing up my already difficult hair.

I used to feel that you hated me right back.  You always had a way of pouring down during the best and the worst days of my life.

When I went through losses…..when I had job interviews…..when I needed to walk clear across campus without an umbrella….when I had to drive 450 miles in rush hour…..there you were.

When I planned (and then had to cancel) my first ever beach trip as an adult….AND every time I sat up for a yard sale……there you were.

You never really seemed to come visit me when I was laying home in bed snuggled under my covers.  I mean, of course you did sometimes, but during my all important events, that was always your favorite time to check in.

It didn’t matter if it was April, July or November….there you were.

When I had just endured a breakup, when I had a flat tire, when my master cylinder went completely out while driving, when I was doing door to door sales all by myself without a car close by, when I would go on 5 mile walks, when I had a modeling shoot, and when I was having the saddest day of my life….there you were.

Yes, in typical fashion, you showed up on the day we were shooting my book cover……. Here I am trying to protect my hair and makeup from your cruelty.

It didn’t matter if the sun was shining when I left or if the forecast had predicted you….there you were.

Frankly, it always kind of felt like insult to injury.  I was already going through hard times in my life.  I was chasing dreams, working multiple jobs and going through trials in nearly every area of my life…..but there you were.

I can recall one time (nearly a decade ago), I was home for a short break with family in Ohio.  You arrived just before I was set to head back to TN.  Because of you, I realized my tires had suddenly gotten really bad while driving through my hometown.

I slid through a stop light and went to the only tire shop open on that holiday.  They replaced my tires before that 450 mile drive.

I decided for five minutes that you just might have been my friend that day, because it was certainly better to realize my tire’s poor condition then, than in the midst of busy interstate traffic.

Still, life was hard, and you just kept pouring down on my drive back.  Why couldn’t you ever let me have one long drive without being so dramatic?

That day on the way back, I prayed, “Lord, in life, please help me to see the rainbow after the rain.”

Would you know that just minutes later (maybe even just a minute), a gorgeous full rainbow appeared in the sky?

It was beautiful, and I knew right then that God was with me.

Though that day was incredibly special, I still didn’t want to give you too much credit, rain.  You would inconvenience me again very soon.

I was right.

You continued to visit me during nearly every important life event following that day.  You messed up my hair, you made my makeup run down my face….and none of my umbrellas could withstand you.

And here’s the kicker?  You decided to even come visit me on my engagement day!  

My engagement day was CHRISTMAS EVE!  I mean, seriously?  Christmas Eve is supposed to bring snow….NOT rain….but there you were.

My fiance had scheduled a photo shoot for us on East Street Bridge that morning….but you just had to pour down.  Just to avoid you, we went inside Union Station Hotel for the photo shoot instead.  You made it in some of our pictures outside, but it’s not because I liked you or anything.

I guess you look kinda cool in this picture, but I’m still shielding my hair and makeup from you.

The photo shoot turned out absolutely beautiful, but I wasn’t going to give you any credit for that, rain.

How dare you try to interfere!?  What was next?  My actual wedding day?

Anyways, my new fiance and I drove back to his hometown to celebrate our engagement with his family…..as you continued to pour while he drove.

Then came time to plan my wedding.  I chose August for various reasons, but I hoped one of them was to avoid you.  August is usually a dry month after all.  You had interfered with too many happy times in my life, and you certainly weren’t going to interfere with the day a little girl dreams of her whole life.

I refused to book at any place that didn’t offer a completely indoor reception, just because of the heat and my previous relationship with you.

I did decide to tentatively book an outdoor ceremony (knowing it will only take about 15 minutes), but not without being assured I had a plan B and C.

Oh rain….don’t you dare.

Coming from a family of farmers and knowing droughts in general are not a good thing, I always had to appreciate you for that much.  And of course for the prevention of wild fires. But just that much. I couldn’t ever find much else to thank you for, however.  You never could water the crops when I was simply inside in my pajamas it seemed.

All through my early wedding planning, I found myself wishing against you.

But then a funny thing happened….

It was inauguration day for President Trump, and when he came to the platform to start his speech, you showed up.

Donald and I must have something in common, huh?  What’s your deal, rain?  Can’t a guy get inaugurated for the most important job in the country without you coming to interfere?

Well, Evangelist Franklin Graham came to the platform and said something I didn’t expect him to say:  “Mr. President, in the bible, rain, is a sign of God’s blessing….and it started to rain Mr. President as you came to the platform.”

Say WHAT!?  You are a sign of God’s blessing?

I had NEVER thought of you as a blessing.  I’ve been in church my whole life and somehow missed that whole concept.  It’s true though.  Ezekiel 34:26 says, “And I will make them and the places round about my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing.”

