Almost 6 years ago, I made my way to a couple shelters to look at dogs. It was Good Friday and my sister was persistent that we do so. I reminded her that a dog is a huge responsibility and that we were just “looking.” I insisted that we were not getting a dog just for the sake of getting a dog, and that I would only consider adopting one if I fell in love and experienced a true connection.
The first time I met Rosco, he looked depressed and withdrawn. The other dogs around him were jumping, barking and trying to get our attention. But, I found myself drawn to the quiet one. He wanted my attention, but he was incredibly subtle about it. It didn’t hurt that he was a 5 month old puppy and couldn’t get any cuter if he tried. When I went to put him back in his cage after our acquaintance time, he didn’t want to go. Even though he was shy about it, the connection was mutual. He wanted me to be in his life, and I knew it. Still, I knew this was a big decision and didn’t want to make it on impulse. In fact, I made myself drive away to “think about it.” Within an hour, I drove back to the Nashville Humane Association as quickly as I could, ran to the front desk and said I wanted to adopt “Herman.” I immediately renamed him “Rosco,” and the rest is history.
I never did find out much about his history before life with us. I just knew his heart was hurting and that he was sad to be surrendered. Though he let me pick him up and hung out near me in the beginning, he was pretty introverted in our early days. I could tell I needed to earn his trust.
Over time, I noticed I was earning that trust I longed for. It wasn’t long before he was jumping up on my bed and sleeping next to me.
[Rosco was before the days of Kyle and Clara].
We have quite a history together. Prior to the year 2014 when my sister moved in, I was super independent. I never really had to look after anyone, but me. Between my sister and then Rosco, I finally felt like I was getting a taste of parenting.
The one thing I never did understand about Rosco early on was the fact that he could never seem to enjoy car rides like the average dog does. I thought if we simply went on more car rides, he would grow more comfortable and trusting of them – but he never did. Now, here we are years and years later, and his car ride anxieties remain.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that something negative clearly once happened to him on a car ride. My best guess has always been that he remembers his car ride to the humane society where his previous owners left him and never returned.
Anyone who has a border collie understands what I’m about to say: Their mind is said to be very similar to that of a toddler. They are known to be incredibly smart, and they seemingly have a remarkable strong memory. Their deep thinking disposition can be good and bad. Unfortunately, Rosco spends A LOT of time in his head and forgets how to just be a dog. He seldom understands how to be carefree. So many times I’ve wished he would just wag his tail and immediately accept every person and dog he meets without question, but I know that isn’t him. If he’s scolded in any way, you can rest assured, he will hang on to that correction, until I say, “It’s okay, Buddy. ” My words usually aren’t enough. I often have to pet him and give him a treat to assure him that we are “good again.” Many nights, he goes and lays in his bed located in our master bedroom and just hangs out by himself: Likely overthinking life. The mind is always going, and I see it when I look at him…..especially in the car.
Whether he goes on a short drive to the lake or a long car trip to Ohio, he tenses up, pants and is unable to enjoy the view around him. His shedding gets even worse than it already is (and his normal shedding is already really bad), and he refuses to eat or drink anything unless the car is completely stopped. I try to pet and encourage him. I try to tell him we are just going to see his grandparents. Over and over again I’ve said: “Rosco, buddy. I’m not taking you to the pound. It’s been “x” amount of years now. When are you going to trust me and realize I love you, and I’m keeping you? You should know me by now.”
I found myself thinking about that today. What is it going to take for him to trust me? He’s 6 1/2 years old, and he’s been with me for a majority of his life now. Haven’t I proven myself? Doesn’t he know my track record? Can’t he just simply remember all of those car rides that ended well? Why does he still think about the one that didn’t? Why is that one time still his dominating thought pattern? Why can he not just accept the treats and water I try giving him? I’m trying to nourish his body on those road trips. Why does he reject my help and instead choose fear?
But then, I sensed God turning it back to me. Something along these lines was placed on my heart: Sometimes you’re a lot like Rosco, Holly. We’ve been together a long time now. I’ve proven my faithfulness to you over and over again. Sometimes instead of rehearsing all of those past victories that you’ve experienced through me – you sometimes still find yourself thinking about the traumas and disappointments you’ve experienced instead. At times, you’ve let the bad outweigh the good. Sometimes you get so taken up with your fears and anxieties that you struggle to nourish your mind, body and soul with what I’ve already provided you with. Sometimes you get so focused on the “what ifs” and what you’re afraid of that you forget to enjoy the view and the beauty around you. Haven’t I shown you enough to where you too can sit back, take a deep breath, relax and take in the beauty around you? Haven’t I shown you enough to where you too can “just be,” sometimes? I said I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you, and I meant it. I won’t take it back. You are my child, and I want to continue to take care of you. It’s time you believe me, my child.
…..And there it was.
Perhaps I have a standard for my dog that I myself cannot always meet. Perhaps he has learned to trust me in most areas, but has struggled to trust me with that one. Maybe I’m a little like that too. Maybe I give God most of the rooms of my house, but maybe I hold back on giving him that one area. Maybe one day, I’ll squash all my fears, remember His track record, trust him so much that I forget all my fears, sit back, completely relax and just enjoy the view.
Maybe one day, Rosco will do the same too. In the meantime though, I’ll continue to give him grace, pet him, comfort him, offer him treats and water and dab anti-anxiety essential oil on him – because I love him, and it’s my job to care for him. I’m not going anywhere, and I want to remind him of that promise even if he doesn’t always readily accept it. I will continue to pursue him. He is my fur child. We are in this thing together.
Wow. It’s true: God can even speak through border collies.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6