Personal Growth

“My Times Are In Your Hands”: Modestly Managing “Mommy Madness”

hollymarietong Encouragement, Motherhood, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
“My Times Are In Your Hands”: Modestly Managing “Mommy Madness”
Photo Credit: Veri Ivanova

I don’t know about you, but I often struggle to believe that time is my friend.  I often struggle to believe that the load I’m carrying is even currently manageable…..or worse – Is it even sustainable in the long run? I’ve learned the hard way that I cannot control much of anything at all, despite my best efforts to do so.

The truth is:  Most days it’s a struggle to get even 15 minutes to sit and breathe.  It doesn’t help that my mind is programmed to believe that productivity is vital at all times.  The biggest problem is, I get overwhelmed by my massive to-do list.  I get so overwhelmed that nothing gets done at all.  For every big task I get done, two unexpected ones get added.  If I do get 10 minutes to try to tackle any given task, I either end up with a phone call, an unexpected favor that’s been asked of me…..or maybe, I catch my two year old coloring on the walls yet again. Yes.  Think of “Harold and the Purple Crayon.”  That’s our current situation, and then some.  Little man always seems to find those writing utensils no matter where I store them (of course he gets into everything else right now, too).  He’s a joyful tornado, if you can imagine that.

And the mess.  It’s everywhere.  I mean, everywhere.  Our bar area is covered by random knick-knacks, pages ripped out of books, loose change, pens that don’t work and buttons that have popped off.  You’ll also find random chargers, hair ties, clippers, broken toys and owner’s manuals.  And let’s not forget the stack of papers I still need to read, analyze, sign, return, file, etc. And the laundry obnoxiously piles up before I can even put away the last load.  If I were to detail everything I’m behind on, this blog would turn into a boring book.  It all looks and feels embarrassing if I’m fully honest.

“I’ll get to it tomorrow,” I tell myself.

This full-time working outside the home AND as a stay-at-home mom, “life,” is exhausting to put it mildly.  And only those closest to us truly know everything my current life entails AND demands.  But, I also know, 20 years from now, I’ll be glad I fully took on “the hard,” instead of running from it.

And, I really, really do try.  I’m trying to be disciplined, but the messes, and “the messages” on my phone, computer and mailbox often hit me like a ton of bricks.  I often feel like the average day brings a lot of “unexpected nonsense” which keeps me from the bigger priorities.

……..Anyone else feel that way?

And….I’ve always heard, “chase 2 rabbits, and both get away.” Many days I feel like I have 200 rabbits on the go and 100 fires burning.  And, while trying to figure out which one to attend to first, I get overwhelmed and give up.   If my head were a computer, I’d have 200 tabs open and running at all times.  “Which priority is the BIGGEST priority?” is a question I silently ask myself often.

And, I’ve been trying so hard to maximize my time.  I’ve been trying to work with what I DO have for time, instead of dwelling on what I don’t have for time.  I’ve had to learn to be creative.  I’ve had to learn to spot “not-so-obvious, opportunities” for time with God, time to catch a breath. Every school pickup turns into a “prayer drive” afterwards.  I grab a coffee, a quencher or a smoothie for me, and two dairy-free smoothies for the kiddos.  We drive down that beautiful side road on our way home, as if it’s our first time looking at those gorgeous mountains in the distance.  We pray, we worship, we reflect.  This is how I want them to know me.  Sure, mommy probably lost her patience earlier that day, and may be on the struggle bus again that night….but, I want them to know that praise and worship is what I’ll always return to.

Yes.  As hard as it may be –  I’m trying really hard to give God my first 15 minutes of the day (which is Clara’s drive to school M-F), my middle of the day 15 (or a full hour), and my last 15.  I find my last 15 to be the most challenging.  Give God your first 15 and your last 15 was pre-marital counseling advice Kyle and I received from the fabulous Rob Simms of Joy Church.  I haven’t always abided by this priceless advice, but I also have never forgotten it either.  I always eventually default back to this goal.  I find it to be so key.

I recently heard another pastor say, “if you speak about lack of time, you’ll have lack of time.”

I recall another saying, “I’m too busy to NOT spend time with God.”

And so, I’m trying.  I listen to church services and/or inspirational videos while I fold the laundry, wash dishes or shower.  Sitting and waiting on my car to receive its maintenance is now basically a spa day for me.  I now see the smallest openings as opportunities vs. a lack of time.

As I write this blog, I’m multi-tasking both kids.  Weston thinks we are playing pickleball together.  So in between each sentence, I’m literally serving the ball as far as I can across the house.  I take my free 30 seconds before he returns the ball, to write another sentence or form another thought.

((Please Lord…..help this blog entry to make sense.  Help it to not have 101 errors that I don’t even have time to spot before I hit the publish button)).

So, yes.  I’m trying to clean, declutter, organize, execute, and be a whole lot to a lot of people these days.

BUT…..

Despite the mess, despite the chaos….the good Lord meets me right there in the midst of it.  Every time.  He’s right there with me as I’m literally running through the living room obstacle course of random junk, trying not to trip.  He’s right there with me, as I’m launching both kids into their car seats knowing I don’t have any time to spare.  And, he’s right there with me as I’m behind that slow-moving dump truck that is going to make me 2 minutes late for that important appointment.  And when I ask him the best alternative route when I come upon that train that’s stopped on the tracks…..he is faithful to remind me of the best way to get 45 minutes away, on time.  He’s right there with me when I feel exhausted, defeated, unheard….and right there when I experience life’s victories too.

He is always faithful.  But, I’m still learning to remember, “My times are in your hands.”

But I know it’s true.  I know that even when I feel like I don’t have time, I can be assured that he will provide me with time…even if it looks like more multitasking again.  He will maximize what I do have.  He’s the captain of this ship after all.  The less manageable and sustainable this feels, the more I lean on him.  The more I know I need to trust him, to be my strength, to be my guide, and to be the one who goes before me.  The more I remember when he says:  “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

And sometimes I simply have to remind myself:  He can do more in 15 minutes than I can do in 15 years.  He can turn it all around in the blink of an eye.

Again, our times are in his hands…..and his hands have never failed…..and they never will.

**************************

((Key verses)):

My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. (Psalm 31:15)

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.  (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.  The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:8-9)

6 Goal Setting Approaches in 2021: Vision, Consistency, Discipline & Accountability

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
6 Goal Setting Approaches in 2021: Vision, Consistency, Discipline & Accountability

I have a confession:  I’m great at setting goals, but I’m not always great at following through.  What good is a goal if you don’t follow through?  The answer is, not any good, right?  So, why do so many of us (I’m not saying you), lack consistency and discipline in these areas?  Now, I’m not saying I get completely out of control or completely abandon my goals.  I am saying though that I have the habit of allowing old habits, thinking patterns and “busy work” to get in the way.  I can be bad about wasting time, saying “no,” scrolling through pointless social media posts and just simply being lazy.  Sometimes my focus simply isn’t good.  Some moments I can be the, “Oh hey! Look there’s a squirrel,” kind of girl.  The funny thing about my lazy and unfocused moments?  I’m not actually relaxed in them even if I’m sitting there with my feet up, because I’m mostly thinking of all I have left undone.  Wouldn’t it be easier to just get up and do what needs to be done?  I think so.

Now, that’s not to say that consistency and discipline is always as easy as it sounds.  Life gets in the way.  I know with me personally – I have dealt with some non-life-threatening physical health challenges this past year – some challenges that make me tired and cause my mind to shift at times.  Even so, I’m reminded that first having a healthy mindset is everything.  If I’m not spiritually and mentally healthy, it’s extra challenging to be physically healthy.  There are things I can change, but then there are things I cannot change.  Getting to know the difference has been an interesting learning experience to say the least.  And then, learning to plan after that, has been extra interesting.

However, I got just what I needed this weekend:  I received that much-needed “revelation push” after listening to our youth pastor speak yesterday.  The message is called, “Unfazed,” and I am linking it so that you have the chance to listen as well.  I cannot even possibly begin to give a summary of the message in a way that will do it justice. In short (and what inspired me to write this blog), Pastor Rob was talking about unmet goals and not getting to where we want to be in life.  He reminded us to not allow ourselves to go to a place of assuming God has forgotten us.  He spoke about how we can wear ourselves out while aiming at an unclear bullseye.  He suggested that maybe our targets are simply too vague.  Maybe we kind of sort of put a goal in place, but maybe the “what I want” isn’t really all that specific.  Maybe there needs to be more clarity attached to it. Maybe we don’t always know exactly what we are really aiming for.  That one hit me hard.

As an example, he was talking about a woman he knew that went from misery to a world-renowned speaker.  She used to be the type that would write out some goals, put them in her drawer and forget about them.  Subsequently, nothing ever changed. However, when she wrote down 4 or 5 very direct and specific goals she had in her life, and actually followed through:  It was life-changing for her.  Sure, I’ve written down goals before and somewhat follow through to some level…..but my ultimate goals tend to get lost in the shuffle.  The results are never quite was I hoping for.

So, I have made a decision.  Here is what I’m going to do going forward. Feel free to join me if you want to:

  1.  I already wrote down 5 goals that are important to me in the year 2021.  WRITING THEM DOWN is the first step.  For you, it may be 3 or 4 goals for the year.  It can differ from person to person. For me personally, these 5 goals are not over-the-top, difficult goals.  They are actually quite simple.  Without getting too personal, I’m going to say that these goals are faith, family, health, career and “to-do-list” related.  But I didn’t want to miss Pastor Rob’s point, so I got VERY specific on each one.  I wrote down everything from the goal of the number of “date nights” I want one-on-one with Kyle this year, to a realistic number of “creative playtime with Clara” that I want to aim for each day.  Under each “goal overview,” I made some very specific subpoints.  Example 1 for you could be:  Growing in my faith.  But then,  you have to ask yourself what growing in your faith looks like, and what it needs to consist of.  So maybe sub-point A) could say:  Give my first 15 minutes and last 15 minutes of my day to God.  (Yes, this is first on my list, in case you’re curious.  Pastor Rob and Pastor Jim have long taught this principle, and I believe it is truly life-changing and can determine everything).  B) may be:  Do the 52 week bible plan, or it could be, begin physically attending church regularly again, or it may be watch a live-stream every Wednesday night this year.  It could look different for different people.  Maybe you don’t need sub-points like me.  Maybe yours is straight to the point from the get-go.  Maybe it is is simply, “attend church every Sunday this year.”  Whatever works for you, do it. 
  2. Put your goals on display in a place where you will regularly look at them. It may be in your calendar….it may be on your mirror.  To keep it simple, you may want to two lists:  One with with your overviews and sub-points in your calendar or Bible, and then maybe your simple “straight-to-the-point” list on your mirror, so that you remember your “hierarchy of priorities,” and what doesn’t qualify to interrupt your day.  It could even read like, “Did I do something for ME today?”  “Did I give my children quality time and attention today?”  (Whatever works for you).
  3. Tell someone you trust about your goals for accountability purposes (this doesn’t mean you need to share every single personal detail if you’re not comfortable with that).  I have already provided my list to my mentor so that she can ask me how those goals are coming each time we talk.  In my case, I felt comfortable sharing pretty much everything on my mind.  We talk about 5 times a year, and it is one of the smartest decisions I ever made for myself.

     
  4. With that said, I suggest checking in with a mentor a few times a year.  Choose a mentor that you see as someone who is a couple steps ahead of you in life.  Look to someone successful whom you admire – someone you see as being disciplined and consistent in the way they live their life.  I see a mentor as being different than a friend:  I think of my mentor AS a friend, but I think of her as an unbiased outside source that will continually ask me the hard questions and help me spot blind spots.  My mentor isn’t someone I talk to every single day or even hang out with outside of our sessions…..and yet, I fully trust her and know she has my best interests at heart. Your ideal mentoring situation may look a little different than mine.

     
  5. Cross off goals and “to-do’s” as you achieve them, but remember some goals are not a “one-time” accomplishment – there are plenty of goals in my life that are continual daily goals, in which I must remain disciplined and consistent.  I imagine most of you may be able to say the same.

     
  6. Give yourself grace when you fall short, and then get back to work.  As the simple old saying goes, “When you fall off the horse, get back on.”  Our days can be unpredictable.  Unforeseen circumstances come up.  Remember that a little rearranging and an “off day” is okay.  Don’t allow one off day to dictate your days in the days ahead.  Do remember the fine line between an “off day” and suddenly just quitting and never going back to what you were doing though.  Remember having a flat tire certainly doesn’t mean you should slash the other 3.  Block out the negativity and the urge to quit.  Fix that flat tire…and move forward.  Consistently getting back up and remaining disciplined is what matters in the long-run.  Consistency is the key to victory. 

Now, to end, here are a few verses to encourage you on your 2021 goal setting (and achieving) journey:

2 Chronicles 15:7 “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”

Proverbs 3:6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is he who keeps the law.”  (Pastor Rob made this one the key verse of his teaching).

Habakkuk 2:2-3 “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that whoever reads it may run with it.”  (He also shared this one)

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

With all of that said, happy goal setting, and may 2021 be your best year yet!

How have you been doing with your goal setting?  Have you been rockin’ that to-do list, or do you find yourself struggling (like me)?  For those of you who have reached the next level in the goal setting arena:  What are some principles, applications and disciplines that work for you?  What is some advice that you can give the rest of us? Please feel free to share your comments in the comment section below!

The Great Shaking & Awakening: The Ultimate Fact-Checker Revealed

hollymarietong Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
The Great Shaking & Awakening: The Ultimate Fact-Checker Revealed

“SNOPES said this is FALSE.  Educate yourself!” (Inserts Snopes link).

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but this has been widely debunked.”  (Inserts fact check link).

Everyone’s a world-renowned expert these days, aren’t they?

“Fact check this, fact check that…….Snopes says…….CNN reported…..Fox revealed…..MSNBC responded…..YouTube allowed…..Info Wars was censored…..QAnon shared….USA Today just broke the news…….even the New York Post is reporting this…..Facebook removed this post due to “false or misleading information,”……Twitter has also removed this and that……Instagram is still full of influencers wanting affirmation, likes and followers above all…..Parler is saying what they cannot say on Facebook….this poll shows this state has been awarded to this candidate, but not this one…..this other website shows this candidate’s electoral number at this and his at this……and on and on.”

It’s a sign of the times guys.  Confusion.  So much confusion.  Lies.  So many lies.  So many different directions.  So much manipulation.  So much strategy.  Reverse psychology on top of reverse psychology.  And again.  Lies.  Confusion.

And who checks the fact-checkers, I mean, right?  Aren’t they people too?  Can people not be wrong or have ulterior motives, even if they have the title of “fact-checker?”

I imagine God must look down and fact-check constantly (in love of course).  The all-knowing one doesn’t need any article links thrown his way.  He knows every truth….and every lie.  I imagine what’s actually truth and actually a lie may surprise some of us if we were really see what God sees.

Because we are not God….right now, all we see is a jumbled up mess full of conflicting reports.  Both sides claim they feel good.  Our only hope at possibly figuring ANYTHING out?  Seeking Him.  Yep.  Our ONLY hope.  You read that right.