What’s more?  Rain is mentioned in at least 58 verses in the Bible.  Rain is actually very significant to God.

I guess this means I was kind of wrong about you.  Yes, you sometimes slow up traffic and make my day more difficult, but I really should have given you more credit.  I will from this day forward.  I just have one favor though:  If you do decide to show up on my wedding day, can you please show up right after the ceremony when we’re all inside for the reception?

Sincerely,

Learning to like you.

*******************

How often do we do this, friends?  How often do we just find the cursing instead of the blessing in the things around us?

How often are things not quite as they appear or seem?  How often do we misjudge a situation?  Pretty often in this girl’s world.

See, God has used rain to teach me something:  My perspective and perception is often incorrect.  When I feel God has left me, he’s closer to me than ever before.  When I feel the rain pouring down on me, I’m actually growing.  Nothing grows in a drought.  He was with me every step of the journey every day, even when it seemed dark and gloomy.  He was pouring his blessings on me, and I didn’t even know it.  Some of these big rains were even necessary to bring me to today.  They’ve made me stronger, more compassionate and better in many ways.

While I waited in the rain, I found true faith, growth, dreams, accomplishments and the right people.

Yes……I was being showered with God’s blessings, but up until recently, all I could see was wet frizzy hair, tired eyes and MY ruined plans.

God has a sense of humor.  If he can speak to Moses through a burning bush….he can certainly speak to this girl through rain.  He can speak to you too.  Just be willing to listen and willing to dance in the rain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chick Flicks Don’t Always Lie

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment
Chick Flicks Don’t Always Lie

God has a sense of humor.  I’ve known that for a good while now.  However, I’ve especially noticed it this past year.

For so long, I was basically single.  Yeah, I dated here and there.  Yeah, I almost always had a prospect of some sort.  Yeah, some of those prospects looked like they were going to go somewhere once or twice.  Still, there was something wrong with every situation I found myself in.  Nothing had run smoothly in that department for me since I was about 20 years old, and obviously that relationship ended as well.  As many of you know, my 20’s in the dating scene (in the entertainment scene at that), were so comical that I was inspired to write a book.

I called it “Chick Flicks Lie” and published it in 2014.  It wasn’t a confessional or a male bashing book.  I wrote it knowing it would forever be a part of me, so my tone and content would be very important.  I wanted it to be a book even my future husband could laugh at and be proud of.  It was how I coped with life turning out completely different than I had planned on.  It was how I laughed at myself.  And I hoped, it was how I made others laugh and feel understood.  I hope it still does that.

The truth was, that was a fun season in my life.  Chick Flicks Lie will most certainly live on.  It will always be a part of me.  It will always keep me humble and assure that I never forget the struggles I once faced.

It will always help me to keep a sensitive heart for other single women.  I will never stop relating to single independent women.

I sincerely hope my friends don’t just see me as “yet another girl” who just got engaged and is going to boast every step of her love life on social media.  I hope my engagement doesn’t bring more awareness to anyone’s singleness, but rather I hope it instead brings them hope.  I hope it brings them hope that even the writer of “Chick Flicks Lie” found her own love story.  I hope my engagement brings glory to God and what he can do.  I hope my friends realize if it happened for me just a little later in life, it can certainly happen for them too.

See, I knew what it was like to hang out in the single’s waiting room for much longer than I planned on.  It was partly by choice and partly not. I wasn’t running across the right situation, but I was kind of feeling ready to.

“It happens when you’re least expecting it,” they would say.

Man, I hated that cliche’.  I hated it so much I put it in my book as something us singles get tired of hearing.  But a funny thing happened.  That dang cliche came true for me.  Now, I find myself wanting to encourage other women with the line I once loathed.

Then, I tell myself:  “They’re not ready to hear it yet…..just like you weren’t ready to hear it then.  Tread carefully.”

Just like those who once encouraged me wanted me to see, I want to tell these strong singles that it will be okay.  I want to tell them that when “it” happens, it happens so smoothly and confidently that they will barely even know what’s happening.  They may feel like they’re in a dream for several months.  They may even feel like they’re still in that dream when they’re wearing an engagement ring and planning their wedding.

That’s where I’m at:  Feeling like I’m in a dream.  Still pinching myself that I got to my “someday.”  

Most days it’s just still hard to fathom that I met this guy at work in the late fall of 2015……and in just a little over 6 months, he’s going to be my husband.

I was literally in the midst of my little brother’s wedding at the time this man first entered my life.  It still feels like yesterday.  Just yesterday I had no one.  Today I have a fiance.

