Encouragement

Newsflash from a newlywed: A humble and beautiful wedding IS possible (Part 1)

hollymarietong Budgeting, Encouragement, frugal living, Personal Growth, weddings , , , , , , , , , 0 Comment
Newsflash from a newlywed: A humble and beautiful wedding IS possible (Part 1)

“Wedding planning…..”  Never underestimate those two words, friends.  They sound so simple, but trust me……it’s really not that simple. Possible though?  Absolutely.  Oh, just about anyone can plan a wedding to some extent, but not everyone, can plan a dream wedding………without going over budget.

Now, I’m going to give it to you straight:  If you want any kind of a somewhat traditional wedding which may include wedding attire, flowers, decor, a photographer, a videographer, a reception with a DJ and food….we all know you’re not going to get by free.  Truth be told…you’re likely not even going to get by cheap, despite what you may think in your early planning stages. Now, of course if you have a family member or an extremely close friend that will do ALL of the above….your case may be different than most.  I don’t think that’s a likely scenario though.

However, here’s the thing:  You can get by cheaper.

You don’t have to fall among the statistical averages.  You don’t have to spend $30,000-$45,000 on your day, as apparently many are.  You really don’t even need to spend $20,000….unless that’s your desire of course.  If done right, you can spend well under $15,000….$10,000 or even $5,000.

It all depends on what your priorities are vs. what you can live without.  Everyone is different.  From the get-go, I had some very clear priorities.  Along the way, I learned how to “X” what I found to be unnecessary, but I also added a few small things I maybe hadn’t thought about prior.  I just knew I was determined to be reasonable……not ridiculous.

Can I give you some specifics of what I did in my next blog post?  Sure can.  In part 3, I can even suggest some reasonable area venues to you, but first things first:  I knew my dream wedding would never happen twice, so I wanted to make it a day to remember.  We all want a day to remember, right? Let’s get down to some basic pointers before we talk about my day or the area venues.

Budget Wedding Planning 101:

 

  1. First of all, as I just mentioned up there, you need to figure out your priorities and your budget.  Ask yourself what matters to you most in the long run?  What has your perfect day always looked like?  Is dancing a must of yours?  (It always was of mine).  Do you want a lot of flowers, or are you happy with minimal?  Do you want indoor, outdoor, or are you open to either setting?  Is a environmentally flexible venue a priority? Do you HAVE to have a certain theme or venue, or could you be open to a venue or even a theme you maybe hadn’t even thought about before?  Do you really need 400 people there, or would you be happier with 40 (which is of course also way, way more frugal)?  Do you really need to rent outside linen, or can you be happy with the linen the venue is already offering you?  Do you really want to spend all your money on prime rib for everyone, or would you be happier in the long run using that money on quality photos?  If you’re more of a pulled pork kind of girl, don’t be afraid to go that route.  Food doesn’t last….photos do.  Just being honest guys.

    Dancing with my groom at our reception. In the background, my dear friend Paul Jolley is singing his cover of Lonestar’s “Amazed.”  This kind of setting was more important to me than a massive guest list.
  2. Next, DO NOT be afraid to shop on Amazon, EBay and on various bargain websites for everything from brand new veils to any supply you can imagine.  While I didn’t look too hard, you may even be able to find some centerpiece stuff at Dollar Tree from what I’ve heard. I was also thrilled when I discovered eFavormart and Oriental Trading.  A lot of these websites even have additional savings by simply putting in a code. Also, ummm….if you don’t take advantage of Hobby Lobby’s 50% off sales, I’m not sure we can be friends.  It seems that every other week, ALL of their wedding supplies are 50% off.  They have pretty dang close to every wedding supply you could ever need.  Also, even good ole’ GoodWill or Salvation Army often has “like brand new” items that were likely used ONCE, if ever.  Are you really too good for that adorable $4 sign that would easily be $50 somewhere else?  It’s silly to pay full price, folks.  Also, is there anything you can borrow?  Do you really need to buy and keep ALL of your centerpiece floating flower bowls, or can you just borrow the ones being offered to you?  If you’re not looking for deals early on, the budget will quickly get out of control.  Mark my words.
  3. Never secure a venue without a backup weather plan if you are looking towards an outdoor wedding.  Thankfully, the weather cooperated on our big day for a beautiful outdoor ceremony, BUT I had a plan B and C in case it didn’t.  Though I really really wanted the outdoor scene the whole time, I had the peace of mind in knowing that no matter what, I didn’t have to get drenched on my wedding day.  This was a plus plus, because up until my wedding day, the forecast was teasing rain (thankfully, it couldn’t have been more wrong).  Also, if you’re having a summer wedding and don’t want to be sweaty all day…… do not, I repeat do not, secure a pricey venue that has zero AC for your day!  This was a must for me.  My outdoor ceremony was short and sweet, we took some pics, and then I knew I was coming back to an AC’ed reception.  For me personally, this was needed for an August 19 wedding.  On the contrary, maybe you’re having an outside wedding on a super cold day.  If you’re anything like me, you’re going to at least want some kind of a heated reception area once you get through the ceremony.

    Photograph by Kat Bradshaw Photography
  4. Never just assume that a venue is “out of your price league.”  While researching venues, I came to find out that so many of the prettiest places were among the most reasonable, whereas the ones that weren’t that spectacular were pricey.  I’m sorry, but if you tell me I owe you thousands upfront and offer me almost zero perks….and I still need an outside caterer?  No thanks.  Never make assumptions no matter how extravagant something may look.  The true cost may pleasantly surprise you.  Don’t make the mistake of going for the top marketed or top advertisements.  Your perfect fit may be an underrated wedding venue that you may never know about without doing some digging or asking around.  Mine was just that!  I was having a random conversation with a friend from church, and I asked her thoughts on spots in the area.  That conversation led me to landing the perfect venue I otherwise wouldn’t have known about.
  5. Be smart. If you know your budget is only $5,000….don’t book the venue that tells you it’s $5,000 just to rent the place without any perks.  I say $5,000 because that’s a very popular booking rate in the Nashville area right now.  If you spend $5,000…are you eliminating your dress, food, dancing, photography, videography, flowers and all decor in the process then?  Remember food alone can cost thousands.  Can you really afford to drop that much on simply booking the venue?
  6. Tying all of the above together, cut corners when necessary.  If you find yourself going way over budget, ask yourself what you can eliminate.  Maybe your dream dress is going to cost almost double what you originally planned.  Unless you’re comfortable with this increased budget, ask yourself if you should now cut back on the guest list, find a more frugal catering option or get a smaller cake? (etc.)
  7. Keep your focus, do your research, keep calm and stay polite in the process….and everything will run smoother.

In part 2, I will tell you about my day…..and how I managed everything.  Stay tuned..

 

 

You Were Made For More: The Unpopular Truth (Part 1)

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You Were Made For More: The Unpopular Truth (Part 1)

As we draw closer and closer to Christmas, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.  Among the topics I’ve been thinking about, God keeps reminding me, “You Were Made For More.”  Over and over again….those words have been on my heart.

As we look at this day, this hour, and the spiritual condition of the world we’re living in, there isn’t any doubt in my mind that God wants to be heard.  I believe, “you were made for more” is something he wants all of us to hear right now.  “You were made for more” comes packed full of meaning for me.  To me, he’s partially reminding us that there is so much ahead that we cannot see.  We were made for so much more than our short, temporary lives here on earth.  We are eternal beings, and as the Bible clearly shows, our real lives begin after this one is through.  I also believe we were made for so much more than just the mundane and just for mere existence.  God is too big and too good to simply create anyone for mere existence, or to just simply hang out and “suffer.” It’s easy to get caught up in a routine, but God is way too powerful and loving to simply just be a “routine God.”  We aren’t here to just simply pay bills, push paperwork, mop the floors and to go through the motions.  While how we handle those responsibilities matters greatly to the Lord, he didn’t put us here just for that.  Our lives have purpose….a purpose far greater than any of us can fathom.

We were made to learn his word, to live it out and to teach it.  We were made to be lights and beacons of hope.  We were made to help rescue others from their oppression, to bring smiles to the hurting and to be the friend someone is praying for right now.  We were made to deliver the good news….the news of the deliverer. We were made to lead others to Christ, and to lovingly warn others of oncoming danger.  We were made to encourage, to love, to give, to advise and to shine for Him.  We were made to utilize our gifts, and to solve problems that only we can solve.  We are unique….we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  (Psalm 139:14)

God only made ONE of YOU for a reason.  Though we may not ever fully understand all of the reasons for our personal existence, it’s up to us to live like we were made for more anyway.  As we rest on that fact, trust him, and go where he sends us, he will beautifully reveal purpose, reason and plans along the way. (Look up Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 19:21, 1 Peter 2:21, 1 Thessalonians 4:7).

Sooooooo…..

Today….whether you were feel like you’re in a valley or on a mountaintop…..you were made for more.

Whether you feel like a hero or a zero…..you were made for more.

Whether you’ve said the right things or the wrong things this week……you were made for more.

Whether you feel completely healthy or completely ill today….you were made for more.

Whether you know where life is heading or you haven’t a clue…..you were made for more.

Whether you’re wealthy or whether you’re poor…..you were made for more.

Whether you’re a top of the totem pole CEO or a stay-at-home mom…..you were made for more.

Whether you have the best relationships or whether you’re doubting some of them….you were made for more.

Whether you live in a shack or the mansion on the hill…..you were made for more.

What got me here today?  I’ve been thinking about how often we sell ourselves short, all while being the children of a limitless God.

