“Just because he doesn’t answer…..doesn’t mean he don’t care. Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”
Yes, I just quoted some lyrics to a Garth Brooks hit. To start, Garth is one of my favorite singers of all time. I also love the idea behind the “Unanswered Prayers” song and always have. In fact, for many years, it was like an anthem in my life. I think it is a very well-intended song, and I get what the message is at the core. (The man in the song winds up thankful that he didn’t end up with his high school flame). When he runs into her later in life, he’s so glad he ended up with his wife instead. He thanks the good Lord for not giving him what he wanted all those years ago). I do relate.
In my own world, I’m very thankful God didn’t say “yes” to any of the men I met prior to Kyle. Some of them were great guys with incredible families, but we just weren’t right for each other in the long run. Therefore, I’m thankful that they also found the one who was better suited for them.
Others…..well, I’ll just be nice and say, I was spared of a lot of heartache. Disaster would have been certain. However, I root for ALL of them. With all of that said, I’m glad that I ended up with Kyle instead of someone else, and that God knew what was better for me far better than I knew what was better for me.
Now, hear me out for a bit. After many years of investing in my relationship with the Lord and trying to get to know him on a deeper level, I don’t believe “unanswered prayers” is the correct term here. I believe God answers ALL of our prayers – just not always in the way we expect, or think we want at the time.
I believe a “no” is still an answer to prayer, because when he gives us a “no,” he’s doing so to protect us in some way. Always answering “yes” would be him agreeing to “our will” instead of his own.
It’s like I said in my “Chick Flicks Lie” book back in 2014 (to paraphrase), when God doesn’t give us what we want, he is either “saving us from something…..or for something.”
And let me tell you – he has saved me so many times. So many more times than I could ever deserve. I can look back and see different times when he both saved me from something…..and for something.
…..Because he always knew when a “yes” would destroy my walk, or his purpose for me. He always knew when a “yes” would bring me financial ruin. He always knew when a “yes” would keep from living my best life. He always knew when a “yes” would keep from meeting the right man for me. He always knew when a “yes” could wind up bringing me stress and heartbreak. He always, always knew….and he always, always answered.
Today, I know, a combination of his “yesses” his “nos,” and his “not yets” are what has brought me to this happier, more peaceful time in my life.
I believe we need to make a habit of thanking him for ALL of his answers, whatever they may be, because he is the one who sees the big picture. We only see one step at a time. Our heavenly father sees the whole staircase.
This is why Proverbs 3:5-6 remains one of my favorite verses:
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a]
The other day, I had yet another revelation in this area. Though I won’t get into all of the details, almost 4 years ago, I was determined to make a major change in my life. In “MY” understanding, this change made perfect sense. There was a door that appeared to be open, and I was so desperate for change that I tried to walk through that door. I was relying on my own logic instead of on Him.
It looked like I was going to “get” what I thought I wanted…….but God firmly said, “no.”
When he said “no,” I was honestly confused. I must admit that even my ego was a bit bruised, and I try not to have an ego.
I suddenly felt inadequate and like I was no longer “at the top of my game.” It brought me down a few notches and made me question myself. It certainly humbled me to say the least. Looking back though, I clearly remember never actually feeling at “peace” about that transition. Oddly, a part of me was almost glad the door slammed shut. It’s very difficult to explain the mix of emotions.
During that frustrating time, I was also seeing someone who was completely wrong for me. I knew deep down he was wrong for me. However, he was persistent, and I had developed a “whatever” attitude about that area of my life. He lived life on the road, and I found myself figuratively going down the same road I had already been on one too many times. I resented the road I was on, yet I was on it all the same.
I was tired….so tired.
I was too tired to notice that God had recently introduced me to my future husband. He was disguised as a new co-worker. Someone I just kind of thought would be a new acquaintance who I would see in passing from time to time.
I was too tired to notice that the Lord was busy moving mountains in my life. It just “appeared” that nothing was happening.
I was too tired to notice that he was saying “no” to that one opportunity, because he was instead bringing me to a much greater “yes.”
I was too tired to notice that if he had agreed to “my will,” NONE of my beautiful future (the now) would have been possible. Me getting my way would have resulted in ruin on many levels.
Now, fast forward…..here we are in 2019. I said “yes” to that co-worker, and we have now been married for 2 years. Our relationship is the polar opposite of any and all past relationships I had. God knew I needed the opposite. I would say I now also have the daughter I’ve always dreamed of, but honestly, she’s even greater than I could have imagined.
Jesus Christ remains the foundation of my life – and with him as the foundation, I experience stability and peace each day. Life isn’t always easy, but I always know he has my back.
Now, here is the kicker: Just the other day, another huge reason for that “no” he gave me four years ago was revealed. Again, I won’t get into the specifics and the whys, but let’s just say, hindsight is 20/20.
Sometimes, we don’t necessarily get to see the reason for the “no”…..but sometimes (like in this case), the reason winds up being revealed in big, bold, flashing, neon lights.
If he had said “yes,” instead of “no,” not only would I not have Kyle and Clara today, but I would have had the rug completed yanked out from under me in SO many other areas. I likely would have been stressed beyond measure and felt my world crumbling in all areas. Just thinking of all the ways my life almost went in the wrong direction made me anxious.
I pictured myself trying to keep up my home on my own. I pictured foreclosure. I pictured myself jobless and crying about broken dreams. I pictured myself in great distress and having no idea where to go from there. I tried to picture life without Kyle, Clara and the amazing family I married into…..and I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to.
….Thankfully I was able to shut off that depressing “short film,” and thank the Lord for his “no” four years ago. I was able to smile about where I am now. Because He is the Lord of my life, “He saved me from something and for something,” just like he has so many times before.
He did answer my prayer. He always has and always will.
Sometimes we just have to stop and thank Him for his “no’s,”.……because sometimes, his no’s are the greatest answer to prayer of all.
Most days are just ordinary days (or so we think). I don’t necessarily have grand revelations or significant events to speak of on those days. Life-defining moments typically only happen here and there…..but today, the Lord keeps laying the simple word of “just”on my heart. I can think of not justONE, but three times he has used the word “just” in my life today.
First of all, I was reading a post on Facebook that got me thinking. A friend was talking about what her aging horse meant to her, and someone replied something along the lines of a horse is so much more than “just a horse.” Her comment is what got the ball rolling for me today.
Though I’ve never owned a horse, I would absolutely agree with that statement. It drives me CRAZY when someone calls a dog “just a dog.” To me, there is no such thing as “just a dog.” Our dog is a family member. He was here before my husband and daughter joined me. Now that we have a daughter, I try to ensure him every day that he is still just as loved now as he was then. Even as our lives have changed, he is always there: Always there to lay next to me when I’m sick, when I’m sad, when I’m having a bad day…or just because. On the days I feel like a failure, he looks at me like I’m absolutely everything. His heart and intelligence is like that of a toddler. He taught (and still teaches me so much about life), but that is another blog in itself. With that said: When referring to a person or a furry family member, please never say the word “just” to me.
Then, my mom and I had a conversation about life and goals today. We got to talking about the housewife life and how she stayed home with us when we were growing up. I told her she was so many things to us and that the term “just a housewife” drives me crazy, because there really is no such thing as “just” a housewife. She was and is a mom. A cook. A counselor. A mentor. A teacher. A leader. A seamstress. A housekeeper. A repair lady. A bookkeeper. A hairstylist. A tutor. A nurse. A chauffeur. A cheerleader. A 24/7 friend…….to 4 children at one time.
Lastly, I was watching a sitcom that likely isn’t new to many of you, but is new to me. (I tend to discover all the cool shows on netflix way after their prime). “The Middle” is a good show to demonstrate my point even further. Today, I was watching an episode where a hardcore motivational consultant tries to whip Middle America mom/failing car saleswoman Frankie into shape. Frankie doesn’t value herself and sees herself as “just a mom.” The consultant challenges and inspires her to realize she isn’t “just”…..she is everything and can do anything.
At this point, I’m thinking, “Okay. I get it. Time for a blog.”
So here we are, friends.
It’s time to eliminate “just” when speaking about ourselves and other people…
You aren’t “just a mom.”
“Just a housewife.”
“Just a customer service representative.”
“Just a laborer.”
You are MORE.
It’s time to eliminate “just” when talking about our jobs, goals and career ambitions. Your dream doesn’t have to be “just a dream.”
“Just” limits us, undermines and disappoints. “Just” holds us hostage and keeps us from setting goals.
“Just” is a defeating and discouraging word in far too many cases.
God didn’t create you to be “just this” or “just that.”
We are eternal beings with individual purposes. While your current job or season may feel boring, mundane, and limiting, it still doesn’t change the fact that you were created for a purpose that ONLY YOU can do.
The thing about life is we never get to see the big picture and the start to finish all at once. We only get to see it one step at a time. We see where we are and where we’ve been. We have hopes and plans of where we want to go, but our hopes and plans remain hopes and plans, until the future becomes the present.
But maybe….just maybe….we need to start viewing “just” a little differently.
What looks like a “just”….just may be what is leading you to your big break.
What looks like a “just”…just may be exactly what you are looking for.
What looks like a “just”….just may be the way that you meet your future spouse.
What looks like a “just”….just may be a beautiful forever friendship.
What looks like a “just”….just may make someone’s day.
What looks like a “just”…just may change someone’s life.
What looks like “just an ending”…..just may be a beginning.
Lose the “just” when it contains a negative connotation.
See the beauty and the value in what appears to be “just a normal day.”
Recognize the potential and the growth in what appears to be “just a job.”
Remember the goals you set and the desires God has placed in your heart whenever you think you are “just a housewife,” “just a mom,” or “just a laborer.”
“Just” is what happens when we limit ourselves, other people and opportunities.
“More” is what happens when we continue to dream, work hard and believe that we serve a limitless God.
When Jamie Burke made the move to Nashville, she had big plans and big dreams in the entertainment industry. In fact, her latest song and video, “Drive” describes her journey quite well. Today, she still plans, but she hands God the eraser. She still dreams, but her greatest dream is fulfilling God’s purpose for her life.
Though Jamie has undoubtedly enjoyed success and celebrated accomplishments, she has also experienced a great deal of curveballs, detours and adversity along the way. She was first known for her high energy performances and breakup songs. Then, she thought she finally found her Prince Charming….but then, it came to a screeching halt.
To top it all off, it happened very publicly. Friends starting choosing sides, but Jamie chose the high road.
When 2018 brought her some of the most difficult challenges of her life, she knew she ultimately had two choices: 1. Give up. OR 2. Give it all to God.
……….She chose and continues to choose #2.
“God has truly manifested Himself into my life and my heart this year. I have had to rely on Him more than ever before. I whole-heartedly believe this was the year that God humbled me and made me realize not only am I not in control of the world around me, but that it’s ok, because He IS! As a definitive type A woman, this took me a while to be okay with,” reflects Burke.
As part of the “let go and let God” process, she found herself having to set free more than she ever envisioned. Doors were closing and pages were turning, and in all of that uncertainty, she was reminded of her greatest certainty: Jesus Christ.