But “yesterday” (November 2015), I drove to Ohio with my sister and nothing in my personal world had changed, except that my younger sibling was getting married.  My dating life was still inconsistent and frankly dysfunctional.  I wasn’t digging the guy that I had been seeing.  As far as I was concerned, we were already completely done.  I didn’t want him to be the one.  I knew he wasn’t.  I knew he didn’t appreciate my heart for who I am.  I knew that it was only an attraction thing for him.  That wasn’t enough for me. I knew he was ultimately self-absorbed.  I knew it wasn’t going anywhere.  There I was on that single’s dance floor seeing if I could catch a bouquet.  It was all a continuation of my “Chick Flicks Lie” book.

I, the author, was simply continuing to live my own story.  I wasn’t crying though.  I was still laughing along the way (most days at least), just like I had encouraged my readers to do.  I knew I could already write a sequel, but had no plans to do so.

I had no idea that right about that time the following year, I’d be planning my own wedding with the handsome new guy I’d just met at work.  That very idea would have seemed completely incomprehensible to me at the time.

I thought I was getting another co-worker the day Kyle walked through our office doors.  He thought he was simply starting a new job in a new city.  The first few months nothing seemed especially significant between us.  I thought his smile was as cute as it gets, but there was no flashing neon signs saying he was “my one.”  We each thought the other was “nice” and “attractive,” but we certainly hadn’t communicated it.  We connected well during conversations, but at the time, they appeared to be more co-worker-like.  Looking back, there probably was a certain level of chemistry, but that happens sometimes between single guys and girls…..and then it never goes anywhere, ya know?

Funny enough, there was even a time period where I had the wrong perception of Kyle.  I didn’t yet recognize him as the man who would fall in love with my heart. I didn’t yet recognize him as the guy who would encourage me to continue my dreams…..or as the guy who stay on me about my recent lack of blogging.  It was unbeknownst to me that we would be the ultimate match and perfectly balance one another out. I had no idea he was exactly what I needed and that he would do all the above and so much more. I had no idea that God was doing a major work in both of our lives.

I didn’t know that another cliche’ I had always detested was also true:  “Sometimes what you’re looking for is right in front of you.”

Dang it….it happened to me.  It did.  I’m sorry, my dear readers.  This doesn’t invalidate my whole book or my Chick Flicks Lie concept though.  Stay with me for just a little longer please.

Chick Flicks continue to lie when they sell us an effortless, perfect journey to the aisle and beyond.

Kyle and I have to work at things just like you and your significant other do.  We work through the hard stuff and we get stronger from it.  We talk things out and keep it real.

I have no desire to post gigantic paragraphs each and every day about every detail of our relationship on social media.  He knows I love and appreciate him, because I tell him I do.  I know he loves and appreciates me, because he tells me he does.  We don’t just say it though.  We show it.  We have nothing to prove, and we’re not trying to keep up with the Jones.  We’re simple and subtle, but very much in love, whether we continually tell others that or not.

He’s never had to chase my plane down the tarmac like we see in our beloved Chick Flicks, but in our own less dramatic version….he has.

He may not grab his guitar and sing to me while I listen from my balcony (I don’t have a balcony first of all)…..but he has personally expressed himself to me in ways that top any chick flick out there.  You know, it’s the fun, real, goofy type of stuff when we’re on the interstate and he’s streaming and singing to his playlist?  That’s real life….and it’s beautiful.

Now, when he gives me gifts?  Yes, it really kind of is like something out of a Chick Flick.  The guy got me my dream ring after all.

My point is though, our overall reality is imperfect, but completely perfect for us.

Hollywood has a lot of great stories, but our story is my new favorite.

It’s not about a certain image, a bank account or fancy things…..it’s about how someone makes you feel when you’re with them.

When I think about Kyle, I think about how comfortable, secure, accepted, loved and transparent I feel.

I think about the fact that I feel just as pretty and as wanted by him whether I’m dolled up in a fancy gown or dressed down with zero makeup on.

I think about the fact that I’d usually rather just cook at home with him, than go out to the hottest date spots in town.

I think about the fact that I feel on cloud 10 watching the ID channel or a football game with him.

And I think about the fact that I don’t always have to be on que, or talking or have something overly significant to tell him.  I think about the fact that our silent moments are just as good as our conversational ones.

Look for these things, friends.

To my friends who are still single, all I can tell you is trust in God’s perfect timing, stay strong, live it up where you are today and stay open.  Don’t harden your heart or build walls of steel.  Yes, be slow to trust.  Yes, let someone earn their place, but don’t let fear get in the way of what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.  Be open to the possibility of dating someone different than who you have normally dated.

For me, a hardworking co-worker and law student was that “different.”  The right kind of different.  The analytical, responsible, driven, organized, planner, type.  For you, “different” might look like something else.

