“My Times Are In Your Hands”: Modestly Managing “Mommy Madness”

“My Times Are In Your Hands”:  Modestly Managing “Mommy Madness”
Photo Credit: Veri Ivanova

I don’t know about you, but I often struggle to believe that time is my friend.  I often struggle to believe that the load I’m carrying is even currently manageable…..or worse – Is it even sustainable in the long run? I’ve learned the hard way that I cannot control much of anything at all, despite my best efforts to do so.

The truth is:  Most days it’s a struggle to get even 15 minutes to sit and breathe.  It doesn’t help that my mind is programmed to believe that productivity is vital at all times.  The biggest problem is, I get overwhelmed by my massive to-do list.  I get so overwhelmed that nothing gets done at all.  For every big task I get done, two unexpected ones get added.  If I do get 10 minutes to try to tackle any given task, I either end up with a phone call, an unexpected favor that’s been asked of me…..or maybe, I catch my two year old coloring on the walls yet again. Yes.  Think of “Harold and the Purple Crayon.”  That’s our current situation, and then some.  Little man always seems to find those writing utensils no matter where I store them (of course he gets into everything else right now, too).  He’s a joyful tornado, if you can imagine that.

And the mess.  It’s everywhere.  I mean, everywhere.  Our bar area is covered by random knick-knacks, pages ripped out of books, loose change, pens that don’t work and buttons that have popped off.  You’ll also find random chargers, hair ties, clippers, broken toys and owner’s manuals.  And let’s not forget the stack of papers I still need to read, analyze, sign, return, file, etc. And the laundry obnoxiously piles up before I can even put away the last load.  If I were to detail everything I’m behind on, this blog would turn into a boring book.  It all looks and feels embarrassing if I’m fully honest.

“I’ll get to it tomorrow,” I tell myself.

This full-time working outside the home AND as a stay-at-home mom, “life,” is exhausting to put it mildly.  And only those closest to us truly know everything my current life entails AND demands.  But, I also know, 20 years from now, I’ll be glad I fully took on “the hard,” instead of running from it.

And, I really, really do try.  I’m trying to be disciplined, but the messes, and “the messages” on my phone, computer and mailbox often hit me like a ton of bricks.  I often feel like the average day brings a lot of “unexpected nonsense” which keeps me from the bigger priorities.

……..Anyone else feel that way?

And….I’ve always heard, “chase 2 rabbits, and both get away.” Many days I feel like I have 200 rabbits on the go and 100 fires burning.  And, while trying to figure out which one to attend to first, I get overwhelmed and give up.   If my head were a computer, I’d have 200 tabs open and running at all times.  “Which priority is the BIGGEST priority?” is a question I silently ask myself often.

And, I’ve been trying so hard to maximize my time.  I’ve been trying to work with what I DO have for time, instead of dwelling on what I don’t have for time.  I’ve had to learn to be creative.  I’ve had to learn to spot “not-so-obvious, opportunities” for time with God, time to catch a breath. Every school pickup turns into a “prayer drive” afterwards.  I grab a coffee, a quencher or a smoothie for me, and two dairy-free smoothies for the kiddos.  We drive down that beautiful side road on our way home, as if it’s our first time looking at those gorgeous mountains in the distance.  We pray, we worship, we reflect.  This is how I want them to know me.  Sure, mommy probably lost her patience earlier that day, and may be on the struggle bus again that night….but, I want them to know that praise and worship is what I’ll always return to.

Yes.  As hard as it may be –  I’m trying really hard to give God my first 15 minutes of the day (which is Clara’s drive to school M-F), my middle of the day 15 (or a full hour), and my last 15.  I find my last 15 to be the most challenging.  Give God your first 15 and your last 15 was pre-marital counseling advice Kyle and I received from the fabulous Rob Simms of Joy Church.  I haven’t always abided by this priceless advice, but I also have never forgotten it either.  I always eventually default back to this goal.  I find it to be so key.

I recently heard another pastor say, “if you speak about lack of time, you’ll have lack of time.”

I recall another saying, “I’m too busy to NOT spend time with God.”

And so, I’m trying.  I listen to church services and/or inspirational videos while I fold the laundry, wash dishes or shower.  Sitting and waiting on my car to receive its maintenance is now basically a spa day for me.  I now see the smallest openings as opportunities vs. a lack of time.

As I write this blog, I’m multi-tasking both kids.  Weston thinks we are playing pickleball together.  So in between each sentence, I’m literally serving the ball as far as I can across the house.  I take my free 30 seconds before he returns the ball, to write another sentence or form another thought.

((Please Lord…..help this blog entry to make sense.  Help it to not have 101 errors that I don’t even have time to spot before I hit the publish button)).

So, yes.  I’m trying to clean, declutter, organize, execute, and be a whole lot to a lot of people these days.

BUT…..

Despite the mess, despite the chaos….the good Lord meets me right there in the midst of it.  Every time.  He’s right there with me as I’m literally running through the living room obstacle course of random junk, trying not to trip.  He’s right there with me, as I’m launching both kids into their car seats knowing I don’t have any time to spare.  And, he’s right there with me as I’m behind that slow-moving dump truck that is going to make me 2 minutes late for that important appointment.  And when I ask him the best alternative route when I come upon that train that’s stopped on the tracks…..he is faithful to remind me of the best way to get 45 minutes away, on time.  He’s right there with me when I feel exhausted, defeated, unheard….and right there when I experience life’s victories too.

He is always faithful.  But, I’m still learning to remember, “My times are in your hands.”

But I know it’s true.  I know that even when I feel like I don’t have time, I can be assured that he will provide me with time…even if it looks like more multitasking again.  He will maximize what I do have.  He’s the captain of this ship after all.  The less manageable and sustainable this feels, the more I lean on him.  The more I know I need to trust him, to be my strength, to be my guide, and to be the one who goes before me.  The more I remember when he says:  “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

And sometimes I simply have to remind myself:  He can do more in 15 minutes than I can do in 15 years.  He can turn it all around in the blink of an eye.

Again, our times are in his hands…..and his hands have never failed…..and they never will.

**************************

((Key verses)):

My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. (Psalm 31:15)

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.  (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.  The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:8-9)

5 Things To Never Say To Your Fellow Women

5 Things To Never Say To Your Fellow Women

First of all, I am going to admit I’ve said things I wish I could take back.  Haven’t we all?  Sometimes we just simply don’t realize our words are irritating, hurtful, or could even wrongly be perceived as backhanded.  We all fall short sometimes, right?  Right.  Soo….if you read this post and think, “Oh no!  I think I’ve said something similar to Holly once.” No need to fret, because most of those who have said something that rubbed me wrong probably don’t even see my blog posts.  

However, I’ve had plenty of experiences with the unsolicited advice and unwelcome jabs people like to give.  The sweet elderly lady who says one of these unwelcome statements and doesn’t mean anything by it generally doesn’t bother me.  It’s the obvious nosiness, jabs and slams that do.  It’s the comments from my fellow women who SHOULD KNOW BETTER that sometimes do. But honestly, it doesn’t just happen to me.  It happens to WOMEN everywhere….whether single or in a relationship….whether a parent or not.  

I hear these stories over and over again.  In fact, other’s stories is what ultimately inspired me to write this PSA.  Believe it or not, I actually am not writing this because of anything that in particular that has happened to me personally.  I cannot put my finger on anything recent that has impacted me negatively.  I just feel like it’s time I speak out on our behalf…….and I feel like it’s time I say it louder for the ones in the back! 

[If you’ve said one or more than one of these, it’s okay.  We’ve all been there to some level.  Let’s just all learn to do better.  How bout that]?

Without further ado…..here we go:

  1.  “Why are you still single?  Aren’t you just about 30?  Isn’t it time you settle down and start a family?  What about your friend such and such?  Have you ever thought about dating them?”

Okay, I snuck a “5 in 1” in point number one, but I couldn’t pick just one.  I STILL get irritated for my single friends and feel total empathy when they get these kinds of comments made to them.  Why?  Because I remember this time in my life so well.  I made a promise to forever be an advocate for the single women in the world, and I have held to that.  I didn’t get married until age 33.  I also didn’t have my first baby until I was 3 weeks shy of 35, so I feel somewhat qualified to address these topics.

Just realize the reason “why” they are single is probably somewhat personal.  Maybe they just haven’t fallen in love yet.  Maybe they’re still not over their ex.  Maybe they have some healing to do.  Maybe they’re focused on their career.  Maybe they want more time.  Maybe things just aren’t working out.  Maybe it’s hurting their heart that things aren’t working out, and they don’t need another reminder of what they cannot change.  

Maybe they love their single life and are open to remaining single for good.  Single doesn’t have to mean lonely or unhappy, does it? Since when should a relationship status define anyone?  Maybe right now they are just enjoying friendships and hanging out with their fellow gal pals?  Maybe romance isn’t a huge desire at this moment.

Whatever the reason they remain single, they probably don’t want to talk about it with someone who isn’t a close friend. Also, they know their age, and they don’t need a reminder.  Maybe their age already slightly bothers them, and they don’t need salt rubbed in the wound.  Maybe they’re very confident and happy with where they are at, at this age.  Maybe “your time” isn’t their time, and more importantly, maybe it isn’t God’s time.  

Oh, and telling them they should date their friend probably isn’t some grand revelation they were needing.  Maybe their friend is like a sibling to them, and there isn’t any romantic connection.  Maybe they’ve talked about dating and just haven’t.  

Again.  Avoid these statements.  Avoid them.  Did I say, avoid them? 🙂  

[If you genuinely think you have someone to set them up with, that isn’t all bad – you may be able to introduce them to the love of their life.  Just be smart about it, think about their possible “taste and standards,” and don’t bring it up in a way that causes pressure].

2)  Now that you’re married, when are you going to start having kids?

Again….no just no.  

Maybe these newlyweds just want to enjoy some time as just the two of them.  

It could be that they’ve been trying, and they’re having infertility issues. Infertility seems to be on the rise, and it’s a very real, heart-breaking struggle.   I’ve watched so many amazing people go through this, and the last thing they need are these prying questions.

One step further.  Maybe this couple already knew before going into a marriage that one of them is unable to have children.  Maybe they’ve been aware of this situation their whole entire life. They aren’t just struggling to conceive – they know that biologically it just cannot happen, period.  This couple decided they wanted to be together, whether their story involves children or not.

Or, it could be that getting pregnant isn’t the issue:  Carrying full-term may be.  It could be that they’ve recently been through a miscarriage….or multiple.  One in four women experience at least one miscarriage in their life, and this too seems to be increasingly more common.  Once again, this question is the worst nightmare for a couple in this situation.  For all you know, the woman is currently in the middle of the emotional and physical pain of loss, right then and there.

Maybe the couple is waiting for their finances and job situations to feel more comfortable.  Maybe they want to wait until after they move and start that next chapter of life. 

Or hey, they could even be among those who have already simply decided that children isn’t for them, period.  Maybe they want a couple dogs, or maybe they don’t even desire pets.  Maybe they are two people who want to travel or focus on their careers without any strings attached.  If that be the case, they shouldn’t be shamed or put down for it.  Deciding one shouldn’t have children isn’t selfish.  Having children when one is unsure and “not all in” is what is actually selfish.  The decision to have children should not be a comparison game or a societal pressure.  It needs to be a personal desire and commitment.

We all have different stories, goals and desires in our lives and not everyone’s looks the same. Whatever the reason, again….never just assume.  It may not be what you think, and if it isn’t YOUR life….why do you REALLY have to know?

3)  Now it’s time for another!  Your son (or) daughter needs a sibling!

Sigh.  Can you tell I’ve been through all three stages of life?  When I got married, I knew the non-stop pregnancy questions would happen.  And I knew, as I was still healing and pumping breastmilk that people would start asking when #2 is coming.  I was right.  Can’t a woman heal, get used to parenting and/or get just a little bit of rest at night?  Is that too much to ask for?  Is it not acceptable for parents to catch their breath and to really soak it all in, and enjoy the moments with their first one before thinking about a second? Again, maybe this couple just wants to wait.  Maybe they aren’t the type to have their children super close together.   [My parents had all of us with 3-5 years in between because that was how they wanted it to happen.  I personally loved the way they chose to do it, and don’t know why people may be discouraged of making a similar decision in 2021].

[On the contrary, please stop shaming people that DO want to have their children close together.  If they have 6 children and they’re all only 13 months apart – that was their call.  It may not be your thing – but it’s theirs. Maybe they’ve always dreamed of a large family and all of their children growing up together, close in age. Personal preference shouldn’t be anyone else’s concern, unless of course, the children aren’t being properly cared for.  And hey, if you’re the caretaker or the one paying the bills, you may have a point.  Otherwise, no].

But, back to what I was saying:  Or, maybe this couple tried for #2, but had a miscarriage they kept secret.

….Or, maybe this couple got pregnant easily the first time, but are experiencing infertility this time around.

……Maybe their baby has special needs, and they really want to focus in on their one child.  Maybe the medical bills and intervention has already been pretty overwhelming.

….Along those lines, maybe they feel like they cannot afford a second child just yet.  It’s reasonable for people to think about the financial aspect too, right?

…..Maybe the mom even developed some health issues after baby #1?  Hey, maybe she already had to have a hysterectomy that you don’t even know about?  Women aren’t made of steel though it may sometimes seem like it.

Or gasp…..maybe this couple only feels led to have ONE child.  OR….maybe they want to adopt next time, and are waiting to do so.  Maybe they even want to be a foster parent. So many possibilities, guys.

I think most people who say/ask this question genuinely mean well and probably don’t see anything wrong with they’re saying, but this is just my friendly reminder:  The “when” question is seldom smart to ask.  I suppose you may sometimes get an excited woman who will answer, “Oh, I’m planning to be pregnant in the next couple months again, and I cannot wait”…….but just remember assumptions can be harmful.