I’ve been thinking about something even worse than that though:  How often we sell God short.  How we underestimate our Lord and what he can do.

Then, I’ve been thinking about how we settle for less in life.  How we give up too easily.  How we fail to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  How we sometimes wrongly believe he’s the source of our pain, when in actuality, he’s the SOLUTION.  How we refuse to see the truths that are so boldly in front of us.

………And still, WE WERE MADE FOR MORE.

There’s life beyond our struggles.  There’s hope beyond our doubts.  There’s a strength beyond our own.  There’s purpose beyond our comprehension.

You’re not here to simply just exist.  You’re not here to be just a number or statistic.  You’re not here to be just another story.

You were made to serve the most high.  You were made to live, love, think and to be more like Jesus. You were made to make a significant difference in this hurting world.  You were made for a Christ-centered purpose…made for a mission….and made to have vision.

Stay tuned for more of my blog series:  “You Were Made For More.”  Until then….I hope you’ll choose to walk in that truth today and in the days ahead.

 

10 Types of People You Should Love From Afar

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My ultimate goal as a blogger is to build up, to empower, to encourage and to share the love of Christ.  On this Christian lifestyle blog, I promote the importance of remaining “strong” in our faith, our convictions, our lifestyles and our goals no matter what life throws our way.  Remaining strong as a Christ follower means allowing him to be your strength in all areas, while depending on him for peace, wisdom and discernment. When we look to God for these things, we can rest assured, that at times, he will open doors, close doors and redirect us.  He helps us to see “calling conflicts,” and “devious distractions,” which aren’t good for our walk with him. He will help us to see what is healthy for our lives vs. what isn’t.  He knows what is good for the soul, and what is in contrast, damaging for the soul.  If you have read any of my posts, you know I love people….a lot.  My love of people is what led me to create, “Strong With Holly Marie Tong.”  “Compassionate” and “encouraging” are two words my closest friends would regularly associate with me.  I have to be real honest though:  I’m still human, and as part of being human, there are some people in this world, I’d rather not spend a lot of time with.  There are some people out there who I just cannot allow a spot in my little personal boat…..and I know God isn’t asking me to.  Do I love them?  YES!  I have countless acquaintances who know I love them and would do just about anything for them. While they may not be an “up close friend,” I’m glad to love and be helpful to them from afar.  Some of them are probably very “boat-worthy”….we just haven’t had a chance to get to know each other on a deeper level.  That’s how life goes sometimes, I guess.  With that said, I have a small metaphorical boat to keep afloat in this life.  As a result, I decided a long time ago, I need a small group of trustworthy folks paddling along with me.  What I do not need in my boat are folks secretly sawing holes into the side while I paddle with all my might.  I will always wave and be kind to those kinds of people as they paddle along in their own personal boat, however. I’ll probably even toss them a water or a life jacket while I’m at it too.  If they’re mentally drowning, rest assured, I care, and I will do all I can to save them.  However, I’m probably never going to consider them a “friend”……at least not a close one.

With that said, we should continue to love ALL people no matter what they’ve done to us and no matter what our differences may be……..BUT do not be afraid to love some of them from afar.  Our future successes and God-given callings depend on us being careful about who we let into our boats. God does not ask us to open our lives to drama, or to share our fears and struggles with everyone.  He does teach us to be wise and discerning.  (Proverbs 15:21).  In my personal experience, here are 10 types of people you should by all means “love from afar”…..but never actually allow into your personal boat.  If you want to stay focused, joyful, peaceful, strong and free of drama, strife and anger, here are 10 types of people you should love from afar:

  1.  The Gossiper.  Few people will bring you more pain, drama and problems than the gossiper.  They thrive off of broadcasting the lives of others.  Remember, if someone is comfortable enough to regularly gossip to you….they are probably comfortable with gossiping about you.  If you think you’re their exception, chances are, you’re lying to yourself. Also, if you’re comfortable with hanging out with a gossiper, you will likely soon become comfortable with gossip….if you haven’t already. Gossip is not approved of by God, whether or not we want it to be.  Sometimes it can be tough to keep our mouths closed, but…….Ephesians 4:29 says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  If some form of juicy information you just scored isn’t going to “help” someone, or if it doesn’t affect them directly, why repeat it to them?  If your BEST FRIEND is the president of the town “Gossip Club,” it may be time to reexamine on several levels.
  2. The Opportunist Friend.  The opportunist friend is THRILLED to take the limo with you.  However, when the limo breaks down, this person is no where to be found.  Your true friend though?  They will be sitting beside you on that dirty bus when you’re down on your luck.  Opportunist friends are plentiful during your successful and “rolling in the dough,” times.  They’re glad to use your extra tickets and backstage passes, but when those things run out, they run towards the hills.  Your true friend?  They come over with ice cream, and they dry your tears, as the two of you sit on your old faded couch. She tells you you’re beautiful and that she’s blessed to have you in her life.  She does all of this KNOWING you have nothing to give to her, except your reciprocated love and friendship. The opportunist doesn’t see you….they see opportunities, advancements, promotion, materials, and maybe even fame, depending on the case.  It’s ALL about what YOU can do for THEM.  Sometimes being at the bottom is a beautiful thing.  It helps you identify who is who.  I’ve been in both places in my life more than once.  It’s interesting to see who is there, and who isn’t there, in both places.  True friendship is about going through ups and downs together…..not only being there during the ups.  The ups are the easy part. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”  I’ve never known an opportunist friend who truly cares about the other person’s soul, health, well-being or relationship with God.  Choose wisely.  Philippians 2 talks about not doing anything out of vain conceit or selfish ambition.  While we are definitely called to place others above ourselves, God never asks us to be advantage of either.
  3. The Narcissist. The narcissist is typically also an opportunist friend, but some people don’t even realize they’re a narcissist.  The narcissist may not be in it for material perks or cash, but they’re ALL about THEM.  A “friendship” with a narcissist is always a one-way friendship.  They typically only come to you when they need something or need to vent.  They’re probably not too worried about the fact that life is crashing down around you as well.  They cannot WAIT for you to be done talking, so that they can talk about them.  In fact, their eyes glaze over when you talk about you, for even just thirty seconds.  I’m not going to sugar-coat this:  After almost 13 years of being around the entertainment industry, I have a master’s degree, (possibly a doctorate degree), in this area.  Narcissists LOVE journalists and publicists…..when they’re writing about them, and their flawless image, of course. A narcissist will always, always forget about the journalist or the publicist once they get what they want….or better yet, when their job description changes entirely.  The non-narcissist humbly remembers acts of kindness and forever considers even “the little person” a forever friend from then on out.  Philippians 2 is a great place to look for the kind of humility that God calls us to have.  He tells us to look to the interest of others. If a person cannot EVER look to your interests, it isn’t God’s best friendship for you.
  4. The Digger.  This person lives life as if making “digs” at you is their job.  They’re typically also a very passive aggressive person.  The two characteristics go hand-in-hand I’ve found.  The digger never really has anything nice to say, but they LOVE pointing out your wrinkles and the five pounds you’ve gained.  They also particularly enjoy telling you how tired you look…..even if you’re not tired. They probably also let you know that your new vehicle isn’t their cup of tea, that they don’t like the color you’re wearing and that their house is bigger than yours.  They blow things out of proportion and make mountains out of molehills. They also love giving you an anonymous one star review on your book or song, as well as giving you a thumbs down on your You Tube channel.  The digger finds all your faults, but never considers complimenting you.  They typically pop up on your Facebook, Instagram or Twitter ONLY to make a dig.  You may not hear from the person ALL year, but they pop up solely to make a snide comment on your photo.  You may not have talked to them since high school, but they pop up only to argue on the first controversial post you’ve made in a long time.  They’re also infamous for only liking another person’s argumentative comment back to you on YOUR page, but they’d never consider actually liking YOUR post on YOUR page.  Funny enough, you forgot you were even friends with that person.  Man, not only are they a digger….they’re also a lurker. Though you’ve had more of a writing career than they ever have, they’re the type to happily find your one error on your blog post.  Not only will they find it….they will be sure to publicly alert you about it, in hopes of embarrassing you.  What’s more?  They’ve NEVER once shown any appreciation for your blog, yet they care SO much about your one error.  Now, a true friend probably is also going to let you know about the error.  However, they are going to privately alert you of it, because they care about you, and they want your blog to be at its best at all times.  They also want to save you from “the digger” pointing it out instead.  The digger never notices the 99 things you just mastered…..but they will always faithfully point out your 1 oversight. They are perhaps one of the most irritating people out there.  Yes, you still need to love them, but the Lord doesn’t ask us to bring these people into our boat.  EVERYONE has experience with a digger….especially if they’ve ever worked outside the home.  They think they’re smooth and sneaky, but what they don’t realize is how very obvious they are. It’s usually best to not acknowledge or engage them.  They’re just showing you how much of a frenemy they really are.  They want a reaction out of you, and they’re hoping that reaction is “anger.”  When they’ve clearly shown you that they’re rude and enjoy putting you down…..believe them, pray for them and love them from afar.  Do NOT let them in your boat, unless you want to sink.  The digger can also typically be classified as an “arguer.”  Can you tell I’ve met a few diggers in my lifetime?  Timothy 2:23-25 reminds us to have nothing to do with foolish arguments because they just produce quarrels.  If you hang out with the digger…..just realize that quarrels, anger, irritation and inferiority will become a normalcy in your life.
  5. The Constant Comparer.  This person is always better, faster, smarter, richer, skinnier and prettier than you…..in their mind at least.  It doesn’t matter what you do, what you buy or what you achieve….they can “one up” you.  At church, we’ve been on a series about being a “Great You” instead of a “Poor Me.”  Our Pastor pointed out a pattern with this way of thing:  There’s always an “ER” at the end of all of these words, and in turn, it sends Christians to a spiritual ER.  The comparer is obsessed with outdoing and outperforming, whether if it’s for the bad or for the good.  They care far too much about what others are doing.  Let me expand on the comparer even more:  The story they have to tell is always “more interesting” than yours.  Their past breakup was worse than yours.  They’ve struggled more than you.  They’ve survived more than you.  They’re stronger than you.  They’re more seasoned and experienced than you.  The comparer can never let a story be “your story” and let you get in a word edgewise….they always have to compare. James 3:16 reminds us, For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist,there will be disorder and every vile practice.
  6. The Copier.  The copier is similar to the comparer, but different.  The copier flat out tries to be you.  Rather than seek God to figure out their own individual purpose, gifts and talents, they decide to mimic you instead.  This is another concept we’ve been talking about at church that goes along with the comparer.  As our Pastor says, it’s okay to admire another’s talent, but when you desire another’s gift rather than hone your own, then it becomes a problem.  This is precisely how we end up pursuing paths that God never called us to. Desiring another’s life brings about jealousy and envy, which opens the floodgates to an unhealthy lifestyle. If you cannot say anything in front of the copier without them flat out trying to steal your idea….then it’s  a problem.  If you start making scarves….and they start making scarves 5 minutes later, something might be up.  If you start a personal training business…and they randomly start a personal training business one day later, then something likely IS up.  They may copy your individualistic wardrobe piece by piece….then act like it was their style all along.  They may even go as far as to try to make it seem like you want to be them, which is of course only going to bring more aggravation to the situation. The copier may seem cute and harmless at first, but when they start bringing drama, stealing your contacts, your business ideas and trying to steal your friends (real friends can’t be stolen), just like its elementary school….then you know this is a toxic situation to steer clear of.  Matthew 15:30 says, But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  With even our hairs on our head being numbered it is certain that God has a special plan and purpose for each of us.  A person can only discover their true purpose through God, not through copying another.
  7. The Entitlist.  Is that even a word?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m making up words here?  Maybe someone who has never once said a kind word to me, should pop up to play Grammar Police if it isn’t a word?  😉  Okay, okay….staying on track.  The entitlist is similar to the opportunist, but they are not exactly two in the same.  The entitlist pops up ONLY if they cannot pay a bill or need a favor.  They may not necessarily ask for a backstage pass or free publicity, BUT they need $500.00 by Friday……..AND it’s up to YOU to give it them.  But WAIT?  We haven’t talked in 15 years….how is that up to me?  It isn’t up to you, sister.  This particular entitlist is healthy and capable of working, but they have chosen to not have a job of any sort for the past five years. They’ve instead decided it’s up to people like you to fund them.  They haven’t simply fallen on hard times or gone through a particularly rough year……this is simply their daily mindset.  Or here’s another one:  They don’t really know you, but they text you to pick them up at the bar at 2 AM on a Wednesday night. The next time you hear from them?  The same exact scenario, but it’s Thursday instead.  You get up for work at 5 AM…..they live on their own schedule and wake up at approximately 5 PM every day.  Let’s just say, you do help the begging entitlist once or twice.  Maybe not in ALL cases, but in MOST, they will continue to only pop up when they need something.  Your job is to give, give, give….and their job is to take, take, take.  While I’m ALL about helping and always will be (the bible most definitely encourages us to give to the needy), it is completely okay to pray, discern and decide these things on a case by case basis.  In fact, that’s the wise way to go about it.  We are to be helpful and giving, but we are not to enable sin or laziness in the process.  We should genuinely pay attention to people’s hurts, needs and struggles.  However, it isn’t up to us to foolishly drain our accounts and energy for the unappreciative, and for those who refuse to help themselves.  End of story. If you are unsure about what you should do about any given situation placed in your court, remember, James 1:5 –  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
  8. The Crowd Follower.  Have you ever heard of “birds of a feather will flock together?” Again, love EVERYONE.  Be there for people whenever you can….whether or not they’re in your main circle.  Be an outreacher and a giver.  However, remember those who simply follow the crowd never go much farther than the crowd.  Your calling and purpose is far too important to God to simply follow with the tide of the world.  Ask him who he wants you to be and where he wants you to go….and be willing to do whatever he tells you to do.  If your boat is full of crowd followers, you are probably going to remain in a crowded ocean full of other boats doing the same exact things.   You’re also probably not going to be doing what he specifically called you to do. Here’s a thought:  If you see a crowd….consider why you see a crowd?  Are they following pop culture or Jesus? It’s okay to be “friends” with a crowd follower of course…….but you probably shouldn’t be going to them as your main source of advice and support either.  Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.  Romans 12:22 spells it out as well:  “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
  9. The Liar.  This one is pretty obvious for obvious reasons, but sometimes in our quest to see the best in people, we refuse to see the truth that is right in front of us:  The fact that said person lies about every little thing…..all.the.time.  It doesn’t even always have to be a big lie. Some people are simply addicted to lying.  Sometimes they barely even know that they’re doing it or why they’re doing it. It could simply be telling you that they went skydiving back in 2008, when in fact they never did, or that they returned the Redbox movie you watched the night before, while it’s still sitting on their dresser. However, if they’re comfortable with lying about little things, they’re probably also comfortable with lying about big things.  An “inner circle” friend that isn’t honest is going to bring you all kinds of unnecessary hurt and drama in the long run.  If they’re not afraid to lie, they may not be afraid to steal either.  In fact, a pathological liar may not be afraid to do a lot of things.  A friend you can’t trust isn’t really much of a friend, are they?  Plain and simple.  Proverbs 16:28 says, A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
  10. The High Maintenance/Easily Angered/Easily Offended.  These people all fall into the same category in my experience.  There is zero grace and zero understanding from this person when “life happens.”  One tiny “mistake” and their “non-measuring up” friend is gone, even if said friend has been extremely reliable otherwise. The mistake could be as small as forgetting to text back within the hour.  It could even be that you gave them advice they didn’t like….though they asked for your advice. This high maintenance person is probably also gossiping about you to another so-called friend about your “mistake.”  Interestingly, the friend they’re gossiping to is one you’ve heard them gossip about before……for their tiny “mistake.”  Allowing a high maintenance person into your boat is sure to replace peace with anxiety.  The high maintenance person is usually also a narcissist.  If you have to get off the phone five minutes after they call due to your kid waking up crying, and you KNOW they’re going to be offended by that, there is a problem.  They clearly have zero understanding of your family life and other obligations.  In general, this type of person is easily offended by just about anything and everything.  They’re offended that you didn’t call them yesterday, though you didn’t know you needed to.  They’re furious that you couldn’t attend their “makeup party” due to you already having a “date night” scheduled with your husband.  They’re angry that you didn’t like their Instagram photo, because well, you’re never on Instagram.  They’re offended that you believe differently than they do.  They’re annoyed that you didn’t ask them what radio station they wanted to listen to….in YOUR car.  They demand to see the restaurant manager, because the otherwise great server forgot to put their dressing on the side.  Heck, this kind of person may even tell the restaurant to change their thermostat, or to shut up the toddler ten tables away (who you and others are tolerating just fine). If you’re determined to maintain a friendship with a high maintenance person, you better also be determined to spend your life walking on eggshells. Likely though, you’ll end up anxious and insecure and in a quiet shell where you aren’t yourself at all.  This isn’t how a healthy friendship is supposed to look…. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with the easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

The truth is, most of us have been one or two (maybe more) of the types of people I mentioned above, at some point in our lives.  No one is perfect, and that is why Jesus died on the cross. The Bible says all have sinned and fall short of his glory. (Romans 3:23).  Thank the Lord for his grace!

The bible has a whole lot to say about our friendships and our associations as stated above though.  In 1 Corinthians 15:33, we also see, “Do not be misled.  Bad company corrupts good character.”  Isn’t is probable that bad company in our boat will eventually corrupt us?

Here is the thing though: If we want good friends, we should first learn how to be a good friend.  We shouldn’t expect to have loyal trustworthy friends, if we ourselves are not willing to be a loyal trustworthy friend. When we learn to be a good friend we will attract the right kind of friends.  If you keep attracting drama only, it may be time to examine why that is.  The examples above are examples of what not to be.  Thankfully, the Bible doesn’t stop at simply telling us who not to be….it also faithfully guides us towards who to be.  The books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, along with the rest of the Bible (of course) is a great place to read about the kind of friend God wants us to be.

Here are of my favorite verses about the definition of a good friend and how to be a good friend:

Luke 6:31 – Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Colossians 3:12-14 –Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Proverbs 12:26 – The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 27:17 – As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:5 – Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

John 15:12-15 – My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Proverbs 19:20 – Listen to advice and accept disciple, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

It is crystal clear that our friendships and associations matter to the Lord.  If they matter to God….shouldn’t they matter to us?

 

 

10 Simple Reasons Your 30’s Are Better Than Your 20’s

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10 Simple Reasons Your 30’s Are Better Than Your 20’s

I was once terrified of the big 3-0.  Terrified.  Believe me when I say, I have since gotten over that.

Maybe you’re an amazingly satisfied 20-something-old who has just clicked on my post for humor.  Maybe you’re thinking you can’t possibly be convinced that 30 is better.  Well…give me a few minutes to at least try.  First of all, don’t be mad at me.  I’m not telling you that your present isn’t awesome.  I’m simply telling you your future can be even better.  I’m telling you to be excited and optimistic for what’s ahead.