“I have also lost a lot of relationships I was holding on to – some of these for too long. I got to a place of wondering why I was alone. Then, I found myself relying on Him for strength and direction, then realizing I would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies when it came to relationships and friendships,” says Burke.
As she grows closer to the Lord and continues to remind herself of his promises, she feels the strong pull to purposely use the gifts he’s given her for His glory. She knows he’s given her the gift of music to connect and to encourage. She isn’t going to allow her adversities to happen to her in vain – she is going to allow Him to use the bad for the good. She plans to be a light and to allow even her art and songwriting to go through the transformation process with her.
“2018 has been a year of growth, opportunity, and change. I have had some very high highs and some not so fun lows. I feel like I have grown a lot this year as not just a songwriter and artist, but as a woman. I have learned to really respect myself, to be more empathetic and perceptive towards others, to appreciate little moments and to be more in the moment. As a writer I have learned to be okay with not sticking to one genre as well being more vulnerable and experimental with my lyrics and story telling,” shares Burke.
Like most singers and songwriters in Music City, Jamie once felt the pressure to reach a certain level to consider herself “successful.” Today though? She is also free from that pressure.
“I believe God has spoken to me and worked in my heart in a very clear and obvious way that FAME is not something any of us should be seeking, which I think is something that is easy to do in the music/entertainment industry. He has really made me realize that while He has given me gifts and talents that should be used, it should never be about the fame that could and can come with it,” says Burke.
“I’ve had my eyes opened to really understand the impact of my music/art, and to really appreciate those moments where a stranger reaches out and says I inspire them or that they really love one of my songs. Making a difference has become what matters to me,” she continues.
Speaking of encouraging strangers, Jamie has a lot to add. She wants her fellow women to know that not only does fame not bring validation, but neither does our beloved social media world.
“I’d really like other women to know that social media really doesn’t validate you. Just because your photo didn’t get X amount of likes or you don’t have as many followers as this girl or that person, does not mean you are less beautiful, less valuable, less talented, or less interesting,” she encourages.
With her new chapter, has come new confidence…….but not the kind of confidence that happens from social media compliments or human approval. In fact, she’s taken notice to not just how pressure-filled, but also how shallow, social media can really be.
“I see so many women my age who are just flat out trying so hard to look important, rich, skinny, fabulous, pretty or sexy. They’re not even promoting a product or anything – just women trying to validate themselves. I imagine a world where POOF….instagram is gone, BOOM….Facebook is gone. Are you suddenly not important? We allow ourselves to get sucked into that world and frankly, it’s almost like a double-life. It’s all fake and manipulated,” Jamie says emphatically.
She wants other women to know that their real friends will call them, that their family loves them without or without filters and that check-ins aren’t vital.
“For me, this is another BIG area God has worked in me. I now feel like social media is just a means of promotion and business marketing, but as far as airing every second of my personal life? Dunzo. Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt,” she says with certainty.
There are a few areas of her personal life that she doesn’t mind airing, however: She has been knocked down, but she got right up. She has been hurt, but she is allowing herself to heal. She has been the subject of gossip, but she chooses to press on. Most importantly, she chooses to love and she chooses to trust her healer and her helper. As a result, she is pressing on, enjoying the simple things and looking forward to the future.
“I feel like I am starting on my comeback! I’ve had a lot of setbacks this year. For example, people can get very brave online and post whatever they want about you, which is really disheartening at times. Most of it is not true…the rest is a misconstrued version of the truth. That has been hard for me. I wanted to fight back against allegations and gossip, but I decided to stay quiet, let things pass over, and just talk to you about it after the dust settles. Have I made mistakes? Yep. I’m human. We all have. I just got lucky and had things broadcast under a microscope. Have I learned from those mistakes? Yep…and I didn’t need any outside opinions or influence,” shares Burke.
Though she had reason to become angry, she instead chose to build a strong foundation with the bricks thrown at her. She also didn’t accept the invite to get bitter – she instead chose to get better.
“Those who know me know all the things I’ve struggled with – serious and heavy setbacks, but I’ve tried to maintain a positive attitude. Most importantly, I’ve tried to be QUIET and LISTEN to God. What is He wanting me to do? Where does He want me to go? When I started listening is when big things began to happen. God picked up all the broken pieces of my heart and my life and said ‘these pieces are a great foundation to build something awesome on’. In doing this, I started to feel JOY and feel like I gained a lot of perspective on life, relationships, and the world around me,” says Burke.
As she began to experience a peace and joy unlike ever before, God began to talk to her about some of the other dreams he’s given her.
“I started my fashion line called 40 East. This is something I’ve always wanted to do,” reveals Burke.
Since she sincerely wants to design for the right reasons, she also donates a portion of each sale to St. Jude.
“I make custom tees, tanks, accessories and more and design everything, solely by myself,” says Burke.
In addition to to pouring herself into design, her passion for music is as strong as ever.
“I’ve also written more songs in the last 6 months or so than ever before and am halfway done with my upcoming 3rd EP/CD,” announces the Nashville entertainer.
“As I keep writing, the ‘problem’ has become ‘ok, what do I want to put on this record, what stories do I want to share, and production wise, where do I want this all to go?’ I’ve noticed that I am not just writing country anymore. I feel like I have grown as a songwriter and artist and used to put myself in a box of ‘I’m going to write this kind of music, I’m going to sound like this artist or that artist.’ Now, I’m just like, ‘I really like the way this sounds’ or ‘ya know what, I’m in a rock mood today’ or ‘I’m feeling this EDM track a lot.’ Collaborations and getting out of my comfort zone are more fun and more appealing,” she explains.
Alongside her love for the arts, she remains active in other various adventures.
“I’ve also been really fortunate to be modeling and doing all kinds of other projects now which I believe has come with the confidence and place I’m at right now,” says Burke.
“As this year or so has come to fruition, I feel like people have noticed a change in me…the way I carry myself has just become a more confident and self-aware person. I don’t believe this has anything to with my appearance! I believe this is 100% confidence in knowing God’s got this, confidence in who I am and what I can not only just offer in relationships and business opportunities, and an overall new approach to my health and fitness,” she continues.
Though her year was full of challenge, Jamie ultimately has come out victorious. She’s turned her trials into triumphs and her fears into faith. Rather than looking in her review mirror, she remains focused on the road ahead.
“When you are a genuinely happy person who is ok with who she is, I think the world can see from the inside out. I am staying busy on music and other projects, focusing on healing and health, listening to God and being open to whatever life is going to offer me. I am excited to see what the rest of this year and next year have in store for me…because while I’ve had some mountains to climb and major setbacks…I’ve learned…A setback is just a set up for your comeback!”
To learn more about Jamie and to listen to her music, visit her website.
To keep up with Jamie, follow her Facebook pages for both her music and latest fashions.
Okay, so now that I (forever ago) shared all the “budget bride” tips in part one that I could possibly think of, it’s FINALLY time for me to break down our special day….as promised. As I write this, we have already been married for over 11 months. I’m not sure how that happens, but I have finally learned I don’t have any control over time. Hey, we are still considered newlyweds, right? Right. I think. Anyways, in honor of being so close to our one year mark, here we go.
As promised earlier (now months back), I am going to share HOW we had the wedding of our dreams….yet kept things humble in the process.
So here goes:
Ever since December 24, 2016, I had been planning our wedding. My then boyfriend (now husband), Kyle, popped the question that day at the Union Station Hotel. Kyle hired Adelaide Street Media to capture our big moment. This unforgettable moment was just our beginning, however.
Every day following that day has been a blur. A mostly beautiful blur, but nonetheless, a blur. The whole entire wedding process was a blur, as was our wedding itself. Still, that late summer day was a somehow very memorable blur that I’ll forever cherish. Though it all went by too quickly, all that planning was worth it in the end. Ever since that day, I’ve found myself replaying those special moments in my head daily.
Looking back now, I see why every single day mattered from December 24, 2016 to August 19, 2017. I (along with those who helped me) seemingly needed a full eight months to put the wedding I wanted in motion. (Apparently, I also need even longer to publish this promised blog). I suppose I probably could have planned the wedding in a little less time, but I’m glad I didn’t have to.
Confession: I was so excited to get engaged to the man I’ve waited for my whole life. I knew I was marrying the right person, and today, I know I married the right person. However, the early wedding planning processitself left me discouraged and appalled by a great deal of today’s wedding industry. As I called venues and vendors, I found myself seriously contemplating elopement. My then fiance’ said from the get-go he was more than fine with a courthouse wedding. To keep my chin up, he even told me he didn’t care if we got married on the side of the street somewhere…..he was still marrying me. As we had these kinds of talks, I had to remind myself what truly mattered in the long run:
It was the marriage….NOT the wedding.
Sure, a majority of women in this world dream of the right dress, a movie-like setting and an overall beautiful day, but I had to remind myself not to get wrapped up in a wedding alone. Now, almost a year later……I’m so glad I didn’t.
Again though, that’s not to say I didn’t have a gorgeous, memorable wedding. In fact, I continue to be told just that. That’s also not to say that any part of me regrets putting so much time and effort into my day. The beautiful memories I’m left with would make me do the same thing all over again. What I didn’t have though was an overly commercialized, ridiculously extravagant, over the top hoopla-filled, day. Beautiful AND humble is entirely possible, my future brides.
As I said in Part 1 of this series: If you want any kind of a traditional wedding, a beautiful dress, a photographer, videographer, DJ, flowers and a meal for people……you’re not going to get by free. You’re just not (unless you’re a contest winner of some sort). You’re probably not even going to get by “cheap,” but even in the terms of a mostly greedy industry, you can most definitely be on the humble end…..and when your day is over, you’ll sleep better knowing you opted for that route.
Want to know an alarming figure?: The average cost of a wedding (especially in a big city like Nashville) is falling somewhere in the lower end of $20,000 and ranging to about $45,000. Some websites say $30,000 is the new average…..but no matter what the case, these rates are a lot of people’s yearly salaries. Though, not the average, in an area like this, weddings costing $100,000 and up aren’t unheard of either. Now, that’s not to say there aren’t a great deal of people still spending under $10,000. They’re just having to really budget and pay attention to what they’re spending.
If you or someone you know spent on the upwards end…..I’m not knocking anyone’s personal decision. I just knew that wasn’t going to work for my personal situation. Also, this is a frugal blog….so frugal is what I intend to stick to.
Now, my advice may not mean much to you, but honestly, I wish more people had been there to advise me along the way. Thankfully, I had some good, informative people who did, but still, many days I felt like such a rookie (probably because I was)!
Sooo with that said….*drum roll*……..Here is what I did in a nutshell:
After researching about 200 venues and feeling sick after talking to 98% of them, I landed on the beautiful Five Oaks Country Club in Lebanon, TN. When I went to visit Five Oaks, it was a no-brainer: Their pricing was on planet earth, THEY did the food for me (no outside caterer!!….Can we say, “Glory, Hallelujah!?”) AND I had the pleasure of working with their awesome events coordinator, Ashley. In addition to being helpful, knowledgeable and proactive, she put me at ease throughout the whole entire process. With Ashley, there wasn’t any dumb questions, and she was more than happy to coordinate all the things that this “wedding planning rookie” was completely clueless about.