And by all means, my beautiful singles, keep on envisioning the day when you finally meet your other half.  Don’t be afraid to wonder if you’ve already met him.  Yes, chick flicks really do lie…..quite often in fact.  But, chick flicks don’t always lie.  I’m living proof.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus, Love, Tolerance & America: The Unpopular Truth

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , 6 Comments
Jesus, Love, Tolerance & America: The Unpopular Truth
Alright….it’s time we just cut to the chase here.  I’ve been gone from this blog for far too long.
Go ahead and get mad at me, but God has really been placing some things on my heart:  Some things that are going to be considered unpopular in the eyes of the world.
I’ve hesitated to post this blog because Facebook (and the internet in general), is becoming such a war zone, and I HATE conflict.  However, after days (actually months) of not obeying him on sharing these words, I’m going to now.
In fact, I’m going to start blogging more. I started this “Strong With Holly Marie Tong” blog months back out of obedience to him, and I must confess I got lazy. I knew specifically what God was leading me to do with it, but I was afraid: Afraid of losing friends, afraid of saying the unpopular thing, etc.
 
……But today? I feel completely convicted. I know I’ve been putting it off. I know I’ve lacked boldness. I know it’s time for me to step up to the plate. So here’s just a small, small sample of what’s been on my mind:
 
No one is perfect and we all have our struggles. I know I don’t deserve God’s grace. I’m thankful for it every day.  <—- Let’s establish that first.
We’re all a work in progress and America is one big construction site. Let’s just remember who is in the center of it all.
I guess I’m just baffled by how deceived so many people currently are. There’s so much twisted logic. I see so much being “added” to God’s word and “taken away” from God’s word, as I scroll through the Facebook newsfeed, watch TV, read articles and just listen to people talk.
 
It’s one thing to struggle with sin (as we all do), but it’s quite another to ignore what the word says completely, to praise sin, to encourage sin and to flat out promote it. Whether I “like” EVERYTHING the word tells me to do or to not do….and whether I even always “do” everything it tells me to do or not to do..I *still* know what it says. WHY is this becoming such a hard concept for believers suddenly? I’m not even referring to non-believers here. I’m referring to believers.
 
Also, this tolerance stuff that is CONSTANTLY being preached:  In God’s word, we are 110% told to love one another.  Make no mistake. Love was what Jesus mentioned most in the Bible. YES! 110% yes…..but as part of that love, he NEVER said, “and please ignore the rest of my word, please trust everyone you meet without question and while you’re at it….make sure you praise and glorify false religions which are contrary to my word.”
 
Listen folks, we can 110% LOVE without agreeing with people or praising things contrary to the word.  We can also love without automatically trusting every single person we meet.  The Bible also tells us to be careful of the company we keep and to go to him for wisdom. Disagreeing with someone or calmly pointing to what the word says does NOT equal “hate.”  In fact, the word “hate” is becoming WAY overused. The media has fueled this and has loved every minute of it.  I think it is one of satan’s most clever schemes that these lines get blurred and that we mix all this up.  I think it is one of his most clever schemes that our loving Jesus suddenly appear as a tolerant Jesus who gladly tolerates sin and false teachings.  This is not the case, friends.  If you don’t believe me, please get into the word as I’ve had to.
 
I’ve heard my Pastor often say the reason God is so against sin is BECAUSE HE LOVES US and he’s against anything that hurts his children. With that thought in mind, are we REALLY loving someone when we encourage or praise them on the wrong path? A path that’s leading to destruction?
 
(IE – If I have a close friend that tells me they’ve decided they don’t need God, and they begin cheating on their spouse and lying to their children….is is really “love” if I tell them that I support them 110% in what they’re doing, all while knowing they’re on the path of destruction?)
 
Sure, we need to be extremely careful in how we handle one another. More often than not, I usually don’t “call out” anyone, unless they’re a very close friend of mine and we keep one another accountable.  Many times I just show kindness, try to be a positive example and hope I get through in some way. However, I also certainly don’t encourage people to live it up on a destructive path either. I can’t do that in good conscience. If anyone were to ask me how I feel about any given topic, I’m going to lovingly be honest with them. I believe that’s what we’re supposed to do. Oftentimes, the “opening” never quite happens, but when it does, that’s our chance to point to God’s word. And since GOD IS LOVE….kindly pointing them to his word is what I consider “love.”  If I’m out of line, I want to be told I’m out of line.  I’m glad my closest friends can be honest with me, rather than praise my sins!
I also keep noticing that some of the “love” and “tolerance” posters on social media….just happen to be the ones spewing the most hate and intolerance.  They’re the ones constantly posting, while some of us who truly do love others, but simply completely disagree, sit back and feel like we’re being lectured for simply believing the Bible.
 
It reminds me of Madonna’s recent speech: “I’ve really thought about blowing up the White House……….But I choose love.”
 