4)  “Oh you’re using formula?  I breastfed all of my children until they were 2, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way…. OR…..Breastmilk is so much better for our children.  They will be smarter because of it.  Breastfed kids are so much more advanced.” [ANY kind of shaming for moms who choose formula over breastmilk.  Breastfeeding benefits’ education, encouragement and awareness is one thing.  Putting someone down or making them feel like a “bad mom” is another].

And here’s the fourth one I’ve been through to some level.  I think a majority of us WISH we could give our children breastmilk.  It’s kind of ingrained in us.  With that said, I’m here to tell you that whether they are breastfed or formula-fed, what matters is that they are getting fed and growing. 

I have a now very healthy, thriving, happy and intelligent almost 2 year old that was only breastfed for………*drum-roll*……6 weeks.  I tried.  I really, really did.

Now, I don’t feel obligated to explain anything.  I just want to.  I want to share the very encouragement I WISH I read while I was going through this struggle. 

I’m doing this for my fellow women:  Looking back, I actually unfairly put myself under a lot of undue stress, because I thought I was “supposed to” according to the societal stigmas.  Even as a full-term baby, my girl was born at preemie size.  And then of course, they can lose a little weight those first couple days after birth.  (She did).  That first month was honestly a blur of stress, pressure and anxiety.  Oh, I had a great support system:  It was just my first time doing this, and I encountered so many hurdles I didn’t expect.

This tired mama also returned to her full-time work only 5 1/2 weeks after giving birth, by choice (I almost returned sooner, but my Dr. was the one who wasn’t ready).  She soon agreed.  So, there I was, already a balancing act.  Since I was 16 years old, this was the LONGEST work “break” I had in 20 years, and we all know, “maternity leave” is hardly a break.

What’s more?  So much more.  (I think I may do a separate blog on this one day).  But anyways, to sum it up in short, Clara had the milk protein sensitivity.  Her little cherry-sized tummy was sensitive.  I completely eliminated dairy (AND soy) from my diet.  Anyone who has ever done this knows how hard it is.  Dairy certainly isn’t impossible to eliminate, but to also completely eliminate soy wasn’t so easy.  I’m not a big processed food fan, but if it didn’t come from the ground or straight from the farm, even a bite of it was pretty much out for me.  Even seasonings or things you don’t readily expect had one or both ingredients in it.  I managed a few weeks on a plain meat, veggies and fruit type of diet, and ate the few soy/dairy free options out there, but it became apparent that Clara still wasn’t growing her best on breastmilk.  That’s not to mention other additional hurdles we had with it.  It wasn’t even just the sensitivity itself. It got to the point that when I went to the lactation consultant, she looked me in the eye and said, “Honey, I was formula-fed, and I’m doing great today.  It is reasonable for you to go that route.”  Clara’s pediatrician then reminded me that “how I was feeling” mattered too.

And there we had it.  I swallowed all of my pride. I had tried, and formula was our way.  Soon after making the switch, Clara began growing rapidly and finally graduated to newborn clothes, and then 0-3, and on and on.  Now like I said, she’s a healthy almost 24 pound toddler, without any food allergies or sensitivities, as far as we know.

So if anyone wants to shame the route I took, all I can say is, “Her thriving was/is so much more important to me than any societal pressures.”  It’s okay, moms.  It really is.  I decided I will NEVER put myself through this kind of pressure again.  If it works……great!  If it doesn’t….that’s okay too!  Thank God for formula!

*And I also sincerely want to add:  If all of your children were exclusively breastfed, I do think you should be very proud of that.  I know that’s a big accomplishment and requires so much time, effort, love and sacrifice!  I know of some moms who have balanced this task even with working outside the home – (having to pump on lunch breaks and going into the mother’s room, etc. I think that’s amazing, and I admire this balance more than I can put into words). 

However, my point:  Just know that our paths to raising our children cannot all be the same.  Just know that ignorance, arrogance or throwing around the “kids will be so much smarter,” comment isn’t helpful to the mom who cannot make it work.  And it may very well not even be a thing like science claims.  A couple of the smartest people I know just happened to also be formula-fed babies as well.  My husband was one of those stubborn babies, in fact.  [While we were going through the sensitivity struggle with Clara, I jokingly asked him if this “smarter” theory meant he could’ve been a rocket scientist instead of an attorney then?  I mean, getting through law school and passing the bar exam alone, takes some brains.  Let’s be honest]. 

What matters most of all, is that our children thrive and get to growing.  Whatever the reason a mother chooses not to breastfeed, respect it, and mind your own – cool? AND if she chooses to breastfeed long-term, applaud her for a great accomplishment!  Let’s encourage one another ladies!  It’s already difficult enough to be a woman, and nothing is worse than women tearing down their fellow women.

5)  Women should stay at home with their children /OR Women need to contribute outside the home.

To put it plain and simple, both statements are insensitive.  Again, the decisions people make for their families are ultimately up to them.  We live in a world of double standards, and the comments aren’t always easy to stomach.

Let’s start with “women should stay at home with their children”:  Hello.  It’s 2021.  We are the SAME society that pushes for EVERYONE to go to college.  The same college that brings debt.  The same debt that makes graduates feel like they need a high paying job to pay off debt.  So which is it, guys?  I think there are A LOT of women in this world who would love nothing more than to stay home with their babies full-time, but they feel that they need to keep contributing to the income.  Also, last time I checked, “living” is expensive, whether it’s maintaining homes, vehicles, putting food on the table or general bills.  Some of the same people telling the woman to stay home are likely some of the same people who pushed her into college to begin with.  You can’t always have BOTH.  Hey, maybe she didn’t even go to college and living is STILL too expensive.  Maybe she came into the marriage debt-free and still feels the need to work outside the home.

Maybe it’s not even really about finances.  Maybe this mother is just simply a career woman.  Maybe she’s known ever since she was a little girl that she wanted to be a mom AND a full-time employee.  Nothing wrong with that, right?  Maybe she’s always wanted to be a Doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, a secretary…..whatever it may be.  If she spent all of those years in medical school, isn’t it reasonable that she may want to continue to utilize her degree?  Maybe staying at home all day makes her stir crazy, and it’s just not the best thing for her personally. 

In some cases, maybe the wife has the higher paying job than the husband. Maybe they ultimately decide the dad should be the one to stay home.  That’s okay too, folks!  Maybe she is a passionate dentist, and he doesn’t have a particular passion besides maintaining the home and caring for his children.  Rather than pay for childcare, they decide to make him the stay-at-home parent. As long as he is contributing, that’s their business, right? 

Now, moving along to, “Women need to contribute outside the home.”  Again, how is this anyone’s business, except the couple’s?  I know probably an equal amount of moms who work outside the home, as I do mothers who stay home.  Both women have a hard job. 

I have a confession:  [I am currently doing BOTH!  Just to be real….it’s challenging, but it’s doable in my case.  I realize in some cases it may not be.  I work 8-4:30 Monday-Friday on my laptop from home, while caring for my daughter in between.  I’m very thankful I’m able to do both, and I give God all the glory.  Pack n’ plays and cartoons are where it’s at.  And don’t even get on my case about my child watching some TV so that I can get work done].  But my point is, I get it.  I get that moms want to be home and raise their babies, rather than put them in the care of someone else.  They shouldn’t be put down for it, as long as they come to an agreement with their husband that it’s doable.  Now, if the woman is a wild spender or has a huge history of debt and her poor husband is working 3 jobs just to keep up…..that’s another story.  God has certainly never meant for us to take advantage of our husbands.  However, a mom who is happily working at home, taking care of her babies, cooking, maintaining the home and being a reasonable steward?  She’s working, and she’s working hard.  Applaud her!  I tend to think a majority of women are kind of geared towards wanting to be home as we know this has been kind of a traditional role throughout history.  I just think not many feel they are able to do so in 2021. 

Whatever the case, a woman is contributing, whether she’s working in the home, working outside the home….and hopefully, in my case, of balancing both at once.

I could probably easily make this list a top 10, and hey, maybe if this goes over well, I will make a part 2.  For now though?  C’mon ladies.  Do not pick on each other’s relationship, baby and employment statuses.  How about we avoid the “catty gossip hours?”  Life has an interesting way of taking us in different directions than we expect.  Maybe what you’re picking on today could be tomorrow’s new battle for you?  Let us remember too, we cannot possibly understand what we ourselves have never walked through.

How about we build each other up, be careful about assumptions and offer encouragement every chance we get?  Would you like a part 2 of “things to never say to your fellow women?”  Share your thoughts in the comment section below!

When God Speaks Through A Border Collie

When God Speaks Through A Border Collie

Almost 6 years ago, I made my way to a couple shelters to look at dogs.  It was Good Friday and my sister was persistent that we do so.  I reminded her that a dog is a huge responsibility and that we were just “looking.”  I insisted that we were not getting a dog just for the sake of getting a dog, and that I would only consider adopting one if I fell in love and experienced a true connection.

The first time I met Rosco, he looked depressed and withdrawn.  The other dogs around him were jumping, barking and trying to get our attention.  But, I found myself drawn to the quiet one.  He wanted my attention, but he was incredibly subtle about it.  It didn’t hurt that he was a 5 month old puppy and couldn’t get any cuter if he tried.  When I went to put him back in his cage after our acquaintance time, he didn’t want to go.  Even though he was shy about it, the connection was mutual.  He wanted me to be in his life, and I knew it. Still, I knew this was a big decision and didn’t want to make it on impulse.  In fact, I made myself drive away to “think about it.” Within an hour, I drove back to the Nashville Humane Association as quickly as I could, ran to the front desk and said I wanted to adopt “Herman.” I immediately renamed him “Rosco,” and the rest is history.

I never did find out much about his history before life with us.  I just knew his heart was hurting and that he was sad to be surrendered.  Though he let me pick him up and hung out near me in the beginning, he was pretty introverted in our early days.  I could tell I needed to earn his trust.

Over time, I noticed I was earning that trust I longed for.  It wasn’t long before he was jumping up on my bed and sleeping next to me.

[Rosco was before the days of Kyle and Clara].

We have quite a history together.  Prior to the year 2014 when my sister moved in, I was super independent.  I never really had to look after anyone, but me.  Between my sister and then Rosco, I finally felt like I was getting a taste of parenting.

The one thing I never did understand about Rosco early on was the fact that he could never seem to enjoy car rides like the average dog does.  I thought if we simply went on more car rides, he would grow more comfortable and trusting of them – but he never did.  Now, here we are years and years later, and his car ride anxieties remain.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that something negative clearly once happened to him on a car ride.  My best guess has always been that he remembers his car ride to the humane society where his previous owners left him and never returned.

Anyone who has a border collie understands what I’m about to say:  Their mind is said to be very similar to that of a toddler.  They are known to be incredibly smart, and they seemingly have a remarkable strong memory.  Their deep thinking disposition can be good and bad.  Unfortunately, Rosco spends A LOT of time in his head and forgets how to just be a dog.  He seldom understands how to be carefree. So many times I’ve wished he would just wag his tail and immediately accept every person and dog he meets without question, but I know that isn’t him.  If he’s scolded in any way, you can rest assured, he will hang on to that correction, until I say, “It’s okay, Buddy. ”  My words usually aren’t enough.  I often have to pet him and give him a treat to assure him that we are “good again.”  Many nights, he goes and lays in his bed located in our master bedroom and just hangs out by himself:  Likely overthinking life.  The mind is always going, and I see it when I look at him…..especially in the car.

Whether he goes on a short drive to the lake or a long car trip to Ohio, he tenses up, pants and is unable to enjoy the view around him.  His shedding gets even worse than it already is (and his normal shedding is already really bad), and he refuses to eat or drink anything unless the car is completely stopped.  I try to pet and encourage him.  I try to tell him we are just going to see his grandparents.  Over and over again I’ve said:  “Rosco, buddy.  I’m not taking you to the pound.  It’s been “x” amount of years now.  When are you going to trust me and realize I love you, and I’m keeping you?  You should know me by now.”

I found myself thinking about that today.  What is it going to take for him to trust me? He’s 6 1/2 years old, and he’s been with me for a majority of his life now.  Haven’t I proven myself?  Doesn’t he know my track record?  Can’t he just simply remember all of those car rides that ended well?  Why does he still think about the one that didn’t?  Why is that one time still his dominating thought pattern?  Why can he not just accept the treats and water I try giving him?  I’m trying to nourish his body on those road trips.  Why does he reject my help and instead choose fear?

But then, I sensed God turning it back to me.  Something along these lines was placed on my heart:  Sometimes you’re a lot like Rosco, Holly.  We’ve been together a long time now. I’ve proven my faithfulness to you over and over again.  Sometimes instead of rehearsing all of those past victories that you’ve experienced through me – you sometimes still find yourself thinking about the traumas and disappointments you’ve experienced instead.  At times, you’ve let the bad outweigh the good.  Sometimes you get so taken up with your fears and anxieties that you struggle to nourish your mind, body and soul with what I’ve already provided you with.  Sometimes you get so focused on the “what ifs” and what you’re afraid of that you forget to enjoy the view and the beauty around you.  Haven’t I shown you enough to where you too can sit back, take a deep breath, relax and take in the beauty around you?  Haven’t I shown you enough to where you too can “just be,” sometimes?  I said I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you, and I meant it.  I won’t take it back.  You are my child, and I want to continue to take care of you.  It’s time you believe me, my child.

…..And there it was.

Perhaps I have a standard for my dog that I myself cannot always meet. Perhaps he has learned to trust me in most areas, but has struggled to trust me with that one.  Maybe I’m a little like that too.  Maybe I give God most of the rooms of my house, but maybe I hold back on giving him that one area. Maybe one day, I’ll squash all my fears, remember His track record, trust him so much that I forget all my fears, sit back, completely relax and just enjoy the view.

Maybe one day, Rosco will do the same too.  In the meantime though, I’ll continue to give him grace, pet him, comfort him, offer him treats and water and dab anti-anxiety essential oil on him – because I love him, and it’s my job to care for him.  I’m not going anywhere, and I want to remind him of that promise even if he doesn’t always readily accept it.  I will continue to pursue him.  He is my fur child.  We are in this thing together.