I was once you.  Believe it or not, I was you just a few years ago.  Now, I’m not just 30.  I’ve been a member of the 30’s club for over 3 years now.  In 2 years, I’m going to be halfway through this age bracket.

It’s funny how much I love the very time period in my life I was once so afraid of.  It’s funny how I thought I was losing something.  Little did I know, when I let go of one decade, I was letting go to gain something greater.

Some may look at my social life from 5-10 years ago and say….”But, Holly!  Your life used to be SO much more eventful!”

To them I would say, “You’re right….and that’s why I don’t really miss that time in my life.”

Did I have some incredible times in my 20’s?  YES!  I have stories galore, and I could go on and on and on…..  I would never take back those years, but here are some standard reasons why I have come to believe that 30’s are even better.

  1.  You worry less about what people think.  Do I still care a LITTLE sometimes?  Sure, but not NEARLY as much as I did as a 20-something-year-old.  As long as I’m being a good representative for Christ, I’m pretty much good with whatever people think, whether it’s that I gained a few pounds, or that I have a few more wrinkles than I used to.  They can even think I’m weird or speculate about my personal life while they’re at it for all I care. Unless they’re paying my bills or determining my future in any big way…..I’m not losing a wink of sleep at night.
  2. You’re simply more secure in your own skin.  While I still believe in looking my overall best (and I’m not suggesting you don’t), there comes a point when you realize there is so much more to life than outer beauty.  Maybe you’re younger than 30 and already there, but for me, I feel like the huge earth-shaking revelation came in my 30’s.  It’s what going on inside that matters most, and if I’m secure with my inside and secure in Christ….I’m secure in general.  Enough said.
  3. You become better at picking and choosing your battles.  There comes a time when you realize what matters and what doesn’t…..what will matter five years from now and what won’t.  You grow to discover that not every battle is yours to fight.  Let the Lord fight your battles for you.  (Exodus 14:14)
  4. Better financial situation.  Now, maybe this doesn’t apply to everyone.  This of course depends on what you take on and when.  However, by their 30’s, the average person is at least seeing their college loans on the decrease (if of course they’ve been consistently paying since their 20’s).  Though the light at the end of the tunnel may still be dim….it’s now a light, nonetheless. They’re also getting rid of credit card debt and working on that credit score.  We typically grow into better jobs and pay scales at this time in our lives, or at least have the confidence to begin the transition from unhappy situations.  We’ve had some time to prove ourselves and time to build experience. It’s a good time to be an even stronger professional than ever before.
  5. You know who you are or are almost there.  At this point, you’ve likely at least figured out who you’re not, even if you’re still working “that job.”  You are more self-aware.  You are aware of your likes, your dislikes, your hopes, your dreams…..and the fact that you can’t stay up until 2 am or handle spicy foods like you used to.  😉
  6. Maturity in the relationship department.  Okay, so maybe it’s just me, but my 30’s REALLY changed my approach to relationships.  By your 30’s, you’ve hopefully figured out your worth if you didn’t in your 20’s.  For me, I met every kind of guy in my 20’s.  It was a time of lesson learning.  Certain career pursuits didn’t match up well with my life.  I learned how important it was to be on the “same page.” By my 30’s, I really knew what I was looking for and what I wasn’t.  I could quickly discern who was serious and who wasn’t. I decided what my red lights and green lights were….and I knew what I was willing to compromise on and what I wasn’t.  Consequently, I tied the knot at 33.  I still have a lot of unmarried friends in their 30’s, but I can guarantee, like me, they didn’t come this far to settle on anything less than what they deserve.  When I got to my 30’s, I decided I was only going to get married if I felt that person added a lot of value and smiles to my already fabulous/comfortable life.  I decided my now husband did….and does.
  7. 30’s are a wiser time….yet you’re still young.  It’s like having the best of both worlds.  Though you feel a little more seasoned and experienced in your 30’s….you still look young and are considered young.  You may not be able to stay out or up all night like you used to….but you’re still young.  The only person who thinks you’re even remotely old is a teenager, and who cares what they think about “age” anyways? Are they paying your bills?  (Refer back to #1) 😉
  8. You begin to enjoy and appreciate the little things more.  I’m now entertained by things I never would have been entertained by 10 years ago.  I love simplicity now and it’s a beautiful thing.  I like listening to the rain while cuddled up under the covers, and I actually notice the fall colors more now.  Years back, I was way too busy to notice or to enjoy anything.  I actually get excited when I get a drawer organized, or receive some great new kitchen supplies.  I hated history as a kid, but I love it now.  I enjoy visiting with the elderly and inspiring the young.  I officially realize how blessed I really am for everyone and everything I have.
  9. If you haven’t figured out who your friends are and who they’re not….you’re just about there.  By the time you hit 30, high school is a distant memory.  Even college mostly becomes a distant memory.  By this time in your life, you’ve likely figured out who is who in your life:  Who is meant to stay in your boat, and who is meant to be only an acquaintance from here on out.  By now, you’ve had enough time to figure out loyalty and trust levels.  You also have had enough time to know who is like-minded and who isn’t….who encourages you and who brings you down.  Since 30’s are that time where you care less….quality becomes so much more important than quantity.  If you’re in 30’s and your life is still full of drama brought on by your friends….you’re doing it wrong.
  10. The value of life becomes even more clear.  As you notice time flying by, you become more aware of the value of life.  You realize it’s moving fast, that everyone around you is getting older, and you’ve finally grasped that life really is short.  As a result, all of the above ^^^^ takes place….and somehow, worrying about unimportant things becomes less important.

If you’re in your 30’s and you disagree with this list, well, now is a good time to start enjoying your best life.  Maybe you’re older than 30 and these things took you longer.  That’s okay too.  It varies for everyone, but this has been my general experience and the experience of many around me.

The bottom line is…  Laugh more, worry less, stay open to love if you haven’t yet found it, let go of the past, set new goals and remember HE will direct your path.  (Proverbs 3:5-6).  If you’re a teen or in your 20’s……you’re welcome in advance.  Your best days are still ahead of you.  🙂

Why A Little Sister Is One Of God’s Greatest Gifts

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Why A Little Sister Is One Of God’s Greatest Gifts

I’m going to be honest and up-front with you and admit I did not come up with this blog post idea on my own.  A couple days ago, my little sister posted a cute little link on my page about a big sister being the most important person in one’s life.  After we discussed how true and relevant the post was, she told me she thought I could write a great “little sister” one.  I agreed.  So here it is:  “Why A Little Sister Is One Of God’s Greatest Gifts.”

(Photo by Kat Bradshaw Photography)

Anyone who knows my sister and I, knows we are truly best friends.  It isn’t an act or solely just a social media type of thing:  I truly love my sister, and she truly loves me.  I know some sisters fight like a bunch of cats and dogs, but if they dare to look a little closer, they’ll find their best friend.  To be fair, my sister is a decade younger than me, so maybe that has always made getting along a little easier.  I see her like a young adult daughter, and she sees me as her second mom.  No matter what the age gap though, a sister really can be one of God’s greatest gifts to you.  Trust me.