Five Oaks is more beautiful than I can put into words. As the highest point in Wilson County, the view is breathtaking. It looks more like an East TN location than a Middle TN one. There is so much natural beauty there. I knew I didn’t want a blank canvas, but there was plenty of room for us to add our own touches. The reception room was also just what we needed. They had an area for BOTH Kyle and I to get ready and to relax in. It was in a great location which worked out well for our local and out of town guests. To get in line with space, I had to condense my guest list several times. I have to honestly say that’s the hardest part, but in the end, the amount we had felt just right.
Here are just a few pictures of the venue (Both inside and outside):
Okay, so I know what the current wedding trends are: Rustic barn weddings are probably still by far #1 on the list. As a baby, I lived my first time years of life on a dairy farm and farming was (and still very much is) a huge deal of both sides of the house. It’s a way of life. My parents’ home sits on several acres and has not one, but two barns (one of which is as old and as rustic as you can get – it’s currently full of chickens). Way back in the day, I used to think maybe I’d get married in a barn one day to express my style and individuality, but when a wedding was about to be reality for me, I started thinking deeper on it. I wanted to be comfortable on my big day, but I also wanted to feel like I was doing something slightly outside my box. I always pictured that one day of my life feeling a little more glamorous than my prior typical every day life. I started thinking about how it’d feel to get married in a mansion or some place I don’t normally frequent. Though I’ve never wanted ridiculously flashy, I kind of wanted this day to stand apart from all the rest. I wanted a little more bling than typical Holly. I also wanted a variety of color. I kind of wanted to go somewhere only somewhat unpredictable, yet very comfortable. Also, I couldn’t justify renting a barn here (for their asking prices), when we have countless family barns back home.
I also just simply didn’t want to do the wedding in Ohio. I wanted to do it in TN. Kyle and I live in TN (he’s lived here his whole life), and I’ve been here since 2005. Truth be told….most of my closest friends now are right here in TN. I also felt my closest friends and family from Ohio may even enjoy a fun little weekend vacation considering Lebanon is only 20-30 minutes from downtown Nashville.
Yes, I could have gotten married at the awesome church where I’m a member, but for several reasons, it was kind of easier just to do a one stop situation for everyone. Our awesome pastor was thrilled to come officiate it at Five Oaks.
When I stumbled across the country club, it felt right. First of all, it was in Lebanon away from downtown Nashville. I knew I wanted a laid back setting with zero parking issues that day. I tend to stress about small spaces and parking, and knew I needed something that people could easily get to and hang out at for the day. Lebanon is also closer to Crossville (where Kyle’s whole half of the guest list would be coming from). It’s also on the side of town I’ve always loved most.
It just felt like the spot where I could say I do. Remember how I said I wanted the day to feel somewhat like me, but with something a little extra? My family has always liked big open spaces, golf courses, driving ranges and putt putt kind of places, though they are not our every day surroundings. We even have a golf cart on our farm. In perfect natural fashion, dad got to drive me up to our walkway on a golf cart, which felt a bit like home (without actually being home). Something was so calming about him driving me up on a golf course. I felt so at peace. I felt comfortable and like “Holly,” but I felt like it was a unique, once-in-a-lifetime day all at the same time.
*The Ceremony Recap*
As you’ll read later, we had a “family only” bridal party for a good reason.
We went the traditional route with having ushers. My longest-running Nashville friend Mark served for my guests, while Kyle’s cousin Andy escorted his side in.
We also went with a lot of traditional wedding music. I have ALWAYS wanted Pachelbel’s Cannon in D playing during my ceremony, and I was not about to change my mind. However, I also had one of my best friends (Kamber Cain) sing one of her original songs, “Your Love Is Like a Sunday” shortly before our entrances.
When I walked up on the ceremony sight that day, I was blown away and had to hold back tears. So many times in life, I’ve had a bad habit of picturing things as more beautiful than they actually turn out. This time it was the complete opposite. The sight was full of natural beauty and the special touches our florists and families added were absolutely amazing. It also helped that the weather was perfect. For a year, I was concerned about bad weather and the forecast had even teased it almost all the way up until this day, but it was wrong. Our family and friends were there showing their love and support. Dad and I were finally having the walk I dreamed about my whole life. In perfect Holly fashion though, we were standing back there debating on the “here comes the bride” song and if it was truly time for us to walk or not. After a motion from our DJ and coordinator, we proceeded forward. I couldn’t believe I was finally to that moment.
When I saw Kyle choking up at the end of the altar upon seeing me, I began choking up and was was afraid I’d lose my composure. Somehow, I managed to mostly keep my composure, though I was hanging on by a thread. My Aunt later told me our reactions to one another showed our genuine love for one another and made the entire ceremony a great experience for everyone. We had a dream-like ceremony, which was short and sweet (just how I wanted). Pastor Rob put us at ease, because he’s just that kind of a person, and as expected, he “said a lot in a little time frame.” I wanted it to be a very Christ-centered ceremony….and Pastor Rob sure made that happen.
Okay, so this is going to feel a bit out of order, but let’s talk about what went into the ceremony and everything following it.
My dress. This is obviously a big deal to a bride’s day, but no golden nuggets here, guys. I found exactly what I wanted at David’s Bridal…..and no it wasn’t regular price. Yay! 🙂 I truly believe you can get a gorgeous dress AND veil without spending a fortune. Soon after my engagement, I went dress shopping with my sister and one of my best friends. Though I wasn’t completely sure of what the exact style would be, I had an idea. Though I have a somewhat eclectic personality, my signature style has always been “country chic.” I’ve forever loved lace, but I’ve also forever loved bling. I’ve also always had a vintage/victorian heart. Combine the three and you get my dream dress. I went with what I thought would be “timeless” to me. The vintage-like/yet modernized lace overlay was very unique to me and hard to come by. It also was light and cooler for a hot August wedding. I knew I wasn’t meant to wear a ball gown or anything with a fluffy bottom. While I think they are beautiful on other brides, I never pictured myself in one. I think it’s just one of those “when you know, you know,” things. Somehow, I knew form-fitting was what I would always end up with. I just didn’t know if it would be a-line or mermaid style. After putting on both, it was clear, I was an a-line girl. It also was as comfortable as a wedding dress could be and mostly made to fit, except a super minor alteration I would later do. I knew I may not run across something like it twice. I didn’t want to be overly trendy or go with anything that I could possibly regret years later. I knew I wanted a train, but not a super long one. This dress had everything I wanted. I went “safe” and “Holly-like,” while feeling like it was still like it was the most elegant dress of my life. I found just the right veil and shoes to compliment for just the prices I was wanting.
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What else did we do to make sure our budget didn’t get out of control?
Other than first and foremost booking a venue that we felt comfort with, we “made” what we could. There is a time for Etsy and a time for purchasing stuff….but there is also a time to make your own. My dad and brother put together a simple/outdoorsey ceremony arbor they made out of branches and tree stumps (as you likely noticed in our ceremony photos). Here is another refresh:When the florist, along with my mother and father-in-law got ahold of it, the results took my breath away. Sorry Etsy….I love you, but we didn’t need you here at all. Also, the three cord strand board for my unity ceremony? My dad was able to use barn siding he had laying around. He constructed the board, painted and used some twine…..and it was seriously the coolest thing ever. I liked it better than anything on Etsy. I also had him get inventive with plenty of other things.
My sister is a hairstylist, so I obviously had the privilege of her doing my hair and makeup. She knows me better than anyone. She knew on my wedding day I wanted to look “extra glam”….yet like Holly. She knows on any given average day, I spend a whole five minutes on makeup. If I’m just going to work or living my average life, I just do up my eyes and use a little concealer. If I’m running to the store on a day off (I probably don’t wear any…haha). I don’t do blush, foundation or lip color, unless someone else is doing my makeup for a major event (which does occasionally happen). While she had me go outside my usual box, she made sure it wasn’t in an excessive or heavy way. Though I wanted to look like a bride…I didn’t want anyone saying “WOW…Holly looks so different today.” Haley knew the look I was going for. I felt like Holly….but I felt like a bride. She was superwoman that day. She managed to do not just my hair, but also my niece’s and plenty of other people’s while she was at it. She’s such a gem, and I am going to do everything I can to make her future big day….her best day ever.
Kat Bradshaw PhotographyKat Bradshaw PhotographyKat Bradshaw Photography
Kat Bradshaw Photography
3. Okay, back to the small family-only bridal party. Wardrobe was undoubtedly going to cost something, but we weren’t about to go insane there either. My husband was actually the one who suggested the “family only” bridal party, and admittedly, I was kind of glad he did. It wound up taking a HUGE weight off my shoulders. Just thinking of the bridal party part made me really anxious. We both knew we were either the type to feel like we needed about eight people on each side of us, or to just use family. There wasn’t an in between for us. We couldn’t each pick just four friends. Amazingly, all of my closest friends were very supportive of that and were a huge part of our day in other ways. My awesome friend Becky made a GORGEOUS flower girl dress for my niece Caylin. My sister and older niece wore David’s Bridal dresses. I wanted them to love their dresses. I didn’t want them to feel forced to wear anything that felt too outside their box. Haley and I quickly came to an agreement that hers didn’t have to be a typical wedding party dress. I wanted her to love it and to actually want to wear it again someday. The guys wore Men’s Warehouse tuxes (the ring bearer included). Instead of bridal party photos, I took some special pictures with some of my dearest friends – almost like unofficial bridal party photos in a sense. They wore what they felt most comfortable in, and their colors complimented our palette. I had them come early and hang out! Several of them sang throughout the day (and each sounded absolutely amazing). Some have bridesmaids standing up beside them, but me? Mine stood up there with microphones, because that’s how we roll 🙂 Kyle’s brother Jake was the best man, while my sister Haley was the maid of honor. My niece Christina was Jr. Bridesmaid, while my niece Caylin was the flower girl and nephew Carson was the ring bearer. It was simple and we liked it.
4. Pretty much anything the venue provided for me to use….I used it. Why wouldn’t I? I didn’t need to rent linens. I used theirs. Table runners? I got cheap ones online from Efavor Mart. Their tables and chairs were all good with me, and the already decorated country club helped a lot too. I wasn’t dealing with a blank canvas, and I loved that fact.
5. We took pictures at both the country club and nearby at the Gorgeous Mitchell House Mansion (there in Lebanon, TN). A majority of our first photos as a couple following the ceremony (no, we did not do a first look) took place at the mansion. We also got some great family photos there! The Mitchell House was another GORGEOUS middle TN venue. I say “was” because sadly they are no longer booking weddings, but I will forever be grateful that we were able to take such special photos there. Susan was so kind to open their doors to us that day, and I’ll never forget her kindness. The natural country club setting was also perfect for sunset pictures.
