Month: August 2019

The Story Behind “Clara Anne”: Why We Chose Our Daughter’s Name

hollymarietong Encouragement , , , , , , , 0 Comment
The Story Behind “Clara Anne”: Why We Chose Our Daughter’s Name

As most of you probably already know, we welcomed our daughter “Clara Anne Cokkinias” into the world on July 8, 2019.

Photo by Adelaide Street Media

What you may not know is some of the extra little “fun facts” – like the story behind her name.

We kept it *mostly* a secret until we shared her birth announcement on Facebook.

Since the name Clara isn’t super common (but of course not unheard of), we have received a lot of questions about it the past couple of months – (How did we come up with it?  Is it a family name?  Etc.)

I feel like I answer that question of curiosity at least several times a week….so I thought hey, that just might be fun to share on my blog. While some may choose a name just because they simply heard it and liked it, my choosing process was honestly pretty deep.

Leave it to me:  The over-thinker and the over-explainer.  I couldn’t just hear a name on TV and go with it unfortunately.  My mind just doesn’t work that way, though I sometimes wish it did.  It would certainly make my life easier…LOL.

Now, I must also say I’m just doing this post for fun – not to convince anyone who may not like the name or visa versa. Amazingly, we have actually received ALL positive feedback on it (which is great), but personally, I still would have chosen this name even if we hadn’t.

I am just answering a common question we get that I think has kind of a meaningful backstory to it. I personally enjoy “names” and hearing about how other people choose theirs, so if you also find this kind of thing entertaining, read on:

I wanted something somewhat unusual and unpredictable.  I wanted it to be beautiful, feminine and classic….yet not overly popular.  I’ve always been a bit against the grain.  I’m not really trendy, and I always try to go for “slightly different.”  However, with a name, I was adamant that I didn’t want to do anything “weird” in order to achieve that.  It was a hard middle ground to find.  In all honesty, when it comes to names, I’m super picky.  Thankfully, my husband Kyle was on board with the name pretty quickly.

…..And between Kyle and I, we know a lot of people.  I was born and raised in Ohio and here in TN, I have met countless people from all over the state …..and the world. I also come from a massive family, which is constantly growing.  It’s getting fairly close to impossible to find an attractive name that hasn’t already been used multiple times by some fairly close family members, friends or acquaintances in one way or another….and that is certainly okay, but I was kind of up for the challenge:

…..*Drumroll*….we actually know ZERO little Clara’s, besides our own.

I always knew about the name “Clara,” but didn’t really think of it as my future daughter’s name until probably 3-5 years ago.  I heard it somewhere again and *bam*…..I started liking it.  Then, I started loving it.  I found myself loving that it was old-fashioned, yet could still be modern.  In my opinion, it has a timeless feel, which is important to me.  Old names tend to come back around every 100 or so years, and I decided, “Clara,” was well overdue for a comeback since it peaked in popularity in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s.

Photo by Adelaide Street Media

An extra cool bonus:  it’s actually a really old family name that goes way back through the generations……but it is not currently a “new name” in the family.   My Clara’s great-great-great-great Grandmother on my mom’s side of the house was “Clara.”  Her daughter, and my Clara’s great-great-great grandmother was, “Ethel Clara.”  Additionally, it was used a couple other times way back in our family history.  With that said, I felt like “Clara” would be a cool nod to my mom and my late Grandmother (though neither of them have “Clara” in their name).  Anyone who knows me knows that my mom means the world to me….and my Grandma was a big inspirational figure in my life as well.

Additionally, Kyle’s sweet Mom is “Rebecca Anne”… and I also absolutely adore my mother-in-law.  “Ann” is also the middle name of an aunt who is very special to me.  To top it all off, it also made me think of our awesome pastor’s wife, “Miss Anne.”  I just have a lot of great “Anne” associations in general, and loved/still love the flow of “Clara Anne.”  I tried other middle names with Clara, and kept coming back to “Anne.”

When I say “Clara Anne,” I think of both of our families.