….And have we forgotten who the author of that confusion and those lies are?  His name isn’t God.  When the internet and our TVs are constantly taking us in a thousand different directions, there is only one source we can count on. Again, God.  He promises to give wisdom to those who earnestly seek him.

James 1:5-6 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will given to you.”

And what is the actual truth of this election?  We should ALL want the truth in this life…..even if that truth doesn’t always fit our own personal narratives, right?  Even if that truth means we don’t get the outcome we want in the end.  We should also want to win fairly….not by cheating, correct?

So here I am making that rare political post yet again.  I made one the other day, and as expected, I was met with opposition.  I’m still learning how to handle when I feel “talked down to.”

There are a lot of things I am and a lot of things I’m not.  However, “stupid,” “uneducated,” “brain-washed,” and “uninformed” does not fall on the list of things that I am, despite what some of my “fact-checkers” (who I don’t remember hiring), may pop up to assert.  God knows my heart, and the time and effort I try to put into His word and studying the world around me.

He’s been watching me on my not perfect but SINCERE quest for truth (in this particular realm) since 2015.  I knew it would be impossible for me to learn ANYTHING about the real truth of what’s going on in this nation, without taking him along on the journey.  Without Him, I have no hope in knowing anything I’m researching is true.

He’s watched me turn down the noise, give up things I once held dear….and humbly seek Him. Am I claiming to know everything out there that there is to know?  No.  Not even close.  Still, I chose to boldly trust in James 1:5-6.  I was hungry for wisdom.

However, I do believe that 5 years of extensive studies while seeking him has brought me wisdom and discernment.  I do not say that arrogantly, as I do not have any “special inside track” with God that you cannot also have.  We can be as close or as far from Him as we want to be.  It’s our decision.  I am a flawed human speaking of my personal experiences here.  Something I should be allowed to do, even as our right to free speech seems to be fading.

And yet…the very few times I post anything political in social media world, there is always someone who feels the need to set me straight.  Ironically, it’s often a person I never hear from otherwise.  It must be their duty to tell me what’s up I suppose.  They post their MSM links and fact-checkers, and they think they’re revealing something ground-breaking and earth-shattering to me.  Something I’m too stupid or uneducated to figure out on my own. They try to school me with the TRUTH.  Their TRUTH.

But I think what many are forgetting is there is still THEE truth, and in this election, we are struggling to find THEE truth.  THEE truth isn’t always what WE want it to be.  The MSM/journalism, social media and what comes out of the mouths of high profile people doesn’t equate with automatic truth…and that’s on both sides politically.  Even the side I vote on.  I really do believe there are wolves in sheep’s clothing all around us.

I believe we have to be really really careful who we listen to right now, and that goes for me as well.

Again….we must look past the surface.

Right now, despite what everyone wants to believe…there is only one REAL, unwavering source of the truth.  Our God.  He hates lies, deception, cheating and stealing….and He is a just God.  If lies, deception, cheating and stealing have been a part of this election (it’s obvious there is SOME level of this, guys)…..there will be a price to pay.  It may not look like it now, but let us remember:  The truth always comes to light.

With that said, He also doesn’t want us going down unnecessary rabbit trails either.  There is a balance.  Even on my side of the coin, I realize not everything that is out there is factual.  Sometimes I’ll be scrolling past a post in favor of my candidate or against his opponent and think, “well, I think that’s a bit out of context, or I don’t think that one is actually true.”  I’m objective enough to realize that even in my world where I want and believe certain things, I may not be able to trust every “source.” I’m not delusional.  I’m also not too proud to admit I don’t always have a great answer for everything.

Still, I am VERY much my own person.  I have never been easily influenced, and I never will be.  I’ve never pandered or simply participated in what’s popular.  If I don’t fit in?  Oh well, I guess!  (Just ask those who have known me for 30+ years).

You can bully me with your truths, thoughts and opinions all day long, but rest assured…..I’m a person of conviction.  My convictions are solid, and I don’t allow anyone or anything (except God’s word) to tell me what those convictions will be and won’t be.  I personally think it’s a mixture of both hilarious and infuriating that celebrities think they have the authority to tell ME how to vote….as if I’m somehow less than them.  I also find it equally infuriating when people take what the media says about my candidate’s character and automatically decides that what is alleged about his character….is also true of MY character as well.

That’s the power of the media, folks.

Just when I was starting to think that the only scriptures so many people remembered from the Bible these days are the verses, “Judge not” and “Love your neighbor”….I find myself getting judged and experiencing the opposite of love from those who are pounding the “love drum.”  With that said, explain to me, how I’m being loved AND not judged when you make assumptions about my character and tell me I cannot believe how I feel led to believe?

Now, this is kind of where the rubber meets the road in my life.  I don’t know if I was disobedient in not sharing this 5-6 years ago, or if it was always simply meant for today.  But I do have a reason for telling all of you this (deep breaths):

Once again, I am my own person.  While I ended up staying on the path my parents raised me on, they will both tell you, I came to where I am today because I really studied and sought the Lord.  I do not follow Him because of “what’s been fed to me.”  I wanted to figure out what *I* really believe and why.  I began what I would call an imperfect and genuine (not an “I was raised this way”) journey of faith when I was 20 years old.  There have been a lot of bumps and bruises along the way.  I haven’t always listened, and I haven’t always been obedient…..but man, He always pulls me right back in.

What few know about me is that I went on a MAJOR “truth quest” right before president Trump even announced he was running for president. I’m referring to the year 2015, before we even really knew who would be in the primaries.

First of all, I am not claiming to have a gift of prophecy.  I think this is something I must be very careful about.  I am not claiming that God tells me ground-breaking insights every single day.  I am certainly not a physic or a fortune teller (the Bible forbids me of that anyways).  The point is, I’m just an average person who genuinely sought His guidance.

While I won’t get too much into what put me on this quest, we will just say keep it simple and say I had a very detailed and descriptive dream one night.  And then, I had another.  These dreams were definitely not my favorite dreams, but looking back….they were needed dreams.  While I wasn’t living a crazy lifestyle – I was a bit “in the world.”  I wasn’t just in the world – I was on top of the world.

I had just walked the red carpet and had been jamming out to Miley’s “Party in the USA” in my fancy all-expenses paid hotel room nights before (Arnold Schwarzenegger was one of the many celebrities staying there at the same time as me if that tells you anything.  I was treated like VIP royalty and sipping my Starbucks while my stylist was getting me ready for my next camera appearance.  Later that night, my limo driver would escort my sister and I to dinner.  I didn’t need my car.  I had all those “black secret service” looking vehicles to transport me around.

……It was the most important I ever felt.

While I still wasn’t that important in the eyes of the world…..I had a small taste of what the catering and the pampering felt like.  This experience was just kind of the cherry on top of all the exciting things that had been happening to me for years.  It took me 10 years to get to this point of royal treatment, and I wasn’t about to let it rain on my parade.

Life was undoubtedly hard on me in many ways (which few know about), but I told myself the most successful people often have to face the most adversity.  I was okay with getting beat up and bruised to reach the top of the mountain….and man, did I suffer injuries….but I also reached new heights.  I took in views that I never thought I’d get to see.    I was on the “inside.” Life was great.  I was on my way.  Or so I thought.

…But my bubble was soon about to burst.  I was about to feel a weight on my chest: I wasn’t living in Nashville to catch my big break….or *sigh*…..to even be liked.  I was the world’s most non-confrontational person, and I REALLY liked to be liked. THAT was a tough one for me.

And here we are at…the dream.  Just days after the most exciting week of my life (up to that point), I woke up in the middle of the night from the dream I’d never forget.  I’ve always been a dreamer, but this dream was in a league of it’s own.  I had never experienced anything quite like it.  (This was all pre-Kyle and Clara).  Therefore, my sister and dog Rosco were the only ones in the house with me.  I woke up shaking and my head was throbbing.  I felt like I had been through a REAL life battle, but it had been in my dream.  Why did my body actually feel like I had just been through a real war?

As I described the dream to my sister in vivid detail, it all became clear that it was a spiritual dream that would change me.  I know, I know.  You’ve probably heard people say something like this before.  Therefore, I won’t get into specifics, I will just tell you this:

I believe our time is short.  I just do not know how short.  Remember, only He knows the day or the hour, so I’m not going to make any predictions.  That’s not my place.  We’ve been in the last days, but since 2015, I’ve felt it very strongly that we are in the last, last days.  Remember 5 years in Heaven is not like it is here on earth.  Five years equals nothing compared to eternity.  It doesn’t even make up a drop in a bucket.

To put it mildly:  I saw chaos in my dream, and I experienced severe persecution.  I was surrounded, and yet I was protected.  Fully protected.  I was there to help, but I wasn’t getting through.  “Wolves in sheep’s clothing” circled me, threatened me, and berated me…..but no one was ever able to make me submit to their plans for me.  No one was ever actually able to hurt me.  I was in the minority, but I knew I had to stand firm.  I had to continually “look past the surface” of those around me.  And I won’t get into specifics, but a sharpie marker out of all things (because it’s “permanent” was being used in a very corrupt way in this particular dream).  When I saw the sharpies in the news with the election, I couldn’t help but remember that part of my dream.  Sure, I don’t think the sharpies are the *most significant* part of the election, but man….it weirded me out a bit.  And then, there was a “second scene” in my dream, which I didn’t realize at the time matched up with prophecy in the Bible.

(I’m sure someone is reading this right now and laughing.  Laugh away.  It won’t hurt my feelings.  My skin is thicker than it was in 2015).

My main point of this (though the dream was very end times), was that God was telling me to wake up to “less obvious truths,” and to look past the surface of the people and the situations around me.  He even woke me up out of my sleep.

….I experienced a shaking and an awakening (literally).

Not long after, I had another dream.  Without going into much detail, several things from this dream have come to pass in this country the last few years.  During the time of my dream, I didn’t even know these issues were “on the table.”  And let’s just say, I experienced some similar “incidents” during COVID-19.

The full content of my dreams isn’t nearly as important as the fact that I was forced to wake up from my slumber.  I was told it was time to let my worldview be challenged…and time to face some hard truths I may not want to face.

Please understand, I am very sensitive to his spirit.  I never want to be deceived, or to deceive others.  This is why I’m not declaring any “for sure claims.”

This is not a “believe me or you’re not saved,” kind of declaration.

I also do not believe every single event that happens in our lives is to be shared in their entirety, but I do speak up when I feel that nudge of His.

So with the dreams?  God put it on my heart that wanted me to number my days and to start focusing on what was most important.  I knew he wanted me to start looking past what I see on the surface.  This meant a lot of things.  He wanted me to realize that the red carpet has snags and stains that aren’t always visible to the naked eye.  I also realized he was dealing with me about the media.  He challenged everything I believed about my “role models” and people in the public eye.

As a journalist, this was a really really tough one for me.  He soon let me know he was shedding the “pop culture” writing away from my life.

He challenged me on politics.  I once thought that it was all about “Democrat or Republican.”  He allowed me to see that as politics stood, the divide between the two “party terms” wasn’t as real as I had once believed.  The two were ultimately ran by the same world system.  I began to see the deception…

I once thought that if I voted a certain way, I was definitely honoring him. In that moment, my political affiliation became, “independent”….though if we are talking about liberal vs. conservative, I think anyone who knows me, knows which I am and will always be.  So, let me be clear:  I look at everything from economy to healthcare to everything in between….but I will never vote for someone who I believe will further the war on Christians.  And yes, there is a war.  Do not tell me that there isn’t (this is a different topic for a different day).

I soon came to find that this media/journalism world I loved wasn’t what I thought it was.  These newscasters and journalists weren’t telling me the truth about politics….or much of anything really.  I started to see that they were strategical in the stories they chose to push.  Like a child fascinated by a shiny object, they knew what stories to use to distract the people from something bigger and more important.  I had been taking the bait for years.  That candidate I voted for when I was 18 years old?  I no longer trusted him.

Remember once again, this was BEFORE I knew about Donald Trump.  This was BEFORE I heard him say the words, “fake news.”  Around that time, I started researching and looking into every alternative outlet I could.  Little by little, I began to read and watch horribly disturbing information.  Keep in mind – I didn’t always accept everything I was reading and hearing as “absolute truth.”  I took everything like a grain of salt, continued to pray and ask God for wisdom.  I knew rabbit trails were dangerous, and if I felt myself getting even close to one….I’d shut down my studies for a bit.

In my mind, I developed kind of a system.  I had a “Wow, there’s no disputing that,” category, “A maybe,” “A probably not,” and a “No way” category.  I tucked away what I was learning, yet still lived life and had fun.  I never once pushed my views on anyone.  In fact, I was scared to share what I was learning with most people, because I feared they would think of me as crazy.

I spent hours upon hours studying.  There were times I felt that my studies were confirmed, and other times, where I still wasn’t (and am maybe still somewhat unsure).

With that said, instead of going out and living my old lifestyle, I spent more time studying history and looking into what was being “kept” from all of us.  At times, it got heavy.  There were times where I felt God’s nudge to get solely back into the word and to watch something uplifting instead.  There were times I just needed to watch “The Bachelor” for a good laugh and light-heartedness. There were even times where I would stay away from the “scary stuff” for a good month or two at a time.  It was a balance.  I didn’t want to become too inundated in the negative, fear the devil or get into anything too crazy and out there.

By that time, those millions of views I had on my pop culture articles?  All gone.  In fact, so many of the articles I had worked so hard on years before disappeared into thin air.  My writing wasn’t going in the direction I thought after all.  I had zero future in the media.

My money-making website closed down. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I needed to do this blog instead…so I started this in 2015.  I still have about 30 drafts I’ve never published.  Why?  I didn’t want to fight.  I didn’t want controversy.  I still wasn’t ready for people to possibly not like me and want to unfriend me.

So, I chose the “comfortable middle ground,” which also meant probably not all that many people were reading it.  While I can see the stats and they aren’t bad….I know I don’t have near the “following” I once had when I was writing about the “world” and writing what people like to read.  Those days are now over.

I am now okay with that, because I know reaching ONE person for Christ is more important than reaching the masses with the temporary and the fleeting.

I accept that I won’t always be popular, and that I may just be that “kooky Christian” to you.  That’s okay.  It’s a title I’m blessed to have, because I know no matter what the outcome of this election is, I have hope beyond this world.  I have the hope of Heaven.  If that makes me kooky….then so be it.

I personally care about the eternal over the temporary.  I hope you do too.

Now to bring it all around.  Some of you may have laughed at my dreams and backstory, but instead of making some of you laugh again….your laughs will probably now turn to anger.  This is that time that I will likely ruffle feathers.

Fast forward to primary election time.  As soon as “said candidate” announced their run, I felt a stirring in my soul.  Though there were many candidates in front of my eyes, I kept going to the unlikely choice.  As a believer, you’d think I’d go for one of the ones most openly declaring their faith.  You’d think I’d go for “pastoral, kind or gentle”….but I didn’t.  Just as I had learned earlier….there was so much past the surface I couldn’t see, but this time I knew it.  (Now, Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see – Hebrews 11:1) comes to mind as I write this.