6. I got my wedding cake from Publix, and I’m dang proud of it! It was beautiful, and probably tasted better than half of the high dollar stuff out there. We went with a 3 tier buttercream cake and an extra sheet cake. We had chocolate, white, white with raspberry filling AND strawberry. My friend Jessica Barnett is an amazing cake decorator there. She did a wonderful job and everyone loved it! Our florist brought some more gorgeous flowers which ended up being placed on the cake as well.
7. For me personally, a DJ was always an absolute must! I went with Rob Baughman of Groove Source Entertainment. He did a great job on our ceremony as well as our reception. He was very interactive and got people up and dancing. A DJ honestly ends up with a huge responsibility on someone’s wedding day and Rob made ours fun and stress-free. Once again, he was totally cool with guiding a rookie along. He was very affordable and took a huge weight off of our shoulders. Rob has since retired from DJ’ing, for more family time and because he has some other incredible career opportunities going on.
8. So since we’re talking about the reception, let’s talk a little more about it, and what all went into it. We chose the BBQ buffet route for dinner. It was delicious, and I felt it would make everyone content. I always tell bride-to-be’s, food doesn’t last forever….but photos and videos do!
9. All of these photos you’re seeing? We went with Kat Bradshaw Photography. Kat and her husband Anthony worked our wedding day as a team to get all of the key shots of each of us. While so many photographers today only want to do 6 hour days and charge a lot for anything further, Kat and Anthony was there from the beginning of the day until the end. They were such great sports and made us feel peaceful and full of newlywed joy. They are very reasonably priced and second to none. We received thousands of photos and all of them were in black and white AND color. As I go through these photos, I feel like I see something new every time.
10. We were also COMPLETELY blessed with the videographer situation. Kyle’s sweet cousin Tessa has a photography/videography business called Adelaide Street Media. Thankfully, she was willing to do our wedding video, and she did a beautiful job. She captured all the key moments and because of her, I can relive our day anytime I want to. Just so you all know, she is also very affordable and second to none. You will thank me for my referral later. You can view our wedding video here: https://adelaidestreetmedia.com/film/
11. My blessings didn’t end there though. My mother-in-law works for Hatler’s Florist in Crossville, TN. Hatler’s gave us incredible personalized attention and seriously put together the most beautiful bouquets and flower arrangements I ever dreamed possible. I KNOW I would not have gotten that kind of attention or guidance from any large Nashville florist. Hatler’s was the absolute perfect situation, and they were very patient with all of my silly questions. Our colors were plum and charcoal gray. I still gasp when I look at pictures of my bouquet. I dried it out and kept it as potpourri which remains on display in our house.
12. When it came to centerpieces, I borrowed at least half of my decorations. I borrowed globes and mirrors for my floating flowers. Since we were slightly short in those available to us, my mother-in-law found me some awesome vintage vases to bring a variety to our centerpieces. It brought a neat variety and made every table look slightly unique. I then got some little lights, jewels and flower petals at Hobby Lobby to further amplify our look. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Hobby Lobby’s bridal stuff is 50% off frequently – you just need to watch their ad.
And while we’re at it here are some other reception pictures. Included are some photos of my dad, father-in-law, brother and husband dancing to the YMCA together (yet another great idea DJ Rob had):
Other fun/somewhat unique things we did:
I knew other than a traditional guestbook (which I’m also SO glad I still ended up doing), I wanted people to sign something fun that we could always keep. I know most people now have their guests sign a big photo, which is super cool and a great keepsake. I almost went that route, but then I decided on a guitar instead (it now sits on a stand by our fire place). My dad painted an old antique guitar white for us….and voila!: People signed their names and a little note with a sharpie. The guitar was extra significant, because while neither Kyle or I are HUGE musicians, we both can play a little. Not just that though: An acoustic guitar is why I ultimately moved to Nashville for songwriting. It was the love of country music and an acoustic guitar that made me pack up life when I was 20. It was an acoustic guitar put behind my lyrics that made so many of dreams come true. The acoustic guitar is what kept me here and kept me fighting for the dream….and why I ultimately eventually met Kyle. It was only appropriate for us to incorporate a guitar.
To compliment the guitar, we had guitar pic favors: Each pic had our photo and on the back read, “Kyle picked Holly.” Call it cheesy if you like, but I LOVED these favors and would do it all over again.
We didn’t do the dollar dance, but we had a fun little “Honeymoon Fund” jar out (and yes, we enjoyed that extra cash on our honeymoon).
We also had a message in the bottle milk bottle out, where people could roll up a little note to us that we read one year from now. Hey, there is still ONE thing I have to look forward to. We will be reading those messages in a little less than a month from now.
Dad also made us an adorable “Ring the bell” for the bride and groom to sit out at our reception.
Instead of bubbles, sparklers, rice or something else, we did lavender: I ordered the best grade of lavender online (priorities), and it STILL smells heavenly. My sister and I placed all the lavender into gorgeous lace bags (thanks Hobby Lobby!), and I wrote a “lavender” poem that we put inside each bag. Once we were pronounced husband and wife, it was the guest’s chance to toss lavender at us as we made our exit to our pictures. I love lavender….did I mention that? The color was perfect for our color palette.
7. While I’m not sure it’s necessarily unique in 2018, we provided sunglasses for all of our guests – just plain, colorful fun shades that they could wear during the ceremony and maybe even enjoy wearing well beyond our wedding. It made things fun, and I enjoyed seeing photos of our family and friends wearing our shades. I ordered them in bulk from Amazon.
Here are some other highlights of our big day:
With our small bridal party, our reception entrance was pretty quick, but memorable. Kyle wanted to walk in to Ric Flair’s song with “Shook Me All Night Long” following….so that is exactly what we did.
Now, for the unexpected. My dear friend Katie Hahn and I have been co-writing songs for the last several years. I told her I wanted to surprise Kyle with an original song at our wedding reception. Being the cool person she is, she was completely up for it. I jotted down some lyrics, she brought her guitar and a song was born. Together we penned, “Like Today Lasts Forever.” I wanted a simple but sweet song to let Kyle know that my goal is to live life like our wedding day goes on forever. Though we will face challenges (and we already have of course), this song is a reminder to him that we will get through whatever comes our way and always have this amazing day to look back on. Kyle was not expecting this moment, and it meant the world to me. Katie sang the song flawlessly, while her boyfriend, Nashville musician, Ian Hough accompanied her.
Later on in the reception, another very dear friend (Paul Jolley) took front and center to sing his AMAZING cover of Lonestar’s “Amazed.” As I expected, this was another HUGE highlight.
What else were we traditional on? Well, in my mind, the father/daughter and mother/son dance are VITAL. Kyle and his mom danced to The Band Perry’s “A Mother Like Mine,” while my dad and I danced to Tim McGraw’s “My Little Girl.”
We also most definitely did the “cake cutting.” Our song was “Pour some sugar on me.” Those who know Kyle and I likely weren’t too surprised that we got into a bit of a cake fight. I’m so not that bride that gets upset about that sort of thing. In fact, at our sunset photos later, Kat informed me that I had frosting in my eyelashes.
And the bouquet/garter toss? I guess a lot of people have quit doing that lately, but the traditionalist in me never ever considered x’ing it. I’m pretty sure “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” was playing for the ladies and “Highway To the Danger Zone” was playing as Kyle crawled on the floor to the garter toss (that was hilarious and was caught on video). My niece Christina caught the bouquet while his cousin Caine caught the garter (awww).
Other fun facts?
Something old: My great-grandmother’s shoe clip.
Something new: My dress.
Something borrowed: My Mom’s pearl set
Something blue: “I Do” blue rhinestones on the bottom of my shoes.
At the conclusion of our day, I found myself feeling so thankful. The day I had always waited for had finally happened, and I knew I was going to have great memories of it for the rest of my life. The next morning we drove 13 hours to Ft. Lauderdale to catch our cruise to Ocho Rios and Grand Cayman.
Now here we are almost a year later, and I’m still very thankful. Was planning a wedding easy? Not at all. Was it worth it? Absolutely.
As stated earlier, part 1 is where I talked most about actual budgeting tips. I encourage people to make their own when they can, to borrow when they can, to get creative and to not be afraid of clearances and “second hand.” If you missed that blog, I would encourage you to check out that one too.
With that said, in part 3, I will conclude my long drawn out series and give you some local venue recommendations if you wish to have a “humble but beautiful wedding.”
“Wedding planning…..” Never underestimate those two words, friends. They sound so simple, but trust me……it’s really not that simple. Possible though? Absolutely. Oh, just about anyone can plan a wedding to some extent, but not everyone, can plan a dream wedding………without going over budget.
Now, I’m going to give it to you straight: If you want any kind of a somewhat traditional wedding which may include wedding attire, flowers, decor, a photographer, a videographer, a reception with a DJ and food….we all know you’re not going to get by free. Truth be told…you’re likely not even going to get by cheap, despite what you may think in your early planning stages. Now, of course if you have a family member or an extremely close friend that will do ALL of the above….your case may be different than most. I don’t think that’s a likely scenario though.
However, here’s the thing: You can get by cheaper.
You don’t have to fall among the statistical averages. You don’t have to spend $30,000-$45,000 on your day, as apparently many are. You really don’t even need to spend $20,000….unless that’s your desire of course. If done right, you can spend well under $15,000….$10,000 or even $5,000.
It all depends on what your priorities are vs. what you can live without. Everyone is different. From the get-go, I had some very clear priorities. Along the way, I learned how to “X” what I found to be unnecessary, but I also added a few small things I maybe hadn’t thought about prior. I just knew I was determined to be reasonable……not ridiculous.
Can I give you some specifics of what I did in my next blog post? Sure can. In part 3, I can even suggest some reasonable area venues to you, but first things first: I knew my dream wedding would never happen twice, so I wanted to make it a day to remember. We all want a day to remember, right? Let’s get down to some basic pointers before we talk about my day or the area venues.
Budget Wedding Planning 101:
First of all, as I just mentioned up there, you need to figure out your priorities and your budget. Ask yourself what matters to you most in the long run? What has your perfect day always looked like? Is dancing a must of yours? (It always was of mine). Do you want a lot of flowers, or are you happy with minimal? Do you want indoor, outdoor, or are you open to either setting? Is a environmentally flexible venue a priority? Do you HAVE to have a certain theme or venue, or could you be open to a venue or even a theme you maybe hadn’t even thought about before? Do you really need 400 people there, or would you be happier with 40 (which is of course also way, way more frugal)? Do you really need to rent outside linen, or can you be happy with the linen the venue is already offering you? Do you really want to spend all your money on prime rib for everyone, or would you be happier in the long run using that money on quality photos? If you’re more of a pulled pork kind of girl, don’t be afraid to go that route. Food doesn’t last….photos do. Just being honest guys.
Dancing with my groom at our reception. In the background, my dear friend Paul Jolley is singing his cover of Lonestar’s “Amazed.” This kind of setting was more important to me than a massive guest list.