Wow.  It’s true:  God can even speak through border collies.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  -Deuteronomy 31:6

6 Goal Setting Approaches in 2021: Vision, Consistency, Discipline & Accountability

6 Goal Setting Approaches in 2021:  Vision, Consistency, Discipline & Accountability

I have a confession:  I’m great at setting goals, but I’m not always great at following through.  What good is a goal if you don’t follow through?  The answer is, not any good, right?  So, why do so many of us (I’m not saying you), lack consistency and discipline in these areas?  Now, I’m not saying I get completely out of control or completely abandon my goals.  I am saying though that I have the habit of allowing old habits, thinking patterns and “busy work” to get in the way.  I can be bad about wasting time, saying “no,” scrolling through pointless social media posts and just simply being lazy.  Sometimes my focus simply isn’t good.  Some moments I can be the, “Oh hey! Look there’s a squirrel,” kind of girl.  The funny thing about my lazy and unfocused moments?  I’m not actually relaxed in them even if I’m sitting there with my feet up, because I’m mostly thinking of all I have left undone.  Wouldn’t it be easier to just get up and do what needs to be done?  I think so.

Now, that’s not to say that consistency and discipline is always as easy as it sounds.  Life gets in the way.  I know with me personally – I have dealt with some non-life-threatening physical health challenges this past year – some challenges that make me tired and cause my mind to shift at times.  Even so, I’m reminded that first having a healthy mindset is everything.  If I’m not spiritually and mentally healthy, it’s extra challenging to be physically healthy.  There are things I can change, but then there are things I cannot change.  Getting to know the difference has been an interesting learning experience to say the least.  And then, learning to plan after that, has been extra interesting.

However, I got just what I needed this weekend:  I received that much-needed “revelation push” after listening to our youth pastor speak yesterday.  The message is called, “Unfazed,” and I am linking it so that you have the chance to listen as well.  I cannot even possibly begin to give a summary of the message in a way that will do it justice. In short (and what inspired me to write this blog), Pastor Rob was talking about unmet goals and not getting to where we want to be in life.  He reminded us to not allow ourselves to go to a place of assuming God has forgotten us.  He spoke about how we can wear ourselves out while aiming at an unclear bullseye.  He suggested that maybe our targets are simply too vague.  Maybe we kind of sort of put a goal in place, but maybe the “what I want” isn’t really all that specific.  Maybe there needs to be more clarity attached to it. Maybe we don’t always know exactly what we are really aiming for.  That one hit me hard.

As an example, he was talking about a woman he knew that went from misery to a world-renowned speaker.  She used to be the type that would write out some goals, put them in her drawer and forget about them.  Subsequently, nothing ever changed. However, when she wrote down 4 or 5 very direct and specific goals she had in her life, and actually followed through:  It was life-changing for her.  Sure, I’ve written down goals before and somewhat follow through to some level…..but my ultimate goals tend to get lost in the shuffle.  The results are never quite was I hoping for.

So, I have made a decision.  Here is what I’m going to do going forward. Feel free to join me if you want to:

  1.  I already wrote down 5 goals that are important to me in the year 2021.  WRITING THEM DOWN is the first step.  For you, it may be 3 or 4 goals for the year.  It can differ from person to person. For me personally, these 5 goals are not over-the-top, difficult goals.  They are actually quite simple.  Without getting too personal, I’m going to say that these goals are faith, family, health, career and “to-do-list” related.  But I didn’t want to miss Pastor Rob’s point, so I got VERY specific on each one.  I wrote down everything from the goal of the number of “date nights” I want one-on-one with Kyle this year, to a realistic number of “creative playtime with Clara” that I want to aim for each day.  Under each “goal overview,” I made some very specific subpoints.  Example 1 for you could be:  Growing in my faith.  But then,  you have to ask yourself what growing in your faith looks like, and what it needs to consist of.  So maybe sub-point A) could say:  Give my first 15 minutes and last 15 minutes of my day to God.  (Yes, this is first on my list, in case you’re curious.  Pastor Rob and Pastor Jim have long taught this principle, and I believe it is truly life-changing and can determine everything).  B) may be:  Do the 52 week bible plan, or it could be, begin physically attending church regularly again, or it may be watch a live-stream every Wednesday night this year.  It could look different for different people.  Maybe you don’t need sub-points like me.  Maybe yours is straight to the point from the get-go.  Maybe it is is simply, “attend church every Sunday this year.”  Whatever works for you, do it. 
  2. Put your goals on display in a place where you will regularly look at them. It may be in your calendar….it may be on your mirror.  To keep it simple, you may want to two lists:  One with with your overviews and sub-points in your calendar or Bible, and then maybe your simple “straight-to-the-point” list on your mirror, so that you remember your “hierarchy of priorities,” and what doesn’t qualify to interrupt your day.  It could even read like, “Did I do something for ME today?”  “Did I give my children quality time and attention today?”  (Whatever works for you).
  3. Tell someone you trust about your goals for accountability purposes (this doesn’t mean you need to share every single personal detail if you’re not comfortable with that).  I have already provided my list to my mentor so that she can ask me how those goals are coming each time we talk.  In my case, I felt comfortable sharing pretty much everything on my mind.  We talk about 5 times a year, and it is one of the smartest decisions I ever made for myself.

     
  4. With that said, I suggest checking in with a mentor a few times a year.  Choose a mentor that you see as someone who is a couple steps ahead of you in life.  Look to someone successful whom you admire – someone you see as being disciplined and consistent in the way they live their life.  I see a mentor as being different than a friend:  I think of my mentor AS a friend, but I think of her as an unbiased outside source that will continually ask me the hard questions and help me spot blind spots.  My mentor isn’t someone I talk to every single day or even hang out with outside of our sessions…..and yet, I fully trust her and know she has my best interests at heart. Your ideal mentoring situation may look a little different than mine.

     
  5. Cross off goals and “to-do’s” as you achieve them, but remember some goals are not a “one-time” accomplishment – there are plenty of goals in my life that are continual daily goals, in which I must remain disciplined and consistent.  I imagine most of you may be able to say the same.

     
  6. Give yourself grace when you fall short, and then get back to work.  As the simple old saying goes, “When you fall off the horse, get back on.”  Our days can be unpredictable.  Unforeseen circumstances come up.  Remember that a little rearranging and an “off day” is okay.  Don’t allow one off day to dictate your days in the days ahead.  Do remember the fine line between an “off day” and suddenly just quitting and never going back to what you were doing though.  Remember having a flat tire certainly doesn’t mean you should slash the other 3.  Block out the negativity and the urge to quit.  Fix that flat tire…and move forward.  Consistently getting back up and remaining disciplined is what matters in the long-run.  Consistency is the key to victory. 

Now, to end, here are a few verses to encourage you on your 2021 goal setting (and achieving) journey:

2 Chronicles 15:7 “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”

Proverbs 3:6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is he who keeps the law.”  (Pastor Rob made this one the key verse of his teaching).

Habakkuk 2:2-3 “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that whoever reads it may run with it.”  (He also shared this one)

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

With all of that said, happy goal setting, and may 2021 be your best year yet!

How have you been doing with your goal setting?  Have you been rockin’ that to-do list, or do you find yourself struggling (like me)?  For those of you who have reached the next level in the goal setting arena:  What are some principles, applications and disciplines that work for you?  What is some advice that you can give the rest of us? Please feel free to share your comments in the comment section below!

A Time of Fine Lines: Welcome to 2021

A Time of Fine Lines:  Welcome to 2021

Welcome to 2021, friends.

During these chaotic times, I’ve been a bit in chaos with myself.

I know who I am, and who God has called me to be.

From a very young age, I knew he called me to write.

I knew he called me to encourage & to lend a hand.

…But…at the same time, I knew he called me to stand for his truths & to defend his word.

I knew my assignment wasn’t always going to be fun or easy.

I knew I would eventually experience persecution.

His word said I would.

I knew people wouldn’t always like what I had to say…

….But I don’t think I ever anticipated this.

January 13, 2021.

For years, I’ve been preparing for perilous times.

I’ve been eternally-minded since 2005, despite some detours and “trying to forget who I am” a few times.

And for the last 16 years, I find myself constantly thinking 4 words.  And they may not be the 4 words you’d expect.  They are, “It’s a fine line.”

What do I mean?

I tell myself I’m not afraid, and most of the time, I’m not.

…But a little bit of uneasiness causes me to strongly rely on the Lord for my peace.

It’s a fine line.

…..And I’ll admit, I feel angry today.

A little righteous anger is okay, I remind myself.

…But unrighteous anger and placing the world above the word is not okay.

It’s a fine line.

….I’m constantly having to check myself before I wreck myself.

“It’s a fine line.  It’s a fine line.”  These words keep coming to me over and over again.  I always thought these words were just for me, but today, I feel like they may be for all of us.

….There are so many fine lines I know I must walk.  And as I walk those fine lines, they make me depend on Christ that much more.  I rely on him to tell me how far to go, and I rely on him to tell me when to scale it back.

…I allow him to discipline me, to humble me and to pull me back in.

So many fine lines.

Do I listen EVERY single time?

Of course not.  He never took away my “humanity” when I gave my life to him.

…But I still remember these fine lines in the back of my mind.

I’m called to lift others up…..but not called to pretend there isn’t a real enemy in the world.

It’s a fine line.

“All bliss” isn’t realistic or authentic, and we should stop pretending it is.

At times, I’m called to a little bit of neutrality…..but never to apathy.

It’s a fine line.

Apathy is weak and dangerous….and makes us all the more easy to devour.

It’s one of my pet peeves.  But sometimes I know I’m not supposed to “get involved.”

It’s a fine line.

I’m called to love….but love doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone.

In today’s America…..that’s a REALLY fine line, and one of the biggest misunderstandings there is.  I’ve said it one thousand times before.  Love doesn’t = agreeing.  And disagreeing and following God’s word doesn’t = hate.  God’s word is not hate speech.

I’m called to be meek…..but not timid.

I’m called to be bold….but not mean.

I’m called to speak out….but not to just be noise.

More fine lines.

I’m called to forgive…..but not to forget or turn a blind eye to everything around me.

I’m called to be a light that doesn’t hide under a bushel…..but not to be a strobe light that blinds other’s visions.

I’m called to unite (with people)……but good must never unite with evil.

I know addressing this even now is another one of those “fine lines.”

Folks, please hear my heart:  It isn’t “people” we are fighting in America right now.  It is the rulers of darkness – the unseen world.

“Ephesians 6:12, NLT: “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”

While people should certainly come together and treat one another with kindness…..there is an evil in this world.  We have to acknowledge the ugly.  There is an evil that actually has nothing to do with politics in of itself…..it just happens to make its way into politics, because it can accomplish so much in that realm.  Evil isn’t clueless.  It wants to be seen.  It wants to make a large impact.

Evil knows it can make it’s largest impact in politics and in entertainment.  Evil wants to work through public figures.  It wants to affect the masses.

[What better place for evil to exercise its power than in politics?  Whether you love politics or hate them, they have an affect on your life and your family’s lives].

…But still, there is a fine line. We shouldn’t become inundated or ever start trusting man above God.  No matter who is in the white house, we know who is on the throne.  Just don’t try to tell me Christians should be apathetic here.

….And I now must return to DIVISION:

….I’ve been thinking a lot about the fine line surrounding “division.”

….Not all division is diabolical.

….I said, “Not all division is diabolical.  Sometimes division is necessary.”  Let me explain.

…..I’m called to unite (with people)……but good must never unite with evil.

…..People should unite with people as people…but that doesn’t mean compromising on morals, values, or the word of God.

….Both good and evil will exist in this world until Jesus returns.  Blame it on Adam and Eve and the apple.  We live in a fallen world.  The love and healing we put into this world can certainly make it a more beautiful place….but it doesn’t drive out ALL evil.  It just makes it harder for evil to have its way.  Evil never likes “losing people.”  It always wants to have its way.

Good should always unite with good. People should always unite with PEOPLE.

….But good must not ever unite with evil.

….Uniting with people, but not with ideals can feel like a fine line sometimes, but they are not one-in-the-same.

….I hope we can learn that difference.

…Again, we are not fighting people.  We are fighting agendas, evil plans, corruption, lies……which is ultimately, the rulers of darkness.

…Democrat or Republican, we are seeing the rulers of darkness working in each party right now.

….God is calling us to love and be kind, certainly.  But he isn’t telling us to toss his word, and to unite with evil, either.  

What am I really saying?

I’m saying we should all watch what we say.  There’s never been a more important time than now.

Having a mission of causing trouble on social media isn’t exactly the best use of our time. 

And while it’s much nicer, rightfully garners more approval and certainly doesn’t cause any harm, making “love others and be kind” posts right now aren’t exactly going to just stop all of the evil at work..

 

While there is certainly nothing “wrong” with your post (in fact there is so much right about it),  perhaps it’s the powers-that-be at the top knowing nothing about love and kindness that is the biggest problem here. 

Maybe you and I already know quite a bit about love and kindness…but…maybe, just maybe, THEY are incredibly corrupt….and perhaps they are the ones fueling all the “hate and division” that is so often talked about.  

Love and kindness though does have to start with us though, yes.

Once again. It’s a fine line.

We shouldn’t be getting into pointless arguments, deleting people we love out of our lives, taking each other off Christmas card lists and damaging our relationships with one another.  We shouldn’t be cursing, name-calling or making hurtful accusations.  We also shouldn’t be constantly pushing forward stories and memes that may very well not be true (and that goes for everyone).  There’s already enough confusion out there.

We shouldn’t claim to know everything about anyone’s heart, or exactly where they stand with God.

…..But, the word does say we will know them by their fruit.  So again, it’s a fine line.  We may not see the evidence, but God sees it all.

Yes, the word says we will know them by their fruit.  But this doesn’t mean we should pretend to know everything about their relationship with God, or where they’re going when they die.