Also, I felt that it sounded like a strong, yet sweet name.  I pictured a kind, goal-oriented woman.  I pictured “Clara Anne” looking great on a resume.  To me, it had just the right balance and versatility for a driven Southern country girl – sounding both down-to-earth and intelligent.  It also didn’t hurt that it made me think of inspirational people like Clara Barton (founder of the Red Cross) and the fictional, but inspiring, character from “The Nutcracker.”  I also love its meaning of, “bright and clear.”  As soon as the Dr. laid her on my chest, I knew I had chosen the right name. Weighing in at 6 lbs, 1 oz, she was born tiny….but so strong!

Also, it isn’t of any secret that our last name is long…..and most people don’t know how to pronounce and/or spell it.  People will forever mess it up, so giving her a long first name that can also easily be messed up just didn’t seem like a kind thing to do.  I wanted a first name for her that has an obvious traditional spelling and pronunciation, though I am fully prepared that it will still get botched up.  😂.

(There are a couple other personal reasons I chose this name).

Ultimately, I think what we name our children is very important and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Their name is with them their whole life.  We cannot guarantee we will choose something they will love, but I can certainly say I sure tried. We of course all have different tastes and styles, and there isn’t ANY name in the world that EVERYONE will love.  We all have our own opinions.  This was our choice though, and I have to admit I really love the story behind it.  I would absolutely go with it all over again.

So for those of you who have asked/may still wonder how I landed on this particular name…….there it is.

What about you?  What made you decide on your baby name(s)?  What are some of your favorites?  Let’s create a fun discussion. Sound off in the comment section below! 🙂

When God Says “No”

hollymarietong dating, Encouragement, Personal Growth, single life , , , , 0 Comment
When God Says “No”

“Just because he doesn’t answer…..doesn’t mean he don’t care.  Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”

Yes, I  just quoted some lyrics to a Garth Brooks hit.  To start, Garth is one of my favorite singers of all time.  I also love the idea behind the “Unanswered Prayers” song and always have.  In fact, for many years, it was like an anthem in my life.  I think it is a very well-intended song, and I get what the message is at the core. (The man in the song winds up thankful that he didn’t end up with his high school flame).  When he runs into her later in life, he’s so glad he ended up with his wife instead.  He thanks the good Lord for not giving him what he wanted all those years ago).  I do relate.

In my own world, I’m very thankful God didn’t say “yes” to any of the men I met prior to Kyle.  Some of them were great guys with incredible families, but we just weren’t right for each other in the long run.  Therefore, I’m thankful that they also found the one who was better suited for them.

Others…..well, I’ll just be nice and say, I was spared of a lot of heartache.  Disaster would have been certain.  However, I root for ALL of them. With all of that said, I’m glad that I ended up with Kyle instead of someone else, and that God knew what was better for me far better than I knew what was better for me.

Now, hear me out for a bit.  After many years of investing in my relationship with the Lord and trying to get to know him on a deeper level, I don’t believe “unanswered prayers” is the correct term here.   I believe God answers ALL of our prayers – just not always in the way we expect, or think we want at the time.

I believe a “no” is still an answer to prayer, because when he gives us a “no,” he’s doing so to protect us in some way.  Always answering “yes” would be him agreeing to “our will” instead of his own.

It’s like I said in my “Chick Flicks Lie” book back in 2014 (to paraphrase), when God doesn’t give us what we want, he is either “saving us from something…..or for something.”

And let me tell you – he has saved me so many times.  So many more times than I could ever deserve.  I can look back and see different times when he both saved me from something…..and for something.

…..Because he always knew when a “yes” would destroy my walk, or his purpose for me.  He always knew when a “yes” would bring me financial ruin.  He always knew when a “yes” would keep from living my best life.  He always knew when a “yes” would keep from meeting the right man for me.  He always knew when a “yes” could wind up bringing me stress and heartbreak.  He always, always knew….and he always, always answered.

Today, I know, a combination of his “yesses” his “nos,” and his “not yets” are what has brought me to this happier, more peaceful time in my life.