(Photo by Kat Bradshaw Photography)
  1.  A little sister keeps you young, hip and cool. She makes sure you don’t dare to buy that ugly shirt, and she reminds you that “you’ve still got it.”  Even if you refuse to have Snapchat on your phone, she has you talking in goofy voices and wearing cat ears on her screen at the very least.  She gets you to cut loose, let your hair down and to rock out to the latest tunes in your soccer mom SUV.  She makes you go on an evening speed walk when you were thinking of vegging out on the couch instead. She can also sometimes even manage to talk you into staying out past 7 PM and socializing with other living creations other than herself, your husband and dog.  Sometimes……you even find yourself using words that only the “cool kids” are using.
  2. She shares the same parents, siblings and extended family as you do.  The “older sister” blog mentioned this point, and I completely agree.  Since you share the same family, you understand one another on even a higher level.  It’s a common ground and a connection that even your best “outside the family friend,” won’t be able to share with you.  She knows all the different personalities and situations and can give advice accordingly.
  3. There is no one you could possibly be more comfortable around.  There’s no greater feeling than being around people you are 110% comfortable with.  My little sister is and has always been that person for me.  We can talk about anything and share anything without feeling weird, awkward or worrying about what the other person is thinking.  There is zero pressure to fake a “bad day” and zero pressure to be anything, except exactly who you are.
  4. You get a great chance to develop motherly skills and to practice “low-key parenting”prior to ever actually becoming a mother. This may not apply to every sister out there like it does me.  I realize many sisters are so much closer in age than I am with mine, but no matter what, the big sister is supposed to look out for and protect the little sister.  Even if the big sister is only a year older, some kind of motherly characteristics are usually present.  My little sister was born when I was 11 years old.  I was so thrilled about her arrival that I was constantly wanting to step up and play “mommy.”  My mom allowed me to assist her in taking care of her as a baby.  Therefore, at 11, I was learning the great responsibility of taking care of a baby and all that goes with that.  I watched her grow and continued to care for her.  I practiced telling her “no,” and was sometimes the cool person telling her “yes.” I bought her little things, encouraged her, advised her and built her up.  When I didn’t think something was a good idea, I told her so.  When I thought something was a good idea, I told her so.  The same still applies today.  I haven’t had child #1 of my own yet, but in my mind, I’m the second mom of a 22 year old.  I advise her on life, encourage her walk with Christ and remind her that I’m always a listening ear.  We have the “back in my day” talks.  I try to make sure she doesn’t make the same mistakes I did 10 years ago.  I remind her that even if outside people disappoint her, that she can always trust me and know that I’m rooting for her every second of every day.  I let her know when I don’t “like” a guy and don’t want to see him in my home again, and I let her know when I have a prospect in mind for her.  Sometimes my opinion irritates her….but 99.9% of the time, just a day or two later, she thanks me for leading her in the right direction.
  5. You get to share clothes and all that cool girl stuff.  These days, my sister goes shopping a little more than I do.  She has great style and has been in the habit of buying shirts that can fit both of us.  That’s a win, win situation all the way around.  She also readily shares her beauty products with me.  Did I mention she’s also a hair stylist?  Need I say more?
  6. When you’re getting lazy with your goals, she lets you know.  Sisters know our gifts and our skill sets better than anyone else.  When mine sees me getting lazy on my goals or settling for less in life, she lets me know.  She reminds me of what I can offer this world and pushes me to stay at it.
  7. She’s slightly better at TV, technology and all the new “stuff.”  Okay, maybe slightly is an understatement for me.  I’m pathetic when it comes to technology and all the electronics of today.  I know the basics and that’s about it.  She figures out everything from internet files, to iPhone settings to TV buttons for me.  She’s the only reason we have Netflix, and she’s the one who reminds me when “Fuller House” is beginning a new season.  She’s the one wearing the Apple watch reminding me I can check my heart rate at any time.  Basically….without her, I’d still be sporting a Sony Walkman and boasting a TV with rabbit ears.
  8. When you feel like a zero….she reminds you that you’re her hero.  She looks up to you even when you feel like she may be the only one.  She sees the value in you even when you feel like few others do.  She boosts your ego and tells you you’re an incredible cook….even if you’re just a “recipe follower.”  She’s your encourager and your cheerleader every day if you learn how to be a “cool sister” and just let her be.
  9. You have a forever built-in best friend, “Maid of Honor” and plus 1.  Girls can be dramatic.  Really, really dramatic.  Throughout my life, different seasons have made me reevaluate who my real friends are and who they’re not.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I have some INCREDIBLE non-dramatic close friends, but I keep my circle small.  I have a few friends that would have been perfect as Maid of Honors and Bridesmaids, but when it actually came to my wedding day, my husband and I kept things small and simple in that area.  My sister was promised the “Maid of Honor” role since she was born.  When it came to my day, she selflessly treated it with care like it was her own.  She made sure that everything was perfect.  She bought me stuff along the way.  She hosted two showers for me.  She kept me chill, calm and collected throughout the whole process.  Even though I’m now married, I may sometimes still need a plus 1 for important life events.  If my husband can’t go, I know who can, and I know there will be zero drama in the process.  She’s one woman I will never ever have to question and that’s a great feeling.
  10. She always has your best interest in mind.  A good little sister always, always has her older sister’s best interest in mind.  A big sister can always rest assured that if the little sister is advising something or pointing something out, then there must be something to assess.  Though a big sister is said to be the protector and the “second mom,” the truth is, the little sister often takes on these same roles.  She’s the one running to Kroger to get your chicken noodle soup, ginger ale and saltines when you’re sick, and she’s the one checking on you when you were already expected home.
(Photo by Kat Bradshaw Photography)

To sum it all up……having a little sister is one of God’s greatest gifts and should never ever be taken lightly. Treat her great, and she’ll treat you great in return.

(Photo by Kat Bradshaw Photography)

No Courage In Conformity: (Standing For Truth Even When You’re Standing Alone)

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No Courage In Conformity: (Standing For Truth Even When You’re Standing Alone)

There isn’t any courage in conformity.  

No courage in conformity.

No courage.

In conformity….

These words have been running through my mind a lot these days.  Maybe “courage” is always on my mind because of what is currently going on in our world today.  So many are so afraid to stand for the “truth” and the “right” that they already know.  I have a confession:  Sometimes I am too.

As it’s been said a million times before, “courage is not the absence of fear, but being afraid, and doing it anyway.”

If one isn’t a little “afraid”…..then where’s the courage in anything we do?  So that is what I am doing today:  Having the courage to post this blog, though I’m slightly afraid of being bashed for it.

There are a lot of things I am and a lot of things I am not, but I know one thing I do want to be, and one thing I do not want to be:  I want to be courageous, and I don’t want to be conformed to the world.

Sometimes my flesh really wants to be conformed to the world though.  It’s much easier, you know?

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

God created me as an original.  I don’t want to die a copy.  He also created you as an original ….so why would you want to die a copy?

There isn’t any bravery in fitting in with the crowd, blending in and looking like all the rest.

As much as we may like to tell ourselves it does, it doesn’t take any courage to make secular decisions, or any courage to follow the pop culture favored way.  I promise you that.

It’s easy and comfortable to live and look like the rest….but how much of a difference will we really make in the world?

Those who follow the crowd usually don’t go much further than the crowd.

God created you to stand out….so why live to blend in?  He has better for us than that.  To say that he doesn’t is to underestimate Him.

Have courage.

Have the courage to pursue your God-given talents rather than simply choosing the major or the pathway all of your friends are.

Have the courage to dress to your heart’s content rather than settling on what is simply trendy, or what the cool people are “wearing.”

Have the courage and the integrity to pay back what you owe others.  By all means, don’t make them ask for it.  It’s just plain awkward.  Do more than what’s expected.

Have the courage to stand up for the ignored, forgotten and the “least of these.”  Have the courage to be “seen” talking to these people and have the courage to actually befriend them.

See, it doesn’t take courage to choose the same career path all your friends are choosing….unless of course it’s your God-given passion.

It doesn’t take courage to simply dress trendy or to copy another person’s style.  What does take courage is dressing according to your roots and your heart’s content…..whether or not it’s in style at the moment.

It doesn’t take courage to ignore your dues or to hope your “debt” to someone just goes away.  What does take courage is admitting what you owe and working until that person is paid back in full…and maybe even a little extra.

It doesn’t take courage to hang out with the “popular in crowd.”  It doesn’t take courage to get plastered drunk along with the 40 other people at the party you’re at, when they’re doing the same exact thing.  What does take courage is being the odd one out and saying, “I’ll take a water.  Who needs a ride home?”

It doesn’t take courage to laugh at dirty jokes, or to join a group of non-believers in a “Christian bashing conversation.”  What does take courage is sharing the gospel, inviting someone to church and bringing Jesus into your conversations.

I love sports just as much anyone, but it doesn’t take courage to cheer loudly for the winning team along with everyone else in the stadium (especially when it’s the home team), but it does take courage to cheer for Jesus, to be baptized and to show your commitment to him publicly.

It doesn’t take courage to wear a team logo.  But it does take courage to boldly wear the cross.  (Well, okay, maybe it takes a LITTLE bit of courage to wear the logo of a team with a bad record…..and a little bit of courage to wear, say, a Michigan shirt in Ohio).  Still, you get my point.  🙂

It doesn’t take courage to use God as a spare tire:  To ask others for prayer and to acknowledge God only when things are going badly.  What does take courage is praising him in the storm and speaking good of him all the time.

It doesn’t take courage to want to “be” another person.  What does take courage is owning “who” you are and trying to make the best of “who” you are.

Plain and simple….it doesn’t take courage to blend in.  It never has and never will.  Whether to stand out or to blend in is perhaps one of the hardest choices all humans must face.  We want to be well-liked.  We want to respected.  We want to be cool.  Ultimately, “conforming” seems so much easier.

Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

This verse pops up for me frequently.  I’ve had to really take in what it’s telling me….even when I don’t feel like it.  Even when I know it’s so much easier to join the inappropriate convo and so much easier to blend in. Notice God COMMANDED us to have “courage.”  Nearly every reputable bible translation I’ve found uses the word “command”….King James included.  He’s not just asking or suggesting we have courage….HE IS COMMANDING we have it.

Have some individuality, friends.  I’ve heard it said that if you want to make a difference in the world….you have to be different.

It’s easy to spot authenticity and courage in the world, because honestly, there’s more counterfeit and cowardice in the world than anything.  When we see authenticity and courage…..we know it.

Lack of courage in choosing your desired career path or even lack of courage in joining an inappropriate conversation alone certainly isn’t going to keep you out of heaven.  No.

However, those who refuse to come to the Lord often refuse to do so because of a lack of courage.  Those who simply say the sinner’s prayer, yet never really explore their relationship with God, because of a lack of courage, greatly limit their present and future. Cowardice is our worst enemy on many, many fronts.  It stops us from being all that we should be, and it ultimately robs us of our callings.

It’s when we have courage to step outside of our comfort zones and dare to be different when we have a real lasting impact.

Ironically enough…..lack of courage is what took me so long and posting this blog. I had a lack of courage in talking about a lack of courage.

But here is is.

What the Lord did for us on the cross was the ultimate act of courage:  “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

I know I’ll never be as courageous as Him, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t strive to be more like him.

Clearly, I have a long, long way to go…..but I do know what I desire to be and what I do not desire to be.

How about you?  Do you stand for truth even when you stand alone?

Do you choose the conforming easy way, or the courageous way?

If you’ve been choosing the conformed way, just remember it’s a new day, and God always welcomes a new courageous decision to start again.  🙂

Our Only Hope Is The Only Hope We Need

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Our Only Hope Is The Only Hope We Need

In this unpredictable world, we can sadly predict that there will be multiple depressing headlines waiting for us every morning we wake up. This predictability comes from a combination of a fallen world and the time we’re living in.  I don’t know about you, but when I look around, I don’t find much in this world that I want to trust or place a lot of hope in.