And back to social media….

Fighting on social media accomplishes nothing.  We all know this.  No one’s mind gets changed.  [Actually taking action and being the change you want to see in the world is what DOES do something].

….But, remember this doesn’t mean you should become a weakling either.  This doesn’t mean your rare “stance post” is pointless, argumentative or not impacting a life for the better.

And as the old saying goes, “You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”

Again, apathy is so dangerous.

Perhaps, some of us have had to speak out.  Maybe we are just fed up.

…..But as I said, there remains a fine line.

…There is a TOO MUCH, and there is a TOO LITTLE..

….That isn’t to say EVERY single person should speak out.  You really cannot go wrong with sitting back and holding your peace.  When you don’t know what to say….saying nothing is always the better option.

…If someone doesn’t feel led of the Lord, or feel knowledgeable about such topics…..silence remains much better than noise and incorrect information.  We should never post just to post, or speak just to be heard.  Lord already knows we have enough of that on the internet and on our televisions.  Again, if you don’t know what to say, saying nothing is always a respectable choice.

I think we all know what TOO much looks like….but….

What is TOO little then?  My thoughts:  KNOWING God has called YOU to speak out, to share your stance, to take some kind of action…..and either ignoring or disobeying that call.

As I’ve been saying, there is a time to speak and a time to stay silent.

I was mostly silent for 4 years, except an occasional “neutral” public statement.  After November 3rd, I realized my time had arrived.  And I feel confident saying that.

As a Pastor I respect recently shared:  Do not become angry with God’s messengers. “If they are wrong, let him deal with them.  And then watch how they deal with being wrong.”

I believe I am in the right by speaking out right here, right now, BUT if I’m wrong (and I’ve been before)….I guarantee you, he will show me.

If I’m wrong about the political climate right now, I’ll eventually humbly come to you all when the timing is right…..and let you know.  You can hold me to that.

I believe I was wrong about politics 20+ years, and even as little as 6 years ago.  I’ve already shared that with you…but I do not feel wrong now.  The young me hadn’t truly done her research and didn’t yet know how to think objectively.  I just knew my side, and I really didn’t want to know the other side.  It wasn’t comfortable for me.  I had to allow myself to become uncomfortable and to challenge myself.

I hung my head at times, but I realized the value of learning from my mistakes.

I’m sure I’ll be wrong on parts of what I’m saying, but I’m talking about the big picture here.  Love me or hate me for that…..but you happen to believe you’re right as well, right?  I still have that right too, correct?

I never claimed to believe I was right about EVERYTHING.  I hope no one on this earth honestly believes they are right about EVERYTHING….but sometimes it kind of looks that way, huh?

Now, to wrap all of this up, here are a few other things on my heart:

  • Those who profess to be a follower of Jesus Christ need to remember not to destroy their witnesses during this time.  There isn’t any post or statement that is worth destroying your witness over.  However, if worded properly and prayed over, you can be bold, while still being kind.  You don’t have to destroy anything.  You may make someone angry or hit a nerve in the short-term for sure, but a TRUE God-led “speak-out” will never truly DESTROY your witness in the long-term.  That would be a contradiction, and I don’t believe that.
  • People need to refrain from saying hurtful things they will regret later.  Some things you just can’t take back…
  • No matter how much you believe someone to be wrong, deceived, or misguided, they probably passionately feel that way about you in return.  Remember that.  Again, the battle is not between people.  I’m not friends with anyone who I think is “evil,” and I sure hope no one is viewing me that way.
  • No matter how much you believe what you support to be a stance of love, justice and truth and the direct opposite of hate, injustice and lies……those who believe differently also think their stance to be that.
  • Remember the “fine line” as you go through life.  It’s made a difference in mine, and after years of trying to follow this way of thinking….I decided it was time to share.

The fine line just keeps getting finer.  But hey, the finer the line….the more we can look above for help and wisdom.  (James 1:5).  

We are all a work in progress and America is one big construction site.  Let us just remember who is in the center of it all.

12 Survivalist Tips for 2021: Wisdom Versus Fear

12 Survivalist Tips for 2021:  Wisdom Versus Fear
If you follow me on Facebook, you may have read my post yesterday.  It was long as usual, because well, I have a hard time condensing.  Sometimes I get off track.  With that said, I’m afraid this information may have been somewhat hidden due to length.  I still want as many of my loved ones to see this as possible, so I’ve majorly condensed my original post. 
As I mentioned on Facebook, I refuse to get into a political debate.  These tips should not become “politicized,” and I’m honestly not sure why they would after what we ALL just witnessed in 2020…..regardless of our stances. 
This is simply me caring about EVERYONE, regardless of their beliefs. 
 
  • I just believe based on what I’m hearing and seeing…..as well as knowing that so much of what I was warned about 5-10 years has already happened, that we should be prepared. 
  • I cannot predict what is going to happen or when.  I will not pretend to.  I said we should be prepared – not fearful.  I want to emphasize that important piece right now.  The Lord reminds us over and over again not to fear, but he also gives us plenty of insight to know that we still have some responsibilities we must hold up in this life. To me, reasonable and unselfish preparation is wisdom….not paranoia.  
  • I am not speaking of buying out your grocery stores, hoarding, or getting a “me-me-me” mindset). 
  • Unselfish preparation means doing so with the Christ-like willingness to share your “extra” with a neighbor or someone in need. 
  • While the Bible never specifically tells us to “stock up,” I don’t believe that some wise planning means “you don’t trust God enough.”  Though God loves, protects and provides, we do live in a fallen world where the enemy seeks to destroy.  I think the vast majority of us have also had at least some small experience with a natural disaster or extended power outage.  I personally have witnessed “scarcity” in areas. 
  • I’m just trying to remind everyone I love that it’s okay to be realistic and take a few notes from 2020.  With further ado……
 
12 pieces of “survivalist advice” for 2021:
 
1) Stay calm and stay IN THE WORD….not in the world. Give every single one of your worries, fears and anxieties to God. I made this #1 for a reason. Even though nothing looks “okay” right now…it will be okay, as long as He is where your ultimate trust is invested. He WILL provide, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do our part to some level.
 
2) Stay stocked up on necessities. Do not freak out….I repeat, do not freak out, get selfish and buy out your whole grocery store. That is not what I’m suggesting at all, so please do not blow this out of proportion.
However, if at all possible, try to always have 2 weeks to a month of groceries and necessities on hand.  If you stock up over time (unselfishly and here and there), you may realize you have a good 2 month supply on hand.  And how awesome that you may be able to help a neighbor, an elderly person in need, or someone else God may put in your path.
 
I was warned about 10 years ago that the toilet paper/general paper panic was coming. No lie.  So I always had extra…but I always left PLENTY for everyone else.
 
I know so many people think TP and paper goods are the biggest concern (and I agree to grab a pack each time you go to the store), but don’t forget that there are supplies more important than paper.
Do have bottled or jugged water, canned veggies, fruits, soups, beans, meats, jerkys, peanut butter, crackers and other non-perishable sources on hand. If you’re a canner…can away all you can. If you have a garden and are a farmer…you are two steps ahead.
 
I personally don’t like the idea of an overkill of processed foods, but in a survivalist situation:  I’ll be thankful for my processed junk. Typically, I try to limit what I bring into the house and avoid sweets-buying, except for those fun splurges that we all deserve. And due to my medical instructions for a high salt diet (I’m seriously not joking), I have to keep chips and crackers in the house at all times. I’m telling you there is still a place for “some” non-perishables.
Getting the “fresh” may not always be so easy and accessible for a time. Unfortunately, we also know the “fresh” doesn’t last long.
Though it may disgust you and your health beliefs, you probably should have some canned meats in your cupboard that are good for years to come.
Also, if you can afford it – a 30 day survival kit at some point wouldn’t be a bad idea.
It’s also wise to keep soaps, toothpaste, hygienic/cosmetic supplies, detergent and cleaning products on hand.
For years, I’ve been buying ahead on some of these things as well (1 or 2 at a time while on sale or as I can). I have a couple shelves in my closet of little things I have extra of. I never let it get out of hand and always use the oldest first. This is not like the extreme couponing show, okay?  I have ZERO use for 300 bottles of ketchup. Just remember, if shortages occur, I’m far from the ultimate “doomsday supply house.” Please know that. 😂
 
Laugh all you want, but after the big TP craze happened, I thought, “yep…. it ended up happening just like I was told it would.” (Still, this didn’t mean anyone should be selfish and fill their whole entire cart. That’s just silly).
 
…Moving along…
 
3) Keep a full tank of gas. If you have a habit of leaving your car near empty, I at least beg you to stop that much. This is not rocket science during. This isn’t earth-shattering or ground-breaking, no matter what is going on in America.
 
4) Keep cash on hand. (Even it’s just $100-$200 in the safe). Notice I never said an obscene amount, but if you can, but there’s nothing wrong with having some “rainy day cash.”
 
5) I know medications can be tricky, but keep a little extra of your over-the-counter prescriptions, supplements, vitamins and naturopathic oils on hand.
 
6) Have a good, working, manual can opener.
 
7) Be prepared for your babies:  I thought this one was worthy of its own point though it can go with groceries, because I’m always concerned for our little people: If your baby takes formula, keep an extra can on hand. There are even recipes to make your own formula (click here) in an emergency, but I know some of our littles only take certain kinds.  The link I provided will give you some other alternatives and ideas. If your baby is to the cow’s milk point, keep a carton or so of powdered milk on hand just in case.  We all know cold, grocery store milk doesn’t last real long. Don’t forget an extra box of diapers and some extra wipes, along with their other little important supplies. If you buy baby food from the jar or little squeeze packs, try not to let your supply run super low.
To go along with this one, be prepared for your pets:  Their food, treats, and their treatments, such as flea & tick, as well as heartworm.
 
8)  Keep some extra batteries of all types, on hand – especially AA’s (at least that’s the most popular one in our home).
 
9) Make sure you have a working flashlight, lantern, some candles, matches or anything of the like.  Even an ancient battery-operated radio isn’t such a bad idea, if you can get one.
[Again, laugh all you want.  Just know, I’ve been in a prime spot for tornados, power line problems, transformer issues and power outages. Since moving here in 2005, I’ve survived a major flood, a couple close-call tornados, a derancho (I didn’t even know what that meant), a VERY minor earthquake (barely worth mentioning), a big city environment during COVID-19 (my closest Kroger is the busiest one in Nashville)….and most recently:  As my friends know, I live 20 minutes from downtown Nashville.  The Christmas day explosion was felt in our subdivision.  I just happen to have Verizon and Comcast versus AT&T, so my service was uninterrupted. Still, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve sat in the dark the past 10 years. In this house alone, it’s probably been at least 8 times in 6 years… and I’m not referring to little 5 minute outages either).  Just now, I didn’t come to these suggestions without some personal experience of what CAN happen].
Along those lines, I personally don’t own a generator. They are very expensive as you know, but if you have extra money sitting around….smart idea.  I also recently learned you can rent them, but realize they may be “hard to rent” during massive outages.
 
10) Tools to take your vitals at home are always smart: The Omron 3 blood pressure monitor is reasonable and accurate. Pulse oximeters cannot hurt.  A good working thermometer is also a plus, etc.
 
11) Turn off auto updates on your phone. (I’m not going to get much into this one or why I’m saying it). Also make sure you have a couple working phone chargers (one of which will also work in your car)…and even a little ready-to-go power pack isn’t such a ridiculous idea.
 
12) On my mind today: Never depend too much on social media (or even your computers or electronic devices to preserve your precious pictures and videos). Make sure your photos and videos are in multiple places, and print your most important photographic memories, if you can.  Technology, social media outages, and power issues cannot steal our prints.  I know this one seem to be of less importance than the others, BUT I still believe it’s too important not to mention.
Now, please note:  I am NOT claiming or setting it in stone that you will need all of this stuff right here, right now. I’m just suggesting we all take a few notes from the unpredictability of 2020, and learn to expect the unexpected.  I’ve seen and heard too much lately to think that healthy preparation is irrational.
And one more time:  Our *ultimate trust* has to continue to be in the Lord…not in materials or in humans. However, I can promise you that He doesn’t frown on reasonable and unselfish precaution.
In life, there is a “God part” and a “man part.” We are still responsible to act and be assertive in certain ways. He gives wisdom and understanding to those who ask.  When you pray for wisdom and understanding, you may not feel the way I do.  That’s okay too.
If you have some survivalist tips of your own that didn’t make my list, I’d love to hear from you (please share them in the comment section below)
With all of that said:
God bless you and your loved ones….and God bless America❤️

Musings of a Multi-tasking Mommy

Musings of a Multi-tasking Mommy

In order to be a blogger of any value, I must be transparent.  I know how this works.  America is craving authenticity, so I am going to try to give you EVEN MORE of that from now on.  So, please allow me to reintroduce myself, and to welcome you to the musings of a multi-tasking mommy.

Hi.  I’m Holly Tong-Cokkinias.  My maiden name, as well as my married name puzzles everyone I meet.  I never get through explaining or spelling.  I am thankful for the perfect built-in ice breaker, however.  I’ve also always liked to be a little unique.  So, when it comes to last names – I’ve quite possibly hit the jackpot.  (Yes. I’m already thinking about the day I try to teach our daughter how to write her full name).

Photo by Kat Bradshaw

I am sometimes messy, and I truly hate it.  I am somewhat unorganized.  With that said, I am all the same obsessive about a clean, orderly house.  Go figure, right?  I love the idea of purging, yet I still somehow have way more in this house than I should.  Sometimes I feel like I’m going in circles and going no where fast.  I haven’t done anything to my hair in 3 days.  Needless to say, I currently only wear makeup once a week, on a good week.  I see zero point of wearing my contacts, unless I’m heading out for a special occasion or event.  My current work-from-home attire is usually pajamas for the first half of the day, before making the big transition to an oversized t-shirt and yoga pants.