I believe we need to make a habit of thanking him for ALL of his answers, whatever they may be, because he is the one who sees the big picture.  We only see one step at a time.  Our heavenly father sees the whole staircase.

This is why Proverbs 3:5-6 remains one of  my favorite verses:

Proverbs 3:5-6 

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[a]

The other day, I had yet another revelation in this area.  Though I won’t get into all of the details, almost 4 years ago, I was determined to make a major change in my life.  In “MY” understanding, this change made perfect sense.  There was a door that appeared to be open, and I was so desperate for change that I tried to walk through that door.  I was relying on my own logic instead of on Him.

It looked like I was going to “get” what I thought I wanted…….but God firmly said, “no.”  

When he said “no,” I was honestly confused.  I must admit that even my ego was a bit bruised, and I try not to have an ego.

I suddenly felt inadequate and like I was no longer “at the top of my game.”  It brought me down a few notches and made me question myself.  It certainly humbled me to say the least.  Looking back though, I clearly remember never actually feeling at “peace” about that transition.  Oddly, a part of me was almost glad the door slammed shut.  It’s very difficult to explain the mix of emotions.

During that frustrating time, I was also seeing someone who was completely wrong for me.  I knew deep down he was wrong for me.  However, he was persistent, and I had developed a “whatever” attitude about that area of my life.  He lived life on the road, and I found myself figuratively going down the same road I had already been on one too many times. I resented the road I was on, yet I was on it all the same.

I was tired….so tired.

I was too tired to notice that God had recently introduced me to my future husband.  He was disguised as a new co-worker.  Someone I just kind of thought would be a new acquaintance who I would see in passing from time to time.

I was too tired to notice that the Lord was busy moving mountains in my life.  It just “appeared” that nothing was happening.

I was too tired to notice that he was saying “no” to that one opportunity, because he was instead bringing me to a much greater “yes.”

I was too tired to notice that if he had agreed to “my will,” NONE of my beautiful future (the now) would have been possible.  Me getting my way would have resulted in ruin on many levels.

Now, fast forward…..here we are in 2019.  I said “yes” to that co-worker, and we have now been married for 2 years.  Our relationship is the polar opposite of any and all past relationships I had.  God knew I needed the opposite.  I would say I now also have the daughter I’ve always dreamed of, but honestly, she’s even greater than I could have imagined.

Jesus Christ remains the foundation of my life – and with him as the foundation, I experience stability and peace each day.  Life isn’t always easy, but I always know he has my back.

Now, here is the kicker:  Just the other day, another huge reason for that “no” he gave me four years ago was revealed.  Again, I won’t get into the specifics and the whys, but let’s just say, hindsight is 20/20.

Sometimes, we don’t necessarily get to see the reason for the “no”…..but sometimes (like in this case), the reason winds up being revealed in big, bold, flashing, neon lights.

If he had said “yes,” instead of “no,” not only would I not have Kyle and Clara today, but I would have had the rug completed yanked out from under me in SO many other areas.  I likely would have been stressed beyond measure and felt my world crumbling in all areas.  Just thinking of all the ways my life almost went in the wrong direction made me anxious.

I pictured myself trying to keep up my home on my own. I pictured foreclosure.  I pictured myself jobless and crying about broken dreams.  I pictured myself in great distress and having no idea where to go from there.  I tried to picture life without Kyle, Clara and the amazing family I married into…..and I just couldn’t.  I didn’t want to.

….Thankfully I was able to shut off that depressing “short film,” and thank the Lord for his “no” four years ago. I was able to smile about where I am now.  Because He is the Lord of my life, “He saved me from something and for something,” just like he has so many times before.

He did answer my prayer.  He always has and always will.

Sometimes we just have to stop and thank Him for his “no’s,”.……because sometimes, his no’s are the greatest answer to prayer of all.

You Are More Than “Just”

hollymarietong Encouragement , , , , , 0 Comment

Most days are just ordinary days (or so we think).  I don’t necessarily have grand revelations or significant events to speak of on those days.  Life-defining moments typically only happen here and there…..but today, the Lord keeps laying the simple word of “just” on my heart.  I can think of not just ONE, but three times he has used the word “just” in my life today.