Next, DO NOT be afraid to shop on Amazon, EBay and on various bargain websites for everything from brand new veils to any supply you can imagine. While I didn’t look too hard, you may even be able to find some centerpiece stuff at Dollar Tree from what I’ve heard. I was also thrilled when I discovered eFavormart and Oriental Trading. A lot of these websites even have additional savings by simply putting in a code. Also, ummm….if you don’t take advantage of Hobby Lobby’s 50% off sales, I’m not sure we can be friends. It seems that every other week, ALL of their wedding supplies are 50% off. They have pretty dang close to every wedding supply you could ever need. Also, even good ole’ GoodWill or Salvation Army often has “like brand new” items that were likely used ONCE, if ever. Are you really too good for that adorable $4 sign that would easily be $50 somewhere else? It’s silly to pay full price, folks. Also, is there anything you can borrow? Do you really need to buy and keep ALL of your centerpiece floating flower bowls, or can you just borrow the ones being offered to you? If you’re not looking for deals early on, the budget will quickly get out of control. Mark my words.
Never secure a venue without a backup weather plan if you are looking towards an outdoor wedding. Thankfully, the weather cooperated on our big day for a beautiful outdoor ceremony, BUT I had a plan B and C in case it didn’t. Though I really really wanted the outdoor scene the whole time, I had the peace of mind in knowing that no matter what, I didn’t have to get drenched on my wedding day. This was a plus plus, because up until my wedding day, the forecast was teasing rain (thankfully, it couldn’t have been more wrong). Also, if you’re having a summer wedding and don’t want to be sweaty all day…… do not, I repeat do not, secure a pricey venue that has zero AC for your day! This was a must for me. My outdoor ceremony was short and sweet, we took some pics, and then I knew I was coming back to an AC’ed reception. For me personally, this was needed for an August 19 wedding. On the contrary, maybe you’re having an outside wedding on a super cold day. If you’re anything like me, you’re going to at least want some kind of a heated reception area once you get through the ceremony.
Photograph by Kat Bradshaw Photography
Never just assume that a venue is “out of your price league.” While researching venues, I came to find out that so many of the prettiest places were among the most reasonable, whereas the ones that weren’t that spectacular were pricey. I’m sorry, but if you tell me I owe you thousands upfront and offer me almost zero perks….and I still need an outside caterer? No thanks. Never make assumptions no matter how extravagant something may look. The true cost may pleasantly surprise you. Don’t make the mistake of going for the top marketed or top advertisements. Your perfect fit may be an underrated wedding venue that you may never know about without doing some digging or asking around. Mine was just that! I was having a random conversation with a friend from church, and I asked her thoughts on spots in the area. That conversation led me to landing the perfect venue I otherwise wouldn’t have known about.
Be smart. If you know your budget is only $5,000….don’t book the venue that tells you it’s $5,000 just to rent the place without any perks. I say $5,000 because that’s a very popular booking rate in the Nashville area right now. If you spend $5,000…are you eliminating your dress, food, dancing, photography, videography, flowers and all decor in the process then? Remember food alone can cost thousands. Can you really afford to drop that much on simply booking the venue?
Tying all of the above together, cut corners when necessary. If you find yourself going way over budget, ask yourself what you can eliminate. Maybe your dream dress is going to cost almost double what you originally planned. Unless you’re comfortable with this increased budget, ask yourself if you should now cut back on the guest list, find a more frugal catering option or get a smaller cake? (etc.)
Keep your focus, do your research, keep calm and stay polite in the process….and everything will run smoother.
In part 2, I will tell you about my day…..and how I managed everything. Stay tuned..
As we draw closer and closer to Christmas, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. Among the topics I’ve been thinking about, God keeps reminding me, “You Were Made For More.” Over and over again….those words have been on my heart.
As we look at this day, this hour, and the spiritual condition of the world we’re living in, there isn’t any doubt in my mind that God wants to be heard. I believe, “you were made for more” is something he wants all of us to hear right now. “You were made for more” comes packed full of meaning for me. To me, he’s partially reminding us that there is so much ahead that we cannot see. We were made for so much more than our short, temporary lives here on earth. We are eternal beings, and as the Bible clearly shows, our real lives begin after this one is through. I also believe we were made for so much more than just the mundane and just for mere existence. God is too big and too good to simply create anyone for mere existence, or to just simply hang out and “suffer.” It’s easy to get caught up in a routine, but God is way too powerful and loving to simply just be a “routine God.” We aren’t here to just simply pay bills, push paperwork, mop the floors and to go through the motions. While how we handle those responsibilities matters greatly to the Lord, he didn’t put us here just for that. Our lives have purpose….a purpose far greater than any of us can fathom.
We were made to learn his word, to live it out and to teach it. We were made to be lights and beacons of hope. We were made to help rescue others from their oppression, to bring smiles to the hurting and to be the friend someone is praying for right now. We were made to deliver the good news….the news of the deliverer. We were made to lead others to Christ, and to lovingly warn others of oncoming danger. We were made to encourage, to love, to give, to advise and to shine for Him. We were made to utilize our gifts, and to solve problems that only we can solve. We are unique….we are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
God only made ONE of YOU for a reason. Though we may not ever fully understand all of the reasons for our personal existence, it’s up to us to live like we were made for more anyway. As we rest on that fact, trust him, and go where he sends us, he will beautifully reveal purpose, reason and plans along the way. (Look up Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 19:21, 1 Peter 2:21, 1 Thessalonians 4:7).
Sooooooo…..
Today….whether you were feel like you’re in a valley or on a mountaintop…..you were made for more.
Whether you feel like a hero or a zero…..you were made for more.
Whether you’ve said the right things or the wrong things this week……you were made for more.
Whether you feel completely healthy or completely ill today….you were made for more.
Whether you know where life is heading or you haven’t a clue…..you were made for more.
Whether you’re wealthy or whether you’re poor…..you were made for more.
Whether you’re a top of the totem pole CEO or a stay-at-home mom…..you were made for more.
Whether you have the best relationships or whether you’re doubting some of them….you were made for more.
Whether you live in a shack or the mansion on the hill…..you were made for more.
What got me here today? I’ve been thinking about how often we sell ourselves short, all while being the children of a limitless God.
I’ve been thinking about something even worse than that though: How often we sell God short. How we underestimate our Lord and what he can do.
Then, I’ve been thinking about how we settle for less in life. How we give up too easily. How we fail to see the light at the end of the tunnel. How we sometimes wrongly believe he’s the source of our pain, when in actuality, he’s the SOLUTION. How we refuse to see the truths that are so boldly in front of us.
You’re not here to simply just exist. You’re not here to be just a number or statistic. You’re not here to be just another story.
You were made to serve the most high. You were made to live, love, think and to be more like Jesus. You were made to make a significant difference in this hurting world. You were made for a Christ-centered purpose…made for a mission….and made to have vision.
Stay tuned for more of my blog series: “You Were Made For More.” Until then….I hope you’ll choose to walk in that truth today and in the days ahead.
My ultimate goal as a blogger is to build up, to empower, to encourage and to share the love of Christ. On this Christian lifestyle blog, I promote the importance of remaining “strong” in our faith, our convictions, our lifestyles and our goals no matter what life throws our way. Remaining strong as a Christ follower means allowing him to be your strength in all areas, while depending on him for peace, wisdom and discernment. When we look to God for these things, we can rest assured, that at times, he will open doors, close doors and redirect us. He helps us to see “calling conflicts,” and “devious distractions,” which aren’t good for our walk with him. He will help us to see what is healthy for our lives vs. what isn’t. He knows what is good for the soul, and what is in contrast, damaging for the soul. If you have read any of my posts, you know I love people….a lot. My love of people is what led me to create, “Strong With Holly Marie Tong.” “Compassionate” and “encouraging” are two words my closest friends would regularly associate with me. I have to be real honest though: I’m still human, and as part of being human, there are some people in this world, I’d rather not spend a lot of time with. There are some people out there who I just cannot allow a spot in my little personal boat…..and I know God isn’t asking me to. Do I love them? YES! I have countless acquaintances who know I love them and would do just about anything for them. While they may not be an “up close friend,” I’m glad to love and be helpful to them from afar. Some of them are probably very “boat-worthy”….we just haven’t had a chance to get to know each other on a deeper level. That’s how life goes sometimes, I guess. With that said, I have a small metaphorical boat to keep afloat in this life. As a result, I decided a long time ago, I need a small group of trustworthy folks paddling along with me. What I do not need in my boat are folks secretly sawing holes into the side while I paddle with all my might. I will always wave and be kind to those kinds of people as they paddle along in their own personal boat, however. I’ll probably even toss them a water or a life jacket while I’m at it too. If they’re mentally drowning, rest assured, I care, and I will do all I can to save them. However, I’m probably never going to consider them a “friend”……at least not a close one.
With that said, we should continue to love ALL people no matter what they’ve done to us and no matter what our differences may be……..BUT do not be afraid to love some of them from afar. Our future successes and God-given callings depend on us being careful about who we let into our boats. God does not ask us to open our lives to drama, or to share our fears and struggles with everyone. He does teach us to be wise and discerning. (Proverbs 15:21). In my personal experience, here are 10 types of people you should by all means “love from afar”…..but never actually allow into your personal boat. If you want to stay focused, joyful, peaceful, strong and free of drama, strife and anger, here are 10 types of people you should love from afar:
The Gossiper. Few people will bring you more pain, drama and problems than the gossiper. They thrive off of broadcasting the lives of others. Remember, if someone is comfortable enough to regularly gossip to you….they are probably comfortable with gossiping about you. If you think you’re their exception, chances are, you’re lying to yourself. Also, if you’re comfortable with hanging out with a gossiper, you will likely soon become comfortable with gossip….if you haven’t already. Gossip is not approved of by God, whether or not we want it to be. Sometimes it can be tough to keep our mouths closed, but…….Ephesians 4:29 says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. If some form of juicy information you just scored isn’t going to “help” someone, or if it doesn’t affect them directly, why repeat it to them? If your BEST FRIEND is the president of the town “Gossip Club,” it may be time to reexamine on several levels.
The Opportunist Friend. The opportunist friend is THRILLED to take the limo with you. However, when the limo breaks down, this person is no where to be found. Your true friend though? They will be sitting beside you on that dirty bus when you’re down on your luck. Opportunist friends are plentiful during your successful and “rolling in the dough,” times. They’re glad to use your extra tickets and backstage passes, but when those things run out, they run towards the hills. Your true friend? They come over with ice cream, and they dry your tears, as the two of you sit on your old faded couch. She tells you you’re beautiful and that she’s blessed to have you in her life. She does all of this KNOWING you have nothing to give to her, except your reciprocated love and friendship. The opportunist doesn’t see you….they see opportunities, advancements, promotion, materials, and maybe even fame, depending on the case. It’s ALL about what YOU can do for THEM. Sometimes being at the bottom is a beautiful thing. It helps you identify who is who. I’ve been in both places in my life more than once. It’s interesting to see who is there, and who isn’t there, in both places. True friendship is about going through ups and downs together…..not only being there during the ups. The ups are the easy part. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” I’ve never known an opportunist friend who truly cares about the other person’s soul, health, well-being or relationship with God. Choose wisely. Philippians 2 talks about not doing anything out of vain conceit or selfish ambition. While we are definitely called to place others above ourselves, God never asks us to be advantage of either.