I am a full-time mommy, and a full-time quality specialist in a legal realm.  I work both jobs, at the same time.  I also am one of those women who take on multiple side gigs.  Lately, I’ve realized I need to get my priorities in check, as my plate is starting to cave in.

BUT….how do you prioritize when everything seems like a priority?  Do you hear me, sister?

Right now, I’m looking at the dog hair on the floor that needs swept up, because I’ve been too busy to run the shark.  Yes, too busy to run our self-operating shark.  I mean, after all, you need to pick all of your cords and junk up off the floor, first.  And frankly, I haven’t found the 5 minutes to do it.  I could be doing that right now instead of writing this blog, but then, maybe my whole purpose would be defeated.  Last night, I loaded what I could into the dishwasher.  Still, the sink is full of dishes that need hand-washed.  I turned a blind eye last night, because Clara needed me more.

…..She’s growing up before my eyes, and I don’t want to miss these once-in-a-lifetime moments.  Every little step she takes (both literally and metaphorically) amazes me.  I’m still awestruck that I get to be her mommy.  She is everything I dreamed of, and so much more.

Soon, I will be starting my work day. I like to have that first hour or so to myself before Clara gets up.  The disadvantage of that?  If  I let her sleep too long into the morning, she will then subsequently decide we should have a play-a-thon at midnight.  Then, if we are sitting in the recliner together, I risk falling asleep before her……which results in a risk of broken glasses and pulled out hair.  (At least I awake to that little 8 tooth smile).  Still, I like that hour or two of serenity I get in the morning.  Now, to weigh the pros and cons.  It’s a balance.  A true balance.

Right before she gets up (or I wake her up), I get her scrambled eggs going.  I’ve been making myself eat an egg or two with her each morning, which is a big achievement for me.  She takes a LONG time to eat those eggs.  The pediatrician says she is at a self-feeding age.  But, would you like a strong dose of honesty?  I don’t have time to give her 3 showers a day, so I still do a lot of her feeding for her.  (You know, the old-fashioned way where mommy holds the spoon).  And have you seen her head of hair?  I don’t think ANYONE who has a daughter with as much hair as mine would advise self-feeding.  (Unless of course THEIR toddler LOVES the washing out shampoo process).  Oh, and no, I cannot just pull her hair back these days.  Let me stop you there.  She now takes it down as soon as I pull it up.  Remember “Cousin It?”  Enough said.

(But when I push her hair out of her face, I can still see this sweet little smile).

Okay, okay.  So, I let her self-feed here and there.  When it comes to her morning eggs though?  I will continue to be the feeder.  I have work to do.  When I place her in the pack n’ play to watch Veggie Tales….I’d rather her eggs only be in her belly, rather than all over her play station.  I guess maybe that makes me a bit of a “control freak.”  I also guess that according to the “American Association of Pediatrics,” that may make me some sort of a parenting failure.  I guess I was also supposed to start her on solid foods before 12 months as well, but I insist (not to their face of course), that I know my tot better than they do.  I knew my sensitive girl (who overcame a pretty intense milk protein sensitivity) was too much of a choker and a gagger for anything besides puree before 12 months.  I’m probably overprotective, but I won’t apologize for it either.  My motto is “better safe than sorry.”  So, here we are:  She loves her eggs, fruits and veggies, but she also loves Chick Fil-A, Italian and Mexican foods.  A girl after my own heart…

(In this birthday picture, she was most definitely not a fan of self-feeding.  Leave it to my child to not want to participate in the smash cake era).

Photo by Kelley Hartzfeld

Anyways….as she she slowly takes each and every little bite on those work mornings…..I sit by my laptop and make sure I don’t have any urgent assignments or e-mails coming in.  If I need to reply to an e-mail or research a case, I flip around my chair and do so.  In between, my neat little eater looks at me as if to say, “I’m waiting.”

That’s the thing.  Sometimes I feel like everyone is waiting on me for something.  What few know is I’ve been “waiting on me” for a good year now.  I’ve been waiting to feel really good and sort of like me again.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I like this new mommy version of me, but I haven’t exactly liked the physical changes that have come with it.  No, I’m not trying to lose weight. Truthfully, “body image” is kind of the last thing on my mind right now. I’m currently trying to NOT lose any more weight than I already unintentionally did.

Let’s just say, I didn’t feel well for the longest span of time I’ve ever experienced this past year.  Now, not to worry.  My diagnosis is not life-threatening, but some days it can be a bit life-altering. Though they say it’s chronic, I feel myself getting better every day.  With an altered diet, the proper supplements and a ton of electrolytes, I am believing for God’s full healing.  I believe his promises are for ME and for YOU.  As the woman who grabbed the hem of Jesus’ garment and received healing, I am doing the same.  I truly believe my persistence will pay off.  This hasn’t been an easy ride alongside being a new mom, but little by little…..I’m getting there.

I can see some of you rolling your eyes.  I only have one child.  I know, I know.  Some of you are balancing 2, 3, 4, 5 and more.  Your hair and makeup look fabulous, as do your high heels. (I recently donated most of mine).  Your home looks like it belongs on Pinterest.  While mine has infinite potential, my decorating skills just don’t measure up.  I think you’re a superhero.

Now, I can honestly say I DO cook most of our meals at home, but don’t expect every single one of them to be super healthy every single night.  Though the husband is easy-going, he really likes hearty dinners.  Sometimes mama needs to pop in that frozen lasagna, and sometimes she really just wants a Chick Fil-A night.  (Yes, this is the second time I’ve brought up Chick Fil-A).  It’s all about balance and moderation, right?

And then, I’ve changed “socially.”  As a child, I was super shy.  Then, I became the super outgoing adult for a good decade of my life.  Now?  I’m still outgoing, but I’ve realized how introverted I really am.  Most of the time, I feel as if I’d rather be home……yet feel like I shouldn’t rather be home.  Does that make any sense?

Maybe I am an example of what happens when you become a mom in your mid-30’s and try to balance #momlife with your full-time work.  Or maybe, this is just who I am.

With that said, saying “no” is not one of my greatest strengths.  It’s a weak area for me.  While I’ve improved over the years, it’s still a struggle.  All in one breath I say “no” to my daughter, and then give in a second later. (Have you seen her face)?  Just wondering.

“No, we cannot read right now.  I need you to spend a few minutes in your pack n’ play while I get some work done.”

And then the tears start.

And then I pick her up.  How can I not?  There’s something about watching those little hands “pat the bunny,” pull back the lift-a-flaps, and turn each page one by one.  So, the house must wait.  After all, story time with her is a huge highlight for me.  If it brings both of us joy…..why not?

Maybe I have a long list of improvements I need to make.  Maybe I need to find that balance you’re supposed to have when you’re a working mom and wife.  But maybe, there isn’t such a thing as a balance.  Maybe “balance” is nothing more than a human-created opinion.

Just maybe, I’m actually doing pretty great….

My daughter smiles a lot and steadily gains weight.  From 5 1/2 pounds to 22, I like to think I’m doing something right.  In fact, sometimes she can (and does) eat more than me. She laughs when I play peek-a-boo and act like a total goof, and as just mentioned, cherishes our story time.  She enjoys her baths so much that she cries about getting out.  She likes my singing (she’s my only fan).  She always has clean clothes to wear, and she seems to like my cooking.  Best of all?  She already dances to praise and worship music.

My husband seems pretty dang content as well…..along with our dog who has been with me for 5 years now.

I was also very pleased with my recent workplace evaluation.  I give God all the glory.

Meanwhile, I still manage to keep up with my family and friends.  I even manage to make it to events and ministry assignments, whenever I can.

No matter how I feel in the mornings, I get up and log-in for work (and until March, I was getting up and driving to the office each day).  Maybe I’m in pajamas and sporting a messy bun these days, but does anyone really care just as long as you’re successfully serving those you’re being paid to serve?  Does it really matter if my floors currently need swept, and I have a few dishes in the sink?  Or does it matter most that those who are in my home are healthy and happy?

And sometimes life is hard….really hard.  Sometimes you just can’t have it all, all the time.  And maybe we aren’t supposed to.  Maybe that’s where faith comes in.  Maybe this is how we really recognize our need for Jesus:  When we allow him to be our strength….and when we give our shortfalls to Him.

As 2 Corinthians 12:10 says, “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Maybe my multi-tasking is working out pretty well after all.  Maybe just maybe….I’m exactly right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do, and being exactly who God wants me to be.

And maybe just maybe….I’m speaking to you too, Mommy.

Favorite Earning & Saving Apps for Frugal Folks

Favorite Earning & Saving Apps for Frugal Folks

When it comes to savings apps, coupons and bargain hunting, I could go on and on for days.  It’s been both a necessity and a passion in my life.  I live in Nashville, which is quickly becoming among the most expensive places to live.  Therefore, it is simply silly and impractical to not save money when I very well know that I can.  However, prior to the rising cost of living, I was always a saver.  It never will matter if I’m rich or poor.  I will always use my coupons, apps and savings opportunities, because why not? My mom taught me how to be a saver from an early age. I honestly believe my mom’s early teaching has made me a more thankful person in the long run.

I have always enjoyed looking at my savings on any given trip, and always vow that some year I’m going to keep track of my total savings, because it has to be thousands of dollars.  However, this kind of record-keeping requires A LOT of dedication.

Still, whether it has been shopping for clothing, planning my wedding, or looking to redecorate my home, I have always been dedicated to being thrifty and frugal…..(even if it takes me a little bit of extra time). I will never be the girl to just drop $50 on a shirt, nor will I ever be the one to pay regular price on anything when it isn’t necessary.  If it’s already only $7.99 at Ross or $8.99 at Marshall’s, I can certainly pay regular price then.  In that case, I’m at a discount store to begin with.  I just cannot justify paying for one shirt what I very well know I can get four shirts for. Catch my drift?

I often get asked about my savings: What I do, and how I do it?

Whether or not I’m asked, I always enjoy sharing my tips with anyone and everyone.  My endless tips and tricks would be best spread out over a series of posts.  However, today, I am just going to educate my frugal friends on the savings apps I’ve been using.  Have a smart phone?  GREAT!  Do you save receipts?  PERFECT!  Put them to great use!  Even if it’s a gas station receipt for a pack of gum, tell the cashier you want your receipt when he/she asks.

Now……download the following FREE apps for opportunities to earn cash back, e-gift cards and free items.

  1.  Ibotta:  This is probably among the most popular of savings apps, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that many of my readers probably already know about this one.  However, I meet people all the time who haven’t yet discovered it.  In fact, I didn’t sign up with Ibotta until 2 years ago, though I’m pretty sure I had heard about it prior to then.  I don’t think I realized how easy or beneficial it was until I really gave it a chance.  (To date, I have earned $482.48 in cash back in 2 short years on this app alone).

How to use:  Basically, on this app, you search for offers that are available at different stores you shop at or plan to shop at.  Some of my main stores would be Kroger, Wal-Mart, Publix, Walgreens, Target and Amazon, for example.  They also feature other random stops like certain gas stations and even the Dollar Tree.  You simply click on the + signs of the items you may be interested in purchasing at each store.

Then, you go shopping and actually buy the participating items.  (REMEMBER to get your receipt….and do not lose it!  This will not work without your receipt).

Next, you will want to redeem your offers once you get home.  Now, let me first say:  If you used Ibotta for Wal-Mart, this next step is going to be extra easy, as long as you have hit the + symbol on all your items.  With Wal-Mart, all you have to do is generally scan the little square box at the bottom of your receipt, and it will almost ALWAYS automatically detect all participating items you added to your list.

Kroger and most other stores though?  You will likely have to scan the UPC on each product.  I tried linking my Kroger card to the app, but for whatever reason had issues.  Maybe you will have more luck than I did.

There are many opportunities items in which you can purchase the same item multiple times and get cash back for each one – you simply put in the quantity (but Wal-Mart even detects your quantity).  Some items, they will require you buy 2 or more to get cash back, so make sure you look closely.

I have come to find that Wal-Mart is the most user-friendly with Ibotta and offers the most, though I’m not a big Wal-Mart shopper. I use it at multiple retailers, though I am a pretty devoted Kroger shopper.

What’s more?  You can also get this cash back in addition to the sales and your usual coupons.

For example, let’s just say I purchased the limit of 5 Fage yogurts for .50 cents back on each.  I will scan my receipt, scan each label and put the quantity (if I’m at Kroger).  I will earn a total of $2.50 back in cash for this purchase alone.  Let’s just say the Fage yogurt was also on sale, and I had a coupon for a free one.  Well, I am barely going to have paid anything for the yogurt when it’s said and done.  I have even had situations where I was nearly PAID to buy an item, thanks to Ibotta, my other apps and coupons.

There is also a “pay with Ibotta” option on this app that you may want to take advantage of as well.

Redeeming your earnings:  Ibotta is a cash back app, in which you can transfer your funds to Paypal when you have earned $20 back, and then directly into your account.  Yes, you will need a Paypal account for cash back if you don’t already have one.  Ibotta also now offers a broad array of digital gift cards if you would rather earn back in that way instead.  Everything from restaurants to retail stores to airlines gift cards are an option:  Whatever your heart desires!

Tips: I always tell new Ibotta users to never buy things they wouldn’t normally buy unless it’s something they really want to try.  Also, keep brand names in mind.  Maybe you can save $0.35 back on Ibotta, but maybe the generic item is still cheaper.  Just stick with the generic then, unless of course you much prefer the brand of that particular item.  Make sense?  Another tip?  Always check the “any” section even if you’re just going into the store to buy one generic brand.  Sometimes they will offer $0.10 back on any brand of bread, any brand of chicken breast, etc.  Some grocery trips you may only earn back $0.10 cents or nothing at all, but it’s all about shopping smart (and not buying things just because they are on there).  If you start buying items just because they are on Ibotta, your intention to save might end up turning into increased spending.  If you don’t much time to browse Ibotta, always check the “any,” “new offers,” and the “what’s hot” categories at the least.