To be honest, I don’t feel all that safe out there anymore.  It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped myself from living life, but I’ve become more skeptical and extra careful in comparison to what I once was.  I’ve been burnt by people I never suspected, and I’ve felt in danger more than once.  I keep my close friend circle small.  I keep my doors locked and my home alarm set.  If at all possible, I never go out alone late at night anymore.  It’s okay to be wise, guys.  There is a difference in being fearful and being wise.  God certainly doesn’t want us to be fearful….but he does teach us to be wise.

Let me clarify.  I’m not a pessimist when it comes to the world in general, but I do think I’m a seasoned realist.  Even more than a seasoned realist of the world, I’ve learned Jesus Christ is my ONLY hope.

He’s the one I never have to be pessimistic or even a realist about:  He’s the one I can ALWAYS be optimistic about.

I learned this lesson the hard way.

Though I gave my life to Jesus when I was a child, I admittedly still deeply had my hope in other outlets until the last couple years.  I didn’t even realize it.  I was looking towards earthly things to make me “happy.”

Something changed my perspective, however.

The joy of the Lord is your strength. -Nehemiah 8:10

You know what else has been life-changing for me?  Realizing the difference between happiness and joy.

See, I can joyfully live in circumstances that aren’t necessarily happy.  How?  My hope isn’t in those circumstances.  My hope is in the Lord, and that is where my joy and strength comes from.  In difficult situations, I can be certain that he has my back and that he will give me the strength I need.  I know I’m still blessed no matter how much my earthly situation tries to convince me otherwise.

We can always rest assured, the world is going to let us down.  At some point, people are going to let us down.  Circumstances are going to let us down.  Finances are going to let us down.  Employers are going to let us down.  Our sports teams are going to let us down.  Our bodies and general health are going to let us down.  Role models are going to let us down.  Our plans are going to let us down.  Our cars are going to let us down.  Our homes are going to let us down. Our dreams are going to let us down.

This isn’t a bad news blog though, friends.  This is GREAT news. This is a reminder that no matter what this world throws at us, we ALWAYS have a never-changing, always truthworthy, always dependable, always loving, source of hope.

The Lord is not fickle.  He is consistent.  He is perfect.  He cannot lie, and he cannot disappoint.  He will reveal himself daily if we’re willing to see and willing to listen.

I know we’re living in scary times.  I know the outlook in this world is discouraging right now.  I know it’s beyond sad out there.  I know it’s frustrating.  I know evil is running wild.

We may not be able run from what is around us…….but we can run to God.

Though he has never let us down….we have all let him down at some point.  The good news is, he is always going to have his arms wide open waiting for us to run back to him.  He doesn’t discriminate.  He doesn’t determine your value or your worthiness by your past track record, by the amount of your sin, successes, failures, resume, job title or bank account.

He never says, “You messed up too many times.  I’m done with you.”

Have you worn out people and lost relationships because of your mistakes?

The same isn’t true with God.  While a sincere apology or asking for forgiveness may not work with a friend, employer or a past relationship……it will always work with God.  You just have to mean it from the heart and allow him to work in you and through you.

Okay….now this a different blog for a different day, but:  The Bible has revealed more than enough for us to know that we have a lot of “end time” signs going on.  No one knows the day or hour, but so much of what God tells us would happen during those times…..is happening RIGHT. NOW.

Christ followers don’t have to be discouraged by this either though.  Our only hope (which is the only hope we need) has also given us the hope of Heaven.  He’s given us the chance to eternally live with him in a place where suffering, pain, evil and discouragement don’t exist.  We just have to humbly accept his invitation and admit our need for him.

We’re just passing through, guys.  This life is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity….and all the good ahead of us.  The older I get, the more I’m reminded of this.

It isn’t complicated.  Though the Bible is a huge book full of guidance and wisdom, the way of Jesus is a simple concept.  You don’t have to know the whole book cover to cover to be accepted into his kingdom.  It’s by accepting his grace….plain and simple.  Then, if you’ve truly accepted His grace, you should want to live for Him and to help others along the way.  Is the Christian life always simple?  Of course not!  We live in a fallen world, and the Bible tells us we will experience different trials and hardships while we’re here.

However, a believer always has the ultimate hope:  The only hope needed.  ONLY is not a small word here….it’s a huge word.  Though “only” often has a negative connotation, believe me when I say it has a positive connotation in this case.  “Only” doesn’t mean “lack” in this situation….it means “sufficiency”….and “more than enough!”

God does want us to enjoy the here and now.  He wants us to laugh, live joyfully, to relax and to experience good relationships.  He loves blessing us.  As my pastor always says, God wants us to enjoy our Christian lives…..not endure them.  If we’re enduring our Christian lives rather than enjoying….then we’re doing it wrong.

Let me challenge you today though:  Let’s start ultimately focusing on what matters.  If it isn’t going to matter five years from now, maybe it doesn’t deserve your utmost attention right now.

It’s never good to be self-centered, self-absorbed and self-seeking, but with the times we’re living in?  It’s a really, really, bad time to be that way.

If your ultimate focus is your outer beauty or selfish goals, which have nothing to do with the Lord or people….I encourage you to dig a little deeper.

Is it wrong to want to look good and/or want to pursue your dreams?  Of course not! Just make sure he’s the center of it all.  Just make sure that your ultimate motivation for whatever you’re actively pursuing is the Lord and the good of people.

What is my platform here?  Well, I’m just a real person who has experienced real things.  I’ve had some harsh reality checks a time or two.  I’ve been FORCED to learn what matters vs. what doesn’t.  I got exactly what I wanted a time or two in the pursuit of my dreams and still experienced emptiness.  Why?  There was NOTHING else that could fill the void of Jesus.  I had that void, because, although I knew Him….my ultimate hope wasn’t yet in Him.

Yes, only God knows the day and hour when he will return.  However, it’s always possible he can return on any given day at any given time. I know if he is to come back this week, I’d rather he see me investing in Him and people, instead of selfishly just doing something All.About.Holly. OR chasing the pleasures of this world.

Is it wrong for me to invest in myself?  NO!  I need to do some meaningless, relaxing, “Holly things” here and there.  Otherwise, I’m not healthy, and I’m spread way too thin.  Then, I’m of no use for God and for people.  It isn’t required that every single day of my life be incredibly significant and life-changing.  He doesn’t mind if I watch a good, clean TV show for rest and relaxation.  He doesn’t mind if I want pretty nails.  He doesn’t mind if I want to go enjoy a sporting event on my Saturday afternoon.  I’m convinced he smiles when I occasionally sleep in.  It’s okay for me to NOT take on every ministry assignment offered to me and to say “no” sometimes. Rest and relaxation is healthy and his word encourages it.

It’s all about balance and perspective though, guys.

What is REALLY getting our attention….and where is our ultimate hope?

Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Remember, anytime I talk to you, I’m also talking to myself.  This blog is for you to relate to.  It’s to help us walk this thing out together.  God has been challenging me in this area in a big, big way.

What about you?  Where is your focus?  Where is your hope?  I encourage you to think about that today and in the days ahead.  Let him speak to your heart.

 

I Don’t Have It All…..And That’s Okay With Me

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I Don’t Have It All…..And That’s Okay With Me

 

Hey, I have a confession. Sometimes I really try to have it all.

Do it all.  Say it all.  Hear it all.  See it all.  Save it all.  Dream it all.  Figure out it all.  Solve it all.  Experience it at all.  Accomplish it all. Be it all.

……And the worst?  I often expect others to have it all.

I came to this realization of myself several years ago.  It was a hard one to accept, simply because I didn’t want to accept my shortfalls or the shortfalls of other people.  Though I’ve gotten better, I still struggle sometimes with my standards of self and my standards of others.

Another confession?  I set such high standards for myself when creating this blog that I rarely post. In my mind, if it’s not an A+ piece to me, then no one else needs to hear it.  If it’s not earth-shattering, then I have no business in posting it when the world is already loud and full of countless, self-proclaimed experts (especially when I may overlook a typo)!

But today?  God is nudging me.

He knows I know I’m not an expert, but he’s also reminding me he doesn’t call “experts.”  He gives gifts, and it’s our responsibility to use those gifts and to go where he sends us.

So…..I’m hoping that just maybe, this simple, transparent, genuine blog post will help someone else out today.  Maybe it doesn’t have to be the deepest, the most articulate and the most revolutionary thing I’ve ever shared with you.  Maybe the message is in the shortfall of this blog in itself.

Maybe a little simplicity is what this complicated world needs right now.

So here it is guys:  NO ONE has it all.  There isn’t a writer that produces A+ material every. single. time.  They may tell you they do, but they don’t.  They probably just aren’t sharing their B+ material with the world.

This is probably only half of my writing collection at most. It is full of what I consider B, C & even a few D grade songs. Sure, there are a few A+ ones in here, but I probably haven’t let you hear those yet either.

There isn’t a basketball player that makes every. single. shot.  You just may not ever see them miss.

There isn’t an actor who gets everything on the first take, every. single. time.  You just happen to see the completed film.

There isn’t a doctor who never gets stretched, challenged or confused by a patient at some point.

There isn’t a photographer that takes the award-winning shot every time.  Sometimes even the best realize the pose or setting just wasn’t quite contest worthy.

There isn’t a family, a friendship or a marriage that never ever experiences conflict.  The social media photos people post only give you a tiny look into their lives…..not the full picture.  My Pastor once said something along the lines of, we often compare our lives to other people’s “highlight reels.”  Man, has that stuck with me.

Highlight reels are not the full picture, all day, every day….because:

There isn’t a talent that has it all.

There isn’t a career that has it all.

There isn’t an area that has it all.