The Narcissist. The narcissist is typically also an opportunist friend, but some people don’t even realize they’re a narcissist. The narcissist may not be in it for material perks or cash, but they’re ALL about THEM. A “friendship” with a narcissist is always a one-way friendship. They typically only come to you when they need something or need to vent. They’re probably not too worried about the fact that life is crashing down around you as well. They cannot WAIT for you to be done talking, so that they can talk about them. In fact, their eyes glaze over when you talk about you, for even just thirty seconds. I’m not going to sugar-coat this: After almost 13 years of being around the entertainment industry, I have a master’s degree, (possibly a doctorate degree), in this area. Narcissists LOVE journalists and publicists…..when they’re writing about them, and their flawless image, of course. A narcissist will always, always forget about the journalist or the publicist once they get what they want….or better yet, when their job description changes entirely. The non-narcissist humbly remembers acts of kindness and forever considers even “the little person” a forever friend from then on out. Philippians 2 is a great place to look for the kind of humility that God calls us to have. He tells us to look to the interest of others. If a person cannot EVER look to your interests, it isn’t God’s best friendship for you.
The Digger. This person lives life as if making “digs” at you is their job. They’re typically also a very passive aggressive person. The two characteristics go hand-in-hand I’ve found. The digger never really has anything nice to say, but they LOVE pointing out your wrinkles and the five pounds you’ve gained. They also particularly enjoy telling you how tired you look…..even if you’re not tired. They probably also let you know that your new vehicle isn’t their cup of tea, that they don’t like the color you’re wearing and that their house is bigger than yours. They blow things out of proportion and make mountains out of molehills. They also love giving you an anonymous one star review on your book or song, as well as giving you a thumbs down on your You Tube channel. The digger finds all your faults, but never considers complimenting you. They typically pop up on your Facebook, Instagram or Twitter ONLY to make a dig. You may not hear from the person ALL year, but they pop up solely to make a snide comment on your photo. You may not have talked to them since high school, but they pop up only to argue on the first controversial post you’ve made in a long time. They’re also infamous for only liking another person’s argumentative comment back to you on YOUR page, but they’d never consider actually liking YOUR post on YOUR page. Funny enough, you forgot you were even friends with that person. Man, not only are they a digger….they’re also a lurker. Though you’ve had more of a writing career than they ever have, they’re the type to happily find your one error on your blog post. Not only will they find it….they will be sure to publicly alert you about it, in hopes of embarrassing you. What’s more? They’ve NEVER once shown any appreciation for your blog, yet they care SO much about your one error. Now, a true friend probably isalso going to let you know about the error. However, they are going to privately alert you of it, because they care about you, and they want your blog to be at its best at all times. They also want to save you from “the digger” pointing it out instead. The digger never notices the 99 things you just mastered…..but they will always faithfully point out your 1 oversight. They are perhaps one of the most irritating people out there. Yes, you still need to love them, but the Lord doesn’t ask us to bring these people into our boat. EVERYONE has experience with a digger….especially if they’ve ever worked outside the home. They think they’re smooth and sneaky, but what they don’t realize is how very obvious they are. It’s usually best to not acknowledge or engage them. They’re just showing you how much of a frenemy they really are. They want a reaction out of you, and they’re hoping that reaction is “anger.” When they’ve clearly shown you that they’re rude and enjoy putting you down…..believe them, pray for them and love them from afar. Do NOT let them in your boat, unless you want to sink. The digger can also typically be classified as an “arguer.” Can you tell I’ve met a few diggers in my lifetime? Timothy 2:23-25 reminds us to have nothing to do with foolish arguments because they just produce quarrels. If you hang out with the digger…..just realize that quarrels, anger, irritation and inferiority will become a normalcy in your life.
The Constant Comparer. This person is always better, faster, smarter, richer, skinnier and prettier than you…..in their mind at least. It doesn’t matter what you do, what you buy or what you achieve….they can “one up” you. At church, we’ve been on a series about being a “Great You” instead of a “Poor Me.” Our Pastor pointed out a pattern with this way of thing: There’s always an “ER” at the end of all of these words, and in turn, it sends Christians to a spiritual ER. The comparer is obsessed with outdoing and outperforming, whether if it’s for the bad or for the good. They care far too much about what others are doing. Let me expand on the comparer even more: The story they have to tell is always “more interesting” than yours. Their past breakup was worse than yours. They’ve struggled more than you. They’ve survived more than you. They’re stronger than you. They’re more seasoned and experienced than you. The comparer can never let a story be “your story” and let you get in a word edgewise….they always have to compare. James 3:16 reminds us, For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist,there will be disorder and every vile practice.
The Copier. The copier is similar to the comparer, but different. The copier flat out tries to be you. Rather than seek God to figure out their own individual purpose, gifts and talents, they decide to mimic you instead. This is another concept we’ve been talking about at church that goes along with the comparer. As our Pastor says, it’s okay to admire another’s talent, but when you desire another’s gift rather than hone your own, then it becomes a problem. This is precisely how we end up pursuing paths that God never called us to. Desiring another’s life brings about jealousy and envy, which opens the floodgates to an unhealthy lifestyle. If you cannot say anything in front of the copier without them flat out trying to steal your idea….then it’s a problem. If you start making scarves….and they start making scarves 5 minutes later, something might be up. If you start a personal training business…and they randomly start a personal training business one day later, then something likely IS up. They may copy your individualistic wardrobe piece by piece….then act like it was their style all along. They may even go as far as to try to make it seem like you want to be them, which is of course only going to bring more aggravation to the situation. The copier may seem cute and harmless at first, but when they start bringing drama, stealing your contacts, your business ideas and trying to steal your friends (real friends can’t be stolen), just like its elementary school….then you know this is a toxic situation to steer clear of. Matthew 15:30 says, But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. With even our hairs on our head being numbered it is certain that God has a special plan and purpose for each of us. A person can only discover their true purpose through God, not through copying another.
The Entitlist. Is that even a word? I don’t know. Maybe I’m making up words here? Maybe someone who has never once said a kind word to me, should pop up to play Grammar Police if it isn’t a word? 😉 Okay, okay….staying on track. The entitlist is similar to the opportunist, but they are not exactly two in the same. The entitlist pops up ONLY if they cannot pay a bill or need a favor. They may not necessarily ask for a backstage pass or free publicity, BUT they need $500.00 by Friday……..AND it’s up to YOUto give it them. But WAIT? We haven’t talked in 15 years….how is that up to me? It isn’t up to you, sister. This particular entitlist is healthy and capable of working, but they have chosen to not have a job of any sort for the past five years. They’ve instead decided it’s up to people like you to fund them. They haven’t simply fallen on hard times or gone through a particularly rough year……this is simply their daily mindset. Or here’s another one: They don’t really know you, but they text you to pick them up at the bar at 2 AM on a Wednesday night. The next time you hear from them? The same exact scenario, but it’s Thursday instead. You get up for work at 5 AM…..they live on their own schedule and wake up at approximately 5 PM every day. Let’s just say, you do help the begging entitlist once or twice. Maybe not in ALL cases, but in MOST, they will continue to only pop up when they need something. Your job is to give, give, give….and their job is to take, take, take. While I’m ALL about helping and always will be (the bible most definitely encourages us to give to the needy), it is completely okay to pray, discern and decide these things on a case by case basis. In fact, that’s the wise way to go about it. We are to be helpful and giving, but we are not to enable sin or laziness in the process. We should genuinely pay attention to people’s hurts, needs and struggles. However, it isn’t up to us to foolishly drain our accounts and energy for the unappreciative, and for those who refuse to help themselves. End of story. If you are unsure about what you should do about any given situation placed in your court, remember, James 1:5– If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
The Crowd Follower. Have you ever heard of “birds of a feather will flock together?” Again, love EVERYONE. Be there for people whenever you can….whether or not they’re in your main circle. Be an outreacher and a giver. However, remember those who simply follow the crowd never go much farther than the crowd. Your calling and purpose is far too important to God to simply follow with the tide of the world. Ask him who he wants you to be and where he wants you to go….and be willing to do whatever he tells you to do. If your boat is full of crowd followers, you are probably going to remain in a crowded ocean full of other boats doing the same exact things. You’re also probably not going to be doing what he specifically called you to do. Here’s a thought: If you see a crowd….consider why you see a crowd? Are they following pop culture or Jesus? It’s okay to be “friends” with a crowd follower of course…….but you probably shouldn’t be going to them as your main source of advice and support either. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Romans 12:22 spells it out as well: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
The Liar. This one is pretty obvious for obvious reasons, but sometimes in our quest to see the best in people, we refuse to see the truth that is right in front of us: The fact that said person lies about every little thing…..all.the.time. It doesn’t even always have to be a big lie. Some people are simply addicted to lying. Sometimes they barely even know that they’re doing it or why they’re doing it. It could simply be telling you that they went skydiving back in 2008, when in fact they never did, or that they returned the Redbox movie you watched the night before, while it’s still sitting on their dresser. However, if they’re comfortable with lying about little things, they’re probably also comfortable with lying about big things. An “inner circle” friend that isn’t honest is going to bring you all kinds of unnecessary hurt and drama in the long run. If they’re not afraid to lie, they may not be afraid to steal either. In fact, a pathological liar may not be afraid to do a lot of things. A friend you can’t trust isn’t really much of a friend, are they? Plain and simple. Proverbs 16:28 says, A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
The High Maintenance/Easily Angered/Easily Offended. These people all fall into the same category in my experience. There is zero grace and zero understanding from this person when “life happens.” One tiny “mistake” and their “non-measuring up” friend is gone, even if said friend has been extremely reliable otherwise. The mistake could be as small as forgetting to text back within the hour. It could even be that you gave them advice they didn’t like….though they asked for your advice. This high maintenance person is probably also gossiping about you to another so-called friend about your “mistake.” Interestingly, the friend they’re gossiping to is one you’ve heard them gossip about before……for their tiny “mistake.” Allowing a high maintenance person into your boat is sure to replace peace with anxiety. The high maintenance person is usually also a narcissist. If you have to get off the phone five minutes after they call due to your kid waking up crying, and you KNOW they’re going to be offended by that, there is a problem. They clearly have zero understanding of your family life and other obligations. In general, this type of person is easily offended by just about anything and everything. They’re offended that you didn’t call them yesterday, though you didn’t know you needed to. They’re furious that you couldn’t attend their “makeup party” due to you already having a “date night” scheduled with your husband. They’re angry that you didn’t like their Instagram photo, because well, you’re never on Instagram. They’re offended that you believe differently than they do. They’re annoyed that you didn’t ask them what radio station they wanted to listen to….in YOUR car. They demand to see the restaurant manager, because the otherwise great server forgot to put their dressing on the side. Heck, this kind of person may even tell the restaurant to change their thermostat, or to shut up the toddler ten tables away (who you and others are tolerating just fine). If you’re determined to maintain a friendship with a high maintenance person, you better also be determined to spend your life walking on eggshells. Likely though, you’ll end up anxious and insecure and in a quiet shell where you aren’t yourself at all. This isn’t how a healthy friendship is supposed to look…. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with the easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
The truth is, most of us have been one or two (maybe more) of the types of people I mentioned above, at some point in our lives. No one is perfect, and that is why Jesus died on the cross. The Bible says all have sinned and fall short of his glory. (Romans 3:23). Thank the Lord for his grace!