This time I chose to go against my logical thinking.  I knew it was going to take ALL of us a long time to see God’s plan in this.  It didn’t make sense to me in some ways. And yet, I knew that candidate was made for this hour.

It was odd at the time, because I remember thinking….but this isn’t logical.

“I don’t operate on the logical,” was what I sensed from the Lord.

….But wait, there’s more:

While I cannot remember the exact wording of everything that came over me as I spent time with God, here is my very paraphrased version.  No this was not audible:  “Are you really seeking me, or just looking at what you see on the surface?  Far too many of those who call themselves Christian and Pastor are not getting my work done.  They are not standing up for the truth.  I am seeing too much weakness, too much pandering.  They are not exposing corruption, wrongdoing.  When they don’t do what I need…I have to use someone else.  Do you trust me that I don’t always work in obvious ways?  Do you trust that sometimes you have to really come to me in prayer for true wisdom rather than just pick the “obvious” choice…..and are you willing to go against what most of your peers (even Christians) are saying?  Many of your fellow Christian friends do not like this candidate and won’t for some time…but trust me here.  Even if you stand alone for awhile.”

Again.  This is a paraphrase.  I want to be careful when it comes to “speaking for God.”  I do not speak for God.  He speaks for God.  I think this is much of the reason that it’s taken me 5 years to share this post.  I also know I can talk to one Christian, and they’ll claim God told them another candidate or another story.  I’m just telling you about what I experienced in MY life.  I think I’ve kept it under wraps for too long.  And I don’t know now WHY is the time to say all of this really?  I just know now is the time….

Those drafts I told you about?  I’ve had drafts in my inbox for YEARS that I never posted revealing who I support and why.  It’s kind of a shame because sometimes I spent HOURS on these posts before talking myself out of them.

But to bring it back around, I began studying scripture and seeing how this could all line up.  Now, I realize, Jesus is Lord of ALL.  Not just America.  If you’re looking for the exact words in the Bible of “You need to vote for said candidate”…you won’t find it.  Yet, I believe he provides clues to those who are really willing to pray and dig in.

I also soon found out that some had been prophesying about this very same candidate (one of these people died in the year 2007, long before this candidate ever announced he was even running for the presidency).  And yet, this person said he would lead our country and become a trumpet for truth.  He also said that all major news outlets would eventually have to say what GOD wants to say.  I found several other people who were thinking just as I was.  They were interested in the book of Amos (especially scriptures like Amos 3:6).

I had goosebumps.  I began reading scriptures that further gave me peace about this direction I was heading.  I STILL told myself, well don’t read too much into everything.  You have to be careful about prophecies, people claiming to hear from God.  I suppose there can be coincidences, etc. etc.

But still, I deep down kept believing this candidate was going to shake things up in the last, last days.  Why wouldn’t God want to expose corruption before Jesus returns?  Why wouldn’t there be a big “come to Jesus because he’s ALL we have” event before he returns?  We have to get to a place of revival somehow right?  We have to come to a place where our faith is stretched, and we are down on our knees.  We have to come to a place of uncertainty to TRULY seek the certain one, don’t we?  If everything is in “peace and harmony” and we are just living in our entertainment bubble….we can miss a WHOLE lot.

I even began to understand why he had to be a bit loud and abrasive to do it.  Sometimes gentle, slow and monotone just doesn’t get the job done.

We needed a trumpet….not a harp.

We weren’t listening.  The other candidates weren’t going to bring us to any kind of a higher truth, though I believe at least a couple in the running had the best of intentions.

The media had been our ultimate source.  We believed “presidential” was of the utmost importance.  We believed the president of the United States must look, talk and act a certain way, without ever questioning any wars, our financial ruin, or why we were all struggling on so many levels.

Truth is so much more important than tone…..and sometimes truth has to get a little loud.  Sometimes you have to sound the trumpet, I realized.

We had been looking for our answers from the classic 3-piece suit well-spoken man, rather than above.  We thought just because he donned a flag pin that he was FOR US.

These politicians were all telling and promising us the same things – just in slightly different ways  We had developed what we thought the “logic” was for how a president should look and sound.  We took what the Bible said about being “kind” and assumed that kindness is ultimately what is needed in a world leader….every single time.  We assumed that a choice word here or there while addressing the nation meant God had zero plans to use that person for the good….didn’t we?

Sorry to ruffle feathers, but…..when God couldn’t find the obvious “pastoral choice” in the Bible…he went on to someone else.  He used the flawed time and time again.  Can he not still do that today?

I was stretched, and I was challenged.

I slowly began to confess to a few very very close Christian people who I believed our president should be/was going to be whether people liked it or not (and this was before the primary election).  One or two people agreed with me….the rest talked about tone, the nuclear button and used words such as “unhinged.”

“I’m sorry guys…but I’m not backing down here.  I know he’s rough around the edges.  He’s even going to make me bite my nails at times.  I’m going to wish more than anything he would hire me as his speech writer, but of course he won’t.  But you just wait and see….  He is a bull in a china shop….and there is good reason the media cannot stand him.  Take notice of that.  He’s going to say some pretty outrageous statements sometimes.  It’ll ruffle feathers….but eventually you’ll see what I see,” I would say.

There were those times I wondered if I could be wrong.  I mean I’ve been wrong before.  I will be the first to admit that I have been wrong on some pretty important issues throughout my life/will be wrong on more in the future, but deep down, I knew I wasn’t wrong this time.  I began to see this person’s REAL heart more and more:  Not the heart that was being “reported” to me.  Still, I told God I wanted to “see more,” and that if what I heard from Him wasn’t correct…I wanted Him to show me.

Around that time, I walked into my workplace cubicle, just as I always do.  I didn’t really pay attention to the fact that my Bible was being held open with my printer cord.  I was just kind of doing my thing, when a fellow Christian co-worker came over. If I can recall correctly, I believe we were even talking about the upcoming primaries.  I told them what way I was leaning and why.

Eventually they said, “Hey, did you notice your Bible is being held open with your printer cord?  Or did you do that?”

My reply was, “I didn’t do that.  Did you?”

“No,” they replied.

“Why don’t you see what’s on those pages?”

……I looked down, and there it was again.  The book of Amos.  A book that I’ve paid almost no attention to throughout my life.  A book that isn’t one of the wordiest books of the Bible.  If my Bible was going to randomly open to a section I frequently looked at, I can assure you it wouldn’t have been Amos.

“It’s the book of Amos,” I replied.

“And honestly, I’m weirded out because this is the book that’s been on my heart concerning the upcoming election.”

….And here is just a snapshot of what I found:

6 Whether a trump shall sound in a city, and the people shall not dread? Whether evil shall be in a city, which evil the Lord shall not make? (Shall a trumpet sound in a city, and the people have no fear? Shall evil be in a city, which evil the Lord did not send?/which evil the Lord shall not come to fight against?)

7 For the Lord God shall not make a word, no but he show his private to his servants (the) prophets. (For the Lord God shall not do anything, unless first he tell his secret, or his private, plans to his servants, the prophets.)

8 A lion shall roar, who shall not dread? the Lord God spake, who shall not prophesy? (A lion shall roar, who shall not be afraid? the Lord God hath spoken, who shall not prophesy?)

To sum Amos up:  Amos was a fiery prophet with a powerful message.  He was concerned about the “little man.”  He didn’t like oppression, and he didn’t like mistreatment of the poor.  He hated corruption and injustice.  He challenged the establishments around him, and he wasn’t exactly polite in doing so.  And God used Him.  Big.

….And then the goosebumps ensued for both of us.

I quickly asked another Christian co-worker if they were the one who had opened my Bible.  I knew it was probably only one of two people.  That person also denied touching my Bible.

…More goosebumps.

….Out of ALL the pages.

Spoiler alert:  I never found “the person.”

Now, it’s important to say this kind of thing does not happen to me every day.  I don’t think we always get a big grand sign, but I believe this is that rare time I was meant to.

And as I said, as time went on, I saw the things I had dreamed and studied come to pass.  I believe we are still in the middle of that right now.

Do I know EXACTLY what is going to happen with this election?  I do not.  However, I like to think I have a good idea.  But still, that is where faith and HIS WISDOM comes in.

I’ve just simply held back for way too long.  I’ve let important drafts sit in my  draft box for way too long.  I don’t like conflict.  I like encouragement.  I like to think this post even now contains some of that.

However, guys….let me leave you with this:  If we are looking to our televisions, iphones and computers for the full truth right now, we aren’t going to find it.  I’ve known that since 2015, and though I certainly research and sometimes even repost something I’ve read….I certainly know it now.   I believe God knew ahead of time we were going to enter a great “shaking and awakening.”

I was somewhat prepared for this hour.  Some things have been a little crazier than I pictured….but I’m not shell-shocked.  I wasn’t blindsided.

But here’s the deal.  Here is what is right in front of us:

People are so adamant about “fact-checking” right now that I think some would try and fact-check Jesus if he appeared before them….especially if he told them anything they didn’t want to hear.

Just remember “fact-checkers” are people too.  People are flawed, and I’m one of them.  Maybe that is why I waited FIVE years to share this post, and now I’m only sharing it as the election hangs by a thread.

There is only one who isn’t flawed.  His name is Jesus.  He is our ultimate source of knowledge.  The only true fact-checker.  He is the one who knows this election inside and out:  He knows what happened and didn’t happen.  He knows where fraud is taking place, and where maybe others are overreacting to something that isn’t there.

But here’s a challenge, instead of only looking to what “could be true,” “is hopefully true,” “probably true,” “what we want to hear,” or “not want we want to hear,” how about we all come to the one who PROMISES to give wisdom to those who ask?  His wisdom is better than any report out there.  How about we call each other and pray?  I wouldn’t say that to you if I hadn’t been doing the same.  To date, I’ve prayed with 6 separate people over the phone….because “where two or more are gathered.”

Like I said….I don’t know the end result of this moment in time….but I do know the end, end result.  I know what the last page of the Bible says. I know who wins, and I take comfort in that.  I look forward to the day in which we don’t have to worry about what’s true and what isn’t.  There aren’t any fact-checkers or doom and gloom news in Heaven – just facts and peace.

I absolutely believe we should stay informed.  It’s good to share our findings, our experiences and to discuss this present time.  However, until we get serious about our most high, we cannot see or hear clearly.  So, where is your ultimate information coming from?  Who is your ultimate source?  Who is your ultimate fact-checker?  Who is your ultimate news source?  Politifact, Snopes, CNN, Fox………or Jesus?

You are not the ultimate expert.  I am not the ultimate expert.  Let’s ultimately leave this to the one who is.

Musings of a Multi-tasking Mommy

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
Musings of a Multi-tasking Mommy

In order to be a blogger of any value, I must be transparent.  I know how this works.  America is craving authenticity, so I am going to try to give you EVEN MORE of that from now on.  So, please allow me to reintroduce myself, and to welcome you to the musings of a multi-tasking mommy.

Hi.  I’m Holly Tong-Cokkinias.  My maiden name, as well as my married name puzzles everyone I meet.  I never get through explaining or spelling.  I am thankful for the perfect built-in ice breaker, however.  I’ve also always liked to be a little unique.  So, when it comes to last names – I’ve quite possibly hit the jackpot.  (Yes. I’m already thinking about the day I try to teach our daughter how to write her full name).

Photo by Kat Bradshaw

I am sometimes messy, and I truly hate it.  I am somewhat unorganized.  With that said, I am all the same obsessive about a clean, orderly house.  Go figure, right?  I love the idea of purging, yet I still somehow have way more in this house than I should.  Sometimes I feel like I’m going in circles and going no where fast.  I haven’t done anything to my hair in 3 days.  Needless to say, I currently only wear makeup once a week, on a good week.  I see zero point of wearing my contacts, unless I’m heading out for a special occasion or event.  My current work-from-home attire is usually pajamas for the first half of the day, before making the big transition to an oversized t-shirt and yoga pants.

I am a full-time mommy, and a full-time quality specialist in a legal realm.  I work both jobs, at the same time.  I also am one of those women who take on multiple side gigs.  Lately, I’ve realized I need to get my priorities in check, as my plate is starting to cave in.

BUT….how do you prioritize when everything seems like a priority?  Do you hear me, sister?

Right now, I’m looking at the dog hair on the floor that needs swept up, because I’ve been too busy to run the shark.  Yes, too busy to run our self-operating shark.  I mean, after all, you need to pick all of your cords and junk up off the floor, first.  And frankly, I haven’t found the 5 minutes to do it.  I could be doing that right now instead of writing this blog, but then, maybe my whole purpose would be defeated.  Last night, I loaded what I could into the dishwasher.  Still, the sink is full of dishes that need hand-washed.  I turned a blind eye last night, because Clara needed me more.

…..She’s growing up before my eyes, and I don’t want to miss these once-in-a-lifetime moments.  Every little step she takes (both literally and metaphorically) amazes me.  I’m still awestruck that I get to be her mommy.  She is everything I dreamed of, and so much more.

Soon, I will be starting my work day. I like to have that first hour or so to myself before Clara gets up.  The disadvantage of that?  If  I let her sleep too long into the morning, she will then subsequently decide we should have a play-a-thon at midnight.  Then, if we are sitting in the recliner together, I risk falling asleep before her……which results in a risk of broken glasses and pulled out hair.  (At least I awake to that little 8 tooth smile).  Still, I like that hour or two of serenity I get in the morning.  Now, to weigh the pros and cons.  It’s a balance.  A true balance.

Right before she gets up (or I wake her up), I get her scrambled eggs going.  I’ve been making myself eat an egg or two with her each morning, which is a big achievement for me.  She takes a LONG time to eat those eggs.  The pediatrician says she is at a self-feeding age.  But, would you like a strong dose of honesty?  I don’t have time to give her 3 showers a day, so I still do a lot of her feeding for her.  (You know, the old-fashioned way where mommy holds the spoon).  And have you seen her head of hair?  I don’t think ANYONE who has a daughter with as much hair as mine would advise self-feeding.  (Unless of course THEIR toddler LOVES the washing out shampoo process).  Oh, and no, I cannot just pull her hair back these days.  Let me stop you there.  She now takes it down as soon as I pull it up.  Remember “Cousin It?”  Enough said.

(But when I push her hair out of her face, I can still see this sweet little smile).

Okay, okay.  So, I let her self-feed here and there.  When it comes to her morning eggs though?  I will continue to be the feeder.  I have work to do.  When I place her in the pack n’ play to watch Veggie Tales….I’d rather her eggs only be in her belly, rather than all over her play station.  I guess maybe that makes me a bit of a “control freak.”  I also guess that according to the “American Association of Pediatrics,” that may make me some sort of a parenting failure.  I guess I was also supposed to start her on solid foods before 12 months as well, but I insist (not to their face of course), that I know my tot better than they do.  I knew my sensitive girl (who overcame a pretty intense milk protein sensitivity) was too much of a choker and a gagger for anything besides puree before 12 months.  I’m probably overprotective, but I won’t apologize for it either.  My motto is “better safe than sorry.”  So, here we are:  She loves her eggs, fruits and veggies, but she also loves Chick Fil-A, Italian and Mexican foods.  A girl after my own heart…

(In this birthday picture, she was most definitely not a fan of self-feeding.  Leave it to my child to not want to participate in the smash cake era).