There isn’t a home that has it all.

There isn’t a “dream come true” that has it all.

And most important to remember, there isn’t a person that has it all.  Does it seem like some people come close?  Of course!  Sometimes I play the comparison game and think, “DANG!  I wish I could be more like them.”  Does it seem like some families or relationships can come to having it all.  YES.  Some are so close to perfect, that you’ll never even be able to see the few flaws, that only God knows they have.

Does this mean we shouldn’t strive for excellence?  No way!  Does this mean we shouldn’t work to be the best Jesus follower, employee, parent, sibling, friend and spouse we can be?  Of course not!  In fact, I hope you’re working on that every day.  In the meantime, I will be too.

Here’s why we can’t have it all though, guys:  There is only ONE who has it all, and only ONE who will EVER have it all.  HE is the only one who is even capable of having it all.  His name is Jesus Christ. He knew no sin, and he knows no limits.  We knew sin, and therefore we have our limits, but if we serve the one who is limitless…..the results can be limitless.  We can’t be Him, and we never will be.  However, when we put our lives in the hands of the one who has it all, he can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ever ask or imagine.

We can and most definitely should strive to be like Him, but ultimately, He’s always going to be above all.

Honestly, that feels like really good news to me today.  I don’t know about you, but for me, it gets exhausting trying to have it all.  It gets exhausting on the hamster wheel.  It gets exhausting being a perfectionist.  And exhausting trying to take on roles and do jobs that only He can do…..and it gets so exhausting trying to solve problems that only He can solve.

There is a time to do a serious inventory of oneself, and there is a time to confront others.  There is a time to reevaluate where your life is going, and there is a time to make changes.  But sometimes?  There is a time where we just need to relax and be content with “not having it all.”

Why?  Well, because when we’re content with not having it all, we open the door and invite God’s limitless power into our lives. God’s power is best magnified in the humble….in those who realize they don’t have it all.  It’s best magnified in those who realize how much they need Him.  It’s really difficult for an arrogant, prideful person to enjoy the abundance of the Christian life. If we think we’re equal to God, and that we have it all, how can we really live our best lives?  How can we really have an authentic relationship?  How can we really see the results we want to see?

When I expect others to have it all, I’m holding them to an unfair standard.  I’m expecting them to be perfect like God…and they’re simply not capable of it.  When I expect myself to have it all, I’m holding myself to an unrealistic standard that I’ll never ever be able to achieve.  I’m simply not capable.

It’s days like today that I think of what the Lord has been laying on my heart for about 12 years now:

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  -2 Corinthians 12:9.

Friend, you don’t have to have it ALL.  Please free yourself of that expectation right now.  Why?

Because HE has it all, and HE is more than enough…..  Therefore, today and always, you are more than enough, simply because you serve Him.

Let his power rest on you.

Don’t be an ant at a time like this: The cost of disobedience & following the crowd

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Don’t be an ant at a time like this: The cost of disobedience & following the crowd

Sometimes the greatest revelations come through the simplest…..and even the most unpleasant of analogies.  That is precisely what happened as I was recently thinking about the cost of disobedience and “following the crowd.”

This time, I felt God nudge me about ants.  Yes, ants.  The gross, sneaky, little obnoxious things that like to invade our food, crawl all over our possessions and get into everything.  This is definitely a “first” for me.

Why ants?  Well, they’ve been everywhere in my life lately, and they’ve been making me want to bug out.  (No pun intended).  But I can’t bug out, I must face them and defeat them.  Therefore, I apparently should learn a lesson or two from them while I’m at it.

About once a year, these creepy little insects visit me in my home.  I’ve tried to seal up different areas in the kitchen, yet around this time of year, they find their way in, no matter how clean the kitchen is.  It doesn’t matter if there are dishes in the sink or not….the unwelcome visitors insist on invading my personal space.  Before I know it, I have to buy some kind of ant killer.

A month ago, they kept coming in spurts into my kitchen.  I wouldn’t have any for a bit, and then, before I knew it……they were back.

Finally, I was feeling beyond fed up.  I did some research and ran to Wal-Mart.  None of the previous ant buttons worked, so I knew it was time to get serious and find a product that actually works.  I bought an ant killer called Terro upon seeing that this product consistently receives five star reviews.  After putting out the Terro gel traps, it was soon obvious that Terro is truly the best ant killer on planet earth.

It wasn’t long before the ants began congregating and flocking together like crazy…..ultimately flocking to their death.  Though I put out multiple traps, one trap in particular was much, much more popular than the others. I woke up the next morning to realize Terro had mostly killed a whole entire ant colony.  Though it was a disgusting experience, I stood back pleased with myself.  I also figured out what area in my kitchen needs sealed up to prevent them from re-entering again (I think at least).

Then, later that morning, I arrived at work……and…lo and behold…………I spotted a couple ants on my desk.  Just a weird coincidence, right?  Nope!

Before I knew it, I heard co-workers around me talking, saying they have a ton of them in their cubicles.

NOOOOOOOO!!  I thought I was free!!  

The week prior, someone had came to me and asked if I was having a problem with ants in my cube.  I told them I wasn’t…not realizing it was another co-worker nearby.  Then, just a week later…my cube neighbors were grabbing the clorox, sanitizing their cubes and suffering from the heebie jeebies just as I had been.  I was just kind of sitting in my cube in disbelief that I was actually dealing with these creepy insects yet again.  But then…I decided to write this blog, because it was a slow morning, and I was having weird ant revelations.  Or maybe they’re God revelations.

As I was sitting there that morning, I heard something in my spirit that went like this:  “Just as it is with the ants…..flocking with the crowd always leads to death.”

WOW!…

This may not sound all that profound to you, but it does to me.  An ant on its own isn’t necessarily “bright,” but it feels the need to be part of a colony.  Together that colony is a nuisance to people.  Together that colony destroys food.  That colony also bites if their mood strikes them right. However, it is “that colony” that often leads them to their death.

As I wondered what God was really trying to say, I thought about those gel traps I observed the night before:  Those ants just couldn’t help but follow one another……to their death.  They had no individuality….no rebellion….no anything…..except a desire to follow the crowd.  Though it may not have seemed that way at first, their need to follow the crowd ultimately cost them their lives in the end.  Pretty soon, there wasn’t any “lone ants” left.  They were so attracted to those gel traps they just couldn’t help themselves.  They were led by chemicals and smells, just as we are often led by the flesh.  Brainlessly, they all headed straight for what they thought was the land of milk and honey…..but unfortunately for them, it was a toxic land.  They were on their final destination, and they didn’t even know it.  They were fooled….just like we sometimes are when the devil appears as an angel of light.

The very thing they were drawn to was the very thing that was going to kill them.  How often does this happen to us?  Obviously, we don’t always “die” in a lifeless kind of sense, but we kill our inner workings.

No one actually gives orders in an ant colony, but they all decide what to do next….which is pretty much the same thing as their siblings. Though there is a “queen,” they’re all very much alike in the end – like a carbon copy of one another.  Ants communicate by chemicals, and that is how they mostly perceive.  They use their antennae to smell.  They don’t see well, so this is basically how they face the world and make their decisions.  Though no one mortal human specifically gives us orders….how often do we simply follow a mortal human as if they know the best way?

Can I be honest?  Today’s pop culture scene has a lot of America looking like a bunch of ants.  I often have to remind myself not to join the flock.  I often have to remind myself that in the end it leads to spiritual death.  But everywhere we look, people are traveling in droves down the path of destruction…. without even realizing it.

Not many seem to question if something is wrong with being part of the “majority.”  Not many seem to realize that what is popular in the eyes of the world….often isn’t right in the word.  Therefore, many are afraid to be different….afraid to break apart from the flock….and afraid to take the uncommon route.  The result is disobedience, and the result of disobedience is the death of the dreams, the death of callings, the death of hopes, and worst of all?  Spiritual death.

As Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

You see….satan lays a new gel trap for all of us every day.  They’re all around us…and they’re designed to entice us.  The devil wants us to be led by our flesh…..God wants us to be led by the spirit.

Still, satan knows so many of us desire to be part of the flock.  He knows so many will have the desire to go the way that seems right.  But in the end, the devil wins when we follow his lead…..and we lose.  He knows our weaknesses, and he knows what will lure us in.  He has all sorts of strategical “gel” for humans.

The good news is….if we’re staying in the word and using our discernment, we will recognize the traps of “death” and know to avoid them. 

It’s been said that those who follow the crowd usually don’t go any further than the crowd.  Think about it folks:  God created you for more.  He created you to love, to be a light, to lead, to learn, to make a positive difference and to live for Him.  Don’t just become part of a colony or the “in crowd.”  It may seem right today, but God sees the bigger picture.

He needs us now more than ever – to rise up and to stand firm for him.  In the end, he will reward us for doing so.  Avoiding the traps is what will one day bring us to the land of milk and honey….even if it doesn’t look like it today.  Walking into the trap will rob us of the land of milk and honey….it will rob us of our God-given talents and all the amazing plans he has for us……even if it doesn’t look like it today.

Romans 12:2 says,  “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

God is always looking for “unique, courageous, non-conforming, available, individuals” to accomplish his good and perfect will.

Do we want to be purposeful, or do we want to be a “can’t think for myself/want to simply fit in,” ant?  It’s up to us….God has given us free will…..but friends…..I really do hope you decide against being an ant at a time like this.