The bible has a whole lot to say about our friendships and our associations as stated above though. In 1 Corinthians 15:33, we also see, “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.” Isn’t is probable that bad company in our boat will eventually corrupt us?
Here is the thing though: If we want good friends, we should first learn how to be a good friend. We shouldn’t expect to have loyal trustworthy friends, if we ourselves are not willing to be a loyal trustworthy friend. When we learn to be a good friend we will attract the right kind of friends. If you keep attracting drama only, it may be time to examine why that is. The examples above are examples of what not to be. Thankfully, the Bible doesn’t stop at simply telling us who not to be….it also faithfully guides us towards who to be. The books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, along with the rest of the Bible (of course) is a great place to read about the kind of friend God wants us to be.
Here are of my favorite verses about the definition of a good friend and how to be a good friend:
Luke 6:31 – Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Colossians 3:12-14 –Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Proverbs 12:26 – The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 27:17 – As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:5 –Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
John 15:12-15 – My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.You are my friends if you do what I command.I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Proverbs 19:20 – Listen to advice and accept disciple, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.
It is crystal clear that our friendships and associations matter to the Lord. If they matter to God….shouldn’t they matter to us?
I was once terrified of the big 3-0. Terrified. Believe me when I say, I have since gotten over that.
Maybe you’re an amazingly satisfied 20-something-old who has just clicked on my post for humor. Maybe you’re thinking you can’t possibly be convinced that 30 is better. Well…give me a few minutes to at least try. First of all, don’t be mad at me. I’m not telling you that your present isn’t awesome. I’m simply telling you your future can be even better. I’m telling you to be excited and optimistic for what’s ahead.
I was once you. Believe it or not, I was you just a few years ago. Now, I’m not just 30. I’ve been a member of the 30’s club for over 3 years now. In 2 years, I’m going to be halfway through this age bracket.
It’s funny how much I love the very time period in my life I was once so afraid of. It’s funny how I thought I was losing something. Little did I know, when I let go of one decade, I was letting go to gain something greater.
Some may look at my social life from 5-10 years ago and say….”But, Holly! Your life used to be SO much more eventful!”
To them I would say, “You’re right….and that’s why I don’t really miss that time in my life.”
Did I have some incredible times in my 20’s? YES! I have stories galore, and I could go on and on and on….. I would never take back those years, but here are some standard reasons why I have come to believe that 30’s are even better.
You worry less about what people think. Do I still care a LITTLE sometimes? Sure, but not NEARLY as much as I did as a 20-something-year-old. As long as I’m being a good representative for Christ, I’m pretty much good with whatever people think, whether it’s that I gained a few pounds, or that I have a few more wrinkles than I used to. They can even think I’m weird or speculate about my personal life while they’re at it for all I care. Unless they’re paying my bills or determining my future in any big way…..I’m not losing a wink of sleep at night.
You’re simply more secure in your own skin. While I still believe in looking my overall best (and I’m not suggesting you don’t), there comes a point when you realize there is so much more to life than outer beauty. Maybe you’re younger than 30 and already there, but for me, I feel like the huge earth-shaking revelation came in my 30’s. It’s what going on inside that matters most, and if I’m secure with my inside and secure in Christ….I’m secure in general. Enough said.
You become better at picking and choosing your battles. There comes a time when you realize what matters and what doesn’t…..what will matter five years from now and what won’t. You grow to discover that not every battle is yours to fight. Let the Lord fight your battles for you. (Exodus 14:14)
Better financial situation. Now, maybe this doesn’t apply to everyone. This of course depends on what you take on and when. However, by their 30’s, the average person is at least seeing their college loans on the decrease (if of course they’ve been consistently paying since their 20’s). Though the light at the end of the tunnel may still be dim….it’s now a light, nonetheless. They’re also getting rid of credit card debt and working on that credit score. We typically grow into better jobs and pay scales at this time in our lives, or at least have the confidence to begin the transition from unhappy situations. We’ve had some time to prove ourselves and time to build experience. It’s a good time to be an even stronger professional than ever before.
You know who you are or are almost there. At this point, you’ve likely at least figured out who you’re not, even if you’re still working “that job.” You are more self-aware. You are aware of your likes, your dislikes, your hopes, your dreams…..and the fact that you can’t stay up until 2 am or handle spicy foods like you used to. 😉
Maturity in the relationship department. Okay, so maybe it’s just me, but my 30’s REALLY changed my approach to relationships. By your 30’s, you’ve hopefully figured out your worth if you didn’t in your 20’s. For me, I met every kind of guy in my 20’s. It was a time of lesson learning. Certain career pursuits didn’t match up well with my life. I learned how important it was to be on the “same page.” By my 30’s, I really knew what I was looking for and what I wasn’t. I could quickly discern who was serious and who wasn’t. I decided what my red lights and green lights were….and I knew what I was willing to compromise on and what I wasn’t. Consequently, I tied the knot at 33. I still have a lot of unmarried friends in their 30’s, but I can guarantee, like me, they didn’t come this far to settle on anything less than what they deserve. When I got to my 30’s, I decided I was only going to get married if I felt that person added a lot of value and smiles to my already fabulous/comfortable life. I decided my now husband did….and does.
30’s are a wiser time….yet you’re still young. It’s like having the best of both worlds.Though you feel a little more seasoned and experienced in your 30’s….you still look young and are considered young. You may not be able to stay out or up all night like you used to….but you’re still young. The only person who thinks you’re even remotely old is a teenager, and who cares what they think about “age” anyways? Are they paying your bills? (Refer back to #1) 😉
You begin to enjoy and appreciate the little things more. I’m now entertained by things I never would have been entertained by 10 years ago. I love simplicity now and it’s a beautiful thing. I like listening to the rain while cuddled up under the covers, and I actually notice the fall colors more now. Years back, I was way too busy to notice or to enjoy anything. I actually get excited when I get a drawer organized, or receive some great new kitchen supplies. I hated history as a kid, but I love it now. I enjoy visiting with the elderly and inspiring the young. I officially realize how blessed I really am for everyone and everything I have.
If you haven’t figured out who your friends are and who they’re not….you’re just about there. By the time you hit 30, high school is a distant memory. Even college mostly becomes a distant memory. By this time in your life, you’ve likely figured out who is who in your life: Who is meant to stay in your boat, and who is meant to be only an acquaintance from here on out. By now, you’ve had enough time to figure out loyalty and trust levels. You also have had enough time to know who is like-minded and who isn’t….who encourages you and who brings you down. Since 30’s are that time where you care less….quality becomes so much more important than quantity. If you’re in 30’s and your life is still full of drama brought on by your friends….you’re doing it wrong.
The value of life becomes even more clear. As you notice time flying by, you become more aware of the value of life. You realize it’s moving fast, that everyone around you is getting older, and you’ve finally grasped that life really is short. As a result, all of the above ^^^^ takes place….and somehow, worrying about unimportant things becomes less important.
If you’re in your 30’s and you disagree with this list, well, now is a good time to start enjoying your best life. Maybe you’re older than 30 and these things took you longer. That’s okay too. It varies for everyone, but this has been my general experience and the experience of many around me.
The bottom line is… Laugh more, worry less, stay open to love if you haven’t yet found it, let go of the past, set new goals and remember HE will direct your path. (Proverbs 3:5-6). If you’re a teen or in your 20’s……you’re welcome in advance. Your best days are still ahead of you. 🙂
I’m going to be honest and up-front with you and admit I did not come up with this blog post idea on my own. A couple days ago, my little sister posted a cute little link on my page about a big sister being the most important person in one’s life. After we discussed how true and relevant the post was, she told me she thought I could write a great “little sister” one. I agreed. So here it is: “Why A Little Sister Is One Of God’s Greatest Gifts.”
(Photo by Kat Bradshaw Photography)
Anyone who knows my sister and I, knows we are truly best friends. It isn’t an act or solely just a social media type of thing: I truly love my sister, and she truly loves me. I know some sisters fight like a bunch of cats and dogs, but if they dare to look a little closer, they’ll find their best friend. To be fair, my sister is a decade younger than me, so maybe that has always made getting along a little easier. I see her like a young adult daughter, and she sees me as her second mom. No matter what the age gap though, a sister really can be one of God’s greatest gifts to you. Trust me.
(Photo by Kat Bradshaw Photography)
A little sister keeps you young, hip and cool. She makes sure you don’t dare to buy that ugly shirt, and she reminds you that “you’ve still got it.” Even if you refuse to have Snapchat on your phone, she has you talking in goofy voices and wearing cat ears on her screen at the very least. She gets you to cut loose, let your hair down and to rock out to the latest tunes in your soccer mom SUV. She makes you go on an evening speed walk when you were thinking of vegging out on the couch instead. She can also sometimes even manage to talk you into staying out past 7 PM and socializing with other living creations other than herself, your husband and dog. Sometimes……you even find yourself using words that only the “cool kids” are using.
She shares the same parents, siblings and extended family as you do. The “older sister” blog mentioned this point, and I completely agree. Since you share the same family, you understand one another on even a higher level. It’s a common ground and a connection that even your best “outside the family friend,” won’t be able to share with you. She knows all the different personalities and situations and can give advice accordingly.
There is no one you could possibly be more comfortable around. There’s no greater feeling than being around people you are 110% comfortable with. My little sister is and has always been that person for me. We can talk about anything and share anything without feeling weird, awkward or worrying about what the other person is thinking. There is zero pressure to fake a “bad day” and zero pressure to be anything, except exactly who you are.
You get a great chance to develop motherly skills and to practice “low-key parenting”prior to ever actually becoming a mother. This may not apply to every sister out there like it does me. I realize many sisters are so much closer in age than I am with mine, but no matter what, the big sister is supposed to look out for and protect the little sister. Even if the big sister is only a year older, some kind of motherly characteristics are usually present. My little sister was born when I was 11 years old. I was so thrilled about her arrival that I was constantly wanting to step up and play “mommy.” My mom allowed me to assist her in taking care of her as a baby. Therefore, at 11, I was learning the great responsibility of taking care of a baby and all that goes with that. I watched her grow and continued to care for her. I practiced telling her “no,” and was sometimes the cool person telling her “yes.” I bought her little things, encouraged her, advised her and built her up. When I didn’t think something was a good idea, I told her so. When I thought something was a good idea, I told her so. The same still applies today. I haven’t had child #1 of my own yet, but in my mind, I’m the second mom of a 22 year old. I advise her on life, encourage her walk with Christ and remind her that I’m always a listening ear. We have the “back in my day” talks. I try to make sure she doesn’t make the same mistakes I did 10 years ago. I remind her that even if outside people disappoint her, that she can always trust me and know that I’m rooting for her every second of every day. I let her know when I don’t “like” a guy and don’t want to see him in my home again, and I let her know when I have a prospect in mind for her. Sometimes my opinion irritates her….but 99.9% of the time, just a day or two later, she thanks me for leading her in the right direction.