Some months will be better than others on Ibotta.  I have those months I earn $40 back, while other months it may look more like $4.  It all depends on if they are featuring the items I tend to buy or not. Their cash back opportunities change constantly, so check often.

Other ways to earn cash on Ibotta: Ibotta also has a great referral program, which also gets your cash back stacking up even quicker.  The referral incentives change all the time, but there are always opportunities to earn cash if your friends use your code to sign up for their account.  It may be $5, or it may be more.  If you feel inclined to help my earnings AND yours, here is my referral code you will want to enter:  udlflrln

Ibotta also features a ton of bonuses:  (IE – redeem 12 offers before such and such date and receive an extra $3 back in cash).  They tend to run a lot of extra cash opportunities around holidays and special occasions.  Another example of a bonus could be, “Buy 2 Cottonelle products to earn an extra $1 back.”  As long as you appropriately scanned the item, Ibotta will detect and credit you with your bonuses automatically.

Again, to begin earning your cash back, sign up under my code of udlflrln.

2.  Shopkicks:  While Ibotta has resulted in the most cash back for me, Shopkicks is a not too far distant second.  I would also consider Shopkicks to be an enjoyable app. (though you somewhat have to work for it).

Description:  On Shopkicks, you earn points towards various gift cards for a variety of reasons – from Outback Steakhouse to Sephora, you can enjoy gift cards all thanks to this app.

How to earn points?  1.  You can earn points towards a gift card simply for walking into a store.  (IE – if I am going to walk into Kroger, I turn on the app. click on the icon of the person “walking” and my phone will recognize I am in Kroger.  Boom, there is 10 points.  On certain days, some stores offer 100 or even 250 kicks for simply walking into a store).

You can also earn points for simply scanning items that are on each store’s featured list.  My sister and I enjoy walking around stores and scanning items (especially if they’re on the way) during big grocery shopping trips.  We think of it as another fun way to get exercise.  For instance, after you’ve earned 10 points for simply walking into Kroger, your scans section might also show that you can earn 40 points for simply scanning a bag of Seattle’s Best Coffee or 75 points for scanning a pack of Quilted Northern toilet paper.

3.  Another huge way to earn points on shopkick is to actually buy some of their featured items.  Any item you scan probably also offers points back if you purchase that item.  For instance, I might scan the Quilted Northern toilet paper that is already featured in their sale that week, use a coupon for it, scan it for points on Shopkicks….AND then be able to take a picture of my receipt for an additional 250 points simply because I purchased the item.  I may even find that Ibotta offers cash back on the same item!  Another way to earn points is by linking your card to certain stores and earning points for each dollar spent (I don’t really do this one).  Lastly, you can even earn points simply by going to their “discover” section and watching little random advertising videos…..because, why not?

Redeeming your points:  On Shopkicks, you choose the gift card you want to work towards (and you can change it at any time):  1,250 kicks = $5 gift card, 2,500 kicks = $10, 6,250 kicks = $25 and 12,500 kicks = $50.  You can set your goal as low or as high as you like for whatever you are wanting.  If you just want $5 to Starbucks, great – it won’t take you long at all.  If you want $50 to Lowe’s, great again!  Just be willing to work for it a little bit (but it’s fun work).

On Shopkicks in just 2 years, I have earned a total of 11 gift cards (technically 12, if I’d like to to cash in my current points for $5).  I particularly enjoy redeeming their Sephora gift cards, because it’s a way to get cool makeup I am normally too cheap to buy.  When I come home with Sephora bags, I can brag to my husband that Shopkicks funded my trip.  All gift cards are received electronically.  (Be prepared to manually punch in the gift card numbers at the store).

Tips:  Again, do not trick yourself into buying items you wouldn’t normally buy just to earn points.  The key is to save money – not to spend more or to do anything counterproductive.  Sometimes your app. will even recognize you are in a parking lot and award you points without ever even walking into the store.  However, this is usually only true of 10 pointers.  If Marshall’s is offering you 250 points to walk inside, you probably need to walk inside.  Unfortunately, sometimes this app. can be a bit glitchy for walk-ins.  They give you an opportunity to report the error, but I’m not convinced it always works.

With all of that said, Shopkicks also has a super cool referral program.  If you sign up under me and simply walk into a store, scan or buy something on the app within 7 days, we will both earn 250 kicks!  My code is MALL366184.

3.  Fetch Rewards:  I feel like this app is a bit underrated.  I have already earned 8 gift cards on this one in a little over a year, but this is one may take a little longer to stack up for you, depending on where you shop and how you shop.  I also have at times decided I wanted to redeem an Amazon gift card at just $3 of earnings.  This app particularly loves certain brand names, but if you buy all generics, this does not at all mean that you won’t be able to earn gift cards.  You just may average 25 points on a receipt vs. 1,000.

Description: The main thing you need to do on this app. is to scan your grocery and gas station receipts for a minimum of 25 points each.  Recently, Fetch has even started giving 5 points for restaurant receipts, along with other non-grocer stores.  If you buy any of their “featured items,” you will earn back more points than the standard 5 or 25.  For instance, if you follow the directions on these diapers pictured above, you can earn thousands of points from your receipt. Now, it’s important to note:  There ARE times you may have to hit “correct my receipt,” and give a little more information.  I have had those times that Fetch didn’t detect a featured item on my receipt.  However, when I notify them, they always take care of it.  It tends to pick up on my smaller earnings, but my bigger ones, I sometimes have to let them know their app. didn’t give me credit.  Can that be a pain?  Yes, but again, I’m working towards those gift cards.

What’s great about this app. is the double earnings you can get back from it. Let’s just say that you purchased the Dove body wash off of their special offers for a total of 1,000 points – it just may be that Kroger had it on sale for $4.99 that week, plus offered a $1 off digital coupon, PLUS Ibotta offered $0.75 back, PLUS shopkicks gave you 25 points for scanning and 250 for buying it.  Yes, sometimes you can really luck out just like that! 

I have really lucked out at times….and I LOVE it.  Similar to Shopkicks, yet of course different, points add up to gift card redemptions on this app (1,000 points = $1………3,000 points = $3…….$5 points = $5 all the way to 50,000 points = $50.00).  Again, you can cash in your points whenever you want for yet another electronic gift card.

Tips:  I prefer to use these electronic gift cards on online purchases, as this one can be a pain to use in a store.  While Sephora never seems confused by my Shopkick redemptions, I feel like this lesser known app can confuse some cashiers. Maybe it is just my luck, but I prefer to redeem on this app. for online purchases with Target, Amazon or something like that. I guess nowadays you can shop at any of these places online.  I don’t want to discourage you against using this at any restaurants or stores, as it may be just fine for you.  I just wanted to make you aware, not everyone will know about this app.

Again, this app. offers a super cool referral program.  If you use my code, we will both get 2,000 points when you scan your first receipt.  My code is T8BWA.

Cool side note This app. literally tracks your spending for the year at each store.  It compares month-to-month and year to year.  This COULD be a helpful budgeting/record-keeping tool if you’d like it to be.  Just click on “activity” to see all of the details.

4.  Receipt Hog:  So, I’m going to tell you from the get-go, this app is my slowest for earnings.  A lot of impatient people may not stick around on it long – yet I stay, because why not?  I do earn money back and it accepts nearly EVERY SINGLE receipt no matter where it is from.  On this app, you also earn “points” AKA “coins” for either a Visa or Amazon gift card, or you can earn money that can be sent to your Paypal account.

Description:  Basically you just simply scan your receipt.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a fast food restaurant, a clothing store or a gas station, receipt hog is happy to accept and happy to give you something……even if not very much.  The higher the grocery bill, the more coins you will get.  They accept more receipts than most apps. While this app is slow to stack, it is entertaining to me.  First of all, it features a cute little pig that appears in different costumes for different times of the year….AND a super fun slot machine where you do have a chance to strike it “big.”  That possibility of my receipt being drawn (it has happened before) always keeps me coming back and submitting receipts.

So let’s break this down:  If you shop at a pet store, you will get both “coins” and a sweepstake entry for simply scanning your receipt.  For instance, when I buy my dog’s food at PetSmart, and I will get awarded around 15 coins and a sweepstakes entry for doing so.  If you go to a clothing or electronic store, you get to play their slot machine!  This part is so fun, and makes this among the most entertaining of the savings apps (at least for me).  Though many times, your slot is unsuccessful or your awards are not much more than 2, 5 or 10 coins, it is still something and still fun.  It’s not like it’s some big time waster.  Big winners can earn a TON of coins, and even $100 (though I’ve never been that person just yet) – there are winners all the time.  In general, you will either get coins and/or a sweepstakes entry for almost anything.  The more entries you have, the bigger your chances of course.  Like I said, this isn’t a huge earnings app. most of the time, but fun, and super easy. It literally takes 2 seconds to scan your receipt.

Tips:  If you go to the rewards section, sometimes they will also feature surveys you can take for additional coins.  You can also get additional points for connecting your Amazon or e-mail to this account.

This app. does not offer a referral program, but again, too fun to pass up!

5.  Drop:  This app. is yet another fascination of mine, thanks to my little sister (my fellow saver).  We are carbon copies of one another when it comes to savings (and we are not making any apologies for it either).  Because I joined this app, we both received 5,000 points from the get-go, which is equivalent to $5 for both of us.

Description:  There really isn’t a ton to say about this one, because once you set up your account, you do little to NO work (unless of course you want to put in a little). This app. can be as little or as much as you’d like to make of it.  Now, things have changed with this app. since I first downloaded on it.  I don’t want to tell you wrong, but I cannot see everything without setting up a new account.  I also cannot find the specifics online.  However, I believe the new process goes like this:  You simply link your card to this app and choose 2 retailers or restaurants that you’d like to earn points at. (1,000 points = $1, just like on Fetch). As long as you use your card to make purchases at these businesses, it does the work for you.  If you don’t want to do much more than that, you are still on your way to earning some good points.

You will want to choose 2 of the places on their list that you are likely to spend the most money at.  You can browse their offers to start earning points as well, but at the very least, any time you buy something at one of those 2 places and use your card, you will automatically get points towards a gift card.  (IE – if you choose Starbucks as one of your choices and then go order a coffee, you will automatically be awarded points when you use your card there.  You don’t need to scan anything.  It may take a few days to see your points in your account, but rest assured, they should arrive).  You don’t have to do anything, except swipe the linked card.  Now, there are also a TON of offers (outside of the 2 businesses you choose) available, if you’d like to advantage of them.  If you shop through the app. at Wal-Mart for example, there just may be a current opportunity to earn 60 points back per $1 spent.  Click on the “Shop” tab to see what the current offers are.

Other ways to earn points:  They also feature a fun game called, “supercharge,” where you can earn additional points.  The icon is a snake, so you have to stay on the lookout for it.  It stays locked until you earn points shopping.  You also get to play “hoops,” among other little fun games.   As I’m writing this, I literally just stopped for a game of hoops.  You get one free play a day.  I earn around 50 points each time I play.  This app. kind of has a Receipt Hog vibe to it.  It can be entertaining for sure.  They also offer a ton of surveys for points if you feel comfortable answering the questions on there.

Though it has taken me a little while to stack up, it’s such a low-maintenance app.  As you can see, I have almost $32 stacked up from very minimal effort.

As mentioned, this also contains a great referral program.  If you use my code, we will both earn $5:  1fcto

Tips: While I will admit I haven’t had the energy to learn EVERYTHING on this app, I would encourage you to study it.  There is A LOT on there. While I am not the master of this app., I do want to encourage you to really think it through on which of the businesses choices you are likely to spend the most money at BEFORE you choose them.  Apparently, you cannot change them once you select them, so choose wisely.  Looking back, I wish I would’ve known this. Still, I cannot complain about this little gem of an app!

6.  Coinout  This one is so very easy.

Description:  It is a concept that is pretty similar to Fetch, though it awards cents back to you rather than “points.” It may take a minute for your earnings to stack up, as you typically earn anywhere from $0.1 – $0.3 cents back on each receipt, but I’ve earned up to $0.13 back on some. I don’t think they’ve ever rejected a single receipt of mine.  All I’ve been doing is scanning receipts, so I cannot complain. However, there are A LOT of other opportunities on there which I’m not taking advantage of.  I will admit, I need to do some more exploring beyond scanning my receipts.  They feature a great deal of businesses who offer cash back.  They even offer cash back on certain groceries.  Whether you’re purchasing in store or online, you can earn cash back.  I encourage you to check deeper into this app.

Tips: As I said, study this app.  I think you will be impressed enough.  Also, take clear pictures.  Beware:  They inform you that if you send a duplicate receipt, you will lose your account – so be sure to never accidently scan a receipt twice (happens to the best of us). Lastly, realize your gift card or earnings do not happen automatically.  You will need to wait a few business days (up to 10) for them to approve it.

Note:  I recently earned a $10 Amazon gift card on there and am well on my way to receiving another gift card.  However, I am seeing now it takes a minimum of $20 to transfer your earnings to Paypal.

Again, they have a cool little referral program.  Their incentives change, so though I cannot tell you what you will earn, it will be something:   My link:  https://coinout.com/referrals/new?r=Z76F2ND

7.  SavingStar: Yet another way to earn cash by simply buying groceries you may normally buy.

Description:  I think of this one as a much smaller, slower stacking up Ibotta, minus the bonuses.  Yet, I still see them as worth it, as I did earn $20 on there in a fairly short time due to some bulk diaper buying.  One way they do differ from Ibotta is that they have a lot more offers that are a bulk requirement.  For example, at this moment, if you buy $25 worth of Kellogg’s cereal, you can earn $5 back.  You can buy this cereal in one trip or many.

Tips You will want to be aware that if you are working towards a bulk rebate that you must complete it before the expiration dates on there.  If not, you will lose what you worked toward, which has happened to me before.  This does make this app. a harder one in some ways.  However, earning the $15 back in diapers I did that one time really did make it stack up quickly.  Also, they do have here and there $1 – $3 back offers on single items.  All in all, I do not consider this a high maintenance app.  While it’s probably not going to become my biggest earner, I do check this one before I go to the store.  Though I haven’t explored it, they are now also partnered with coupons.com, which may interest some of you. So yeah, I see this app. as worth having.