Now….I’d get back to ant killing, but I don’t see any, anywhere……

15 things to never say to a “single” person

hollymarietong dating, Encouragement, Personal Growth, single life , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

 

Remember how I said I’ll forever relate to singles and forever understand them?  I meant it.  While I’m thrilled to be walking down the aisle soon, it doesn’t mean:   A).  That I’ve forgotten the struggle I once had, and the struggle so many people I love are still going through and B).  That I’m only going to talk to the engaged and married folks now.  God reminds me often (though I fail to blog as often as I should) that I’m not to forget the road I walked before Kyle.  He also reminds me I can be a fairly unique voice in this area (as can many of my gal pals).

“Meant to be at 33” is what I like to call this time in my life.  I’m not shy about admitting that I’m getting married for the first (and only time) a few weeks after my 33rd birthday.

I can hear some of you saying, “Oh, but you’re still so young!”

I say to you…well, unless you got married at this same age or older, and/or are still single yourself, say no more about my youngness, k?

I’m getting married later than average no matter what you may feel like telling me.  I wouldn’t have it any other way though.  In hindsight, I completely see why God had me wait longer.  I didn’t see it then, but I see it now.

I know I was not and still am not “entitled” to having a forever man….not at 23, 33, 43, or ever for that matter.  I know my fiance is a blessing.  I know many who are still waiting for that blessing in their own life.

I know I could very well still be in the position I was in just a year ago.  While I believe my single friends will ultimately one day find the person of their dreams, I remind myself to be very careful with what I say to them. I admitted in a previous blog that just because a few of the cliches I hated hearing like, “it happens when you’re least expecting it,” and “you’ll find someone one day,” came true for me, doesn’t mean I should make a habit of using those cliches on my friends.  They’re not ready to hear it yet, just like I wasn’t ready to hear it then. It also may not happen for them the same way it did for me, so why act like I know something they don’t?

As I feel blessed to be surrounded by all the love, assistance and well wishes that planning a wedding brings, I can’t help but wish that just a little more love, assistance and well wishes would be given to singles overall.  It’s just not culturally popular…and I wish it were.  While I’m extremely grateful to receive all of this now (and some have always given me it to me even as a single), I can’t help but wish there were more affirmation, positivity and resources surrounding the single life.

I know people often think of helping a young couple or a family, and I’m ALL for that, but I feel like people less often think about helping the single person, or seeing what they may need.  I’m not speaking for myself or for everyone here.

I’m saying, let’s just say you have an extra set of brand new dishes at home that you’d like to bless someone with:  While I’m not AT ALL against you giving them to the young married couple, why not also consider the single girl across the street that you know works super hard?

I can’t speak for all married couples, but I know I’m financially going to be better off as a married person, than I have been as a single person.  I think sometimes society sees “single,” and sees money and no one else to support, except themselves.  The problem is a single person often means paying double the bills, unless of course, said single wants to get a roommate.  The bottom line:  Let’s remember our single friends too!  Also, just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you can only have couples as friends.  No need to be part of a “married only’s clique,” or to get all high and mighty just because your relationship status has changed, right?

Now I’ve lived on both sides of the fence.  I can tell you that while relationships take work, the single life is overall the harder position to be in.  While I felt a great sense of strength and independence in that position, I faced more challenges overall.  Yes, some days I enjoyed the heck out of my single life.  I lived that life to the fullest every day.  However, I would rather have this life, than my former life.  I’m not going to lie about that.  I’m very thankful for my former life and wouldn’t ever take it back, but I’m not going to pretend it was a cake walk.  In fact, I’m going to acknowledge that it wasn’t on many levels.

While I don’t understand 30 years of marriage yet, I do understand what it’s like to be as single as spaghetti without the Ragu.  I also understand what it’s like to have someone wanting to protect me, to provide for me and to commit to me for the rest of our lives.

Now, with all of that said, the first best thing you can do for your single friends is try to avoid saying the wrong things.  Some are truly happy to be single.  Some people love the solitary life.  Some are very go with the flow…whenever it happens…it happens, kind of people.  (I was that way most days, but definitely not all days).  Some hurt every day over past relationships and past injustices.  Some worry about their future, and if they have a future in love at all.  Most though? They have something in common.  They don’t really need your advice and your attempt at consoling them, unless they ask for it, cry on your shoulder or vent to you.  I’m just saying guys.

Here are my top 15 never say to your single friends, statements:

  1.  “Married life is so hard.  My husband can be such a jerk.  Being single is where it’s at.  I’m actually envious of you and all of this freedom you get.”  Really now?  Really?  I don’t know all situations, but if one’s husband seems to be working hard, being an honest upstanding person, providing for them, and isn’t cheating on or abusing them, no one wants to hear it.  At all.  Likely, the person making this statement KNOWS they don’t really want to be back in the dating world, so why pretend they do?  It isn’t fooling anyone, and frankly, it’s really really annoying.
  2. “God needs to see you fully trusting him and being happy with him, and him alone, before he can give you a mate.” – (Says the 22 year old who is indirectly saying that THEY were the perfect Christian when they found their mate).  Umm…you’re not fooling us, sister.  You can’t speak for God here.  Maybe God KNOWS this fine single person is fully trusting him, and happy with him, but maybe he needs them to wait a little longer than you, for other reasons or plans he has for them. Maybe the person you’re saying this to is VERY in tune with God and celebrates the joy of the Lord every day….yet they still struggle with loneliness some days, or just feel ready for that next chapter that doesn’t seem to be happening.  Don’t tell them how to feel, assume their doing it wrong or minimize their faith.  Don’t make them feel not good enough.  Maybe they’re even good at being single….but well, they’re like 35, which is like 10 years older than you when you got married – so maybe you shouldn’t be the person telling them this, eh?  It’s not unreasonable that they feel “ready.”
  3. “When are you going to settle down and get married?  What about having kids?  What are you waiting for?”  This one pretty much speaks for itself.  For one, it’s no one’s business, but their own.  Two, they may struggle with why it isn’t happening for them.  Three, some of my friends, for instance, even already know they can’t conceive children.  It’s understandably a very hurtful subject for them.  These things should just never be asked…..ever.
  4. “You’re just too picky!  I can’t believe you weren’t interested in him!”  There are a lot of things wrong with this statement.  Where shall I begin?  No one should ever be told to lower their standards.  That is how this statement will feel no matter how it is said. Often the very person who says this is the very person who wouldn’t be interested in that failed potential either.  Yes, there are extreme cases…BUT picky is better than settling or taking the plunge before one is ready.  Since marriage is designed to be forever, it’s only smart to be picky.
  5. “You find them when you least expect it!”  I’ve mentioned this one A LOT lately.  Yes, this ended up happening in my life.  Yes, I was kind of annoyed that this was “how” it happened for me since I hated this cliche soooooo much, but the truth is, singles hate these words…and I understand why.  Been there, heard that, got the t-shirt.
  6. “Man…you get to travel and do whatever you want!  I want your life!”  Just don’t.  They’re probably broke and all their potential travel friends are probably also either broke or busy with their family lives.  Just don’t.
  7. “Work on you!”  Yes, some do need time to be single to work on them…but it’s probably best not to put it in those words. Even just “focus on you” sounds better.  Don’t assume they’re a piece of work.  It just beats them down and makes you look high and mighty.
  8. “Join a single’s group, do online dating etc.”  Again, these fine independent strong folk don’t usually need advice unless asked for.  They’re not living under a rock.  They probably know they can join this stuff if they want to.  You’re not teaching them anything new! 🙂
  9. “Man I pity you being in the dating world.  I couldn’t do it!”  How encouraging!
  10. “You don’t need a man!”  You’re right I don’t “need” a man….but apparently you do considering you’ve been married to your high school sweetheart for 30 years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m GLAD your marriage has worked.  That’s God’s will in fact….but singles really don’t need to hear this from you since you well,…..don’t get it?
  11. “You must be doing something wrong.  Let’s talk about what it is.”  No…..just no!
  12. “You’ve got time!”   This is equally just as bad as “time’s a-wasting.”  Someone married with three kids saying this to a single in their 30’s who hasn’t even begun the family journey, just isn’t a smart thing to do on any level.
  13. “Have you ever thought about dating your friend __________?”  Chances are you’ll just make things really really awkward.  They’ve either thought about it, talked about it with their friend, or never ever even entertained the thought ever.  Said friend may very well be like a sibling to them.  You’re not pointing out some new revelation to them, okay?
  14. “You’re too smart, too pretty, or too good.”  Yeah, that’s going to solve things….letting them know that unless they dumb themselves down, stop taking care of their physical appearance, or stop being so morally good, that they’ll end up single for life…
  15. “It was about time “I” or “they” get married.”  I saved this one for last because this was perhaps one of the most offensive statements ever made to me when I was in the midst of being completely single.  I was happy with my life overall, but this statement rubbed me so wrong.  I was talking to someone with a daughter younger than me who had recently gotten engaged.  This particular woman KNOWS I’m older than her daughter, and KNEW I was single at the time.  I was nice and congratulated her on her daughter’s engagement.  It couldn’t stop there though.  She proceeded to look me in the eye and say, “well it was about time!!!!” (as if it was absolutely shameful).  I could’ve laughed it off I suppose, but I recognized the dig and didn’t feel like letting her get away with it.  I instead politely looked her back in the eye and said, “Is it really about “time,” or is it more important to find the right person no matter how long that may take?”  I really caught her off guard.  Anyways, yeah….just don’t say this.

Alright guys.  There are probably a million more annoying statements, but this is all I have tonight.  I know I’ve graduated from hearing these statements, but graduating from these statements mean I’m heading for the annoying world of “when are you having kids, how many are you having and when do you plan to have another?,” world.  We all have our struggles.  Let’s learn to better understand one another.  What do ya say?  🙂