You get to share clothes and all that cool girl stuff. These days, my sister goes shopping a little more than I do. She has great style and has been in the habit of buying shirts that can fit both of us. That’s a win, win situation all the way around. She also readily shares her beauty products with me. Did I mention she’s also a hair stylist? Need I say more?
When you’re getting lazy with your goals, she lets you know. Sisters know our gifts and our skill sets better than anyone else. When mine sees me getting lazy on my goals or settling for less in life, she lets me know. She reminds me of what I can offer this world and pushes me to stay at it.
She’s slightly better at TV, technology and all the new “stuff.” Okay, maybe slightly is an understatement for me. I’m pathetic when it comes to technology and all the electronics of today. I know the basics and that’s about it. She figures out everything from internet files, to iPhone settings to TV buttons for me. She’s the only reason we have Netflix, and she’s the one who reminds me when “Fuller House” is beginning a new season. She’s the one wearing the Apple watch reminding me I can check my heart rate at any time. Basically….without her, I’d still be sporting a Sony Walkman and boasting a TV with rabbit ears.
When you feel like a zero….she reminds you that you’re her hero. She looks up to you even when you feel like she may be the only one. She sees the value in you even when you feel like few others do. She boosts your ego and tells you you’re an incredible cook….even if you’re just a “recipe follower.” She’s your encourager and your cheerleader every day if you learn how to be a “cool sister” and just let her be.
You have a forever built-in best friend, “Maid of Honor” and plus 1. Girls can be dramatic. Really, really dramatic. Throughout my life, different seasons have made me reevaluate who my real friends are and who they’re not. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have some INCREDIBLE non-dramatic close friends, but I keep my circle small. I have a few friends that would have been perfect as Maid of Honors and Bridesmaids, but when it actually came to my wedding day, my husband and I kept things small and simple in that area. My sister was promised the “Maid of Honor” role since she was born. When it came to my day, she selflessly treated it with care like it was her own. She made sure that everything was perfect. She bought me stuff along the way. She hosted two showers for me. She kept me chill, calm and collected throughout the whole process. Even though I’m now married, I may sometimes still need a plus 1 for important life events. If my husband can’t go, I know who can, and I know there will be zero drama in the process. She’s one woman I will never ever have to question and that’s a great feeling.
She always has your best interest in mind. A good little sister always, always has her older sister’s best interest in mind. A big sister can always rest assured that if the little sister is advising something or pointing something out, then there must be something to assess. Though a big sister is said to be the protector and the “second mom,” the truth is, the little sister often takes on these same roles. She’s the one running to Kroger to get your chicken noodle soup, ginger ale and saltines when you’re sick, and she’s the one checking on you when you were already expected home.
(Photo by Kat Bradshaw Photography)
To sum it all up……having a little sister is one of God’s greatest gifts and should never ever be taken lightly. Treat her great, and she’ll treat you great in return.
These words have been running through my mind a lot these days. Maybe “courage” is always on my mind because of what is currently going on in our world today. So many are so afraid to stand for the “truth” and the “right” that they already know. I have a confession: Sometimes I am too.
As it’s been said a million times before, “courage is not the absence of fear, but being afraid, and doing it anyway.”
If one isn’t a little “afraid”…..then where’s the courage in anything we do? So that is what I am doing today: Having the courage to post this blog, though I’m slightly afraid of being bashed for it.
There are a lot of things I am and a lot of things I am not, but I know one thing I do want to be, and one thing I do not want to be: I want to be courageous, and I don’t want to be conformed to the world.
Sometimes my flesh really wants to be conformed to the world though. It’s much easier, you know?
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
God created me as an original. I don’t want to die a copy. He also created you as an original ….so why would you want to die a copy?
There isn’t any bravery in fitting in with the crowd, blending in and looking like all the rest.
As much as we may like to tell ourselves it does, it doesn’t take any courage to make secular decisions, or any courage to follow the pop culture favored way. I promise you that.
It’s easy and comfortable to live and look like the rest….but how much of a difference will we really make in the world?
Those who follow the crowd usually don’t go much further than the crowd.
God created you to stand out….so why live to blend in? He has better for us than that. To say that he doesn’t is to underestimate Him.
Have courage.
Have the courage to pursue your God-given talents rather than simply choosing the major or the pathway all of your friends are.
Have the courage to dress to your heart’s content rather than settling on what is simply trendy, or what the cool people are “wearing.”
Have the courage and the integrity to pay back what you owe others. By all means, don’t make them ask for it. It’s just plain awkward. Do more than what’s expected.
Have the courage to stand up for the ignored, forgotten and the “least of these.” Have the courage to be “seen” talking to these people and have the courage to actually befriend them.
See, it doesn’t take courage to choose the same career path all your friends are choosing….unless of course it’s your God-given passion.
It doesn’t take courage to simply dress trendy or to copy another person’s style. What does take courage is dressing according to your roots and your heart’s content…..whether or not it’s in style at the moment.
It doesn’t take courage to ignore your dues or to hope your “debt” to someone just goes away. What does take courage is admitting what you owe and working until that person is paid back in full…and maybe even a little extra.
It doesn’t take courage to hang out with the “popular in crowd.” It doesn’t take courage to get plastered drunk along with the 40 other people at the party you’re at, when they’re doing the same exact thing. What does take courage is being the odd one out and saying, “I’ll take a water. Who needs a ride home?”
It doesn’t take courage to laugh at dirty jokes, or to join a group of non-believers in a “Christian bashing conversation.” What does take courage is sharing the gospel, inviting someone to church and bringing Jesus into your conversations.
I love sports just as much anyone, but it doesn’t take courage to cheer loudly for the winning team along with everyone else in the stadium (especially when it’s the home team), but it does take courage to cheer for Jesus, to be baptized and to show your commitment to him publicly.
It doesn’t take courage to wear a team logo. But it does take courage to boldly wear the cross. (Well, okay, maybe it takes a LITTLE bit of courage to wear the logo of a team with a bad record…..and a little bit of courage to wear, say, a Michigan shirt in Ohio). Still, you get my point. 🙂
It doesn’t take courage to use God as a spare tire: To ask others for prayer and to acknowledge God only when things are going badly. What does take courage is praising him in the storm and speaking good of him all the time.
It doesn’t take courage to want to “be” another person. What does take courage is owning “who” you are and trying to make the best of “who” you are.
Plain and simple….it doesn’t take courage to blend in. It never has and never will. Whether to stand out or to blend in is perhaps one of the hardest choices all humans must face. We want to be well-liked. We want to respected. We want to be cool. Ultimately, “conforming” seems so much easier.
Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
This verse pops up for me frequently. I’ve had to really take in what it’s telling me….even when I don’t feel like it. Even when I know it’s so much easier to join the inappropriate convo and so much easier to blend in. Notice God COMMANDED us to have “courage.” Nearly every reputable bible translation I’ve found uses the word “command”….King James included. He’s not just asking or suggesting we have courage….HE ISCOMMANDING we have it.
Have some individuality, friends. I’ve heard it said that if you want to make a difference in the world….you have to be different.
It’s easy to spot authenticity and courage in the world, because honestly, there’s more counterfeit and cowardice in the world than anything. When we see authenticity and courage…..we know it.
Lack of courage in choosing your desired career path or even lack of courage in joining an inappropriate conversation alone certainly isn’t going to keep you out of heaven. No.
However, those who refuse to come to the Lord often refuse to do so because of a lack of courage. Those who simply say the sinner’s prayer, yet never really explore their relationship with God, because of a lack of courage, greatly limit their present and future. Cowardice is our worst enemy on many, many fronts. It stops us from being all that we should be, and it ultimately robs us of our callings.
It’s when we have courage to step outside of our comfort zones and dare to be different when we have a real lasting impact.
Ironically enough…..lack of courage is what took me so long and posting this blog. I had a lack of courage in talking about a lack of courage.
But here is is.
What the Lord did for us on the cross was the ultimate act of courage: “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
I know I’ll never be as courageous as Him, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t strive to be more like him.
Clearly, I have a long, long way to go…..but I do know what I desire to be and what I do not desire to be.
How about you? Do you stand for truth even when you stand alone?
Do you choose the conforming easy way, or the courageous way?
If you’ve been choosing the conformed way, just remember it’s a new day, and God always welcomes a new courageous decision to start again. 🙂
Most days are just ordinary days (or so we think). I don’t necessarily have grand revelations or significant events to speak of on those days. Life-defining moments typically only happen here and there…..but today, the Lord keeps laying the simple word of “just” on my heart. I can think of not just ONE, but three times he has used the word “just” in my life today.
When Jamie Burke made the move to Nashville, she had big plans and big dreams in the entertainment industry. In fact, her latest song and video, “
My ultimate goal as a blogger is to build up, to empower, to encourage and to share the love of Christ. On this Christian lifestyle blog, I promote the importance of remaining “strong” in our faith, our convictions, our lifestyles and our goals no matter what life throws our way. Remaining strong as a Christ follower means allowing him to be your strength in all areas, while depending on him for peace, wisdom and discernment. When we look to God for these things, we can rest assured, that at times, he will open doors, close doors and redirect us. He helps us to see “calling conflicts,” and “devious distractions,” which aren’t good for our walk with him. He will help us to see what is healthy for our lives vs. what isn’t. He knows what is good for the soul, and what is in contrast, damaging for the soul. If you have read any of my posts, you know I love people….a lot. My love of people is what led me to create, “Strong With Holly Marie Tong.” “Compassionate” and “encouraging” are two words my closest friends would regularly associate with me. I have to be real honest though: I’m still human, and as part of being human, there are some people in this world, I’d rather not spend a lot of time with. There are some people out there who I just cannot allow a spot in my little personal boat…..and I know God isn’t asking me to. Do I love them? YES! I have countless acquaintances who know I love them and would do just about anything for them. While they may not be an “up close friend,” I’m glad to love and be helpful to them from afar. Some of them are probably very “boat-worthy”….we just haven’t had a chance to get to know each other on a deeper level. That’s how life goes sometimes, I guess. With that said, I have a small metaphorical boat to keep afloat in this life. As a result, I decided a long time ago, I need a small group of trustworthy folks paddling along with me. What I do not need in my boat are folks secretly sawing holes into the side while I paddle with all my might. I will always wave and be kind to those kinds of people as they paddle along in their own personal boat, however. I’ll probably even toss them a water or a life jacket while I’m at it too. If they’re mentally drowning, rest assured, I care, and I will do all I can to save them. However, I’m probably never going to consider them a “friend”……at least not a close one.