Let’s be clear about another thing too: Referencing the Bible is not “hate speech”…never has been, never will be. If you want to believe what the word says about “love”….then why don’t some of you believe anything else it says?  It’s as if a marker has scribbled out everything, except the word “love,” for some of you.
 
Just for the record:  This post is NOT directed towards any one single person. I have a wide variety of people on my newsfeed from all over the place and my head currently hurts from reading far too many statuses. For months, I’ve been holding back on posts like this.  As I conclude this blog, I see that I have 2,085 friends.  I fully expect to see that number decrease when I hit share….but you know what?  That’s okay.  I know my inner circle, and I know that those who truly love me will stick around.
 
For those of you that don’t like this…guess what? I’ve seen your relentless posts for MONTHS.  I haven’t agreed with many of you, but I’ve scrolled on past. I’ve continued to show you love and respect by not arguing with you and by continuing to treat you the same as I always have.  The question is, will you show me the same?
 
Those of you that keep preaching love, but yet appear to “hate” our president: Just remember while preaching love and tolerance that love and tolerance should also be available for people who actually support President Trump. Love and tolerance should also be extended to Christians who believe in the whole Bible.
 
Phew….That’s enough for tonight.  Just know that I’m BACK!  Stayed tuned for my next upcoming blog.

Treat everything like “new”

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

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“Treat everything like new….and nothing will ever get old.”

Those are the words God placed in my spirit as I climbed into my 2013 Honda CRV yesterday.  Then, I let him deal with me a little more.  Though my car is 3 going on 4 years old, I need to continue to treat it as if it’s new.  I need to especially treat it as new since I’m planning on being car payment free for years to come.  If my car is still looking, driving and feeling great, I’ll be less tempted to trade it in before needed. He’s been telling me to love and care for that vehicle like I did on day one of owning it, but today, he asked me to treat everything as if it’s new.

He placed it on my heart that when we stop treating our blessings as new, it’s possible that we’re subconsciously being a little less thankful than we ought to be.  Maybe this only applies to me, but I was thinking about how sometimes the newness of my possessions wear off for me. When that newness wears off, I can take things for granted, if not careful.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I consider myself a very thankful person.  However, if I’m ALWAYS being as thankful as I can be, why do I eventually get a little careless over time? I always love that new car when I first get it.  I’m washing it, sweeping it, and taking it in for regular maintenance before it’s even time.  But then, I’ve had a habit of gradually caring about it just a little less.  Gradually it gets a little messier.  Gradually I cut down on the washing and the sweeping.  Maybe I’ll go over just a little more on those regular maintenance suggestions than what I did in the beginning.  Then, as the new body styles come out….I kind of wish I had the newer look instead.

It’s not just my car.  Even the newness of my home has worn off just a little.  It’s 2,125 square feet to clean, and unfortunately it doesn’t clean itself.  It wasn’t long after I moved in that it was time to replace a lot of its original amenities.  It looked so new when I moved in.  Now, when I look around, it seems a little older than that first time I walked through it with stars in my eyes.  I love it, and I’m beyond thankful, but that ungrateful attitude occasionally creeps in.

God didn’t stop there though.  I could probably be even more careful with the laptops and iPhones he provides me with.  I need to keep up with the necessary updates and the virus protections.  I should take good care of my screens and clean them regularly.  I need to treat them like new.

And why do I stop putting my glasses in their case?  I’m simply inviting scratches and damages.

Why does my new purse eventually fill up with receipts and other junk?

Why do I start out so excited about a new side business venture, and then just kind of stop working at it?  “Finish what you start,” is another thing He’s dealing with me on, but that’s a whole separate blog in itself.

The point is this, my friends:  When we start getting careless with anything, we’re in the danger zone of unthankfulness, whether we realize it or not.  Someone out there would LOVE to have what we’ve already grown tired of.  When we get careless, stop nurturing and start getting lazy with our regular maintenance, we’re also shortening the lifespan of things that could possibly last longer.  In the long run, it’s that attitude that causes us more time, money and trouble.  In the long run, we are not really being the best steward we can be.

What about your job?  Treat it like it’s new.  Treat it like it pays you double the salary you actually receive.  Someone out there is praying for a job half as good as yours.

Your friendships?  Treat them like they’re new.  Someone out there wishes they had a supportive friend like yours.

Your family?  Treat them like they’re new.  Your children might be driving you crazy, but someone out there is praying to have just one child.

Your rescue dog?  Treat him like he’s new.  He still looks at you as if you’re new.  It’s that same love he felt for you when you rescued him from that lonely kennel of uncertainty. I guarantee it.

Your relationship?  Treat it like it’s new.  I certainly can’t speak for everyone.  In my situation though, I know there’s plenty of women out there that would love to have someone as handsome, sweet, driven, smart, loyal and responsible as my guy.  Therefore, I always want to be thankful without waiver.