Photo by Kelley Hartzfeld

Anyways….as she she slowly takes each and every little bite on those work mornings…..I sit by my laptop and make sure I don’t have any urgent assignments or e-mails coming in.  If I need to reply to an e-mail or research a case, I flip around my chair and do so.  In between, my neat little eater looks at me as if to say, “I’m waiting.”

That’s the thing.  Sometimes I feel like everyone is waiting on me for something.  What few know is I’ve been “waiting on me” for a good year now.  I’ve been waiting to feel really good and sort of like me again.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I like this new mommy version of me, but I haven’t exactly liked the physical changes that have come with it.  No, I’m not trying to lose weight. Truthfully, “body image” is kind of the last thing on my mind right now. I’m currently trying to NOT lose any more weight than I already unintentionally did.

Let’s just say, I didn’t feel well for the longest span of time I’ve ever experienced this past year.  Now, not to worry.  My diagnosis is not life-threatening, but some days it can be a bit life-altering. Though they say it’s chronic, I feel myself getting better every day.  With an altered diet, the proper supplements and a ton of electrolytes, I am believing for God’s full healing.  I believe his promises are for ME and for YOU.  As the woman who grabbed the hem of Jesus’ garment and received healing, I am doing the same.  I truly believe my persistence will pay off.  This hasn’t been an easy ride alongside being a new mom, but little by little…..I’m getting there.

I can see some of you rolling your eyes.  I only have one child.  I know, I know.  Some of you are balancing 2, 3, 4, 5 and more.  Your hair and makeup look fabulous, as do your high heels. (I recently donated most of mine).  Your home looks like it belongs on Pinterest.  While mine has infinite potential, my decorating skills just don’t measure up.  I think you’re a superhero.

Now, I can honestly say I DO cook most of our meals at home, but don’t expect every single one of them to be super healthy every single night.  Though the husband is easy-going, he really likes hearty dinners.  Sometimes mama needs to pop in that frozen lasagna, and sometimes she really just wants a Chick Fil-A night.  (Yes, this is the second time I’ve brought up Chick Fil-A).  It’s all about balance and moderation, right?

And then, I’ve changed “socially.”  As a child, I was super shy.  Then, I became the super outgoing adult for a good decade of my life.  Now?  I’m still outgoing, but I’ve realized how introverted I really am.  Most of the time, I feel as if I’d rather be home……yet feel like I shouldn’t rather be home.  Does that make any sense?

Maybe I am an example of what happens when you become a mom in your mid-30’s and try to balance #momlife with your full-time work.  Or maybe, this is just who I am.

With that said, saying “no” is not one of my greatest strengths.  It’s a weak area for me.  While I’ve improved over the years, it’s still a struggle.  All in one breath I say “no” to my daughter, and then give in a second later. (Have you seen her face)?  Just wondering.

“No, we cannot read right now.  I need you to spend a few minutes in your pack n’ play while I get some work done.”

And then the tears start.

And then I pick her up.  How can I not?  There’s something about watching those little hands “pat the bunny,” pull back the lift-a-flaps, and turn each page one by one.  So, the house must wait.  After all, story time with her is a huge highlight for me.  If it brings both of us joy…..why not?

Maybe I have a long list of improvements I need to make.  Maybe I need to find that balance you’re supposed to have when you’re a working mom and wife.  But maybe, there isn’t such a thing as a balance.  Maybe “balance” is nothing more than a human-created opinion.

Just maybe, I’m actually doing pretty great….

My daughter smiles a lot and steadily gains weight.  From 5 1/2 pounds to 22, I like to think I’m doing something right.  In fact, sometimes she can (and does) eat more than me. She laughs when I play peek-a-boo and act like a total goof, and as just mentioned, cherishes our story time.  She enjoys her baths so much that she cries about getting out.  She likes my singing (she’s my only fan).  She always has clean clothes to wear, and she seems to like my cooking.  Best of all?  She already dances to praise and worship music.

My husband seems pretty dang content as well…..along with our dog who has been with me for 5 years now.

I was also very pleased with my recent workplace evaluation.  I give God all the glory.

Meanwhile, I still manage to keep up with my family and friends.  I even manage to make it to events and ministry assignments, whenever I can.

No matter how I feel in the mornings, I get up and log-in for work (and until March, I was getting up and driving to the office each day).  Maybe I’m in pajamas and sporting a messy bun these days, but does anyone really care just as long as you’re successfully serving those you’re being paid to serve?  Does it really matter if my floors currently need swept, and I have a few dishes in the sink?  Or does it matter most that those who are in my home are healthy and happy?

And sometimes life is hard….really hard.  Sometimes you just can’t have it all, all the time.  And maybe we aren’t supposed to.  Maybe that’s where faith comes in.  Maybe this is how we really recognize our need for Jesus:  When we allow him to be our strength….and when we give our shortfalls to Him.

As 2 Corinthians 12:10 says, “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Maybe my multi-tasking is working out pretty well after all.  Maybe just maybe….I’m exactly right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do, and being exactly who God wants me to be.

And maybe just maybe….I’m speaking to you too, Mommy.

Favorite Earning & Saving Apps for Frugal Folks

hollymarietong Budgeting, Encouragement, frugal living, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
Favorite Earning & Saving Apps for Frugal Folks

When it comes to savings apps, coupons and bargain hunting, I could go on and on for days.  It’s been both a necessity and a passion in my life.  I live in Nashville, which is quickly becoming among the most expensive places to live.  Therefore, it is simply silly and impractical to not save money when I very well know that I can.  However, prior to the rising cost of living, I was always a saver.  It never will matter if I’m rich or poor.  I will always use my coupons, apps and savings opportunities, because why not? My mom taught me how to be a saver from an early age. I honestly believe my mom’s early teaching has made me a more thankful person in the long run.

I have always enjoyed looking at my savings on any given trip, and always vow that some year I’m going to keep track of my total savings, because it has to be thousands of dollars.  However, this kind of record-keeping requires A LOT of dedication.

Still, whether it has been shopping for clothing, planning my wedding, or looking to redecorate my home, I have always been dedicated to being thrifty and frugal…..(even if it takes me a little bit of extra time). I will never be the girl to just drop $50 on a shirt, nor will I ever be the one to pay regular price on anything when it isn’t necessary.  If it’s already only $7.99 at Ross or $8.99 at Marshall’s, I can certainly pay regular price then.  In that case, I’m at a discount store to begin with.  I just cannot justify paying for one shirt what I very well know I can get four shirts for. Catch my drift?

I often get asked about my savings: What I do, and how I do it?

Whether or not I’m asked, I always enjoy sharing my tips with anyone and everyone.  My endless tips and tricks would be best spread out over a series of posts.  However, today, I am just going to educate my frugal friends on the savings apps I’ve been using.  Have a smart phone?  GREAT!  Do you save receipts?  PERFECT!  Put them to great use!  Even if it’s a gas station receipt for a pack of gum, tell the cashier you want your receipt when he/she asks.

Now……download the following FREE apps for opportunities to earn cash back, e-gift cards and free items.

  1.  Ibotta:  This is probably among the most popular of savings apps, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that many of my readers probably already know about this one.  However, I meet people all the time who haven’t yet discovered it.  In fact, I didn’t sign up with Ibotta until 2 years ago, though I’m pretty sure I had heard about it prior to then.  I don’t think I realized how easy or beneficial it was until I really gave it a chance.  (To date, I have earned $482.48 in cash back in 2 short years on this app alone).

How to use:  Basically, on this app, you search for offers that are available at different stores you shop at or plan to shop at.  Some of my main stores would be Kroger, Wal-Mart, Publix, Walgreens, Target and Amazon, for example.  They also feature other random stops like certain gas stations and even the Dollar Tree.  You simply click on the + signs of the items you may be interested in purchasing at each store.

Then, you go shopping and actually buy the participating items.  (REMEMBER to get your receipt….and do not lose it!  This will not work without your receipt).

Next, you will want to redeem your offers once you get home.  Now, let me first say:  If you used Ibotta for Wal-Mart, this next step is going to be extra easy, as long as you have hit the + symbol on all your items.  With Wal-Mart, all you have to do is generally scan the little square box at the bottom of your receipt, and it will almost ALWAYS automatically detect all participating items you added to your list.

Kroger and most other stores though?  You will likely have to scan the UPC on each product.  I tried linking my Kroger card to the app, but for whatever reason had issues.  Maybe you will have more luck than I did.

There are many opportunities items in which you can purchase the same item multiple times and get cash back for each one – you simply put in the quantity (but Wal-Mart even detects your quantity).  Some items, they will require you buy 2 or more to get cash back, so make sure you look closely.

I have come to find that Wal-Mart is the most user-friendly with Ibotta and offers the most, though I’m not a big Wal-Mart shopper. I use it at multiple retailers, though I am a pretty devoted Kroger shopper.

What’s more?  You can also get this cash back in addition to the sales and your usual coupons.

For example, let’s just say I purchased the limit of 5 Fage yogurts for .50 cents back on each.  I will scan my receipt, scan each label and put the quantity (if I’m at Kroger).  I will earn a total of $2.50 back in cash for this purchase alone.  Let’s just say the Fage yogurt was also on sale, and I had a coupon for a free one.  Well, I am barely going to have paid anything for the yogurt when it’s said and done.  I have even had situations where I was nearly PAID to buy an item, thanks to Ibotta, my other apps and coupons.

There is also a “pay with Ibotta” option on this app that you may want to take advantage of as well.

Redeeming your earnings:  Ibotta is a cash back app, in which you can transfer your funds to Paypal when you have earned $20 back, and then directly into your account.  Yes, you will need a Paypal account for cash back if you don’t already have one.  Ibotta also now offers a broad array of digital gift cards if you would rather earn back in that way instead.  Everything from restaurants to retail stores to airlines gift cards are an option:  Whatever your heart desires!

Tips: I always tell new Ibotta users to never buy things they wouldn’t normally buy unless it’s something they really want to try.  Also, keep brand names in mind.  Maybe you can save $0.35 back on Ibotta, but maybe the generic item is still cheaper.  Just stick with the generic then, unless of course you much prefer the brand of that particular item.  Make sense?  Another tip?  Always check the “any” section even if you’re just going into the store to buy one generic brand.  Sometimes they will offer $0.10 back on any brand of bread, any brand of chicken breast, etc.  Some grocery trips you may only earn back $0.10 cents or nothing at all, but it’s all about shopping smart (and not buying things just because they are on there).  If you start buying items just because they are on Ibotta, your intention to save might end up turning into increased spending.  If you don’t much time to browse Ibotta, always check the “any,” “new offers,” and the “what’s hot” categories at the least.

Some months will be better than others on Ibotta.  I have those months I earn $40 back, while other months it may look more like $4.  It all depends on if they are featuring the items I tend to buy or not. Their cash back opportunities change constantly, so check often.

Other ways to earn cash on Ibotta: Ibotta also has a great referral program, which also gets your cash back stacking up even quicker.  The referral incentives change all the time, but there are always opportunities to earn cash if your friends use your code to sign up for their account.  It may be $5, or it may be more.  If you feel inclined to help my earnings AND yours, here is my referral code you will want to enter:  udlflrln

Ibotta also features a ton of bonuses:  (IE – redeem 12 offers before such and such date and receive an extra $3 back in cash).  They tend to run a lot of extra cash opportunities around holidays and special occasions.  Another example of a bonus could be, “Buy 2 Cottonelle products to earn an extra $1 back.”  As long as you appropriately scanned the item, Ibotta will detect and credit you with your bonuses automatically.

Again, to begin earning your cash back, sign up under my code of udlflrln.

2.  Shopkicks:  While Ibotta has resulted in the most cash back for me, Shopkicks is a not too far distant second.  I would also consider Shopkicks to be an enjoyable app. (though you somewhat have to work for it).

Description:  On Shopkicks, you earn points towards various gift cards for a variety of reasons – from Outback Steakhouse to Sephora, you can enjoy gift cards all thanks to this app.

How to earn points?  1.  You can earn points towards a gift card simply for walking into a store.  (IE – if I am going to walk into Kroger, I turn on the app. click on the icon of the person “walking” and my phone will recognize I am in Kroger.  Boom, there is 10 points.  On certain days, some stores offer 100 or even 250 kicks for simply walking into a store).

You can also earn points for simply scanning items that are on each store’s featured list.  My sister and I enjoy walking around stores and scanning items (especially if they’re on the way) during big grocery shopping trips.  We think of it as another fun way to get exercise.  For instance, after you’ve earned 10 points for simply walking into Kroger, your scans section might also show that you can earn 40 points for simply scanning a bag of Seattle’s Best Coffee or 75 points for scanning a pack of Quilted Northern toilet paper.

3.  Another huge way to earn points on shopkick is to actually buy some of their featured items.  Any item you scan probably also offers points back if you purchase that item.  For instance, I might scan the Quilted Northern toilet paper that is already featured in their sale that week, use a coupon for it, scan it for points on Shopkicks….AND then be able to take a picture of my receipt for an additional 250 points simply because I purchased the item.  I may even find that Ibotta offers cash back on the same item!  Another way to earn points is by linking your card to certain stores and earning points for each dollar spent (I don’t really do this one).  Lastly, you can even earn points simply by going to their “discover” section and watching little random advertising videos…..because, why not?

Redeeming your points:  On Shopkicks, you choose the gift card you want to work towards (and you can change it at any time):  1,250 kicks = $5 gift card, 2,500 kicks = $10, 6,250 kicks = $25 and 12,500 kicks = $50.  You can set your goal as low or as high as you like for whatever you are wanting.  If you just want $5 to Starbucks, great – it won’t take you long at all.  If you want $50 to Lowe’s, great again!  Just be willing to work for it a little bit (but it’s fun work).

On Shopkicks in just 2 years, I have earned a total of 11 gift cards (technically 12, if I’d like to to cash in my current points for $5).  I particularly enjoy redeeming their Sephora gift cards, because it’s a way to get cool makeup I am normally too cheap to buy.  When I come home with Sephora bags, I can brag to my husband that Shopkicks funded my trip.  All gift cards are received electronically.  (Be prepared to manually punch in the gift card numbers at the store).

Tips:  Again, do not trick yourself into buying items you wouldn’t normally buy just to earn points.  The key is to save money – not to spend more or to do anything counterproductive.  Sometimes your app. will even recognize you are in a parking lot and award you points without ever even walking into the store.  However, this is usually only true of 10 pointers.  If Marshall’s is offering you 250 points to walk inside, you probably need to walk inside.  Unfortunately, sometimes this app. can be a bit glitchy for walk-ins.  They give you an opportunity to report the error, but I’m not convinced it always works.

With all of that said, Shopkicks also has a super cool referral program.  If you sign up under me and simply walk into a store, scan or buy something on the app within 7 days, we will both earn 250 kicks!  My code is MALL366184.

3.  Fetch Rewards:  I feel like this app is a bit underrated.  I have already earned 8 gift cards on this one in a little over a year, but this is one may take a little longer to stack up for you, depending on where you shop and how you shop.  I also have at times decided I wanted to redeem an Amazon gift card at just $3 of earnings.  This app particularly loves certain brand names, but if you buy all generics, this does not at all mean that you won’t be able to earn gift cards.  You just may average 25 points on a receipt vs. 1,000.