First of all, I was reading a post on Facebook that got me thinking.  A friend was talking about what her aging horse meant to her, and someone replied something along the lines of a horse is so much more than “just a horse.” Her comment is what got the ball rolling for me today.

Though I’ve never owned a horse, I would absolutely agree with that statement.  It drives me CRAZY when someone calls a dog “just a dog.”  To me, there is no such thing as “just a dog.”  Our dog is a family member.  He was here before my husband and daughter joined me.  Now that we have a daughter, I try to ensure him every day that he is still just as loved now as he was then.  Even as our lives have changed, he is always there:  Always there to lay next to me when I’m sick, when I’m sad, when I’m having a bad day…or just because. On the days I feel like a failure, he looks at me like I’m absolutely everything. His heart and intelligence is like that of a toddler.  He taught (and still teaches me so much about life), but that is another blog in itself.  With that said:  When referring to a person or a furry family member, please never say the word “just” to me.

Then, my mom and I had a conversation about life and goals today.  We got to talking about the housewife life and how she stayed home with us when we were growing up.  I told her she was so many things to us and that the term “just a housewife” drives me crazy, because there really is no such thing as “just” a housewife.  She was and is a mom.  A cook.  A counselor.  A mentor.  A teacher.  A leader.  A seamstress.  A housekeeper.  A repair lady.  A bookkeeper.  A hairstylist.  A tutor. A nurse.  A chauffeur.  A cheerleader. A 24/7 friend…….to 4 children at one time.

Lastly, I was watching a sitcom that likely isn’t new to many of you, but is new to me.  (I tend to discover all the cool shows on netflix way after their prime).  “The Middle” is a good show to demonstrate my point even further.  Today, I was watching an episode where a hardcore motivational consultant tries to whip Middle America mom/failing car saleswoman Frankie into shape.  Frankie doesn’t value herself and sees herself as “just a mom.”  The consultant challenges and inspires her to realize she isn’t “just”…..she is everything and can do anything.

At this point, I’m thinking, “Okay.  I get it.  Time for a blog.”

So here we are, friends.

It’s time to eliminate “just” when speaking about ourselves and other people…

You aren’t “just a mom.”

“Just a housewife.”

“Just a customer service representative.”

“Just a laborer.”

You are MORE.

It’s time to eliminate “just” when talking about our jobs, goals and career ambitions.  Your dream doesn’t have to be “just a dream.”

“Just” limits us, undermines and disappoints.  “Just” holds us hostage and keeps us from setting goals.

“Just” is a defeating and discouraging word in far too many cases.

God didn’t create you to be “just this” or “just that.”

We are eternal beings with individual purposes.  While your current job or season may feel boring, mundane, and limiting, it still doesn’t change the fact that you were created for a purpose that ONLY YOU can do.

The thing about life is we never get to see the big picture and the start to finish all at once.  We only get to see it one step at a time.  We see where we are and where we’ve been.  We have hopes and plans of where we want to go, but our hopes and plans remain hopes and plans, until the future becomes the present.

But maybe….just maybe….we need to start viewing “just” a little differently.

What looks like a “just”….just may be what is leading you to your big break.

What looks like a “just”…just may be exactly what you are looking for.

What looks like a “just”….just may be the way that you meet your future spouse.

What looks like a “just”….just may be a beautiful forever friendship.

What looks like a “just”….just may make someone’s day.

What looks like a “just”…just may change someone’s life.

What looks like “just an ending”…..just may be a beginning.

Lose the “just” when it contains a negative connotation.  

See the beauty and the value in what appears to be “just a normal day.”

Recognize the potential and the growth in what appears to be “just a job.”

Remember the goals you set and the desires God has placed in your heart whenever you think you are “just a housewife,” “just a mom,” or “just a laborer.”

“Just” is what happens when we limit ourselves, other people and opportunities.

“More” is what happens when we continue to dream, work hard and believe that we serve a limitless God.

Lose the “just.”  Look for the “more.”