I have to honestly say I’ve always treated my relationship, loved ones and my dog as if they’re new.  I may stumble in the “treating possessions like they’re new” area, but I always remain very dedicated to the people in my life.  Even if I sometimes get bad at picking up the phone, my love and loyalty remains the same.  It seems to be a strength of mine, and I pray it stays one.

Interestingly enough, my romantic relationship is part of what inspired me to start treating everything else as if it’s new.  Yes, that’s right.  My boyfriend is so much better at this “treat everything like its new” thing than I am. He takes really good care of everything he owns:  His car, his suits, his sunglasses, his work space, his flash drives and pretty much everything else. I love that about him. He’s been teaching me the “treat everything like its new” concept without even realizing it.  Best of all?  He treats me like I’m new to his life…but we’re of course increasingly more comfortable and know each other on a much deeper level than the beginning of our relationship.  Still, he continues to make me feel just as special and cared about as day one….actually even more so now.

Let the bible be your guide concerning your own relationship.  It says a whole lot about love, loyalty and commitment.  If you need wisdom in this area, just ask God, and he will be glad to give it to you.  (James 1:5)

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Yes, many possessions and jobs (NOT good, loyal, committed people) eventually need replacing….but it seems that the longer we treat something as new, the better the chance we stand at it lasting longer (in some cases, forever).  The better we treat anything, the more fulfilling it will be.  Even if something grows too old to keep, we probably made it last longer if we always treated it as new.  The possession may have grown old in years, but it doesn’t have to grow old in our hearts.  If we loved it enough, we’ll dread the day it needs replaced.  We also simply remain more thankful for those possessions and opportunities whether we realize it or not.  Now, don’t hear me wrong here.  I’m certainly NOT  encouraging materialism.  I’m actually encouraging an attitude of thankfulness, appreciation and contentment with what He’s already blessed us with.

When we treat everything as if it’s new….it never gets old.

 

 

 

Key verse:  (In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you).  -1 Thessalonians 5:18

 

10 Free & Easy Ways to Improve Your Life

hollymarietong Personal Growth, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
10 Free & Easy Ways to Improve Your Life

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Instant gratification.  It’s easy to think we can have it these days.  After all, we happen to live in a swipe right, click the mouse and order it up kind of world.  However, general life is often more of a waiting game.  When we become preoccupied with reaching a destination rather than the journey itself, we deprive ourselves of living in the moment.  We miss the lesson, and we ultimately miss the blessing.  Life’s storms have a way of raging on from time to time.  Maybe you feel like you’re trapped in a reoccuring storm, and you can’t see an end in sight.  To my knowledge, there isn’t any such thing as a storm that lasts forever.

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Sometimes there just isn’t any easy fix or clear answer to life’s trials.  Sometimes we just have to endure the storm, let it pass and learn from it.  Sometimes we just don’t have the time, the money, the people or the resources to get to where we want to be, when we want to get there.  However, it is important to remember that delays don’t mean denials.  Likewise, limitations don’t mean one needs to be hopeless. Bad days don’t make for a bad life. While life may currently be traveling at slow pace on an unknown winding road, there are free and easy ways we can improve our lives in the moment.  No, we may not get instant gratification, but we can get instant improvement:

  1. Give it to God.  Call it cliche, but I simply cannot publish a blog post about improving one’s life without making this #1 on the list.  Over and over again his word says, “do not fear.”  Over and over in my life, he’s proven himself faithful.  He wants to carry our burdens for us and give us peace in the midst of life’s storms.  His word never does promise that we’ll be without trials.  In fact, it assures us that we will face trials.  However, we are also assured that through our trials we develop perseverance and character.  The good Lord also promises to give wisdom to those who ask for it.  (James 1, 1 Peter 5:7, Proverbs 3:5-6 and Exodus 14:13-14 are some of my favorite scriptures to remember during uncertain times).fullsizerender-28
  2. Get organized.  This may sound insignificant to some, but for me personally, it’s very significant.  I’m still a work in progress in this area, but the more organized I become, the better I feel.  I’ve never found anything good to come out of disorganization, but I’ve always found something good to come out of organization.  Being disorganized wastes time and money, while simply creating unneeded stress.  Even when life feels “messy”…..I feel just a little better knowing I have an organized home, car and work space.  img_2080
  3. Purge and get rid of things you don’t need.  The older I get, the more I hate clutter.  God began dealing with me concerning clutter a few years ago.  For six weeks of my l life, I ended up in a situation where I had to live with “less.”  While I stayed between friend’s homes, I had a little amount of “stuff” with me.  I was able to focus more on people and the things of God.  I realized I had enough, and I didn’t miss all the stuff back at my apartment.  I then moved all that junk to my new home, but let me tell you, it wasn’t long before I did the biggest closest cleaning of my life.  I recruited my sister and opinionated guy friend to act like judges on the “What not to wear,” show.  I told them to be brutal during my “fashion show.” By the time they were done saying things like, “you don’t need that,” “that’s hideous,” and “what were you thinking when you bought that,” my closet was about 50% lighter.  I’m still working on purging, but I’d say I’ve downsized my possessions by at least 25% since buying my new home.  Purging is also great, because you have the options of giving these items to someone in need or selling them to make money…..or both.  If part of your issue is finances, sometimes a nice secondary income can happen by simply selling things you don’t need.  Ebay and yard sales is where it’s at, friends. Ever since God placed the words, “where there is clutter, there is no clarity,” in my spirit…I’ve been taking this whole decluttering thing pretty serious.fullsizerender-32
  4. Avoid drama and toxic people.  Although this may seem like common sense, it’s a common struggle area for many.  Myself included.  I’ve heard it said, “show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Just one toxic person in a boat is all it takes to sink it.  Though there will always be invites to various theatrical performances, we don’t have to attend them.  Instead of RSVP’ing with a “yes,”….remember you have the “no” option.  We also don’t have to suit up for every battle we’re invited to.  Failure to choose battles wisely will end up resulting in constant combat.fullsizerender-11
  5. Surround yourself with positive people and good things.  As an antonym to #4, positivity and good inner circles bring good things.  Positive people and positive environments not surprisingly bring encouragement, support and inspiration, which eventually results in good outcomes.fullsizerender-19
  6. Give away whatever it is that you’re needing.  Need a hug?  Give one. Want a friend?  Be one.  Want love?  Love someone.  When we give away whatever it is we’re needing, we somehow end up more blessed than we would have if we had simply received without giving.  Giving.  It’s good for the soul.  Always has been.  Always will be.cropped-blog.home_.3.jpg
  7. Let go of what you can’t change.  Refusing to let go of what one cannot change is about as useless as shattered glass.  We can’t fix it no matter how much we discuss it, rehearse it and overthink it.  If we’ve done all we can do to make right our wrongs, we’ve done all we can do.  This ties back to #1……give it to God.fullsizerender-15
  8. Rid yourself of bitterness.  I’ve heard it said that holding a grudge is basically letting someone live rent free in one’s head.  It ultimately affects the offended more than the offender.  Like disorganization, I’ve never known of anything good to come from bitterness. Bitterness was created by the devil.  Don’t forget his mission is to steal, kill and destroy.  Hang on to that bitterness, and rest assured, all it will do is steal, kill and destroy you.  Break free and never look back.fullsizerender-36
  9. Be responsible.  If life is already hitting hard, the biggest mistake one can make is to be irresponsible.  Completely neglecting finances and obligations, while taking on a lifestyle of recklessness and carelessness will always result in negative consequences.  Playing catch up results in a lot of clean up, which results in more unnecessary stress.  fullsizerender-7
  10. Be grateful for what you do have.  As simple as it sounds, counting blessings makes all the difference.  When we look at what we do have instead of what we don’t have, it creates an attitude of thankfulness.  Thankfulness is a sibling to contentment.  Though God wants to bless each and every one of us, he doesn’t want us to forget the ways in which we’re already blessed.  Don’t like your current job?  How about you start by writing down ten things you like about the job you do have?  For starters….do they pay you?  Want a new car simply because yours is old and boring?  How about the fact that it runs and you no longer have a car payment?  Did you wake up this morning?  How about that bed and roof over your head?

 

There is always something to be thankful for……always.  Never lose hope.  Always look to him…..the author and the finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).  We can choose peace and joy, while we wait on the vision and the harvest (Habakkuk 2:3 and Galatians 6:9).  He always sees us through, and he always will.

 

Be there for everyone (but don’t let everyone be there for you)

hollymarietong Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

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“Be there for everyone……but don’t let everyone be there for you.”

What does this mean you might ask?

Though this statement may initially sound negative or anti-social, it’s actually just the opposite.  Let me explain.  I’m not at all encouraging us to shut everyone out.  I’m not suggesting we be anti-social, form cliques or live in constant fear that every person we meet is going to hurt us.

The Bible tells us over and over to love one another.  Therefore, it’s our job to help out our fellow humans when we can.  When living a spirit-led life God will speak to us in a variety of ways concerning other people.  Sometimes he may ask us to be a listening ear.  Sometimes he may ask us to hand a struggling stranger that $10 bill in our back pocket.  He also expects us to be respectful, trustworthy and genuine to the people we meet.