Description: The main thing you need to do on this app. is to scan your grocery and gas station receipts for a minimum of 25 points each.  Recently, Fetch has even started giving 5 points for restaurant receipts, along with other non-grocer stores.  If you buy any of their “featured items,” you will earn back more points than the standard 5 or 25.  For instance, if you follow the directions on these diapers pictured above, you can earn thousands of points from your receipt. Now, it’s important to note:  There ARE times you may have to hit “correct my receipt,” and give a little more information.  I have had those times that Fetch didn’t detect a featured item on my receipt.  However, when I notify them, they always take care of it.  It tends to pick up on my smaller earnings, but my bigger ones, I sometimes have to let them know their app. didn’t give me credit.  Can that be a pain?  Yes, but again, I’m working towards those gift cards.

What’s great about this app. is the double earnings you can get back from it. Let’s just say that you purchased the Dove body wash off of their special offers for a total of 1,000 points – it just may be that Kroger had it on sale for $4.99 that week, plus offered a $1 off digital coupon, PLUS Ibotta offered $0.75 back, PLUS shopkicks gave you 25 points for scanning and 250 for buying it.  Yes, sometimes you can really luck out just like that! 

I have really lucked out at times….and I LOVE it.  Similar to Shopkicks, yet of course different, points add up to gift card redemptions on this app (1,000 points = $1………3,000 points = $3…….$5 points = $5 all the way to 50,000 points = $50.00).  Again, you can cash in your points whenever you want for yet another electronic gift card.

Tips:  I prefer to use these electronic gift cards on online purchases, as this one can be a pain to use in a store.  While Sephora never seems confused by my Shopkick redemptions, I feel like this lesser known app can confuse some cashiers. Maybe it is just my luck, but I prefer to redeem on this app. for online purchases with Target, Amazon or something like that. I guess nowadays you can shop at any of these places online.  I don’t want to discourage you against using this at any restaurants or stores, as it may be just fine for you.  I just wanted to make you aware, not everyone will know about this app.

Again, this app. offers a super cool referral program.  If you use my code, we will both get 2,000 points when you scan your first receipt.  My code is T8BWA.

Cool side note:  This app. literally tracks your spending for the year at each store.  It compares month-to-month and year to year.  This COULD be a helpful budgeting/record-keeping tool if you’d like it to be.  Just click on “activity” to see all of the details.

4.  Receipt Hog:  So, I’m going to tell you from the get-go, this app is my slowest for earnings.  A lot of impatient people may not stick around on it long – yet I stay, because why not?  I do earn money back and it accepts nearly EVERY SINGLE receipt no matter where it is from.  On this app, you also earn “points” AKA “coins” for either a Visa or Amazon gift card, or you can earn money that can be sent to your Paypal account.

Description:  Basically you just simply scan your receipt.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a fast food restaurant, a clothing store or a gas station, receipt hog is happy to accept and happy to give you something……even if not very much.  The higher the grocery bill, the more coins you will get.  They accept more receipts than most apps. While this app is slow to stack, it is entertaining to me.  First of all, it features a cute little pig that appears in different costumes for different times of the year….AND a super fun slot machine where you do have a chance to strike it “big.”  That possibility of my receipt being drawn (it has happened before) always keeps me coming back and submitting receipts.

So let’s break this down:  If you shop at a pet store, you will get both “coins” and a sweepstake entry for simply scanning your receipt.  For instance, when I buy my dog’s food at PetSmart, and I will get awarded around 15 coins and a sweepstakes entry for doing so.  If you go to a clothing or electronic store, you get to play their slot machine!  This part is so fun, and makes this among the most entertaining of the savings apps (at least for me).  Though many times, your slot is unsuccessful or your awards are not much more than 2, 5 or 10 coins, it is still something and still fun.  It’s not like it’s some big time waster.  Big winners can earn a TON of coins, and even $100 (though I’ve never been that person just yet) – there are winners all the time.  In general, you will either get coins and/or a sweepstakes entry for almost anything.  The more entries you have, the bigger your chances of course.  Like I said, this isn’t a huge earnings app. most of the time, but fun, and super easy. It literally takes 2 seconds to scan your receipt.

Tips:  If you go to the rewards section, sometimes they will also feature surveys you can take for additional coins.  You can also get additional points for connecting your Amazon or e-mail to this account.

This app. does not offer a referral program, but again, too fun to pass up!

5.  Drop:  This app. is yet another fascination of mine, thanks to my little sister (my fellow saver).  We are carbon copies of one another when it comes to savings (and we are not making any apologies for it either).  Because I joined this app, we both received 5,000 points from the get-go, which is equivalent to $5 for both of us.

Description:  There really isn’t a ton to say about this one, because once you set up your account, you do little to NO work (unless of course you want to put in a little). This app. can be as little or as much as you’d like to make of it.  Now, things have changed with this app. since I first downloaded on it.  I don’t want to tell you wrong, but I cannot see everything without setting up a new account.  I also cannot find the specifics online.  However, I believe the new process goes like this:  You simply link your card to this app and choose 2 retailers or restaurants that you’d like to earn points at. (1,000 points = $1, just like on Fetch). As long as you use your card to make purchases at these businesses, it does the work for you.  If you don’t want to do much more than that, you are still on your way to earning some good points.

You will want to choose 2 of the places on their list that you are likely to spend the most money at.  You can browse their offers to start earning points as well, but at the very least, any time you buy something at one of those 2 places and use your card, you will automatically get points towards a gift card.  (IE – if you choose Starbucks as one of your choices and then go order a coffee, you will automatically be awarded points when you use your card there.  You don’t need to scan anything.  It may take a few days to see your points in your account, but rest assured, they should arrive).  You don’t have to do anything, except swipe the linked card.  Now, there are also a TON of offers (outside of the 2 businesses you choose) available, if you’d like to advantage of them.  If you shop through the app. at Wal-Mart for example, there just may be a current opportunity to earn 60 points back per $1 spent.  Click on the “Shop” tab to see what the current offers are.

Other ways to earn points:  They also feature a fun game called, “supercharge,” where you can earn additional points.  The icon is a snake, so you have to stay on the lookout for it.  It stays locked until you earn points shopping.  You also get to play “hoops,” among other little fun games.   As I’m writing this, I literally just stopped for a game of hoops.  You get one free play a day.  I earn around 50 points each time I play.  This app. kind of has a Receipt Hog vibe to it.  It can be entertaining for sure.  They also offer a ton of surveys for points if you feel comfortable answering the questions on there.

Though it has taken me a little while to stack up, it’s such a low-maintenance app.  As you can see, I have almost $32 stacked up from very minimal effort.

As mentioned, this also contains a great referral program.  If you use my code, we will both earn $5:  1fcto

Tips: While I will admit I haven’t had the energy to learn EVERYTHING on this app, I would encourage you to study it.  There is A LOT on there. While I am not the master of this app., I do want to encourage you to really think it through on which of the businesses choices you are likely to spend the most money at BEFORE you choose them.  Apparently, you cannot change them once you select them, so choose wisely.  Looking back, I wish I would’ve known this. Still, I cannot complain about this little gem of an app!

6.  Coinout:   This one is so very easy.

Description:  It is a concept that is pretty similar to Fetch, though it awards cents back to you rather than “points.” It may take a minute for your earnings to stack up, as you typically earn anywhere from $0.1 – $0.3 cents back on each receipt, but I’ve earned up to $0.13 back on some. I don’t think they’ve ever rejected a single receipt of mine.  All I’ve been doing is scanning receipts, so I cannot complain. However, there are A LOT of other opportunities on there which I’m not taking advantage of.  I will admit, I need to do some more exploring beyond scanning my receipts.  They feature a great deal of businesses who offer cash back.  They even offer cash back on certain groceries.  Whether you’re purchasing in store or online, you can earn cash back.  I encourage you to check deeper into this app.

Tips: As I said, study this app.  I think you will be impressed enough.  Also, take clear pictures.  Beware:  They inform you that if you send a duplicate receipt, you will lose your account – so be sure to never accidently scan a receipt twice (happens to the best of us). Lastly, realize your gift card or earnings do not happen automatically.  You will need to wait a few business days (up to 10) for them to approve it.

Note:  I recently earned a $10 Amazon gift card on there and am well on my way to receiving another gift card.  However, I am seeing now it takes a minimum of $20 to transfer your earnings to Paypal.

Again, they have a cool little referral program.  Their incentives change, so though I cannot tell you what you will earn, it will be something:   My link:  https://coinout.com/referrals/new?r=Z76F2ND

7.  SavingStar: Yet another way to earn cash by simply buying groceries you may normally buy.

Description:  I think of this one as a much smaller, slower stacking up Ibotta, minus the bonuses.  Yet, I still see them as worth it, as I did earn $20 on there in a fairly short time due to some bulk diaper buying.  One way they do differ from Ibotta is that they have a lot more offers that are a bulk requirement.  For example, at this moment, if you buy $25 worth of Kellogg’s cereal, you can earn $5 back.  You can buy this cereal in one trip or many.

Tips:  You will want to be aware that if you are working towards a bulk rebate that you must complete it before the expiration dates on there.  If not, you will lose what you worked toward, which has happened to me before.  This does make this app. a harder one in some ways.  However, earning the $15 back in diapers I did that one time really did make it stack up quickly.  Also, they do have here and there $1 – $3 back offers on single items.  All in all, I do not consider this a high maintenance app.  While it’s probably not going to become my biggest earner, I do check this one before I go to the store.  Though I haven’t explored it, they are now also partnered with coupons.com, which may interest some of you. So yeah, I see this app. as worth having.

Referral program?  Not that I know of, but maybe I’m missing something, or maybe that will change.

How to redeem:  Once you’ve earned a total of $20 back, you can redeem and send to Paypal.

Other apps worth mentioning:   I’m not as well-versed in this one, but I do think you should know about it:  Rakuten (formerly known as Ebates).  I have this one downloaded on my phone, and know it’s been around a long time.  I understand the concept of it, and know people earn back a lot on here.   The main reason I haven’t gotten too much into it is because I can do a lot of what I’d do on there on Ibotta or another app.  It just feels easiest to let my points build on another app. that I more frequently use.  Still, I do keep this one, and have heard others say many great things about it.  I’m definitely not counting it out, as it is certainly legitimate and credible.  Maybe I’m just already balancing too much?  (Imagine that).

I also should mention Checkout51 (which is basically the same concept as Ibotta).  However, Checkout51 doesn’t offer anything close to what Ibotta does in terms of variety, last time I looked.  They also tend to “run out” of offers.  I decided I didn’t really want to mess with this one any longer and deleted it.  However, you may want to check it out.  Maybe it has improved?  Maybe I should look again.  I also have Receipt Pal on my phone.  There are some ongoing issues going on with confirming my e-mail, but I do know you can scan receipts and earn points, which turn into cash.  I suggest looking into that one as well.

Now, with all of that said, I have earned back almost $800 between all of these apps. in 2 years.  Some of my earnings ended up being straight cash back that I transferred to Paypal, and then to my bank account.  Other times, I earned a gift card.

Either way, THIS money has helped in a variety of ways:  I’ve bought little things off Amazon I wanted.  My app earnings even once funded a nice anniversary dinner, among many other little luxuries.  Sometimes I just decide our bank account could use a little boost before pay day, so I’ll transfer $20-$40 over from Ibotta at that time.  For the longest time, I got pretty much ALL of my makeup from Sephora for free simply because of my Shopkick app.

Maybe you want these apps to be your excuse for purchasing Starbucks coffee.  After all, your husband cannot complain if it was free, right?  The possibilities are endless, and I suppose we can all be motivated by something different.

Now, Ibotta is my winner in terms of what I’ve earned back.  It has given me half of all of my earnings out of all of these apps.  So, if you can only choose ONE, I suggest Ibotta.  However, every single app I have given you is worth the time, in my opinion.  If it’s simply scanning a receipt, why not?  And on Drop, you don’t even have to do anything except link your card for at least TWO companies to earn some points over time.  Yes, apps like Receipt Hog take awhile to stack up, but oh well.  If you don’t put much work into it, what’s the harm?  Just a couple months ago, I got my first reward on Receipt Hog.  Yes, it took a long time to build that cash, so I decided to get something fun and meaningful with it:  I bought my mom, sister and self an essential oil/stress relief bracelet off of Amazon.  I also got Clara a personalized card book for her 1st birthday, as a special keepsake she can always have.  Every single one of us are enjoying our fun little Receipt Hog reward.

The bottom line:  For a majority of these apps, it only takes a second to scan the receipt.  I have a system.  I take each receipt and do what I can with it on each app…..and then I move on to the next receipt.

Whew okay…..I got descriptive on all of this, but I know how overwhelming all of this can feel at first.  It takes a minute to really learn all these apps, and I still cannot say I’m all of the way there.  Do not get overwhelmed by this blog post, simply because of all of the words.  Yes, I went into great detail, BUT none of these apps are overly complicated to get started on.  I just wanted to give you all the ins and outs, tips and my personal observations so that you can have the best experience possible on each of them.

So really….I just wanted to write the type of blog that I tend to find useful in my own life. There are also a lot of great YouTube videos out there that also explain these apps in great detail, if you are more of a video person.

Final Confession:  Yes.  Sometimes I feel like I’m juggling apps while walking into a store, yes.  Sometimes I’m looking at deals on Ibotta, while my sister is handing me an item to scan for Shopkicks….and sometimes I’m trying to remember if the item I’m hoping to get cash back for on Ibotta is also featured for points on Fetch.  Sometimes I forget to scan a receipt.  Sometimes I get a little frazzled. Sometimes I am also trying to look at my Kroger digital coupons and my paper ones at the same time, but guess what friends?  It is totally doable…..and super fun!  I will admit I have been slacking on Shopkicks during all of this COVID chaos, but I still love it!  I can still make it out of a huge grocery trip in about an hour.  I can do most of my app work in the comfort of my own home.

I also know that I didn’t even come close to listing all of the savings apps out there – these are just my go-to’s.  I know I’m late to the party with Ebates, among others….and would love to hear some of your favorites too!  (please share them in the comment section below).  I never get tired of learning about new ways to save!

If you enjoyed this post, please let me know that as well.  As I said, this is only scratching the surface on my savings.  I am totally open to doing more savings posts in the future!  This isn’t even counting my coupons and other savings avenues.  The future post possibilities are endless!

Sound off below if these savings posts are something you would like to see more of!

Until then…Happy Savings, friends!

5 Steps to Striving for Selflessness in a Self-Absorbed Society

hollymarietong Budgeting, dating, design, Encouragement, frugal living, Nashville Music, Personal Growth, single life, weddings, Women in Music , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
5 Steps to Striving for Selflessness in a Self-Absorbed Society

When I created this blog, I vowed to share selfless content that would be beneficial to all in some way, shape or form.  Have I fallen short at times?  YES.  Have I probably shared some useless facts about me that didn’t really inspire or encourage anyone?  I have no doubt.  Have I wasted my time and someone else’s once or twice with a post that lacked substance?  Sigh.  I’m sure I have.  (Sorry!)