Referral program?  Not that I know of, but maybe I’m missing something, or maybe that will change.

How to redeem:  Once you’ve earned a total of $20 back, you can redeem and send to Paypal.

Other apps worth mentioning:   I’m not as well-versed in this one, but I do think you should know about it:  Rakuten (formerly known as Ebates).  I have this one downloaded on my phone, and know it’s been around a long time.  I understand the concept of it, and know people earn back a lot on here.   The main reason I haven’t gotten too much into it is because I can do a lot of what I’d do on there on Ibotta or another app.  It just feels easiest to let my points build on another app. that I more frequently use.  Still, I do keep this one, and have heard others say many great things about it.  I’m definitely not counting it out, as it is certainly legitimate and credible.  Maybe I’m just already balancing too much?  (Imagine that).

I also should mention Checkout51 (which is basically the same concept as Ibotta).  However, Checkout51 doesn’t offer anything close to what Ibotta does in terms of variety, last time I looked.  They also tend to “run out” of offers.  I decided I didn’t really want to mess with this one any longer and deleted it.  However, you may want to check it out.  Maybe it has improved?  Maybe I should look again.  I also have Receipt Pal on my phone.  There are some ongoing issues going on with confirming my e-mail, but I do know you can scan receipts and earn points, which turn into cash.  I suggest looking into that one as well.

Now, with all of that said, I have earned back almost $800 between all of these apps. in 2 years.  Some of my earnings ended up being straight cash back that I transferred to Paypal, and then to my bank account.  Other times, I earned a gift card.

Either way, THIS money has helped in a variety of ways:  I’ve bought little things off Amazon I wanted.  My app earnings even once funded a nice anniversary dinner, among many other little luxuries.  Sometimes I just decide our bank account could use a little boost before pay day, so I’ll transfer $20-$40 over from Ibotta at that time.  For the longest time, I got pretty much ALL of my makeup from Sephora for free simply because of my Shopkick app.

Maybe you want these apps to be your excuse for purchasing Starbucks coffee.  After all, your husband cannot complain if it was free, right?  The possibilities are endless, and I suppose we can all be motivated by something different.

Now, Ibotta is my winner in terms of what I’ve earned back.  It has given me half of all of my earnings out of all of these apps.  So, if you can only choose ONE, I suggest Ibotta.  However, every single app I have given you is worth the time, in my opinion.  If it’s simply scanning a receipt, why not?  And on Drop, you don’t even have to do anything except link your card for at least TWO companies to earn some points over time.  Yes, apps like Receipt Hog take awhile to stack up, but oh well.  If you don’t put much work into it, what’s the harm?  Just a couple months ago, I got my first reward on Receipt Hog.  Yes, it took a long time to build that cash, so I decided to get something fun and meaningful with it:  I bought my mom, sister and self an essential oil/stress relief bracelet off of Amazon.  I also got Clara a personalized card book for her 1st birthday, as a special keepsake she can always have.  Every single one of us are enjoying our fun little Receipt Hog reward.

The bottom line:  For a majority of these apps, it only takes a second to scan the receipt.  I have a system.  I take each receipt and do what I can with it on each app…..and then I move on to the next receipt.

Whew okay…..I got descriptive on all of this, but I know how overwhelming all of this can feel at first.  It takes a minute to really learn all these apps, and I still cannot say I’m all of the way there.  Do not get overwhelmed by this blog post, simply because of all of the words.  Yes, I went into great detail, BUT none of these apps are overly complicated to get started on.  I just wanted to give you all the ins and outs, tips and my personal observations so that you can have the best experience possible on each of them.

So really….I just wanted to write the type of blog that I tend to find useful in my own life. There are also a lot of great YouTube videos out there that also explain these apps in great detail, if you are more of a video person.

Final Confession:  Yes.  Sometimes I feel like I’m juggling apps while walking into a store, yes.  Sometimes I’m looking at deals on Ibotta, while my sister is handing me an item to scan for Shopkicks….and sometimes I’m trying to remember if the item I’m hoping to get cash back for on Ibotta is also featured for points on Fetch.  Sometimes I forget to scan a receipt.  Sometimes I get a little frazzled. Sometimes I am also trying to look at my Kroger digital coupons and my paper ones at the same time, but guess what friends?  It is totally doable…..and super fun!  I will admit I have been slacking on Shopkicks during all of this COVID chaos, but I still love it!  I can still make it out of a huge grocery trip in about an hour.  I can do most of my app work in the comfort of my own home.

I also know that I didn’t even come close to listing all of the savings apps out there – these are just my go-to’s.  I know I’m late to the party with Ebates, among others….and would love to hear some of your favorites too!  (please share them in the comment section below).  I never get tired of learning about new ways to save!

If you enjoyed this post, please let me know that as well.  As I said, this is only scratching the surface on my savings.  I am totally open to doing more savings posts in the future!  This isn’t even counting my coupons and other savings avenues.  The future post possibilities are endless!

Sound off below if these savings posts are something you would like to see more of!

Until then…Happy Savings, friends!

5 Steps to Striving for Selflessness in a Self-Absorbed Society

5 Steps to Striving for Selflessness in a Self-Absorbed Society

When I created this blog, I vowed to share selfless content that would be beneficial to all in some way, shape or form.  Have I fallen short at times?  YES.  Have I probably shared some useless facts about me that didn’t really inspire or encourage anyone?  I have no doubt.  Have I wasted my time and someone else’s once or twice with a post that lacked substance?  Sigh.  I’m sure I have.  (Sorry!)

So here’s the deal:  In 2020, everyone and their sister, is now a lifestyle blogger or YouTube star.  Sharing makeup, fashion advice and the latest Target finds are about as 2020 as COVID-19 and face masks.  I’m certainly not knocking this line of work, as obviously, *I* am one of them.  No, I’m not a YouTube star, with a big following (so don’t look me up).  However, I’m “somewhat” in the lifestyle blogging world on a minor level.  I’m a wife, mom, full-time legal assistant, and publicist.  After that?  I post on here if I’m able, though I’m dying to make it more of a priority.  But first, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Image by Anastasia Gepp from Pixabay

Please understand:  I didn’t create a blog to be trendy, or as an excuse to quit my day job.  I didn’t create a blog so we could just talk about outer appearance, though there is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look your best.  My goal has been to focus more on character, legacy, faith and eternity, while still enjoying the here and now.  To enjoy the here and now, we need to love our homes, which means practical living tips are also of course a huge plus.

Writing is my passion – it isn’t some new thing for me.  Writing to me is like breathing.  I don’t do it in the hopes that I can be cool or popular.  I do it, because I don’t know how not to. Therefore, I am always seeking God’s help, and looking for the best outlets to not just hone my craft – but to most importantly, inspire others.  But tell me:  How can I do that?

I recently read a post on in a Facebook “girl’s group” I’m in.  It really, really, got me thinking.  Really.

Someone asked the group, if they subscribe to bloggers and/or what kind of blogs they enjoy.  A lot of the respondents had a similar response/view of bloggers.  The discussion left me feeling a weird combo of motivation and defeat (if that’s even possible):

This short little “survey” revealed that a lot of our non-blogging female peers consider most bloggers to be self-absorbed.  They aren’t interested in reading about “her life.”  Though this wasn’t their exact words, I picked up on what they were saying.  In a nutshell, they are basically interested in reading about “their life.”  They want to read blogs that benefit them, not just the blogger:  They want to hear about DIY home cleaning recipes, and how to make their Grandma’s easy homemade marinara sauce.  The majority isn’t really all that interested in seeing what is in Ellie’s makeup bag, or viewing an outfit that they cannot afford.  They don’t care about HER vacation or HER wedding, that they cannot afford. However, they may find her discount/money-saving tips valuable.  They may benefit from some of  her DIY tips in general, whether that be household cleaners, makeup, baking, wedding planning or vacationing.  They just want to know that it isn’t all about Ellie.  They want to know “what’s in it for them.” 

Basically, what readers want is authenticity and selflessness.  They want practical tips they can do on their own.  They want affordable, and they want fairly simple.  They don’t want to read 2,000 words, or read a huge backstory on a recipe.  They are mainly looking for the ingredients, what to set their oven at, and the baking time.

Photo by Adelaide Street Media

I grasped these truths a LONG time ago and vowed to be different, yet I still find myself wondering EXACTLY what my readers are most interested in.  I also find myself struggling to not be overly wordy while I’m at it.  Some of my blog posts have been well on their way to becoming a book, so I’m guilty.

Here’s a startling confession though:  I had zero problems getting millions of views on my pop culture column I used to run.  But when I make a blog about faith, character and legacy, with some practical living tips mixed in?  It’s much harder.  No, it’s not about views.  If it becomes about “views” then it becomes about the self-absorbed issue I’m talking about.  Still, how can I REALLY reach people with the kind of beneficial content that matters?  To me, pop culture isn’t the way to do that.

With that said, I want to do better going forward, and I need YOUR help.  YES you.

I don’t want this blog to just be about Holly.  Holly is just the messenger.  I want to KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT TO KNOW!  I want you to sound off in the comment section below.

LET ME KNOW:  Are you enjoying the Interior Design posts?  What practical tips would you like to know about Interior Design?  With most of us being home more often, I feel like now is the time for more “home” posts.  I don’t believe there has been any time more important than now to love the space we call “home.”  Tell me if I’m wrong.

Photo by Dawn D. Totty Designs

Would you like to see more easy recipe posts?  Frugal living tips? More DIY organization posts?  DIY cleaners?  More faith and encouragement posts?  All of the above?  What else?  What benefits YOU?  What would make YOU want to subscribe to a blog?

And because I want to leave YOU with something beneficial today…………Here are 5 steps to being selfless in a self-absorbed world:

  1.  Ask people how they are, and TRULY wait to hear the answer.  Don’t just ask, “how are you?,” and walk on.  Doing so, shows routine and obligation….not care and sincerity.  Wait until they actually tell you how they are and respond to them.  Go a step further, and listen to what’s going on in their life, without feeling the need to immediately interject what is going on in yours.
  2. Be a person of your word:  If you say you’re going to do something….do it.  Man, oh man.  God has really convicted me about this one over the years. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a procrastinator.  I don’t “lie” to people, or break my word on purpose.  But if I tell someone we will get together soon, I want to mean it and follow through.  Even if my life gets busy, I want to keep my word.  If I tell someone I’m going to help them with something or make them a handmade gift….I don’t want the weeks to fly by.  I want to be an “over deliverer.”  When I look around, I think a lot of us get into a lazy mindset.  And dang it.  I’m one of them, sometimes!  My Pastor has taught me SO MUCH about this topic over the years….but he hasn’t just taught it.  He LIVES it, even though thousands of people attend our church.  He ALWAYS follows through.  He remembers what he tells people and does it.  If he can do it, so can we!  With that said, this tidbit, just reminded me I need to RSVP to a friend’s shower for an invite I received a couple weeks ago.  This is what I’m talking about, friends!  (Points at self).  Don’t be the person not to RSVP, because then, you just keep the host guessing on how much food and seating they need.  What’s even worse?  RSVP’ing with a “yes,” only to be a no-show.  What’s also bad?  To not RSVP, and then to show up when they weren’t expecting you.  What else?  Don’t be the person to walk out of someone’s wedding reception before the food is served, when you KNOW the bride’s parents already paid for your plate.  They paid for your spot, because they wanted YOU to have it.  They could’ve chosen someone else. Unless you have an emergency or something pretty major come up, it’s rude and disrespectful to just leave.  Everyone understands that unforeseen things come up….. but catch my drift?  (Again, I know I’ve been a hypocrite in the past on some of these concepts (such as RSVP), but I’m learning.  I’m trying).

    SONY DSC
  3. Do something nice for someone without ANY motive.  There doesn’t always have to be a payment from the other party, a barter, or a “deal worked out.”  What if every now and then we went out of our way and did something nice for someone, “just because?”  I’m going to go ahead and say, I think this one may be one of my strengths.  I feel like I do this one a lot.  In fact, sometimes I feel like I’ve taken this one a little over the top at times….but I’m sure in God’s eyes there have been times I could’ve done more, for every single time I think I may have “given too much.” At the end of the day, I’d rather give too much than too little.  But guys, seriously, sometimes we really should take off our “business, money-making, hat” for a minute.  Not everything has to be a huge contract with a signature on the line.  Every now and then, how about just doing something nice for someone….just because we wanted to bless them?  I’m not suggesting we let ourselves get “walked all over,” because we DO have bills to pay.  Many of us have businesses to run and jobs to do.  But still….there can be a balance.  What if you randomly brought someone their favorite coffee?  Wrote a letter of encouragement and sent it the old snail mail way?  What if you picked someone up from the airport and decide to turn down the $20 bill they offer you?
  4. If you have a good experience with someone’s service or business, write up a nice 5 star review for them. It only takes a couple minutes.  Why not?  If you yourself have a service or business, you know you would like the kind reviews too.  What’s more?  You could even share their page, or promote their posts on YOUR social media page.  If our pages are ONLY full of selfies and/or our latest accolades, perhaps we need to reexamine.  We can spare and share a spot for others sometimes too, right?

    Photo by Dawn D. Totty Designs
  5. Allow yourself to be inconvenienced every now and then.  This kind of goes along with #3, but can be all its own in some ways too.  My Pastor talks about this point a lot as well.  He teaches us that we should walk through crowds slowly, and pay attention to the needs of those around us.  Maybe the LAST thing I want to do on a Saturday night is give someone a ride 30 minutes across town, but just maybe, sometimes I should.  Maybe on that 30 minute ride, I’ll be able to give them encouragement.  Maybe they will get out of my car blessed and inspired.  Maybe sometimes we should lighten a co-worker’s load…..just because we can.  Maybe sometimes we should talk to that sweet elderly woman at the grocery for 15 minutes…..just because we can.  Maybe she needs your company more than you need to get home and cook dinner.  Allowing yourself to be inconvenienced every now and then is perhaps the unofficial definition of “selflessness.”