One thing God doesn’t instruct us to do, however, is to share every single detail of our lives with every person we meet.  Sometimes we’re meant to be there for someone, but just maybe that person is not meant to be there for us.  Sometimes they need us more than we need them.

Just because you’re genuine, loyal and trustworthy doesn’t mean you can’t sometimes be there for a person who doesn’t quite share your qualities.  Don’t let them be there for YOU though.  You can do one without doing the other.  Just do it as led and hear God on it.  Stay wise in the process.

Still not following me?  Well, to be completely transparent, I’m at the point where I have thousands of acquaintances.  Many, many of these acquaintances I have are incredible people.  They’re the kind of people that I wish I could know better.  However, the reality is, I can’t share my life on a deep level with everyone.  Honestly, I don’t think any of us are meant to.  God knows if I shared the deep details of my life with EVERY acquaintance I have, I would not only have zero time for those closest to me, but I would also have some unnecessary drama.  He knows that in general I’d be spread really really thin.

I’d also receive a lot of conflicting advice from a lot of conflicting viewpoints.  Therefore, I would end up conflicted and confused.  Once we reach that point of confusion, we can rest assured, we have sought worldly counsel instead of God’s counsel.

How do I know?  I know because for the longest time I tried to be a close friend with as many people as possible.

The result?  I got burnt, felt overwhelmed and just really exhausted.

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The thing is…..God never asked me to try to have a large quantity of deep friendships.  He did begin speaking to me about quality of friendships, however.

God wants us to be loving to all at all times…..but I believe he also wants us to be wise.  There’s a difference between the two.  We can be completely open, personable, approachable and even transparent on a healthy level, without revealing every single personal detail to everyone.

So back to “be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”

If God puts a hurting person in our paths, by all means, I believe we are supposed to be there for them.  I absolutely believe we are to lovingly listen to them and to give them biblical advice if they’re there for advice.  Also, I believe that unless they are wanting to harm themselves or someone else, we should keep it confidential.  Their lives are not a reality show, and it’s wrong to gossip about another person’s struggles.

It goes back to Luke 6:31:  “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

If said person confided in you, please be thankful that they see you as someone they can trust and keep your lips sealed.  Then pray for them, encourage them when they pop up or you feel led.  They may keep coming back to you.  They may not.  If you handled them in a Christ-like manner, your positive seeds have been sown and God WILL allow something good to come out of your counsel and your friendship to them.

You may not ever get to witness that good…..but God knows what that good will be and how and when it will play out.

Sometimes we’re just meant to plant a seed.  Sometimes we’re meant to encourage someone long-term.  Sometimes we’re an answer to a person’s prayers for that hour, that day, that week, that month, that year, that decade or that lifetime.  Only God knows which it will be.

Sometimes God puts this struggling person in our lives for a season….a few seasons…..or a lifetime.  I’ve had all types come my way, and I’m just 32.  I wonder how many will be there my whole life.  I wonder how many will pop up again.

Sometimes I’ll find myself wondering what happened to said person.  Sometimes my heart will get a little sad remembering an old random friendship.

“I really thought that person and I would be friends for a lifetime, but we haven’t really talked in four years,” I’ll think.

“I guess life just got busy, and they’ve got other responsibilities now.”

“I guess when someone moves 2,000 miles away, things do change.”

“I briefly remember her, but my memory is fading.”

“It’s funny how we were inseparable for a month, but we just kinda lost touch.”

I can honestly say that 99.9% of my dwindled friendships occur simply because of life.  There’s that 0.1% that ended due to realizing the loyalty or the confidentiality wasn’t reciprocated, but mostly, they dwindle because of life itself.

After watching countless friendships drift apart over the years simply due to seasons of life, busyness or geographical distance, I found myself frustrated.  I also found myself frustrated with that 0.1% where I had trusted and wasn’t paid the same respect in return.

I became tempted to close myself off….and to not let anyone in….but God dealt with me and he still is.

Today, I’m very content with a loving inner circle.  I know who is in my boat.  I know that not everyone belongs in my boat.  I’m not excluding those who are not necessarily in my boat.  I’m all about including them and inviting them into small areas of my life.  I’m certainly all about being a trusting friend to them.

I don’t play the favoritism game, and I’m not bias.  I’ve just had to learn how to be wise.

He’ll never ask you to keep someone in your boat who is trying to sink your boat.  He’ll never ask you to keep around toxic relationships or friendships that steal your joy.

It’s okay to have an inner circle.  In fact, I think that’s very smart.  Just make sure it’s not a closed off clique.  Make sure others feel loved and included.

When we’re showing love and being there for everyone who God places in our path in some small way….we’re doing our jobs.  He never asks us to overexert, to give them ALL our time or to neglect our trusted inner circles in the process.

“Be there for everyone…..but don’t let everyone be there for you.”