So here’s the deal:  In 2020, everyone and their sister, is now a lifestyle blogger or YouTube star.  Sharing makeup, fashion advice and the latest Target finds are about as 2020 as COVID-19 and face masks.  I’m certainly not knocking this line of work, as obviously, *I* am one of them.  No, I’m not a YouTube star, with a big following (so don’t look me up).  However, I’m “somewhat” in the lifestyle blogging world on a minor level.  I’m a wife, mom, full-time legal assistant, and publicist.  After that?  I post on here if I’m able, though I’m dying to make it more of a priority.  But first, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Image by Anastasia Gepp from Pixabay

Please understand:  I didn’t create a blog to be trendy, or as an excuse to quit my day job.  I didn’t create a blog so we could just talk about outer appearance, though there is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look your best.  My goal has been to focus more on character, legacy, faith and eternity, while still enjoying the here and now.  To enjoy the here and now, we need to love our homes, which means practical living tips are also of course a huge plus.

Writing is my passion – it isn’t some new thing for me.  Writing to me is like breathing.  I don’t do it in the hopes that I can be cool or popular.  I do it, because I don’t know how not to. Therefore, I am always seeking God’s help, and looking for the best outlets to not just hone my craft – but to most importantly, inspire others.  But tell me:  How can I do that?

I recently read a post on in a Facebook “girl’s group” I’m in.  It really, really, got me thinking.  Really.

Someone asked the group, if they subscribe to bloggers and/or what kind of blogs they enjoy.  A lot of the respondents had a similar response/view of bloggers.  The discussion left me feeling a weird combo of motivation and defeat (if that’s even possible):

This short little “survey” revealed that a lot of our non-blogging female peers consider most bloggers to be self-absorbed.  They aren’t interested in reading about “her life.”  Though this wasn’t their exact words, I picked up on what they were saying.  In a nutshell, they are basically interested in reading about “their life.”  They want to read blogs that benefit them, not just the blogger:  They want to hear about DIY home cleaning recipes, and how to make their Grandma’s easy homemade marinara sauce.  The majority isn’t really all that interested in seeing what is in Ellie’s makeup bag, or viewing an outfit that they cannot afford.  They don’t care about HER vacation or HER wedding, that they cannot afford. However, they may find her discount/money-saving tips valuable.  They may benefit from some of  her DIY tips in general, whether that be household cleaners, makeup, baking, wedding planning or vacationing.  They just want to know that it isn’t all about Ellie.  They want to know “what’s in it for them.” 

Basically, what readers want is authenticity and selflessness.  They want practical tips they can do on their own.  They want affordable, and they want fairly simple.  They don’t want to read 2,000 words, or read a huge backstory on a recipe.  They are mainly looking for the ingredients, what to set their oven at, and the baking time.

Photo by Adelaide Street Media

I grasped these truths a LONG time ago and vowed to be different, yet I still find myself wondering EXACTLY what my readers are most interested in.  I also find myself struggling to not be overly wordy while I’m at it.  Some of my blog posts have been well on their way to becoming a book, so I’m guilty.

Here’s a startling confession though:  I had zero problems getting millions of views on my pop culture column I used to run.  But when I make a blog about faith, character and legacy, with some practical living tips mixed in?  It’s much harder.  No, it’s not about views.  If it becomes about “views” then it becomes about the self-absorbed issue I’m talking about.  Still, how can I REALLY reach people with the kind of beneficial content that matters?  To me, pop culture isn’t the way to do that.

With that said, I want to do better going forward, and I need YOUR help.  YES you.

I don’t want this blog to just be about Holly.  Holly is just the messenger.  I want to KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT TO KNOW!  I want you to sound off in the comment section below.

LET ME KNOW:  Are you enjoying the Interior Design posts?  What practical tips would you like to know about Interior Design?  With most of us being home more often, I feel like now is the time for more “home” posts.  I don’t believe there has been any time more important than now to love the space we call “home.”  Tell me if I’m wrong.

Photo by Dawn D. Totty Designs

Would you like to see more easy recipe posts?  Frugal living tips? More DIY organization posts?  DIY cleaners?  More faith and encouragement posts?  All of the above?  What else?  What benefits YOU?  What would make YOU want to subscribe to a blog?

And because I want to leave YOU with something beneficial today…………Here are 5 steps to being selfless in a self-absorbed world:

  1.  Ask people how they are, and TRULY wait to hear the answer.  Don’t just ask, “how are you?,” and walk on.  Doing so, shows routine and obligation….not care and sincerity.  Wait until they actually tell you how they are and respond to them.  Go a step further, and listen to what’s going on in their life, without feeling the need to immediately interject what is going on in yours.
  2. Be a person of your word:  If you say you’re going to do something….do it.  Man, oh man.  God has really convicted me about this one over the years. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a procrastinator.  I don’t “lie” to people, or break my word on purpose.  But if I tell someone we will get together soon, I want to mean it and follow through.  Even if my life gets busy, I want to keep my word.  If I tell someone I’m going to help them with something or make them a handmade gift….I don’t want the weeks to fly by.  I want to be an “over deliverer.”  When I look around, I think a lot of us get into a lazy mindset.  And dang it.  I’m one of them, sometimes!  My Pastor has taught me SO MUCH about this topic over the years….but he hasn’t just taught it.  He LIVES it, even though thousands of people attend our church.  He ALWAYS follows through.  He remembers what he tells people and does it.  If he can do it, so can we!  With that said, this tidbit, just reminded me I need to RSVP to a friend’s shower for an invite I received a couple weeks ago.  This is what I’m talking about, friends!  (Points at self).  Don’t be the person not to RSVP, because then, you just keep the host guessing on how much food and seating they need.  What’s even worse?  RSVP’ing with a “yes,” only to be a no-show.  What’s also bad?  To not RSVP, and then to show up when they weren’t expecting you.  What else?  Don’t be the person to walk out of someone’s wedding reception before the food is served, when you KNOW the bride’s parents already paid for your plate.  They paid for your spot, because they wanted YOU to have it.  They could’ve chosen someone else. Unless you have an emergency or something pretty major come up, it’s rude and disrespectful to just leave.  Everyone understands that unforeseen things come up….. but catch my drift?  (Again, I know I’ve been a hypocrite in the past on some of these concepts (such as RSVP), but I’m learning.  I’m trying).

    SONY DSC
  3. Do something nice for someone without ANY motive.  There doesn’t always have to be a payment from the other party, a barter, or a “deal worked out.”  What if every now and then we went out of our way and did something nice for someone, “just because?”  I’m going to go ahead and say, I think this one may be one of my strengths.  I feel like I do this one a lot.  In fact, sometimes I feel like I’ve taken this one a little over the top at times….but I’m sure in God’s eyes there have been times I could’ve done more, for every single time I think I may have “given too much.” At the end of the day, I’d rather give too much than too little.  But guys, seriously, sometimes we really should take off our “business, money-making, hat” for a minute.  Not everything has to be a huge contract with a signature on the line.  Every now and then, how about just doing something nice for someone….just because we wanted to bless them?  I’m not suggesting we let ourselves get “walked all over,” because we DO have bills to pay.  Many of us have businesses to run and jobs to do.  But still….there can be a balance.  What if you randomly brought someone their favorite coffee?  Wrote a letter of encouragement and sent it the old snail mail way?  What if you picked someone up from the airport and decide to turn down the $20 bill they offer you?
  4. If you have a good experience with someone’s service or business, write up a nice 5 star review for them. It only takes a couple minutes.  Why not?  If you yourself have a service or business, you know you would like the kind reviews too.  What’s more?  You could even share their page, or promote their posts on YOUR social media page.  If our pages are ONLY full of selfies and/or our latest accolades, perhaps we need to reexamine.  We can spare and share a spot for others sometimes too, right?

    Photo by Dawn D. Totty Designs
  5. Allow yourself to be inconvenienced every now and then.  This kind of goes along with #3, but can be all its own in some ways too.  My Pastor talks about this point a lot as well.  He teaches us that we should walk through crowds slowly, and pay attention to the needs of those around us.  Maybe the LAST thing I want to do on a Saturday night is give someone a ride 30 minutes across town, but just maybe, sometimes I should.  Maybe on that 30 minute ride, I’ll be able to give them encouragement.  Maybe they will get out of my car blessed and inspired.  Maybe sometimes we should lighten a co-worker’s load…..just because we can.  Maybe sometimes we should talk to that sweet elderly woman at the grocery for 15 minutes…..just because we can.  Maybe she needs your company more than you need to get home and cook dinner.  Allowing yourself to be inconvenienced every now and then is perhaps the unofficial definition of “selflessness.”

    Image by Rebecca Matthews from Pixabay

So there you have it.  The bottom line is, everyone is craving authenticity and selflessness.  People love to see kindness without motive.  Yes, the world craves “love,” as it is always said…..but without authenticity and selflessness, love isn’t genuine.  It doesn’t exist.  Love is easy.  True selflessness requires more effort.  No matter what our schedule or career path is, every day we have a chance to be an example of  “selflessness.”

I’d love hear your thoughts on all of the above:  Sound off in the comment section below!

Getting Back to the Basics: (When I reached my “Aha Moment”)

hollymarietong Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
Getting Back to the Basics: (When I reached my “Aha Moment”)

I came to that grand “Aha moment” seven years ago, on the day of my beloved Grandma’s funeral.

But first, there I was at my one bedroom apartment right outside of Nashville.  It was early morning.  My phone was ringing.  It was my mom. I knew what she was going to tell me before I even picked it up.  I had been trying to mentally prepare, but still, I wanted to cry upon actually hearing the news.  

I got everything ready for Ohio, and I got into my car.  The first two songs that came on the radio were of no coincidence. The one that hit me the hardest was Mercy Me’s, “I Can Only Imagine.”  Grandma never did care about mainstream music, but she had once mentioned that song to me.  She had heard it and really liked it. In fact, it may have been the only mainstream song I had ever heard her mention.  Grandma and I were alike – yet so different.  I knew nearly every song on the radio, while she couldn’t have cared less.  By 2013, “I can only imagine” certainly wasn’t a new song and was seldom on the radio.  In that moment, I knew God was giving me the gentle reminder that Grandma was already at total peace in heaven with Jesus.

And there I was.  I was in my late 20’s and had marked things off my bucket list that I had never even put on there to begin with.  By all outer appearances, my life looked fairly exciting.  Why in the world did I still lack peace?

I thought I was “happy.”  I was sort of happy in an artificial kind of way, but happiness is so much different than joy.  To me, “happiness” is temporary and based on the circumstances of the world around me.  I lacked genuine joy and genuine peace.  How my heart “felt,” was dependent on my circumstances around me……..whereas with joy and peace, you can be content no matter what your circumstances. How I felt was very “conditional” on what was happening vs. what wasn’t happening.

Somehow though, that day opened my eyes in a way that would forever change me.  (Keep in mind I gave my life to Jesus as a child).  I was already saved, yes.  However, I hadn’t really surrendered everything to him in the way I thought I had.  I had accepted him, but not his peace.  I still insisted on complicating my life.  I had lost sight of the basics, and I didn’t even realize it.

My Grandma was undoubtedly proud of me.  She always told me so, but she also always told me she was MOST proud that I had chosen to follow Jesus.  She was the least materialistic” person I’ve ever known.  Her treasures were in Heaven, and it always showed.  All she really needed in her home was her Bible, a few chocolates, a crossword puzzle and some good company.  She hated clutter and was always trying to give something away.  She wasn’t a big shopper, and she cared very little about pop culture trends.  (She didn’t go many places, which I will admit remains a desire in my heart, personally). She would appear very simple in the eyes of this world, but when it came to what mattered most, she knew:   Jesus.  Family. Simplicity.

On the day of her funeral, there was a hint of irony, yet it wasn’t so ironic after all.  If I had to guess, though I cannot say for sure, Grandma probably never rode in a limo her whole life.  However, for her funeral, she had always requested that a limo drive her family to the grave site.  In usual Grandma fashion, she wanted to give “us” something comfortable, and she wanted her homecoming to be more of a celebration than anything else.

Very ironically, riding in a limo was one of the very few things I hadn’t yet crossed off my bucket list.  Crazy huh?  You would THINK I would’ve been in one at some point – a prom, or a special event of some sort, but nope.  This was my first time ever.  To date, it has still been my only time. This was certainly not how I wanted to cross it off, but reality sat in right there in that limo.  So much so, that I couldn’t even see any of its glamour.  It was in that limo that I had a realization that would forever change me.

I was nearing 30, and I had sacrificed love, healthy relationships, and even family time, all so I could pursue my dreams.  I sat in “glamour,” yet still felt pretty empty.  I realized it was eerily symbolic of my whole entire life.  Everyone my age and older in that limo had a special significant other.  I didn’t have anyone to sit next to me, or anyone “lasting” who would be there at the hard day’s end.

“So…THIS is what it ALL comes down to,” I thought.

I realized in that moment, Grandma had it ALL.  She had Jesus, Grandpa, her children and teary-eyed grandchildren that thought the world of her.  Because she had kept her focus, she was now ultimately enjoying the ultimate paradise – a paradise far better than any of my worldly success.

My resume had a lot on it….BUT…would my ultimate “legacy of love” ever be anywhere nearly as special as hers?

One-by-one, at her funeral, we had all talked about her love for Jesus, and how her simple and sweet heart had touched us all.

….It really hit me.  The things I loved most about Grandma had next to nothing to do with worldly success:  I loved how she saved newspaper clippings for us, the simple little snacks she kept in the kitchen for us, her marigolds, her ability to solve a wheel of fortune puzzle….and I just really loved how much she loved Jesus and her family.  

No one was going to care about a modeling gig I had at 25, an award-winning article I wrote, what events I attended, or any of my “career accomplishments” for that matter. 

Now, I knew this revelation didn’t mean I should STOP everything I was doing, but it meant I should definitely recalibrate.

What those who matter most were going to care about at the end of it all is my legacy of faith, how well I loved my family and other people in general.

Boom.  Ouch.

Now, ironically, after this realization, I would call 2013 and 2014 the most successful years of my “entertainment” career.  So ironic.  Ironically, right after I turned 30 (my most feared year), is what I would call the most successful year in the entertainment life.  When I realized how little it all mattered in the big scheme of things….I achieved more than ever before.  When I cared “less,” I accomplished “more.”  The upcoming year which would include my book release, was full of cameras, interviews, TV appearances and writing advancements.  This time though?  I handled it with a newfound perspective.  

…….And then, it was all gone again.  So gone. God certainly has a sense of humor.  He constantly reminds me how very fleeting it all is….yet brings me opportunities that I can store away as great memories.

(Spoiler:  I never did end up with a million followers on Instagram (in fact, I don’t even have a thousand as I barely give that app. any attention at all….but I now know how fleeting our “following” is.  I know I personally want to follow Jesus….not a pop culture figure).

I still worked hard, but I remembered the realization I had.  My Nashville journey would never look quite the same from then on out.  The greater purpose for being here had been revealed.