    Image by Rebecca Matthews from Pixabay

So there you have it.  The bottom line is, everyone is craving authenticity and selflessness.  People love to see kindness without motive.  Yes, the world craves “love,” as it is always said…..but without authenticity and selflessness, love isn’t genuine.  It doesn’t exist.  Love is easy.  True selflessness requires more effort.  No matter what our schedule or career path is, every day we have a chance to be an example of  “selflessness.”

I’d love hear your thoughts on all of the above:  Sound off in the comment section below!

Getting Back to the Basics: (When I reached my “Aha Moment”)

Getting Back to the Basics:  (When I reached my “Aha Moment”)

I came to that grand “Aha moment” seven years ago, on the day of my beloved Grandma’s funeral.

But first, there I was at my one bedroom apartment right outside of Nashville.  It was early morning.  My phone was ringing.  It was my mom. I knew what she was going to tell me before I even picked it up.  I had been trying to mentally prepare, but still, I wanted to cry upon actually hearing the news.  

I got everything ready for Ohio, and I got into my car.  The first two songs that came on the radio were of no coincidence. The one that hit me the hardest was Mercy Me’s, “I Can Only Imagine.”  Grandma never did care about mainstream music, but she had once mentioned that song to me.  She had heard it and really liked it. In fact, it may have been the only mainstream song I had ever heard her mention.  Grandma and I were alike – yet so different.  I knew nearly every song on the radio, while she couldn’t have cared less.  By 2013, “I can only imagine” certainly wasn’t a new song and was seldom on the radio.  In that moment, I knew God was giving me the gentle reminder that Grandma was already at total peace in heaven with Jesus.

And there I was.  I was in my late 20’s and had marked things off my bucket list that I had never even put on there to begin with.  By all outer appearances, my life looked fairly exciting.  Why in the world did I still lack peace?

I thought I was “happy.”  I was sort of happy in an artificial kind of way, but happiness is so much different than joy.  To me, “happiness” is temporary and based on the circumstances of the world around me.  I lacked genuine joy and genuine peace.  How my heart “felt,” was dependent on my circumstances around me……..whereas with joy and peace, you can be content no matter what your circumstances. How I felt was very “conditional” on what was happening vs. what wasn’t happening.

Somehow though, that day opened my eyes in a way that would forever change me.  (Keep in mind I gave my life to Jesus as a child).  I was already saved, yes.  However, I hadn’t really surrendered everything to him in the way I thought I had.  I had accepted him, but not his peace.  I still insisted on complicating my life.  I had lost sight of the basics, and I didn’t even realize it.

My Grandma was undoubtedly proud of me.  She always told me so, but she also always told me she was MOST proud that I had chosen to follow Jesus.  She was the least materialistic” person I’ve ever known.  Her treasures were in Heaven, and it always showed.  All she really needed in her home was her Bible, a few chocolates, a crossword puzzle and some good company.  She hated clutter and was always trying to give something away.  She wasn’t a big shopper, and she cared very little about pop culture trends.  (She didn’t go many places, which I will admit remains a desire in my heart, personally). She would appear very simple in the eyes of this world, but when it came to what mattered most, she knew:   Jesus.  Family. Simplicity.

On the day of her funeral, there was a hint of irony, yet it wasn’t so ironic after all.  If I had to guess, though I cannot say for sure, Grandma probably never rode in a limo her whole life.  However, for her funeral, she had always requested that a limo drive her family to the grave site.  In usual Grandma fashion, she wanted to give “us” something comfortable, and she wanted her homecoming to be more of a celebration than anything else.

Very ironically, riding in a limo was one of the very few things I hadn’t yet crossed off my bucket list.  Crazy huh?  You would THINK I would’ve been in one at some point – a prom, or a special event of some sort, but nope.  This was my first time ever.  To date, it has still been my only time. This was certainly not how I wanted to cross it off, but reality sat in right there in that limo.  So much so, that I couldn’t even see any of its glamour.  It was in that limo that I had a realization that would forever change me.

I was nearing 30, and I had sacrificed love, healthy relationships, and even family time, all so I could pursue my dreams.  I sat in “glamour,” yet still felt pretty empty.  I realized it was eerily symbolic of my whole entire life.  Everyone my age and older in that limo had a special significant other.  I didn’t have anyone to sit next to me, or anyone “lasting” who would be there at the hard day’s end.

“So…THIS is what it ALL comes down to,” I thought.

I realized in that moment, Grandma had it ALL.  She had Jesus, Grandpa, her children and teary-eyed grandchildren that thought the world of her.  Because she had kept her focus, she was now ultimately enjoying the ultimate paradise – a paradise far better than any of my worldly success.

My resume had a lot on it….BUT…would my ultimate “legacy of love” ever be anywhere nearly as special as hers?

One-by-one, at her funeral, we had all talked about her love for Jesus, and how her simple and sweet heart had touched us all.

….It really hit me.  The things I loved most about Grandma had next to nothing to do with worldly success:  I loved how she saved newspaper clippings for us, the simple little snacks she kept in the kitchen for us, her marigolds, her ability to solve a wheel of fortune puzzle….and I just really loved how much she loved Jesus and her family.  

No one was going to care about a modeling gig I had at 25, an award-winning article I wrote, what events I attended, or any of my “career accomplishments” for that matter. 

Now, I knew this revelation didn’t mean I should STOP everything I was doing, but it meant I should definitely recalibrate.

What those who matter most were going to care about at the end of it all is my legacy of faith, how well I loved my family and other people in general.

Boom.  Ouch.

Now, ironically, after this realization, I would call 2013 and 2014 the most successful years of my “entertainment” career.  So ironic.  Ironically, right after I turned 30 (my most feared year), is what I would call the most successful year in the entertainment life.  When I realized how little it all mattered in the big scheme of things….I achieved more than ever before.  When I cared “less,” I accomplished “more.”  The upcoming year which would include my book release, was full of cameras, interviews, TV appearances and writing advancements.  This time though?  I handled it with a newfound perspective.  

…….And then, it was all gone again.  So gone. God certainly has a sense of humor.  He constantly reminds me how very fleeting it all is….yet brings me opportunities that I can store away as great memories.

(Spoiler:  I never did end up with a million followers on Instagram (in fact, I don’t even have a thousand as I barely give that app. any attention at all….but I now know how fleeting our “following” is.  I know I personally want to follow Jesus….not a pop culture figure).

I still worked hard, but I remembered the realization I had.  My Nashville journey would never look quite the same from then on out.  The greater purpose for being here had been revealed.

After ending 2014 with a bang, I tried to cut back on things I didn’t want to do.  I subtracted what no longer felt fruitful. I began focusing on my dating life, but that started out kind of ugly.  It still wasn’t God’s timing.  The most important thing was that my heart was now “open” to whatever he may have for me.  Subsequently, I FINALLY let go of a very long-term and dysfunctional “off and on like a light switch,” relationship that I had been holding onto for years.  It had been a stronghold in my life in many ways, but I finally sincerely made the decision that it no longer had a hold on me.  For the first time ever, I didn’t try to take back what I had given to him.

By placing the broken pieces in HIS hands, MY hands were finally open and ready for the right man.

On Good Friday of 2015, I got a new man in my life….a four-legged one.  I rescued a five month old puppy that would further change my life.  In no time flat, that little border collie I named “Rosco” became my life.  I didn’t feel like going out as much anymore.  He needed my attention.  He was sensitive and seemed to genuinely appreciate my company.  I was told that raising a border collie bares a resemblance to raising a toddler, and I soon found out that was true.  As silly as it sounds, it was a big reminder to me, that it wasn’t just “me,” I was taking care of. 

Also, no matter what I accomplished, my bank account never really matched it no matter how hard I tried.

Life became more about working to live….not living to work.

I’m not complaining though.  I’ve been blessed.  Life circumstances have beat me up more than a few times since moving here, but “Nashville as Nashville,” and the locals have treated me really really well.  So again, no bitterness.  I can hit the pillow tonight knowing I’m blessed and that if I never achieve one more accolade in this city, that I’ll be just fine.

Now, did I get frustrated about the road that country music was/is taking?  Frustrated doesn’t even begin to cover it.  I felt sick about it.  Really really sick.  Did I wait a little too long to pitch some of my songs that sound more 2006ish than 2020ish?  Probably so.  But that is okay too.  I was busy working full-time, and if I wasn’t pitching songs, I was working on something else.  I was probably on the set of a video or a commercial that (age-wise), I may not be casted for today.  Sometimes you just have to choose what you can take on and what you can’t.  But I’ll tell you why I care even less now than I did then:  Country music and my career is fleeting.  It won’t matter 80 years from now. 

Saving country music isn’t my ultimate purpose….saving souls is what is.

Also, as a Christian, I tend to believe that some things are just meant to be while others are not meant to be.  I truly believe if God is leading your life, you will always end up where you are supposed to. God knows what is good for us and what isn’t:  What we are ready for and what we are not.  What is timely and what is not. 

Frankly, there is currently too much going on in the world for me to be overly consumed with ANYTHING pop culture related.  Whether or not there is a lot going on….NOTHING is worth placing above Jesus at anytime.

And here I am today:  Here I am in 2020.  I wrote all of the above well over a year ago and just now decided to hit the publish button.  It’s all now so clear why I felt the strong push to get back to the basics.  Yes, the whirlwind of change continued after I fully placed everything into the Father’s hands.

I’m now going on 3 years of marriage with a husband I adore.  I found him to be the polar opposite of everyone I had dated in the past, and I knew I was ready for that. Though I hated the, “it happens when you least expect it,” cliche with EVERY fiber of my being…..it is exactly what happened in my world.  It happened so fast, that it happened before I even really fathomed it was finally happening.  It only happened when I fully surrendered my past, present and future.

Our precious daughter is about to turn 1.  We are currently planning her first birthday party.  I believe my big revelation was necessary for me to have what I have today.

She inspires me every day to be a better woman.  That rescue pup who first changed my life is well on his way to turning 6.  On both sides of the house, we have the most incredible families.  I was born into the best, and then I somehow ALSO managed to inherit the best by marriage.  I don’t want to miss anything.  I want to nurture, cherish and dedicate myself to what and who matters most.  

And now, I see even more just how much Grandma had it right:  It’s not about the quantity of people in our lives:  It’s about the quality.  It’s not about the possessions in our lives:  It’s about what we have in our hearts.  I remain thankful for my great “Aha Moment.”

No matter where you live, you have experienced the craziness of 2020.  For those of us in Nashville, we experienced tornadoes/storm damage, which was quickly followed by COVID-19 chaos.  Would you know that some of the PERSONAL challenges in my life during this first half of this year have been so overpowering at times, that I almost forgot about how crazy the world has become?  (My challenges have absolutely nothing to do with my marriage or family, so no need to speculate there).  

It’s certainly been a year that’s stretched me to say the least…..but it’s stretched me in the right way:  It’s sent me running straight into the arms of Jesus.  My only hope.  Your only hope.  Our only hope.  I believe EVERYONE’s time is short, but I also believe we do not have to fear.

With that said, I would encourage you to put all of the the things of this world on the back burner.  Is it okay to have goals?  ABSOLUTELY!  But if Jesus were to come back today, what do you want him to see you doing, and how do you think he wants to see you living?  

This is a question I cannot answer for you.  I can only answer for me.

Are we doing things that will matter for eternity, or are we consumed with the fleeting?  Have we over-complicated the Christian journey?

Faith isn’t complicated.  Jesus isn’t complicated.  Heaven isn’t complicated.  Conviction isn’t complicated.  His word isn’t complicated. We may never understand ALL of it, but the message of Jesus is simple.

Love isn’t complicated.  Compassion isn’t complicated.  Prayer isn’t complicated.  Helping your neighbor isn’t complicated. 

Avoiding unnecessary arguments isn’t complicated.  Thinking before you act, speak and post, isn’t complicated. 

With that said, sometimes I worry that I’m not bold enough.  I do know we are to share the truth.  I have been doing that, but I’m wondering if I do enough.  Still, I think about how my Pastor talks about waiting and praying.  Our wiser self often reveals itself later.  Perhaps this is why I’m sharing this blog a year after it’s creation, and why so many other drafts sit in my inbox for months on end.  I never want to post just to post.

I want to lead people TO the truth…never away from it.  I believe He created me to be an encourager, but I don’t believe He created me to be apologetic about His word either. 

Yes. There is a time to speak, a time to stay silent, a way to share and a way not to share.  

I’m still trying to find that delicate balance, but I do know one thing:  Everything I have just mentioned is a “basic.”  I hesitated to use the word “basic,” because the gospel is so far too amazing to be cheapened with a basic word like “basic,” so please understand, I’m only meaning to use it in the right context.  Sometimes we think of the word “basic” to mean “boring” or “uneventful,” but I use basic to say…..His way is necessary, essential and simple.  You don’t have to have a PhD or a VIP pass to be “in” with Jesus.  John 3:16 laid it out for all of us.  We can ALL have a PhD and a VIP pass into his kingdom by simply asking him into our hearts, asking for forgiveness of sins….and truly meaning it.

Do I see everything going on in the world right now?  YES!

However, as my Pastor said a couple months ago, “I am concerned, but not worried.”  I think that’s the place I find myself today.  I am certainly concerned about all that is going on, but I am not worried.  I’ve seen the end of the book of Revelation.  I know who wins.  His name is Jesus.  If you get to know Him, you too will win.

All you have to do is get back to the basics or allow yourself to accept the basics…..the beautiful, peaceful, life-changing, basics.

If you’ve never asked Jesus into your heart, you can now do so, by saying this simple, but meaningful prayer:  Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior. In Your Name. Amen.

If you have any questions beyond this, feel free to reach out.  I am here for you:  holly.cokkinias@gmail.com