After ending 2014 with a bang, I tried to cut back on things I didn’t want to do.  I subtracted what no longer felt fruitful. I began focusing on my dating life, but that started out kind of ugly.  It still wasn’t God’s timing.  The most important thing was that my heart was now “open” to whatever he may have for me.  Subsequently, I FINALLY let go of a very long-term and dysfunctional “off and on like a light switch,” relationship that I had been holding onto for years.  It had been a stronghold in my life in many ways, but I finally sincerely made the decision that it no longer had a hold on me.  For the first time ever, I didn’t try to take back what I had given to him.

By placing the broken pieces in HIS hands, MY hands were finally open and ready for the right man.

On Good Friday of 2015, I got a new man in my life….a four-legged one.  I rescued a five month old puppy that would further change my life.  In no time flat, that little border collie I named “Rosco” became my life.  I didn’t feel like going out as much anymore.  He needed my attention.  He was sensitive and seemed to genuinely appreciate my company.  I was told that raising a border collie bares a resemblance to raising a toddler, and I soon found out that was true.  As silly as it sounds, it was a big reminder to me, that it wasn’t just “me,” I was taking care of. 

Also, no matter what I accomplished, my bank account never really matched it no matter how hard I tried.

Life became more about working to live….not living to work.

I’m not complaining though.  I’ve been blessed.  Life circumstances have beat me up more than a few times since moving here, but “Nashville as Nashville,” and the locals have treated me really really well.  So again, no bitterness.  I can hit the pillow tonight knowing I’m blessed and that if I never achieve one more accolade in this city, that I’ll be just fine.

Now, did I get frustrated about the road that country music was/is taking?  Frustrated doesn’t even begin to cover it.  I felt sick about it.  Really really sick.  Did I wait a little too long to pitch some of my songs that sound more 2006ish than 2020ish?  Probably so.  But that is okay too.  I was busy working full-time, and if I wasn’t pitching songs, I was working on something else.  I was probably on the set of a video or a commercial that (age-wise), I may not be casted for today.  Sometimes you just have to choose what you can take on and what you can’t.  But I’ll tell you why I care even less now than I did then:  Country music and my career is fleeting.  It won’t matter 80 years from now. 

Saving country music isn’t my ultimate purpose….saving souls is what is.

Also, as a Christian, I tend to believe that some things are just meant to be while others are not meant to be.  I truly believe if God is leading your life, you will always end up where you are supposed to. God knows what is good for us and what isn’t:  What we are ready for and what we are not.  What is timely and what is not. 

Frankly, there is currently too much going on in the world for me to be overly consumed with ANYTHING pop culture related.  Whether or not there is a lot going on….NOTHING is worth placing above Jesus at anytime.

And here I am today:  Here I am in 2020.  I wrote all of the above well over a year ago and just now decided to hit the publish button.  It’s all now so clear why I felt the strong push to get back to the basics.  Yes, the whirlwind of change continued after I fully placed everything into the Father’s hands.

I’m now going on 3 years of marriage with a husband I adore.  I found him to be the polar opposite of everyone I had dated in the past, and I knew I was ready for that. Though I hated the, “it happens when you least expect it,” cliche with EVERY fiber of my being…..it is exactly what happened in my world.  It happened so fast, that it happened before I even really fathomed it was finally happening.  It only happened when I fully surrendered my past, present and future.

Our precious daughter is about to turn 1.  We are currently planning her first birthday party.  I believe my big revelation was necessary for me to have what I have today.

She inspires me every day to be a better woman.  That rescue pup who first changed my life is well on his way to turning 6.  On both sides of the house, we have the most incredible families.  I was born into the best, and then I somehow ALSO managed to inherit the best by marriage.  I don’t want to miss anything.  I want to nurture, cherish and dedicate myself to what and who matters most.  

And now, I see even more just how much Grandma had it right:  It’s not about the quantity of people in our lives:  It’s about the quality.  It’s not about the possessions in our lives:  It’s about what we have in our hearts.  I remain thankful for my great “Aha Moment.”

No matter where you live, you have experienced the craziness of 2020.  For those of us in Nashville, we experienced tornadoes/storm damage, which was quickly followed by COVID-19 chaos.  Would you know that some of the PERSONAL challenges in my life during this first half of this year have been so overpowering at times, that I almost forgot about how crazy the world has become?  (My challenges have absolutely nothing to do with my marriage or family, so no need to speculate there).  

It’s certainly been a year that’s stretched me to say the least…..but it’s stretched me in the right way:  It’s sent me running straight into the arms of Jesus.  My only hope.  Your only hope.  Our only hope.  I believe EVERYONE’s time is short, but I also believe we do not have to fear.

With that said, I would encourage you to put all of the the things of this world on the back burner.  Is it okay to have goals?  ABSOLUTELY!  But if Jesus were to come back today, what do you want him to see you doing, and how do you think he wants to see you living?  

This is a question I cannot answer for you.  I can only answer for me.

Are we doing things that will matter for eternity, or are we consumed with the fleeting?  Have we over-complicated the Christian journey?

Faith isn’t complicated.  Jesus isn’t complicated.  Heaven isn’t complicated.  Conviction isn’t complicated.  His word isn’t complicated. We may never understand ALL of it, but the message of Jesus is simple.

Love isn’t complicated.  Compassion isn’t complicated.  Prayer isn’t complicated.  Helping your neighbor isn’t complicated. 

Avoiding unnecessary arguments isn’t complicated.  Thinking before you act, speak and post, isn’t complicated. 

With that said, sometimes I worry that I’m not bold enough.  I do know we are to share the truth.  I have been doing that, but I’m wondering if I do enough.  Still, I think about how my Pastor talks about waiting and praying.  Our wiser self often reveals itself later.  Perhaps this is why I’m sharing this blog a year after it’s creation, and why so many other drafts sit in my inbox for months on end.  I never want to post just to post.

I want to lead people TO the truth…never away from it.  I believe He created me to be an encourager, but I don’t believe He created me to be apologetic about His word either. 

Yes. There is a time to speak, a time to stay silent, a way to share and a way not to share.  

I’m still trying to find that delicate balance, but I do know one thing:  Everything I have just mentioned is a “basic.”  I hesitated to use the word “basic,” because the gospel is so far too amazing to be cheapened with a basic word like “basic,” so please understand, I’m only meaning to use it in the right context.  Sometimes we think of the word “basic” to mean “boring” or “uneventful,” but I use basic to say…..His way is necessary, essential and simple.  You don’t have to have a PhD or a VIP pass to be “in” with Jesus.  John 3:16 laid it out for all of us.  We can ALL have a PhD and a VIP pass into his kingdom by simply asking him into our hearts, asking for forgiveness of sins….and truly meaning it.

Do I see everything going on in the world right now?  YES!

However, as my Pastor said a couple months ago, “I am concerned, but not worried.”  I think that’s the place I find myself today.  I am certainly concerned about all that is going on, but I am not worried.  I’ve seen the end of the book of Revelation.  I know who wins.  His name is Jesus.  If you get to know Him, you too will win.

All you have to do is get back to the basics or allow yourself to accept the basics…..the beautiful, peaceful, life-changing, basics.

If you’ve never asked Jesus into your heart, you can now do so, by saying this simple, but meaningful prayer:  Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior. In Your Name. Amen.

If you have any questions beyond this, feel free to reach out.  I am here for you:  holly.cokkinias@gmail.com

Is Bedroom Clutter Compromising Your Sleep? (With Interior Designer Dawn D. Totty)

hollymarietong Budgeting, design, Encouragement, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
Is Bedroom Clutter Compromising Your Sleep? (With Interior Designer Dawn D. Totty)

Minimalism is undoubtedly one of the top-trending topics of 2020.  We all know it’s a goal we should be striving for, but how many of us are still struggling with “unwanted clutter,” despite countless purge attempts?  (I will be the first to raise my hand).  Study after study has been researching how clutter can negatively impact the mind.  Well, perhaps it may even be the roadblock preventing some of us from getting a good night’s sleep…..which in turn affects the mind?  Makes perfect sense, right?

When Dawn first proposed the topic of “bedroom clutter” affecting one’s sleep, I felt both excited and convicted at the same time.  My current struggle in our own master bedroom is that it doubles as our nursery.  (Yes, I can see you cringing).  However, with our home setup, it is simply the most ideal situation for us.  We have a fairly large two story home, and our master bedroom (with the awesome closet is located downstairs).  All of the other bedrooms are upstairs, and I simply do not want my baby far away from us at night.  Therefore, I have had to do some serious improvising. While I am somewhat proud of the finished product, it doesn’t mean that I am completely satisfied either. Still, I’ve noticed with every single purge I do, the more peacefully I sleep.  Dawn’s tips also continue to help me create a more soothing sleep space day by day.

The picture below is Dawn’s work (not my bedroom), just so you know…

Let’s just say that this interview with Dawn has inspired me yet again!  So now, without further ado, let’s hear from our favorite design expert (Dawn D. Totty of Dawn D. Totty Designs):

“When you follow the clutter trail, it will almost always lead to a lack of storage or not knowing how to organize,” shares Totty.

“Your bedroom is where you begin and end your day, so it is vital that you have a peaceful clutter-free sleeping environment,” she adds.

Now, here are a few pro organizer tips to de-clutter your bedroom according to Dawn D. Totty of Dawn D. Totty Designs:

“Designers are all about creating functional zones or areas designed for specific uses – such as the corner of the room reserved for a small desk/office, make up station, as well as dressing and sitting areas, etc.  Compartmentalizing each area of the room will keep the room functional, as well as organized,” reveals Totty.

“Go vertical and as far up to the ceiling as possible, with built in or open concept shelving, to accommodate books, hats, baskets for accessories etc., she continues.”

“The average size of a queen bed is about 6’x5′ in diameter, so take full advantage of all of the space underneath your bed! Plastic bins, baskets and roller drawers are perfect for storing sweaters, boots, coats and hats.

So, where can we turn to get some of Dawn’s recommended items?  In a word:  Houzz.

“This set of 2 under drawer on rollers from Houzz can help utilize the space under your bed, as well as be aesthetically pleasing.  There are 12 different colors to choose from,” suggests Totty.

“Storage benches, chests and upholstered ottomans such as this moroccan gray lift top upholstered storage ottoman makes for easy access to blankets, sweaters and bed linens, as well as additional seating.  It is under $200 and saves space when placed at the foot of your bed,” continues Totty.

Now, let’s talk laundry.  Eek, yes….laundry.

“Laundry can be a major source of clutter.  If you have an accessible laundry bag placed on a hook on the back of a closet door you will eliminate floor clutter.  The Dll Bath Mesh Laundry Bag (Gray) can be purchased on Houzz for just $22.69,” reveals Dawn.

The use of hooks don’t just pertain to laundry, however.

“Hooks placed near doors for easy access for frequently used items such as a handbag, jacket, or keys, will make life easier and more clutter free.  This set of 4 Elios Hooks can be a great asset in minimizing bedroom clutter,” she adds.

Hanging organizers hung on a bedroom closet rod will accommodate belts, ties and scarves and keep them all together in one specific place. Houzz also features a plethora of options for hanging organizers.  The iDesign Scarf Organizer is just one of many.

What about those every day essentials that get all mismatched and disorganized in our dresser drawers?  Well, Dawn has a solution there too.

“Drawer dividers will ensure your socks and under garments will always be organized and neat.  This Traci Bamboo spring loaded adjustable drawer divider comes in a set of 4,” shares Dawn.

Some of our other spatial friends?

“Baskets are the best kept trick for just about everything storage related. They can slide under a bed, or be kept at the bedside for remotes, magazines or an extra blanket,” explains Dawn.

“Also, anytime you can get a nightstand with drawers and shelves, those will be far more functional vs. a small table,” she adds.

The Winsome Wood/Curved End Table/Night stand with one drawer is a simple, yet excellent example of what Dawn is referring to.  You can currently find it on Houzz for just $63.45.

Organizing, maximizing, decluttering and accenting our spaces is not an overnight project.  However, it is one of the most important projects we can partake in.  There is no better time than now to start creating a peaceful slumber space.  (Wishing you all a whole lot of undisturbed and restful sleep.  Stay well, friends)!

To keep up with Dawn D. Totty’s latest projects and design tips, follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

************************************************************************

About Dawn D. Totty Designs

Dawn D. Totty is an innovative Interior Designer focused on service, customization, enhancing property value and affordably designing spaces to reach their full potential.  Whether a home or business renovation, she has been successfully meeting individual needs and bringing personal visions to life, everywhere she goes.  As a self-described “problem solver,” Totty consistently saves her clients time and money, while reflecting their personal styles at affordable rates.  With a background which began in the New York Fashion industry, Totty has been designing people, places and spaces for 23 years.

In addition to her aesthetic talents and undeniable creativity, lies the mind of an entrepreneur.  She’s a real estate investor with a highly favorable track record.  She has been known to consistently make sizeable profits off of her investments as she has a trained eye for what potential buyers look for.  From homes, to business environments, Totty’s designs have been positively impacting lives both personally and professionally.

In the past year, Dawn’s designs have been featured in over 50 publications, including House Beautiful, Realtor.com, Reader’s Digest, City Scope, Chatter (Times Free Press), Stir Magazine (Sherwin Williams) Vie Magazine, American Farmhouse, and Contemporary Stone + Tile DESIGN. Most recently, Dawn was named the “Best Interior Designer” in Chattanooga’s 2019 “Best of the best” awards.

New Year, New Space:  2020 Design Tips & Trends with Dawn D. Totty

hollymarietong design, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
New Year, New Space:  2020 Design Tips & Trends with Dawn D. Totty

As we know, new years’ resolutions seldom last.  It’s in our nature to set goals for the new year, but by and large, so many of them fall by the wayside.

However, this year, let me make a suggestion:  How about updating your space and enjoying it all year long? 

Now, it’s important to note that when I say “new year, new space,” I am not talking about spending a lot of money.  I am referring to simple, yet exciting ways you can improve your residential or commercial space.  Lucky for me, I happen to be friends with a top interior designer.  Dawn D. Totty of Dawn D. Totty Designs was named “Best Interior Designer” in Chattanooga’s 2020 “Best of the Best Awards.”  Lucky for all of us, Dawn has graciously agreed to share some of her greatest design secrets with us.

First, let’s talk about the most-defining 2020 design trend: 

Minimal is still in, folks.  There has recently been a wave of purging, downsizing and minimizing going on in America:  Let’s continue to welcome it.  Less really is more.  As we declutter and resist purchasing random knick knacks everywhere we go, we can better showcase the pieces and designs we cherish most.

Without further ado, here are some of Dawn’s ways in which you can spruce up your space in the new year:

#1 Fresh coats of paint:  Paint is one of those small upgrades, which makes a huge difference.  “Paint is a $30 refresher with 2-4 hours of labor,” expresses Totty.

How to implement:  “If you don’t want to commit to painting an entire room, pick a focal wall.  In your living room, it would preferably be the wall where your television sits. Choosing this wall will help camouflage the obvious large black box in the center of the wall.  Paint this wall 3 or 4 shades darker than the other walls in that room,” she reveals.

 

The 2020 paint colors of the year are as follows:  First Light (Benjamin Moore), Sun God (Kelly-Moore), Back to Nature (Behr), Minty Fresh (Dunn-Edwards), Songbird (Pratt & Lambert), Whirlwind (Glidden), Chinese Porcelain (PPG Paints) and Naval (Sherwin-Williams).

#2 Wall coverings:  “To add some character to your space, consider some wallpaper.  Wallpaper looks fabulous in bathrooms, living rooms and on your focal point wall,” shares Totty.

How to implement:  Head to a shop with quality wallpaper.  Dawn who resides in the Chattanooga area, recommends “Associated Fabrics” on Dodds Avenue.  They do have a website and online shop as well.

 

#3 Customizing with accessories:  Accessories are yet another way to make your space uniquely yours.  Your accessories should be a direct reflection of your personal style.  The more customized and uniquely you your accessories are, the more you will feel at home.

How to implement:  The best place to accessorize is in your local small shops.  In the Nashville area, the possibilities are endless.  Some of my Dawn’s personal favorites closer to her home are 1866 Revival in Sewanee, Area 61 (Broad Street – Chattanooga), as well as local art galleries.

“How about creating your own gallery wall?  Perhaps you could do a black and white wall of your own family photos,” she suggests.

#4  Textiles:  Again, textiles are small changes that make a big difference.

How to implement:  Change out bedding, shower curtains and pillows.  Perhaps you could also do some fresh new window treatments.  Yet again, Associated Fabrics is also among her favorite places to shop for textiles.

#5 Furniture:  Swapping out furniture is another way to make your space feel fresh and new.  Like Dawn’s other tips, this doesn’t have to be overly pricey or detailed.

 How to implement:  You have an endless amount of furniture options out there:  From local shops, to antique stores to Facebook Marketplace, you can reasonably achieve both comfort and style in 2020. When it comes to textiles and furniture, bold colors and patterns can really make your environment pop.  Also among some of this year’s biggest sofa trends are the color white, soft corners, curved-backs and round legs.

 

So there you have it.  Design doesn’t have to be overly complicated or time consuming.  Small changes can truly make a big difference.  Happy 2020 and happy designing!

Keep up with Dawn’s lastest designs by following her on Facebook

& Instagram!

Fabulously Frugal: Holly’s Humble But Helpful Savings Tips (Part 1)

hollymarietong Budgeting, Encouragement, frugal living, Personal Growth , , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
Fabulously Frugal: Holly’s Humble But Helpful Savings Tips (Part 1)

Growing up, I was taught to be thankful for everything I received and to work for what I want.  I was also taught that I don’t always need what I want.  The value of a dollar was instilled in me early on.

I quickly learned that when it comes to finances it’s often less about what you have and more about what you do with what you have. 

Like most young adults though, I made some poor “big purchase” decisions in this area simply because I thought it was time to make that purchase.  You learn as you go, right?  I sure did.

I have also learned that sometimes what makes the biggest difference in our financial lives is how we view the small purchases….the things we less often think about.  Sure it’s important to think through that $5,000 purchase you’re about to make, but do you ever think about your $5 purchases before you make them?  For most, a few impulsive $5 purchases aren’t going to be a make or break.

However, when impulsive $5 purchases stack up over time, it can make all the difference in your financial life.

Remember, I come to you not as a “perfect voice,” but as a work in progress….and as someone who can relate.  I will never become a financial advisor.  I will never be the one to help you with your 401K or investments.  I am simply going to touch on some basics that have made all the different in my life.

I stand by the fact that my frugal ways have always paid off….and will always pay off.  Below, you will find a few of my humble, but hopefully helpful tips.  My whole post is going to center around one basic idea, and it isn’t rocket science.  (I’m going to divide these posts up into a series, so I’m not going to get overly deep today).

Still, I’m amazed by how many people I meet who do not share my passions in this area or seriously over-complicate the simple process:

Like I said, this particular post is going to center around 1 basic concept with a bunch of sub-points: 

Never pay regular price unless absolutely necessary.

Now, I’m going to go ahead and say right now that you can’t get EVERYTHING on sale or for less.  I’m aware of that.  However, I’m also amazed by those who simply don’t take advantage of the sale item over the regular priced item which seem to be the same thing…..or are “too proud” to use the coupon.  I’ve known of people to “turn down” a Kroger card offered to them at checkout and to refuse to use the coupon handed to them….just because.  And I’m sorry, but I’m not going to sugarcoat it.  That’s just plain silly and financially irresponsible.

Which leads me to my first point:

1)  Use the coupons, store savings cards, and/or the promo codes.  This is easy – not some HUGE golden nugget, yet I see so many not take the time to do this.  Does it take a little time?  Sure, but not nearly as much as the naysayers think.

Whether it’s for a restaurant, auto repair, or a clothing store, use it.  It’s money you don’t need to spend.  Can you save yourself $5 on your oil change?  Cool. It’s money that will be helpful for the dinner you are about to pick up.  Paper coupons still come in the mail – look at them.  Coupons are available online – print them.  Many stores offer digital downloads – load them. Promo codes are often available on websites – apply them.  Is an area child or one of your own selling a savings book?  Support the cause and save some money in the long-run. Earn your fuel points, and then fill up at THAT gas station vs. another, whenever possible.

2)  Take advantage of the sales unless it’s just REALLY not what you want. 

Restaurants:  When I go to a restaurant (and they have a lunch menu) 9 times out of 10, I can find something that sounds perfectly good on there.  The portion is also probably just the right size.  Unless your heart is set on the 6 oz. sirloin for $12.99 (and you do deserve those days), why ignore the $5.99 lunch menu that could save you $7.00?  Some splurges are certainly okay, but when you won’t even LOOK at that menu because it’s cheaper, I don’t understand that? Also, do you have to order soda EVERY time?  Water is better for you….and well, usually free too.  I call that a win-win.

Another restaurant tip:  I realize not all restaurants love this tip, and I wouldn’t do this at every restaurant and in every scenario…..but share a meal when possible (or box up half for another meal).  Most of us probably don’t need that huge platter to ourselves.  Now, I will say this though:  If you share a meal or use a coupon….DO NOT let that mean a lower tip for your server.  If you cannot afford to tip a server appropriately, then you shouldn’t be eating out period.  Please tip them as if you never used a coupon and/or shared a meal.  There is a difference in being frugal and in being a cheapskate.  No one likes a cheapskate.  You can both save money and leave your server with a smile.

Grocery Shopping:  Buy generic whenever possible.  Every store I can think of has their own line of generic brands. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that there is OCCASIONALLY a difference in brands on certain items.  I have my diva moments in this area.  If I’m baking, I’m probably going to get the brand name flour, for example.  I also don’t like cheap toothbrushes, among other things.  When it comes to bottled water, I am a Nestle Purelife snob.  Additionally, I don’t like harmful ingredients, and I find all of the genetically modified foods worriesome (though I’ll never be perfect in this area).  About half (or close to) of what I buy is organic, and I tell myself that’s at least a step in the right direction.  What’s great is that a lot of the organic items also come in a reasonable generic brand now too (Simple Truth at Kroger and some of the Great Value brand at Walmart).  I also know Aldi’s is now totally pro-organic…and cheap!

Remember this basic rule of thumb though, especially if you’re buying “junk” anyways:  That cream of chicken soup probably doesn’t have to be Campbell’s when you have the Save-A lot version of it in front of you for almost .50 less.  If you are buying Hamburger Buns, you probably don’t need the Ball Park Brand for $1.49 if you see Kroger brand sitting there for .89.  If you’re going to buy sugary cereal, there is almost ALWAYS an off-brand for $1-$3 cheaper.  If buying all generic on a shopping trip saves you $3….well, there is $3 you didn’t have before, right?

Clothing and other retailers:  It may clutter your inbox up a bit, but sign up for their special offers e-mails.

First of all, I shop A LOT at stores like Marshall’s, Ross, Burke’s and TJ Maxx.  I like discount stores and find some of my favorite clothes at these stores.

Anyone who knows me knows I also save money at Kohl’s like nobody’s business.  Helloooooo 30% off cards on already clearanced items, Kohl’s cash, Yes Rewards and whatever else I have on hand. (And though I have to use my charge account on some of these purchases to get them for those prices, I’ve almost ALWAYS turned around and paid off my charge right after putting it on there). Paying off your card right after using it just for discount purposes is key.  I’m certainly not advocating putting a charge on a credit card and leaving it sit.  If you don’t have the money to go to Kohl’s at that time, you are better off not going period.  With that said, it isn’t unusual for me to spend $30 and save $200……  It is completely doable.

Also, don’t be afraid to check out the clearance racks.  You may find some of your favorite outfits on there if you are just willing to look.  Now, I will also say that if you buy something only because it’s on clearance, everything becomes counterproductive.  Don’t buy things you aren’t sure about just because they’re cheap…because then it will sit in your closet with tags still intact. Then, it will end up in your next yard sale or Goodwill bag.  Sometimes you should go ahead and pay just a little extra to get what you love…..BUT, look at that dang clearance rack first!

You will also never catch me going into Hobby Lobby without my 40% off coupon ready, unless of course the items I want are already on sale.  (They also have great clearance sections!)

*Other stores like JCPenney, Victoria’s Secret, Sephora AND SO MANY OTHERS offer a wide variety of perks, birthday gifts, coupons and special offers.

Oh, and don’t be too good for the dollar tree either.  I could write a lot of great things about them!

3)  Do not be afraid of thrift stores, Facebook Marketplace, yard sales and second hand:  Some things you just want to buy new.  Yes, I agree.  But then, there are PLENTY of items that do not need to be new.  If you hit the Goodwill or Salvation Army on just the right day, you might find the used-once wedding decor you are looking for.  You may even find like-new V-Tech toys for your child for $1, when you know that same toy costs $40 at Target.  What else?  BOOKS!  You can find perfectly clean and brand new looking popular board books for children.  If it looks like it’s never been read and it’s .50, why go buy it for $7 elsewhere?  Maybe the yard sale you just stopped at has the dog kennel you were looking for at $10 when you know it goes for $129.99 at PetSmart.  Or maybe they have the board game you just played at a friend’s housewarming party and loved?  Isn’t $2 better than paying $20?  Is there really any good reason why you can’t EVER consider used?  If you decide you don’t want the item, you didn’t lose much, did you?  Just re-donate it.  As I said, some things are just too germy or risky, but most of the time?  Just clean the item up a bit if necessary.  Sometimes a wet wipe is all you need.  These are just a few of the countless examples you can save big on.

4)  Stock up on your favorite items while they are on sale:  (I am going to get on this A LOT more in part 2 of this series). I also want to make it known that when I say stock up, I’m NOT encouraging clutter or hoarding.

I am not talking about becoming like someone they would cast for the “Extreme Couponers” show.  I think buying 200 bottles of ketchup just because you can get them for 3 cents each is silly and unnecessary unless you run a happening business that needs that many bottles.  I guess if you are a big party planner or restaurant owner it could make SOME sense, but still.  Or hey, I could see SOME “extreme couponing” if you were donating to a food bank or doing it for a good purpose.  Otherwise, no, no and no. Like I said – CLUTTER.  YUCK!  Not to mention, expiration dates.  Anyways, that’s so not what I’m saying here, okay?

What I am saying though is DO stock up on some things that will keep.  The key is to buy your favorite brands and non-perishable products when they are on sale and/or you have special coupons, promotions or additional savings.  When you buy your favorites during their sale times, you not only save money, but you have your items on hand when you do need them.  If you know you are always going to end up buying these brands, why don’t you buy them when they are as cheap or even cheaper than the products you aren’t as crazy about?  For example, let’s say Tide Purclean is your favorite detergent and that it is regularly priced at $8.99 where you shop.  When it’s goes on sale for $5.99 AND you have a $3.00 off coupon, why not buy it then, even if you have a brand new bottle already at home?  If you buy it when it’s cheap, you will have it on hand, and then not get stuck buying it when it is full priced.  Whether you see it this way or not, it saves you $6.00 for the year.

Some of my personal favorite items to stock up on and have readily available for when I run out, are detergent, body washes, hand soaps, toilet paper, paper towels, toothbrushes, diapers, baby wipes and a couple extra tubes of toothpaste. However, I never go overboard, because then I defeat my purpose and end up in Clutterville.  I keep most of my little stock all in one little shelf section of my closet, and when I run out of something, I just head to my little inventory area.  When it comes to those type of items, we are seldom “out,” and because I stock up during sales, I save more on future grocery trips.

5) Wait until you can afford it.  Again, not rocket science.  Getting approved for a credit card does not mean you can afford it.  Maybe you want a new couch, but you’re still living paycheck to paycheck.  Want a new car even though yours is running fine?  Wait until you have the means and/or a huge sale happens.  (Most things do go on sale eventually).  Your future self will thank you later.

6)  Be aware of budget busters.  Are you eating out for lunch every day you go to work?  There goes part of your paycheck right there.  Do some meal-planning.  Make things that reheat well and can serve as leftovers for the next day.  Are you drinking the $5 coffee every day, rather than having it as an occasional here and there treat?  Or at the least, is there somewhere else where you can get it for $1-$2 instead?  Are you heading to the nail salon and swiping that credit card when you’re struggling to afford groceries and your car payment? Are you still paying for cable when you could possibly just be happy with Netflix?  Are you paying for delivery when you could easily drive 2 minutes and pick it up yourself?

Sometimes we have to think about what’s truly a necessity and what isn’t.  We can’t be perfect all the time, but continually falling prey to budget busters when you don’t have the means is a sure way to end up in eventual financial distress.

7)  Find cheap entertainment.  Sure you need to go out sometimes.  You need to go to the game, head to the movie theater or buy the concert tickets every now and then.  It’s good to reward yourself and good to get out of the house.  But, are you out of the house to where you have your wallet begging for mercy?  It’s not a bad thing to sometimes watch the movie you already have, or to pull out the board game you already have, is it? Play corn hole in your back yard, build a fire or go on a walk.  Google fun in-home science experiments and crafts you can do with your kids.  Utilize your Pinterest account. Learn to organize your house and learn to enjoy the process (Dollar Tree is full of cheap organization items, FYI).  Listen to YouTube videos, how-to’s, free podcasts, etc.  Better yet – serve at your church and help out your community.

8)  Take advantage of savings apps.  Here is another thing I am going to get into more on my next post.  Since this is a big detailed topic for me, I decided to do the apps topic completely separate.  In short though, there are A LOT of great savings apps out there.  You can earn cash back and gift cards simply for buying items you need……or just scanning your receipts!  Not only am I going to reveal the ones I use in the next post – I am also going to take the time to actually explain all of them.  I don’t recall ever reading any big tutorials on any of them prior to using them, so I am going to try to be that person for all of you!  (Stayed tuned for part 2).

Aside from all of that, I will leave you with this:  Whether it’s a free sub or a free car wash, try to go get it if you have it (and of course if it’s something you like or actually need).

While you’re at it, sign up for those reward programs, earn your points, clip coupons, do price comparisons and search the net for additional savings.

What are some of your favorite savings tips?  Feel free to share them in the comment section!

Part 2 coming soon!